A Peculiar Feeling
“Hey, so…”
“Right~ right~…”
Lim Se-yeong and Kim Hui-yeong were chattering away, clearly excited. I sat right beside Kim Hui-yeong, yet I could barely keep my mind on the conversation.
All I could see, looping over and over, was the two of them walking into the cafe together earlier.
“A-yeong? What are you thinking about?”
“Huh… ah? Wh-what?”
Kim Hui-yeong tapped my shoulder and looked at me. I jumped and answered in a rush.
“I asked if you got into the dorms.”
“Ah? Dorms? Well…?”
Dorms? First I’d heard of it. Besides, the Seonggong University I’d been accepted to was supposed to be in Seoul…
“Can’t I just commute?”
The second the words left my mouth, Hui-yeong’s eyes went round.
“Did you forget again? Seonggong has two campuses!”
Lim Se-yeong soothed her and spoke calmly.
“Come on~ From what I know, dorm applications are still open for two more days, and you’ve got two weeks to find a place to live if you want.”
Wasn’t it an in-Seoul university…? Holding that doubt, I looked back and forth between them until Hui-yeong let out a long sigh.
“The department I got into, and Se-yeong’s, and yours—they’re all in Suwon…”
Kim Hui-yeong sighed heavily as she said it. I answered in shock.
“Su… Suwon? That’s way too far!”
My voice jumped without my meaning to.
“That’s why I told you to apply for the dorms right away.”
Unable to hide my fluster, I drummed my index finger on the table.
Tap— tap—
Grab—
“A-yeong, let’s go look at real estate near campus this weekend.”
Kim Hui-yeong took my hand. It was warmer than I expected.
“The dorms are probably… going to be tough, so we should look at studio apartments.”
“Yeah. But why you?”
When I asked, Hui-yeong gave a meaningful little smile.
“You said you wanted to spend your first college life with me, remember?”
For a moment, something deep in my chest stirred in the subtlest way.
“I’ll cancel the dorm and we’ll just find a two-room place to share.”
She said it as she stood up.
“I’ll head out first, then. Finish up properly, and don’t forget—I’ll message you.”
“A-yeong~ I’m going too.”
The two of them left the cafe like that. For a long while I couldn’t tear my eyes from their retreating backs.
Tap—
“A-yeong.”
“Y-yes…?”
“Let’s clean up quick.”
Choi Deok-hun passed by me and started clearing the table. Only then did I snap back to myself and join in the closing work.
After closing, on the way home, I stared blankly at my phone screen until today’s date caught my eye.
13.02.14 Thu
“Ah…”
Valentine’s Day.
In that instant the heart-shaped box sitting in the corner of my room flashed into my mind.
“Se-yeong’s present…”
Unlike first impressions, the more I saw of him the more I liked him. Remembering how he’d looked after me… his personality was definitely kind.
“Should I even give him the gift…?”
All sorts of thoughts tangled in my head, then slowly settled.
Just a friendship gift, maybe.
Or… a thank-you?
Do I even like him right now…?
The more I merged with this body, the softer and stranger the feelings that rose when I thought of Lim Se-yeong became.
It hadn’t even been a few days—
and my identity as a man was already slowly blurring.
“Fine… I’ll just close my eyes and give it as a thank-you…”
I decided to hand over the gift before my heart could change. I quickly dialed Lim Se-yeong’s number.
“Hey. A-yeong. Why’d you call?”
“Se-yeong, meet me at the playground near your place for a second. Come out in ten minutes.”
“Okay—”
Click.
Too embarrassed to even hear his full answer, I hung up. I hurried home and looked at the heart-shaped box in my room.
“Just check what’s inside…”
With trembling hands I opened the box. Inside were misshapen handmade chocolates and a heart-shaped letter.
I pulled the letter out and read it quickly.
Hi, Se-yeong. Thank you for tutoring me all this time. …
…If it’s okay with you, will you go out with me?
“Kyaaah! What kind of crazy nonsense is this!”
Flustered, face burning, I tore the letter to shreds.
“Just… let’s leave it as a thank-you…”
I grabbed the gift and headed to the meeting spot with a trembling heart.
Near the playground I spotted Lim Se-yeong. Forcing down the flutter, I called out to him.
“Lim Se-yeong!”
At my call he turned and looked at me. He looked just like a bright, happy puppy.
“A-yeong~”
“Here! Present!”
I couldn’t even meet his eyes as I thrust the box out. I couldn’t finish a full sentence and spoke in short bursts.
“What’s this?”
My mouth wouldn’t open properly. I barely managed to put the gratitude into words.
“J-just! For teaching me all this time… thank you!”
Se-yeong took the gift with a bright smile.
“Waa~ Is this chocolate?”
“Y-yeah! Ev-even if it’s a little ugly! I made it myself!”
Trying to hide how my heart was racing, my voice grew louder and louder.
“Thanks~ I’ll enjoy it.”
“U-uh-huh! I’ve been grateful this whole time too!”
After saying that I simply ran all the way home.
“Huff… huff… That should be…”
My breath came short and my face was hot. …Probably just from running.
That was what I tried to convince myself of.
I still—
wasn’t ready to accept everything.
“Yeah, for now… this much is enough…”
I forced down the rising feelings. I tried my hardest to think of something else.
“More importantly… I decided to take tomorrow off from the part-time job…”
I made up my mind to stop by an adult store and buy a dildo. I felt like I needed at least one reliable tool…
“While I’m out… maybe I should contact Hui-yeong?”
We’d already planned to go near campus this weekend. Before that I felt the need to meet her and talk.
Shopping… I’d been thinking I needed some more feminine clothes anyway.
“With a body this pretty, I should dress it up a bit…”
I looked myself over in the mirror once more.
All the clothes I had were athletic wear, so I was fretting over what to wear when Hui-yeong sent a sparkling suggestion.
Flinch—
I quietly looked down at my chest.
Even now it felt stuffed uncomfortably into a sports bra, so there was definitely some tightness.
Might as well buy some while shopping with Hui-yeong.
And so we agreed to meet at Hongdae at eleven.
“Good. Clothes, underwear, and a dildo… too.”
I could buy the last one after naturally parting ways with Hui-yeong once we’d finished shopping.
Thinking it hadn’t been a bad day, I fell asleep.
The day I was supposed to meet Hui-yeong arrived. I put on the most comfortable clothes I had and stood in front of the mirror.
“Just athletic wear top to bottom…”
It was a shopping day, so this should be fine. Even though it was February the weather already felt warm and mild.
Looking at the people around me gave me a strange sense that the era was slightly off. It hit me again that I’d really come back to the past.
I was staring blankly out the subway window when I felt a light tap on my back.
I turned around to find a man holding out his phone to me.
“Um… I really like you, so… could I get your number…?”
I never thought I’d experience something like this… For a second Lim Se-yeong’s face floated up.
“I’m sorry… I have a boyfriend.”
I quickly shoved my left hand into my pocket as I answered. My stiff expression made the man leave in a hurry.
“I… really am pretty, huh…”
I couldn’t help a small laugh.
While I was still savoring that feeling we arrived at Hongdae. At the station entrance I spotted Kim Hui-yeong.
“A-yeong, you’re here?”
She waved cheerfully. As she came closer I couldn’t help comparing our outfits.
She was dressed casually but with clear care. Meanwhile I was just in athletic wear…
“Standing here like this feels a little… like we’re being compared. Hehe…”
I gave a silly laugh to hide what I was really thinking. Hui-yeong adjusted her clothes and answered.
“I didn’t dress up that much either. We’ll just buy lots of clothes today.”
Hui-yeong grabbed my hand and pulled.
“Lunch first, then shopping. You like meat, right?”
“Yeah, any meat’s good.”
“Then let’s go get donburi.”
“Donburi? What’s that?”
She kindly explained at my question.
“It’s Japanese food—rice with toppings and sauce on top.”
She showed me several photos of mouth-watering dishes.
When I said it looked fine she moved quickly.
“Even if we’re a little late they’ll wait, so let’s hurry just a bit.”
Following her toward the restaurant I looked around. It was still early for lunch but people were already bustling about.
Watching them, a thought suddenly struck me.
If it were the old me—
I never would have wandered around a busy place like this. PC bangs were all I ever knew.
Maybe it’s okay to enjoy myself a little now?
Hui-yeong smiled and spoke.
“Of course. You’re a college student now—you should dress up and have fun~”
Then she pointed somewhere.
“That’s the place I mentioned. Lucky, no line.”
We went in and ordered. I got katsudon, Hui-yeong got sake-don, and we ate.
After finishing lunch and stepping outside, Hui-yeong stretched and said,
“Alright~ Lunch’s done, so shall we get serious about shopping?”
It was finally time to buy clothes for myself.