The Line Crossed
Still slick and wet below, I carefully pick up something I'm about to use for the first time.
"They said you have to warm yourself up properly… before putting anything in."
That's what I say, but my mind is already racing ahead to what comes next.
This is only preparation. A warm-up for something stronger.
My fingertips tremble. Not from nerves so much as anticipation.
"…Wait."
I set the machine down. Not yet. This isn't enough.
My gaze drops to my chest. Flushed, heated skin. Nipples standing out sharp against the cool air.
I lift my hands and cup both sides. Weight settles into my palms; heat is trapped there.
I squeeze slowly, then release. Squeeze again.
"Ha…"
My breath stretches longer. My thumbs circle close to the centers without quite touching.
I deliberately don't make contact.
The impatience that rises across that tiny gap only feeds the stimulation.
"It tickles… it tickles."
This time I brush them.
"Eut…"
Barely. Even that faint contact sends a soft wave rolling down my entire back.
Good. This body is honest. Touch it even a little and it answers right away.
"Heut…"
I pinch gently between thumb and forefinger. Let go, then pinch again—more deliberately this time.
"Haa… this body…"
It heats up so fast. And I'm getting used to that. The fact that I used to be a man is fading.
Still cupping them in my palms, I press firmly into the centers and stroke down. This time I give them real stimulation.
"Haut…"
My thighs press together. My breathing grows rougher.
I turn my head and look at the machine. It's close enough that I could reach it with one stretch of my arm.
"…If I use that, it'll be even stronger."
Not a question. A certainty.
But I don't use it right away. I want to build this a little more—make it bigger.
This time I work more deliberately with my fingertips, finding a rhythm.
Softly, then stop.
A little harder, then stop again.
I can feel my body wanting more.
"Just a little more… get ready…"
I slowly circle the already-hardened centers with my index fingers.
It's obvious how much wetter I've gotten below.
Now it's enough.
Having stacked the anticipation layer by layer, I pick up the machine.
No hesitation.
I bring it close to my chest. Just before contact, my breath deepens. My heart gives one hard thump.
"…Now."
I squeeze out gel and spread it over the suction cups, confirming the slick feel with my fingertips.
"…And this… heut…"
I attach them just like that.
The moment they make contact, my body reacts at once. Heat surges up from inside.
My heart beats faster.
This is only the beginning.
I lean back against the pillows and lie down. Slowly shifting my legs, I draw the sensation higher.
"Now… the button…"
Click—
Vrrrrrrm—
"Hwa…!"
A short cry escapes me.
It's so much clearer than last time. Not just on the surface of the skin—it resonates all the way inside.
"Haaaang~♡"
Good.
I haven't even raised the intensity yet and my whole body is responding. My breath shortens; my heart pounds.
"Haaang… just a little… stronger…"
Without hesitation, I turn it up.
Wiiiiing—
"Haut…"
This time my breath shakes deeper. Still not enough.
"Just a little… more!"
My hand slides down. I'm already thoroughly soaked.
With fingers wet from my own slick, I rub my clitoris.
As my hand gently strokes it, I feel heat spreading along the insides of my thighs.
With the stimulation layered, the sensation sharpens further. My body finds its own rhythm.
Pleasure rises fast.
The thought that this is dangerous flickers through me—but this time I don't cut it off.
Bigger.
Deeper.
If I push just a little further, I can reach it.
My breathing turns ragged. My fingertips tremble, but I don't stop.
And then—
In an instant, I feel the limit closing in.
"Not… yet."
This time I force myself to stop.
But… I'm not running away. This is waiting—for even greater pleasure.
I peel the machine from my chest. The heat remains.
My heart is still racing.
"…That should be enough."
The preparation is done.
I pick up the next item.
This time the trembling is different. Not fear—anticipation of something stronger.
I lean my back against the wall and slowly spread my legs.
This isn't hesitation anymore. It's a choice. Toward stronger pleasure… I take one more step on my own.
"Hoo…"
I draw a deep breath.
A body already thoroughly heated. No reason to stop.
I slowly press the dildo against myself.
A brief resistance. And then…
Squelch—
"Aeut…"
An unfamiliar sensation. But I'm not afraid.
This body, already accustomed, opens the way on its own. Little by little. Deeper.
My breathing lengthens. My heart quickens. I don't turn the dildo on. Not yet.
First, I match the sensation. I move it slowly, finding a rhythm.
One, two. My hand gradually speeds up.
Squelch-squelch—
"Heut… haut…"
Thoughts thin out. Good. A little more… that's all there is.
The motion grows natural. My body knows first.
Where it feels good. How to make it bigger.
Squelch-squelch—
"Ah… this feeling… it's so good…"
Only one thought remains.
Bigger pleasure. Deeper stimulation.
There's no hesitation left.
"Haut… I'm ready now… more… give me more…"
I switch the dildo on.
Click—
Wiiiiing—
"Eut…!"
My breath cuts off. The vibration spreads all the way inside. I feel the dildo swelling.
Deep. That almost-reaching sensation.
"So… good! Too…!"
Instinctively I align the protruding part against my clitoris.
I put a little force into it and push a bit deeper.
Thrust—
"Haaaang~♡ This…"
The ridges scrape through my insides. My body shudders hard.
"Keep going… more… I can't stop…!"
I press the remaining button.
Wiiiiing—
The dildo starts to tremble. A delicious wave spreads through my whole body.
"Eu… heuuuugh."
The internal waves radiate outward. At the same time, fierce stimulation hits my clit.
"Hak… haat… hwat…"
One hand gropes my chest. Pinches a nipple.
"Ah…!"
Sensations stack. Inside and out.
My body reacts first. My head tips back.
"Hwaaa…"
A thread of drool slips from the corner of my mouth; my breathing is ragged.
Incredible stimulation floods my entire body. But…
"Eughghgh… ju…st a little more…"
Push—
Squelch—
I drive it toward the end.
"Ple…ase"
It hits the good spot. My whole body shakes.
Pussshhh—
As I reach the end, my limbs go slack.
My body twitches in fine spasms, squirting out a flood of fluid.
"…Heuu. …Eut."
Vrrrrrm—
The dildo keeps vibrating, and my body convulses in intermittent spasms…
After savoring the afterglow for a moment, I slowly get up. The second I look at the wrecked bed, my head throbs.
"Ah… the cleanup… when am I going to get through all this…"
Strength leaves my legs for an instant and I stagger. I sink onto the edge of the bed.
My heart is still a little fast. Somewhere deep inside me, a quiet heat lingers.
"…Wow."
A short laugh slips out.
Just a few days ago I was running through the park, forcing myself to hold it in—and now, looking at the dildo still powered on and vibrating, all I can do is laugh hollowly.
"…I really lost it…"
But I can accept it now. This pleasure… it was good. Quite good, actually.
"This is… well, it couldn't be helped."
It was the first time. It was curiosity.
I needed to check.
I line up a few excuses in my head.
—Yeah. Trying something out isn't a bad thing.
—It's my body. I chose this.
Thinking of it that way makes it a little easier.
I wipe myself down with wet tissues, then glance at the mirror. My flushed face still hasn't cooled.
"It was good, though…"
I admit it quietly. Very quietly.
But that was only because the stimulation was so intense. Not because I've become weird.
Probably.
"Next time… I'll just go a little less overboard."
I can control it. I just won't cross the line.
I draw that line for myself.
Even knowing it's already a little blurred.
Straightening the bedsheets, I mutter,
"It's not an addiction. Not yet."
Not yet.
The moment I attach that word, my heart gives one extra hard thump for no reason.
The next thought rises naturally.
How should I try it next time.
"…No, no."
I shake my head, but the corner of my mouth is already lifting a little.
Just leave it here for today.
Today.
Even as I say it, somewhere in my head the quiet calculations keep turning.
How much stronger, how far, or maybe…
Suddenly, a completely different scene flickers through.
If I weren't alone.
"…What."
I frown slightly. Strangely, what comes first isn't an image of ramping up the stimulation—it's the image of being held in someone's arms.
An arm wrapping around my back.
Breath against the nape of my neck.
No need to force myself to hold anything in. No need to go looking for something stronger for no reason.
Just…
Leaning there, catching my breath.
"…No, why am I going there."
I mutter under my breath and shake my head.
It's just because my body is hypersensitive right now. That's why even emotions are getting tangled up in it.
Probably.
Still, for a moment—just a moment—not some stranger, but someone who would naturally be standing right beside me.
A hand that pats my back without a word.
The image of melting into that embrace makes my heart leap quietly once more.
"…Ha."
This is more dangerous.
Because this one feels like it would linger longer than any strong stimulation.
I shake my head once, trying to throw the thought off.
"I'm really thinking all kinds of things…"
I fuss with the bedsheets one more time for no reason, then stop.
Strange.
I clearly decided a moment ago that I was going to clean up.
My heart, again. Just a little.
Thump—
It speeds up.
From the moment I imagined that arm around my back, somewhere in my body has been quietly heating up.
"…No."
I mutter it, but I already know.
This isn't because of the thought. My body is reacting first.
The afterglow from a moment ago hasn't fully settled, and another fantasy has layered on top of it.
The fantasy of not being alone.
The fantasy of leaning in.
And that makes my breath strangely shallower.
"You said today was it."
I try telling myself, but there's no force in my voice.
The already-wrecked bed. The things I still haven't put away.
And a body temperature that still hasn't cooled.
I hesitate for a moment…
Then snort.
"Well… it's already a mess anyway."
I lie back down on the bed. This time the excuses aren't long.
This isn't an experiment, and it isn't a check.
Just—
A little more.
Just a tiny bit more.
Staring at the ceiling, I draw a deep breath. My heart slowly picks up speed.
My hand moves again.
"…This time really is the last."
Even knowing how little that can be trusted.
Quietly, I begin again.