Chapter 75
Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 75
Chapter Title: Epilogue - Sera (2)
After fleeing like that, I regretted it every single day. It was just a matter of saying one word. Even afterward, I had several more chances, and I even learned where the two of them lived, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything until the very end. I just watched their happy daily life from afar and, like today, ended up slipping away.
Looking back, it wasn't such a difficult thing. I could just babble like the idiot I usually am, rambling on with pointless stories mixed in. Oh, I see. I knew it. Congratulations. Why didn't you tell me sooner? It's a bit sudden, huh. Haha. Luca must be thrilled to have our pretty Eli as his bride.
...
Eli is lucky.
In the end, she got Luca.
"Ah..."
The moment that thought crossed my mind, a wave of intense self-loathing crashed over me. Got Luca? What kind of nonsense is that? It sounded like the two of us were waging some kind of war. But that wasn't the case at all. The outcome had been decided from the very start.
And yet, I knew that and still fell for him.
"Ugh..."
Hurt by my own thoughts, I stood up from my seat. Today, once again, I couldn't muster the simple words to congratulate them on their marriage, so I'd come home alone to stew in self-pity. If only I'd spat out those lingering words from my heart, I might be laughing with them right now.
So why couldn't I say that one sentence? Why was I suffering like a fool because of it?
"Haa..."
...
What are they doing right now, I wonder.
Another pointless fantasy wormed its way into my head. I always had a habit of indulging in these self-destructive delusions at times like this. And yet, I couldn't stop. What are they doing now? What did they do together during the days I disappeared?
Suddenly, the image of Luca from today flashed in my mind. His changed body, clearly visible through the open shirt. It was my first time seeing it today, but Eli must have been seeing it for a long time. Up close. While caressing each other's bodies like they were today.
"...Ah."
It felt like my chest was being torn apart. But I couldn't stop. Just like Luca had done to Eli today, I ran my hand through my own hair. It must feel warmer than this. Firmer and more reassuring than my own touch.
Does Luca do this for Eli every day? Cupping her cheeks in his palms, stroking her hair... maybe even kissing her lips?
"Ah... ugh..."
Unfortunately, my imagination had no limits, and once it started, the delusions raced wildly through my mind. They must be living together in the same house. Waking up in the same bed, sharing the same space all day, then holding hands tightly as they fell asleep at night.
Or maybe... even more than that.
"Ah... aa..."
Before I knew it, vague assumptions had turned into vivid scenes in my head. Luca and Eli coming home from a full day of work, drenched in sweat. Naturally, they'd wash together, their eyes roaming over each other's bodies until their hands began to caress every inch. Once the heat ignited, they wouldn't stop, embracing each other until... until...
"Ah... ahk..."
Was the air in the room always this cold? Yearning for someone's touch, for another's body heat, I caressed my own body with my hands. Stroking the skin beneath my thin clothes, imagining Luca's hand gliding over Eli's body, I slipped my hand deep inside toward that hidden place.
"Ah... ahk..."
Suddenly, as my fingers brushed the swollen mound of my breast, a moan escaped me without warning. Self-loathing and humiliation surged in, but at the same time, an indescribable shiver raced up my spine.
"Haa... ah..."
Confused by this first-time experience, my fantasies continued unabated. Luca's palm gliding over Eli's soft skin soon moved past her delicate thighs toward the most sensitive part of a woman's body. Eli would let out soft moans through her lightly bitten lips while nestling into Luca's firm body, kissing him everywhere. Yes, that body I'd seen today. The one slick with hot sweat.
"Hng... aa..."
My mind reeled, my body going limp as I accidentally bumped against the wall. In that moment, my fingertips grazed my most sensitive spot as if by mistake. A place I'd never touched except when washing. It burned hotter than anywhere else, slick with sweat and clinging stickily to my fingers.
"Ah... aa... ugh..."
Now the two of them lay on the bed, exploring each other's bodies more aggressively. Eli's heated legs wrapped around Luca like vines, the kiss marks scattered across her skin glowing faintly red in the dim darkness. Just as I was doing now, Luca's fingers delved into Eli's depths. Slick, hot, yet soft sensations gripped his fingers, and he moved them slowly, deliberately.
"Ah... hng... ahaa..."
Suddenly, something thick and sticky flowed between my fingers. Not knowing what it was, I instinctively thrust into myself. I'd never done this before, but I clearly knew I was doing something wrong. A sense of depravity—no other word fit—crawled over my entire body.
"Hng... hnggg..."
Meanwhile, their act reached its peak, and they locked eyes for another kiss. I watched endlessly, feeling waves of sharp pain mingled with surging pleasure from below. Luca. The one person who'd tormented my heart since childhood. The boy I'd never been honest with, never even confessed to.
He approached. In a completely changed form, exuding the clear aura of a man. Gently caressing her body with his hands, filled with affection, with love. And in his eyes, a single reflection appeared.
Not me. Eli's form.
"Ah... aa... haaaang...!"
In that instant, thick fluid burst from my body, soaking the cold room. I let out a moan like a sob, collapsing to the floor, my hips trembling as I expelled the mysterious liquid. It wasn't much, but it steamed faintly as it dripped between my thighs. I stared at it blankly.
"Ah... aa..."
The scenery in my mind shattered in an instant, stabbing at my heart again. Even the lingering pleasure faded into the air, leaving only emptiness behind.
"Ah..."
I let out a hollow sigh and staggered to my feet. The hot fluid between my weakened legs cooled along with my sweat. Staring at it, I slowly lifted my head.
And met the eyes of my reflection in the mirror.
Through my disheveled hair, my appearance was a total mess. With guilt and ecstasy jumbled messily on my face, I looked like a madwoman. As I judged myself harshly, my long hair caught my eye.
Why did I start growing my hair out in the first place? As a kid, I'd cut it sometimes or at least tie it back with a ribbon. But at some point, I stubbornly let it hang loose. Why?
Really, there was only one reason I could think of.
Eli.
So that I might resemble you, even a little.
So that...
...
"Ugh...!"
In that moment, I glanced around and impulsively grabbed a pair of scissors. They were dull from neglect, barely fit for purpose. But I clutched a handful of hair from the back of my head.
And began cutting it messily.
Snip. Thud. Snip.
Strands of hair scattered amid the rough cuts. Some fell to the floor, some even got in my mouth. But I ignored it all and kept cutting. Maybe this would clear my cluttered thoughts. Maybe this would rid me of these feelings.
Maybe then.
My pathetic self would improve, even a little.
My waist-length hair now swayed just past my shoulders. I gripped the remaining strands to cut even that, lifting the scissors. And looked in the mirror again.
But my pathetic reflection stared back unchanged.
"Ah... haa..."
Just like my earlier impulsive masturbation, this rash haircut ended in futility.
"Ah..."
I dropped the scissors, tangled with hair, to the floor. They clattered, and my resolve crumbled. What on earth was I doing?
...
Me.
Why am I like this?
It would all be over with just one word. One simple "Congratulations." I was furious at myself for writhing like this because I couldn't say it.
Why am I like this?
My legs gave out slowly. I sank to the floor right there. No tears came. I didn't even feel like crying.
I just wanted to stay like this.
...
Thud thud thud
...
Thud thud thud
...
Thud thud thud
...Who the hell is it?
Thud thud thud
Someone kept knocking on the door. You'd think they'd give up after no response, but the mysterious visitor persisted stubbornly.
Thud thud thud
Who could it be? Irritation boiled over uncontrollably. Maybe the village chief? That perceptive old man sometimes showed up with side dishes, pretending to comfort me. He must be worrying needlessly. So annoying.
Thud thud thud
Haa...
I finally shot to my feet and stormed toward the door. No thought of fixing my appearance. I just wanted to show them this mess and chase them away.
Thud thud thud
This is really pissing me off.
I stomped loudly on purpose as I approached. Sensing my presence, they stopped knocking. I plastered on the coldest expression I could muster, grabbed the doorknob, flung it open, and opened my mouth.
"Please just leave me alone..."
But those words never finished. The icy mask on my face slowly melted away.
I could only stare blankly at the person standing there.
"Um..."
A few red strands of my hair, still clinging, drifted down. The other scratched their head and gave that same gentle smile as always.
"Hi, Sera."
"Ah..."
I was too shocked to speak. Why hadn't I imagined this person would come to my house? Swallowing that thought, I finally managed to say her name.
"Eli..."