A New Beginning (1)
Living things strive to break free from their deficiencies and losses, seeking recovery. Humans are no exception to this impulse. We fight to restore both body and mind to their normal states.
My body is beginning to return to me. Muscles that once refused to contract or relax on command are once again under my control. I can even enjoy a simple walk now. My mind is returning too. The times I relive that horrific pain have grown fewer, and the nightmares come less often.
But there are wounds that cross a certain threshold and can never truly heal. Consider the permanent aftereffects of severed limbs or damaged nerves. Luckily, my body had been spared anything that severe. Aside from the vivid scar encircling my right wrist, that is.
What matters more is my mind. Just as people say you know your own body best, the fractures in my psyche are painfully obvious to me. I have changed. The young girl I once was no longer comes to mind. In her place stands my sister.
“Don’t worry. I delivered Mr. Kim’s wishes exactly as he stated them. He wants the victim kept separate, so meeting in person would be difficult. He also hopes for the greatest possible leniency. I conveyed it all.”
“Yes, thank you.”
“In exchange, he’s requesting the strongest protective measures possible to ensure the perpetrator never comes near him again. Is that correct?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“I believe we can resolve this favorably. The evidence is overwhelming, the volume is substantial, and the other party isn’t even denying the charges. We should be able to secure the outcome you’re hoping for, Mr. Kim.”
“Thank you. I’ll be counting on you.”
Jimin chimes in. “So, lawyer, that means that person’s going to prison, right?”
“That… probably won’t be the case. It will likely be handled as dating violence involving confinement and assault. It’s a first offense with no prior record. While the injuries are severe, the direct cause of hospitalization was Mr. Kim himself calling 119 and bringing the perpetrator to the hospital. The arrest happened during treatment, so that will be taken into consideration. In my opinion, it will end with one year in prison, suspended for two years, plus probation and mandatory attendance at a violence prevention program.”
“But they beat someone half to death—” Jimin stops mid-sentence. It seems the realization that she had done something similar has just hit her.
I take her hand and tell her it’s okay.
“Besides, I asked for as much leniency as possible.”
“…Yeah.”
Mom looks at me with worried eyes, her voice gentle but strained. “Jihyun, are you really sure this is enough? You… No, never mind. It’s your decision.”
Her words, heavy with the effort of swallowing her rage and resentment toward my sister, make my chest tighten.
“I want it to end here. I just want to rest now. Please proceed exactly as we discussed, lawyer. Thank you.”
“Understood. I’ll visit again soon. Please take care and rest.”
The lawyer offers polite goodbyes to both Jimin and Mom before quietly closing the door behind him.
Mom opens the refrigerator, her chest tight with frustration, and drinks cold water. Jimin remains silent, head bowed, still lost in the memory of that day.
“Everyone, please stop. I’m fine.”
“That bitch… Just thinking about what she did to you makes my blood boil,” Mom mutters.
Jimin flinches.
“Mom, I’m okay now. Let’s not talk about the past anymore. It’s too hard.”
“Fine. I’ve told you hundreds of times to forgive your enemy and live comfortably, but now I’m the one who can’t seem to do it.”
“It’s only natural to be angry. Don’t blame yourself.”
Mom pulls her wallet from the bag she’d been carrying and hands Jimin a fifty-thousand-won bill.
“Sigh… Jimin, buy something delicious with your oppa using this. I should get going.”
“Ah, yes! Safe travels…”
“If only I’d noticed when that girl first started coming to the house, none of this would have happened… It’s my fault. I had no idea…”
Mom’s voice begins to crack. People experiencing negative emotions tend to spiral into negative thinking.
“Mom, this isn’t your fault, so please don’t cry. When you meet Aunt later, just say hello for me.”
“Alright. Mom’s leaving now.”
“Okay. Take care.”
Mom hurries out. She’ll probably meet my aunts today, drink, and end up crying again.
“…Jimin, could you at least not cry for me?”
Jimin clutches the fifty-thousand-won bill tightly, her hands trembling. The shaking dislodges the tears that had pooled in the girl’s eyes, sending them spilling onto the floor. She tries desperately to hold them back, but the emotions surge up anyway, and the girl finally breaks into sobs.
“Hic… ugh…”
The hospital room feels especially empty and hollow today. The girl’s cries begin to fill that vacant space.
Jimin will live the rest of her life regretting that moment. Whether she’s happy, sad, or joyful, the guilt will always torment her. My sister, too, must be drowning in regret right now, missing me. She’ll miss me for the rest of her life.
The futures both of them will face appear vividly in my mind. And because of that, I can no longer bring myself to resent either of them.
These days, the fine dust seems almost nonexistent. In this season that is gradually growing warmer, I savor the perfect spring day—one that is neither too hot nor too cold, the golden peak of the year. Though it feels closer to early summer than spring.
The gentle breeze brushing against my hospital gown feels strangely more pleasant than before. Maybe I should buy a piece of clothing like this after I’m discharged?
“Oppa, you need to rest now. Let’s go to the bench.”
Jimin tugs on my arm, which she has been holding, and makes me take a break.
“I told you I’m fine. That’s what the doctor said.”
“You only heard the part you wanted to hear. You’ve improved a lot, but you still haven’t fully recovered, so he told you not to overdo it.”
“Alright, alright. I got it. Besides, I like sitting down anyway.”
I sit on the bench and quietly look around. The nice weather seems to have brought out quite a few patients for walks.
“By the way, aren’t you supposed to be preparing for your mock exams? I told you to come only once every two days, but lately you’ve been coming every single day.”
“I already took it last week.”
“Oh, really…? If you keep coming here like this, your results probably won’t be very good.”
“No, I actually scored higher than before.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“What grade?”
“Oppa, I only ever get first grade, you know?”
“Ah… right. You’re a model student.”
“This time I only got one question wrong.”
“In every subject?”
“Yes.”
She really is an incredible talent.
“Have you decided on your career path?”
“Um… of course!”
“What do you want to do?”
“It’s a secret~”
“Well, okay. Still, with those scores, you can go anywhere you want. That’s a relief…”
I sincerely hope she chooses a wise path. Under the crisp, warm sunlight, I genuinely bless the future that lies ahead for this child.
Though if anyone needs worrying about, it’s my own future. I’ll be discharged in a few weeks. Once I am, I should head straight back to the director’s counseling clinic. Even after returning, I’ll need to take it easy for a few months and focus on my health… I wonder if they’ll still pay me? Or should I ask to be officially hired? Since I don’t have proper skills yet, maybe I can continue as an intern, learning as I go… That should work.
“Once I’m discharged soon, I’ll go back to the counseling clinic. After I’m out, don’t come visit every day. Only come to the clinic on Mondays.”
“Ah… can’t I visit your house on other days?”
“The professor probably won’t allow it.”
“If it’s to see you, I bet she’d allow it no matter what?”
“…Even so, no.”
“Hiiing…”
Jimin swings her legs back and forth. Her disappointment shows clearly in her movements.
“You’re still a student. Stop hanging around an old man like me and go have fun with other girls your age.”
“I’m a senior in high school, you know?”
“You’re a senior, yet you come see me every day. What kind of senior excuse is that?”
“You look like a high schooler yourself, yet you keep calling yourself an old man.”
I let out a small laugh. Jimin laughs too.
“Anyway, it’s not allowed. Just focus on graduating.”
“Hiiing…”
“Ah, Mr. Kim! Come in, come in. It’s such a relief to have you back, isn’t it?”
The lady chimes in, “Exactly~ We were so shocked when we heard what happened to you, Mr. Kim.”
Even after all this time, I still find it hard to keep up with the way this couple talks.
“Ah… hahaha. Thank you for your concern. I’ll be in your care from now on as well.”
The lady adds, “You mustn’t overdo it, okay?”
“Yes, I plan to take it easy for the next few months.”
This time the director speaks. “That’s right, that’s the spirit! Taking care of your body comes first until you’ve fully recovered.”
“Yes, of course…”
The way the two of them match each other so perfectly leaves me helplessly swept along in their seamless conversation.
“But Mr. Kim, the atmosphere around the director hasn’t been great lately. Be careful, alright?”
An unexpected remark comes from the lady.
“…Did something happen?”
“You can see how much weight the director has lost, right? It’s not from dieting. So many difficult clients have been coming in lately. Remember that rude person I mentioned before?”
“Hey, I did lose some weight from dieting too! Goodness, and calling a client that in front of—”
Even as the director laughs it off, I can sense that something truly exhausting has been going on.
“Yes, I’ll be careful.”
“Good. And since your own body isn’t fully recovered yet, be even more cautious.”
“Also, Director, I wanted to ask about my role and duties going forward—”
The bell hanging on the door jingles. My stomach twists sharply. I had felt this same sensation when I first entered and thought I would definitely rip that bell down, but I’d been so focused on the warm welcome from the adults that I forgot.
I suppress the discomfort before it can swallow me and turn to look toward the entrance. The lady gives me a light nudge. …I think I understand what she means.
Several burly men walk in, looking around. One of them escorts someone inside.
“This place always feels so cramped every time I come. It pisses me off. Director! Don’t just stand there like an idiot—hurry up and get ready.”