Don't Hate Me
My breathing was starting to come back, at least somewhat. But it wasn't fully restored—Noona's arms were locked tight around my chest, squeezing with a strength that made my ribs ache.
"Noona, let go now..."
"..."
"Noona, please. That's enough..."
"..."
No answer. Her arms didn't loosen even a fraction.
"Noona, just let go for a second."
"I don't want to."
"Noona, stop acting like a child and let go. Now."
"I said no."
I let out a heavy sigh. My head was already pounding from all the alcohol I'd forced down yesterday, and dealing with her clinginess on top of that felt impossible.
"Fine. I won't leave. Just let go first."
"You're lying."
"I'm not."
The more she spoke, the harder she pulled me in. Her arms trembled with the force of it, crushing my lungs.
"N-Noona... please. I'm struggling here."
"..."
It looked like I'd have to indulge her after all. At this rate, she'd keep us locked together all weekend.
"I'm not trying to run away. I just want to hold you properly too, so let me go for a moment."
Her grip eased—just a little. She still wouldn't release me completely. I used the small gap to wriggle around until I faced her. Her chest pressed against me now. I buried myself into that softness and wrapped my arms around her in return. I could feel the faint tremors running through her body. Her scent hit me stronger than usual today, rich and overwhelming.
"Jihyun... please don't go..."
Her voice was beginning to crack with tears.
"Just listen to me... okay...?"
She must have sensed she was about to break down herself, because she paused, drew in a shaky breath, and forced the tears back.
"You heard what that girl said, right...? Please stop seeing her."
"..."
"You saw her face. She meant every word. No—it's even worse than it looks."
"..."
I pulled her closer.
"Jihyun, you still don't understand... okay? Just this once, please listen to me."
"..."
I felt the softness of her cheek against my face.
"Jihyun... do you know why I wanted to become a counselor...?"
Still buried in her embrace, I shook my head.
"...People have always expected so much from me. Everyone does."
"Friends, family, classmates, professors—every single person I meet on the street. They're all the same."
"They judge my grades, my personality, my money, even who I am without knowing anything about me, then gossip and label me however they want."
"No one cares what I'm actually thinking. No one cares how I feel. They just dress me up in their assumptions, envy me, hate me, whatever suits them."
The sound of my soft agreement (mm) vanished against her body, but the vibration reached her.
"I hated it so much that I stopped going to school. Mom got worried and made me see a counselor. For the first time, someone actually asked about my feelings."
"That's when I decided I wanted to be like that lady... yeah."
I stroked her long hair, smoothing it down.
"I came to university, but my personality never changed. I kept avoiding everyone and just attended classes. Then I met Jieun."
Han Jieun.
"She's so bright and pretty, isn't she? Thanks to her, I finally felt like I was actually living a university life."
I nodded.
"But then she brought you to me."
Her arms tightened around me again.
"At first I didn't think much of it. I'd noticed you were interested in me for a while, but I didn't really care."
So that's how it was.
"But the way you looked at Jieun..."
Her voice trailed off.
"The things you said to her, Jihyun..."
I felt the tremor in her arms again.
"It reminded me of what I felt during those counseling sessions. But you were turning toward her instead of me, so..."
"...I took you."
"I stole you."
"I knew Jieun liked you. I knew you were starting to like her back."
"So I got scared and took you first."
"I didn't want to lose you... I couldn't just let you go..."
Noona began to cry.
"...Hic... huuuu... That's why. That's why I'm like this."
"I'm terrified I'll end up suffering the same thing I did to her. Just looking at that bastard makes it obvious. He's exactly like me... No, he's worse. Jihyun, please..."
"...Please don't hate me."
Her arms finally went slack. She collapsed onto her back, staring at the ceiling, covering her face with one arm as sobs wracked her body.
"I know... I know I did something wrong, but still... please don't hate me..."
She wept. The cries were so raw, so honest, so heartbreaking that I had no words. I simply laid my arm over her and held her. Every sob traveled through my arm like a wave. The vibration, combined with the sound in my ears, dug straight into my heart.
"Noona, stop crying..."
The moment the words left my mouth, her tears surged even harder.
"Huaaang... huu, huuuk... huaaaaang..."
Watching her cry like a three-year-old child made my chest tighten with pity.
"Noona, you always only think about yourself and what you want."
"Huk, heuk, hic, huuuu... huaaaaang..."
"Being with you isn't because you stole me from Jieun. It's because I chose you. I thought you were too captivating to resist."
She pressed her face into the pillow, as if she didn't want me to hear her crying.
"Mmph... kuhk, uuup... huup..."
"Understand? Don't keep twisting everything into the worst possible version..."
"Hiiik... huk... uuhup... hugruuuk..."
I sighed.
I held her and lay there for a while. Her constant sobs filled my ears while her body shook against mine. Still, it would probably feel better once she got it all out.
"You must be Jihyun, right?"
"Yes, that's correct."
"Impressive. For someone so young to already have Professor Kim's approval..."
"No, no... it's not that big a deal."
"Not at all. Even I can see you have real talent. But, by any chance..."
"By any chance...?"
"(Do you have hemorrhoids too, Jihyun?)"
"Pardon?"
"Oh? (You're sitting on a cushion. Hemorrhoid cushion... isn't it?)"
"Ah... um... yes, that's right."
"Haha! It's practically a basic qualification for counselors, isn't it? Sitting for so long takes its toll. Even youth can't handle it forever... ah, well."
So the cushion Noona had worriedly prepared for me was one of those. ...Well, it was still better than sitting without it, so I had no choice. For the time being, I'd just be a guy with hemorrhoids...
"So, how is the counseling work going?"
"There were a few issues, but the client I met briefly last week has recovered nicely."
"Wait, you meet clients in person? Is that allowed?"
"It's... a rather special case... haha."
"Hmm, still, you should be careful. This isn't about counseling protocol—I'm saying this because I'm worried about you, Jihyun."
"Yessir..."
"I believe the most important thing between counselor and client is maintaining that delicate distance. That's how the client can grow without becoming dependent, and the counselor can achieve successful treatment."
It seems way too late for that, Director...
"Especially be cautious. You're quite good-looking, Jihyun. You could easily end up in an accident with female clients."
"I couldn't cause any trouble. I'll make sure nothing like that happens."
"No, no—not because of me. You could be the one who ends up in danger. I don't think romance between client and counselor is ever acceptable. You'd either catch the same sickness or... well, you'd have to run away."
Run away...
"Thank you for your concern, Director."
"Anyway, do your best."
Once again, I was left alone in the counseling room.
"Um, Mr. Kim...?"
Great. Now it was just the two of us again.
"Ah, no need! Just call me Kim."
"Come on, Mr. Kim! Anyway, we're about to order some tteokbokki. Want to join us? You've been here a while but we haven't really talked properly."
"If you'll have me, I'd be grateful."
"Then come over when we call you!"
The director returned to the room.
"Hey, why didn't you invite me? I'm hurt."
"Weren't you on a diet? Failed again?"
"Diet is diet, but if I can't even join gatherings like this, what's the point of living?"
They chatted back and forth as they closed the door and left. Now I was truly alone in the counseling room. Borrowing the space quietly like this was probably too much to ask. I should probably build some proper relationships here too.
"Alright~ Let's make a toast! A toast!"
"Director, toasting with water feels a bit..."
"Just pretend it's soju. Come on, toast!"
Five paper cups clinked together. There was no satisfying clink, of course.
"Jihyun here is a junior from my university. This friend might end up working here someday, so make sure to leave a good impression early."
"Ah... hahaha."
"It's nice having young people around! When it's just us old folks, the mood gets so stiff. Having young ones join makes everything lively again. We feel younger too. Hohoho!"
"Right, aren't they close in age? You two should introduce yourselves properly. Jihyun, how old are you?"
"I'm twenty-four."
"What? You look even younger. Twenty-four? So you've already finished military service?"
"Yes, I was discharged not long ago."
"Wow, that's impressive! Good to get it done early. Mm, mm."
Haha...
"Then how old are you, Yerin?"
"I'm twenty-six."
"Oh~ Only a two-year gap. That's not bad at all, right? Jihyun, Yerin—what do you think?"
"Ah... haha, I actually have a girlfriend already..."
"Oh dear, I had no idea."
"Director, that's basically sexual harassment these days."
Yerin scolded the director.
"Is it really? Ah, I'm sorry. To both of you."
Haha... The director really was the exhausting type...
"So Director, what are you planning to do about that patient?"
A new topic came up.
"Ah... honestly it's difficult, so I was thinking of asking one of you to take over."
"Yeah, their style really doesn't match yours at all. It's like they live in a completely different world."
"I thought they were a ghost at first. Their face is decent, but the way they look at us—it's like we're insects."
"Hey, you can't talk about a client like that. And when I'm actually counseling, I'm a completely different person! Jihyun, it's true!"
"Hahaha, I believe you."
"Hey, I'm serious... Ahem. Anyway, when that person arrives later, I'll explain properly, so don't worry~ Let's toast again!"
I lost count of how many water toasts we'd done by now...