Back to Basics
Cha Ji-hyun was going out of her mind. The contract only went as far as uploading the ad video to YouTube, but Sena had said way too many brutally honest things, putting her in a tough spot.
Cha Ji-hyun had been a long-time viewer of Himaru's streams. She'd seen plenty of ads, so she had a rough idea of how streamers behaved. They never said anything negative, hyped up even the boring parts as fun, praised this and that. Squeezing out forced positives—that was an ad.
If you didn't like that, don't take ads. If you wanted to drop truth bombs, don't accept sponsorships.
"Phew..."
Cha Ji-hyun was terrified. Who says stuff like that in an ad?
'Look, let me say this. If you nerf Pink Long, I'm cutting off all inflows. Don't nerf my Pink Long, please!'
'You only need one Pink Long. Don't whale! Free-to-play... no, okay, a fair subscription is fine. I'm playing the game~ but my purchase history is 0 won. F2P dries up fast.'
'F2P kids showing off in global chat is an ancient tradition. They got nothing to lose. Devs, ignore that tiny vocal minority.'
'Give coupons. No coupons? Ma-gu-pa-der-nim, coupons please!'
'If spending money pisses you off, buy rerolls. They're making quality ones in China right now. Hit up Taobao. Then, ban 'em. Ban all those Chinese accounts.'
'Don't balance-patch whine. Ivy League devs are racking their brains— what does a high school dropout like me know?'
Cha Ji-hyun had stayed quiet through it all, then apologized to the client right after the ad stream ended. The client loved it and said it was fun, but that only made her more uneasy.
"They said it was good...? This? Why? I mean, it's true, right? But it doesn't feel right."
She tried editing the video, but no matter how she looked at it, something felt off.
In her eyes, Sena's comments were like a time bomb. Some might love it, others might take offense... It all depended on perspective and image.
"Hmm..."
There had to be intent behind it. Sena wouldn't act without thinking, but still worried, Cha Ji-hyun tapped at her keyboard.
She drafted something carefully, then deleted it.
"What if it makes her uncomfortable?"
What if it looks like I'm trying to control her? What if she gets mad at me for not getting her intent? What if she senses my discomfort while reading? What if she calls me clueless? What if she says I'm overstepping? Cha Ji-hyun clutched her head and shook it violently.
"Sh-should... I send it...?"
After agonizing, she pulled up a roulette wheel: Send / Don't Send. Don't Send came up. She sighed in relief, but anxiety still piled up in a corner of her mind.
"Can I... really trust the roulette?"
She spent over 30 minutes agonizing but couldn't decide.
"Ah... oh."
The terror of the deadline snapped her back. All eyes on the looming due date right in front of her.
"This is bad. Ah, ah. Ah."
Progress was under 70%, and she yanked at her hair, letting out shallow groans.
"Seriously... ah. Whatever."
Lots to do. Mountains of worries. But luckily, the worries got buried under the tasks and faded away.
"This is bad. For real. For real. Ah... ah. Ah... Should've prepped today's stuff earlier. Ah."
Worries about Sena slowly faded amid today's wrap-up video and tomorrow's ad edit.
People change based on their position. That's why you mustn't lose your beginner's mind. Right now, I've solidly lost mine.
Maru must've watched my first ad. She always gave me positives: "You did great~ Good job~ Awesome~ So cute! Fun! Amazing! Level up!"
Today was different. She gave detailed, pointed feedback on comments that didn't fit my image and thoughtless outbursts.
"No matter how much you like the game... you have to know your limits. Ads mean you're getting paid, so you gotta deliver accordingly."
Not a single word wrong. I watched the ad stream next to her feedback. Even I could see it instantly... the feedback was chillingly spot-on. Yeah, I messed up.
My face just kept getting redder. Yesterday it felt good, like I'd nailed it. Now I could see it.
Ma-gu-pa-der frozen in shock, speechless... me excitedly going solo. It looked like a total loser overrevving.
"Heh... hah... ha... haha..."
I think this: A loser's personality can't be fixed. You hide it. You restrain the overrevving as much as possible. Can't stop it entirely. So how? Remind yourself constantly... think, stay aware.
At some point, I stopped thinking. The reins on my true loser self slipped.
Why? I pondered. What was the issue? Why couldn't I help it?
Two answers: Belly full, life easy. Got comfy, tension gone, true colors slipped out unknowingly.
Honestly, I don't exactly know why I did it. Who knows that day's mindset?
But humans learn. Look at past me, resolve not to repeat. Reflect. Study to improve.
Yet... I was regressing. Losing my beginner's mind.
But...
"I don't even have a beginner's mind... Beginner's mind. Yeah."
I'm a streamer without backbone. Like a lotto winner? Nothing more, nothing less. First big money, blowing it wildly.
No system to my streams. Just a sandcastle on a stormy beach. Rootless, basically.
So what now? Only trust my editor. Ask the one in the same boat. Can't solve this solo—it's beyond my scale.
I messaged my editor on Discord.
"Um... Editor-nim... I think I... uh, yesterday's ad stream... I messed up a bit... No, how was I in the ad? Too much? I feel like I slipped up—thoughts?"
Gathered courage to send. Gonna rediscover my roots. Maru always headpatted me, but her sudden shift means something. Others might ignore, but she gave feedback.
It's for my sake. I'll grow from it. My strength? No backbone. Why's that good? Flexible thinking. And I listen well!
An hour later, reply.
Yep, I messed up. Even my all-praise editor says "a little..."—that's huge.
This speech pattern—my dad's style. Sponge shock absorption? Cushioning blows with roundabout words. Super familiar.
First, calms you: It's fine, no biggie. Then the core hits. Ends with praise to reassure. If clueless, you'd think "Aw, I did good~" Scary tactic.
Conclusion: Yeah, you screwed up.
Waterfall training: Inspired by meditating under falls to clear stray thoughts. Forget everything but one or two key principles.
My beginner's mind...
"Oh! Ah! Wow! Ha... Hakko's principles! Gotta stick to 'em! Ack! Forgot the most important!"
Yeah, I've been seriously off. Time to rediscover roots, become New Sena. I clenched my fist against my heart. 'Be true Hakko.' Conclusion from my short-circuited brain.
Yeah, I'll change. Today's Sena died. Reborn as root-rediscovered New Sena. Gonna reclaim it. Yeah, I've been over the line lately. Right. Yeah. Anyway, yeah. If someone's uncomfortable, fix it.
No way Maru'd say that to mess with me? Huh? To make my heart pound? Editor to make me sweat? Nah. It's for me.
"Hmm..."
I read the feedback aloud, handwriting it in a notebook. Took 30 minutes, but satisfying. Thought about highlighting, but it'd take forever... and look like a bad student. Nah.
Read it three times, then expanded in my words. Checked with GPT. Read what I wrote.
"No strong words. No showing off... No bad thoughts..."
Recited twice, then went live. Show the new me. Jump into action for judgment. Practice in a study room means nothing—ace the exam hall. Deep breaths behind screen cover, steadying.
"Phew... ha..."
Do great. Prove it today. Removed cover.
"H-hello everyone! I'm Sena...! Please take care of me!"
Beginner's mind. Back to it. Boomed my greeting. Newbie spirit! Only newbies got this fire...! Rawr. Power surging.
"Come on in! Everyone! Thanks for coming!"
"Please take your seats, everyone!"
"T-today? Got plans! Lara 2. How's that? Oh, raid collab soon too."
Finally had stuff to do. Answered boldly. No more "Wh-what to do... um... maybe this...? Heehee... I'll def do something tomorrow."
"Right? You all want it? Oh right. No."
"Can you guess? I've changed..."
As expected. They don't see it yet. Question marks, same-old guesses: face, mic, monitor, etc.
"All wrong! Answer is...! Dum dum dum dum. Rediscovered my beginner's mind! Woo!
Why this reaction?
Not a concept. I'm serious. Can't you see my passion? I'm earnestly reclaiming roots.
"Guess it doesn't show yet."
Time will reveal my passion. Only 20 minutes in. Understandable.
"It's fine. You'll see as time passes."
This too, I gotta prove.