Rest Day Roulette
“Listen!! I’m going to tell Maru everything, okay? So… um.” I have to tell her everything. Yeah!! There shouldn’t be any secrets between me and Maru. Our trust is that solid!! “What was I saying… um…” Now that I’m actually trying to say it, I don’t know where to start. Slowly. I’ve got time. Let’s think one thing at a time. It’s not hard, Seon-a. It’s not hard. Just take it slow. Slow… Mom used to say that all the time. Don’t rush. Slow is fine. Even if you’re slow, it’s okay.
“So, um, I decided to take one rest day a week from now on.”
“Oh? Good for you. I’ve been thinking this every time I see you, Seon-a. Streaming seven days a week is nonsense. It’s just stubbornness. I knew I’d have to say something eventually.”
“Um… I can do it!! It’s just… um… hard to explain.” The words stuck in my throat. I want to explain it well, but explaining has always been difficult. I need to organize my thoughts first… It’s not hard. I can do this!! “Um… so, you see, I’m going to make a 3D model.”
“Hahaha. Ah~ a 3D model? Sounds good.”
“Yep!! So I decided to make one… but to do that, I need references, right?”
“Of course. They’d help a lot.”
“So I decided to draw the references myself? But I haven’t drawn in so long that my skills have really deteriorated.”
“Hmm… I see.”
“I decided to start drawing again, but I didn’t have the time.” I took a breath and continued. “Because!! I’ve been streaming seven days a week. Isn’t that crazy?”
“Oh!! That’s great. Well done.”
“So I decided to use that time to practice drawing again. I’m also thinking about learning to sing. I’ve got a new dream.”
“A dream?”
“Yeah. I’m going to hold a concert. Since I can’t dance, I’ll do it as a ballad singer.”
“Oh… I’ll cheer you on.”
“Thank you!! When I open it, I’ll give you a ticket. For free!!” Laughter came through the phone. I really do plan to give them out. Hmm… one for Maru, one for Moddeok… one for Raming… Maem’s still on hold.
“Thanks. I’ll definitely come~!”
“Uhahaha. So yeah, I’m thinking about learning to sing.”
“Oh, good. Give it a try. Just once.”
“Yep!! And, um, what else was I going to say? I have so much to tell you but I keep forgetting. Let me think?! Uuugh!!” I’d blurted everything out without any order. I wanted to say it systematically, but it’s hard.
“Ah!! So that’s it.”
“Huh?”
“Huh? Why?”
“Is that all? It feels like there’s more.”
“I guess… hmm… I’ll think about it.” Maru always cares more about what I’m saying than I do. I racked my brain to satisfy her curious “huh?”
“Ah, um. I don’t know.”
“Hahahahaha. Well, can’t be helped. Call me again next time~”
“Yep!! Got it.”
“Oh. Are you going live right now?”
“Ah!!!!!! Right. I’m turning the stream on to spin the rest-day roulette. I just remembered. It came to me just now.”
“Rest-day roulette?” Maru asked, sounding curious. Of course she’d be curious. I’d be curious too if I were her. Rest-day roulette? What on earth is that?
My chat is full of people who want to spin a roulette for everything. They want a roulette for any decision. On top of that, they’re the generous type who throw donations just to see the wheel spin once.
“Yeah. You know, that roulette thing. I write Monday through Sunday on it and spin. Whatever day it lands on becomes my fixed rest day.”
“That’s different from how I do it.”
“Why?”
“My schedule changes all the time, so I pick rest days flexibly.”
“Oh… how many rest days do you take, Maru?”
“Me? One, two, or maybe three days?”
“That’s a lot… Wow. What do you do on those days?”
“I rest. I have to rest so I can put on fun streams. If my condition collapses, well… I don’t even want to think about it.”
Rest, huh… I can rest. But resting every day feels scary. The only time I can relax without worrying is when I’m actually resting or sleeping. Otherwise, I get anxious.
“Hmm… As expected, you’re amazing.”
“Hahaha. Thanks~”
“Ehehe. No problem!!”
“Try deciding properly. If you have any questions later, call me again~”
“Yep!! Understood.”
I ended the call with Maru. I didn’t get as much out of it as I did with Moddeok, but I’m glad I called anyway. Now that I’ve done everything I needed to, it’s time to start the stream…!!
-Ring ring.-
“Huh? Maru, what’s up?”
“About the rest day. Did you tell them?”
“Tell who?”
“The viewers. Are they okay with it?”
“Okay with it? What do you mean?” I’d never heard anything like that before. I didn’t understand at all.
“Oh. I mean, if you’ve been streaming seven days and suddenly drop to six, some viewers might complain that you’ve changed. Did you prepare for that?”
“Huh? Why?”
“They’ve been watching you seven days a week, so when they see six… well, people are just like that. You need a reason they can accept for why it has to be six days.”
“Oh!! Ah? That’s… wow. I don’t have one? Wait, I do.”
“You do?!” Maru’s voice brightened.
“Yeah, so, drawing and learning to sing.”
“Ah…!! Then it’s fine. Got it.”
“Yep?!”
With that, Maru hung up. Suddenly I felt uneasy. So… if I don’t have a reason, is it a big problem? Honestly, the drawing and singing just came up in the moment. Like, “Oh!! I should do that.” There’s no grand meaning behind it. What do I do? My mind went completely blank. Um… I opened my notes app and started writing down the situation one by one. It was the best way I could think of. If it doesn’t work… I just won’t take the rest day… No, that’s not an option. I already decided. What if the viewers have a logical argument? Thanks to Maru, my head feels like it’s about to explode.
“Th-this kind of time… No. Erase the thoughts. Erase them.” Just push forward. If I start overthinking, the thoughts will keep piling on and waste all my time. YouTube says that in moments like this, you should just make a clean decision and start. Yeah, just go live!! I turned the stream on immediately. The more I think, the more I lose. This is a problem I have to face head-on anyway. Bring it on, wind. I’ll block everything. Hahaha!!
There wasn’t much backlash about the rest day. A few complaints popped up, but most people just went, “Ah, it’s finally happening. I was waiting for this. Too bad.”
“Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate it.”
“Boyfriend? I’m learning to sing, guys!! I’ve explained it three times already. I’m holding a concert, okay?”
“No… why doesn’t it make sense? I’m making a 3D model and using that optical… whatever you guys explained, optical whatever, to hold a concert!” These people kept ignoring what I said. I explained it three times over two hours, but they still insisted it didn’t make sense.
“Listen, dreams come true. Before that, I’ll make the 3D model references.” I connected my tablet for the first time in a while. Before I start, let’s make a promise to myself. I’ll watch the chat carefully. I’ll draw while chatting. That’s non-negotiable. Then I’ll check every five minutes whether I’ve been talking. I’m not focusing on the drawing. I’m focusing on the stream. I need to keep reminding myself. I made my own little memo pad. It wasn’t visible on stream and stayed on my second monitor.
“Ah, right. Just a second.” I still hadn’t checked if the photos I took were properly mosaicked. Ah!! I have to talk while looking at my phone. I have to. Did I just become self-conscious? Self-conscious on stream?! I’ve really grown. I looked up at the monitor and spoke.
“I… couldn’t find any references, so I took photos myself? And then…” I checked if Pyeongjipja had messaged me while I kept talking. “Ah, so I asked her to mosaic just the faces? I worked really hard taking all those pictures so I could draw like this. So…” Still no message. I need that message to do anything. “No message yet. So, um, I’ll just practice drawing lines for now. What should I draw? A snowman? How about a snowman?”
“Lines… like this…” I never studied drawing in my head. I just learned it mechanically, with my body. Once the feeling dulled, it became hard to grasp. But… strangely, maybe muscle memory is a thing. After drawing about thirty times, I started getting the hang of it little by little. Of course, it wasn’t 100% like before, maybe 60%? 65% level. “Oh! Hey, even if it’s a bit crooked, I still drew it, right?”
In fifteen minutes, I finished one snowman. I even added a carrot nose and button eyes. It turned out better than I expected. I’d give it 70 out of 100. What should I draw next?
“I’m taking requests. I’ll do my best to draw whatever you want. Just nothing too hard—easy stuff, please!!”
“…” I really can’t let that slide. I almost never permanently ban anyone in my chat—the heaviest punishment is usually seven days—but this was unforgivable. My stream… isn’t that kind of place. I aim for a proper, classy chat. If I let this go, the chat will turn weird.
“Click. Weird comments like that… um. This is a permanent ban… I’m actually shocked right now.”
“Everyone, please stop with the secondary harassment. I mean… it’s not like I can’t, but still. Let’s not curse!!” There were so many righteous people. They got angry on my behalf like it was their own problem… but getting too worked up isn’t good for them either.
“What should I draw now? Want to look at the café? If anyone has ideas, post them there and I’ll check.”
“It is a bit weird… I’ll just think about it myself.” I tried to do it together with the viewers, but I’m giving up. I’ll just do it alone.