Growth Like a Gaussian Function (2)
Performance rises like a Gaussian function. (2)
Don’t focus. Yeah… don’t focus on the game. Focus on communication. That’s it. The game means nothing. It’s just a tool. Communication is what really matters.
“I’m chatting while I play. Keep the questions coming, everyone.”
“I’ll try to manage my HP better. Is there a good way to do that?”
You guys were actually focused on the game? Wow. I thought you were just glancing at the screen while chatting. Turns out I was wrong?
“No, no. Everyone… you were really watching the stream? It wasn’t just background noise while you went for a walk?”
“You were really watching? That’s amazing. You mean you’re actually looking at this screen? For real?”
I felt a mix of surprise and genuine emotion. They were really watching me…!!
“Thank you, everyone. I honestly didn’t think you were paying attention. You’re really watching this!! Thank you so much!!”
My energy shot up for the first time in a while. I’d been going on walks, saying the stream was boring, telling people to talk more, sharing cooking recipes while chatting among themselves, or just letting the chat go dead. Turns out none of that was true. They’d been watching the whole time!!
Okay. I’ll work harder. I’ll show you.
“I’m going to give it my all. Watch this. Hup!! Hyah!! Yah!! Hup!! Hoah!!”
The chat exploded with question marks. Not a single helpful comment in sight. I kept trying to communicate while hunting, but all I collected were more “?”s. I must’ve gathered over a thousand today alone.
“Whew… I’ve saved up enough money. I raised five more characters without gambling. I think I’ll stop Minecraft here and switch to something else.”
I’d been hunting for three, maybe four hours. I was sick of it. Forcing myself to continue would just be stubbornness. It had been a while since I played anything else… so I went looking for another game.
“Want to play that one again after so long?”
It wasn’t really a question. I was going to play it anyway. But I still had to communicate, so I phrased it as a question.
“Ah, that one.”
The moment I opened the homepage, the chat lit up. My stream barely moderates chat at all. Really… except for Tas bashing, it’s pretty free. I don’t mind people insulting me. Go ahead, insult me all you want. That’s my mindset. But Tas bashing? I shut that down immediately. If I left it alone, I’d probably get accused of murder. My chat would definitely turn into a murder scene if I ignored Tas slander.
Of course, I didn’t figure that out myself. Maru and Moddeok taught me the rules. Murder accusations are terrifying. I’ve never been on the receiving end, but I’ve seen it happen to someone I used to play with.
Arena World. The RPG Moddeok loves so much. I wonder if Queen Bee Minji is still around. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her. I’ve grown enough through Minecraft that I should be able to pull my own weight now… maybe even carry. If Minji shows up, I could actually carry her. I felt genuinely confident. Though my memory of her was a bit fuzzy.
“Chat’s moving fast. Nice. I’m going to play this—raise your hand if you’ll stick around!! Oh… yep. Anyway, it’s been a while. You all know this is classic content, right? Is Minji doing well? It’s Minji-nim, right?”
The moment I checked the chat, I was shocked.
“Wow, my chat really has a lot of new viewers. You don’t know Guild Member Minji? She’s the healer… the Queen Bee. She was such a nice person.”
Half the chat knew her, half didn’t. It was fascinating. Well, there was no helping it.
“Ah, right. I even went to the community board because of her. Minji sniped me and I almost became a superstar. Luckily the public opinion was on my side… so I survived.”
I could talk about it like a fond memory now. Back then it had been terrifying, but reading the comments had calmed me down. One comment still stuck with me: “She looks like that even after spending money.” And another: “Some people just can’t improve no matter how much they spend.” Those words had felt like knives to the chest… yet at the same time, I’d felt a strange relief that I hadn’t been good enough to begin with.
“It’s been a while since I played. Is there anything new?”
I spotted a shocking comment.
“What do you mean Moddeok-nim doesn’t play it anymore?”
This was genuinely shocking. Moddeok had definitely given me money for this game… I remembered it clearly. She’d given me a huge amount, told me to play, hosted raids constantly, and was almost always logged in. Someone like that had quit? Why? Was this another fabrication? No way. Moddeok loved this game. Deeply. More than I could even imagine.
“Don’t lie to me.”
More than that—if this information was true, I’d lost a lot of my original passion. These days I barely watched Maru or Moddeok… or even Raming. I wasn’t drawing anymore either. I didn’t have the confidence to draw. Copying other people’s content felt like too much trouble. I just turned the stream on without any plan. Actually, I only thought about content after starting the stream. I’d really lost my original drive. Was this what Gaussian-function growth looked like? No, it wasn’t.
“…This won’t do.”
Now wasn’t the time to play games. I knew myself. Once I got fixated on something, I had to see it through. No exceptions. Sorry to everyone who came to watch me game, but I needed to check this. I opened the drawing app that was still installed and connected my dusty tablet.
“No, I’m just going to draw something real quick…”
I used to draw out of habit, but somewhere along the way I’d completely abandoned it. I picked up the pen and tried to draw slowly. Even when I concentrated, the shaky lines didn’t straighten out. I couldn’t even draw eyes anymore. More accurately, I’d forgotten how.
“…How could this happen?”
“Thank you… I really did abandon it for a long time, but I didn’t expect it to be this bad. I couldn’t have predicted this.”
I hadn’t realized I’d gotten this rusty. Honestly, thinking about content had become more important, so drawing had fallen to the bottom of my priorities. I’d planned to draw after streams, but I was too tired, and when I woke up I had to think about content again, so there was never time. But drawing used to be one of my strengths.
“Whoa!! That’s a lot of money… for feedback…!! Thank you.”
Good advice. I knew that was the right call. Just look at my YouTube.
“This one. This one. This one too… Actually, every single thumbnail is outsourced.”
All my YouTube thumbnails were outsourced. Pyeongjipja had taken care of finding artists and uploading them. Even the clips channel used outsourced thumbnails. There was really no need for me to draw. Plus, drawing on stream didn’t bring in more viewers anyway. It made more sense to focus on good content. Seon-a and one employee, plus one employee at Hamburger—I had to take responsibility for them, and in the end, streaming was the answer.
I’d already reached that conclusion. I was just trying to justify it to myself. I was the type of person who took a long time to make a decision, but once I did, I acted on it immediately. That was Yoo Seon-a’s strength.
Whoa…?!
“Whoa… I grew in a Gaussian-function way again. Does anyone know why I call it growth?!”
“Oh! That’s right. Moddeok-nim, when did you start watching?”
Exactly. As expected of Moddeok. She’d summed up exactly what I wanted to say in one line. This was why people needed to study.
“Moddeok-nim. You don’t play this anymore?”
“I see. So you’ve completely quit? Maybe…!! Maybe…!!”
If she’d quit, maybe she could give me her leftover materials or money…? I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud. I could’ve just boldly asked, “Can I have your leftover money?” but it was really hard to say.
“Yep?”
Why did she suddenly send a question mark? Did someone annoy her again? I scrolled up through the chat to check. There was no Tas-bashing chat…?
“There’s no Tas-bashing in chat!! This stream bans anyone who insults Moddeok. Why did you send a question mark?”
“Why? Why because of me?”
I’d grown. I was someone who had achieved Gaussian-function growth. Maru had vouched for that. But I still didn’t understand. I felt like I needed to grow one more time to figure it out. But!! I had to think it through right here. Why? I always had to stay curious and explore. That was how I would grow. That was how I would become a professional. I couldn’t stay an amateur forever. In the end, I had to become a pro too. Why? Let me replay what I said.
“I see. So you’ve completely quit? Maybe…!! Maybe…!!”
There had to be something in that line. Hmm. I thought carefully. Huh? Huh? My eyes widened and I couldn’t close my mouth.
“No way? Did you feel pressured by the ‘maybe’ part?”
Huh? It felt like my vision had cleared. My logic was this: the “maybe, maybe?” part made her feel like she had to put money in my mailbox? It was probably just a guess, but since that was the only problematic part when I replayed it, I went with it.
“What, what? I-I got it right!!”
I clapped my hands and laughed. Great job, Seon-a. You grew again. I’m proud of you. I… I’m becoming a professional too!!