Becoming the Loyal Knight of Esteemed Maru (4)
Once Maru-nim decided to commit fully to the roleplay, she suggested we reset the game and start over. So we did, right from the beginning.
“My knight, Seon-a. Where are we headed now? We’re getting farther from the kingdom.”
“Princess… right now, pfft—”
Laughter kept bubbling up. The gap between a pro and an amateur really was like heaven and earth. I couldn’t stop giggling, but Maru-nim stayed perfectly in character as the prickly princess… that thing. That… menhera… no, that… you know. That… uh… ah.
“Tsundere Princess!!”
“Tsun tsun.”
“Ehehehe. Come here…!!”
“How dare you speak so rudely to the princess.”
“Ah… I’m sowwy.”
I only wanted to pat her because she was cute. She’s so cold. Still, it’s fine. That’s just how she is. So adorable.
“When are we eating, knight?”
She said it in that prickly tone, and it was ridiculously cute.
“You don’t need to eat, Princess!! Eating too much will turn you into a pig.”
“…What did you just say?!”
“How much do you weigh, Princess? Hmm… 58 kilos?”
“Ehhh?! No way. Not at all.”
“57 kilos?”
“No!!”
“Then… 55 kilos?”
“No. I’m under 50. I’m 48.”
“…”
Oh. So Maru-nim really is a woman. She’s so thin.
“How much do you weigh, Seon-a-nim?”
“I’m… 55.”
“Oh… It’s fine since you’re tall~”
“Right?”
I’d just been officially recognized by a real woman as having a normal weight. Thank goodness. I hate exercising. It’s the thing I hate most in the world. It wasn’t always this bad, but now I absolutely despise it. I don’t even want to leave the house. I just want to stay home, eat whatever I feel like—
The chat trolls were really going wild. But Maru-nim had already given the official statement as a woman, so I just ignored them. I wasn’t going to engage with the trolls anymore.
“Yeah~ Totally normal. Do you exercise?”
“I hate exercising more than anything in the world.”
“That won’t do. If PT is too hard, you should at least go for walks.”
“Maru-nim… do you exercise?”
“Of course.”
“Oh… by yourself?”
“I get PT sessions.”
My eyes widened. That’s insane. PT? Even an idiot like me knows what that means. It’s the kind of brutal workout that leaves your legs shaking and your arms too weak to lift. That thing where you finish a set and they go, “One more time…” and you end up doing ten more. I know all about it. I’m never doing that.
“That’s amazing…”
“You get used to it.”
“I could never.”
“You can. Exercising will make you healthier.”
“Health… I have no intention of buying health through exercise.”
“Pfft. What do you mean? Exercise is how you stay healthy, and health is the most important thing.”
“Yes, it’s important. But I’m still healthy right now.”
“…Must be nice to be young.”
Maru-nim suddenly switched into full tsundere mode. What did I say wrong? I had no idea.
“You’re young too, Maru-nim.”
“Ehehehehe. That’s right?”
“Yes! Maru-ping is still a baby.”
“That’s right. Maru-ping is a baby.”
Maru-ping is a baby. Yeah. That’s true. I guess I’ll have to keep doting on her? Hehe.
We kept playing Stardew Valley together. Farming and… Maru-nim was different from me. I absolutely hated having trees around. It didn’t look clean. I hate anything dirty. It bothers me. How could it not bother her? I couldn’t understand it. Maybe it was because Maru-nim was a natural-born woman? She tried to embrace everything. “It’s okay even if it’s dirty~” Like the goddess Gaia loving nature… But I’m human, and I’m definitely not a natural-born woman. I couldn’t stand it, so I stayed behind and cleaned everything up while she went hunting.
“Maru-nim. I finished everything.”
“You actually did that?”
“Yes… I had to. It’s clean now, right?”
“It’s clean.”
“Maru-nim… I have a question.”
“What is it?”
I asked even though I knew she wouldn’t, just in case.
“Is your house clean?”
“Me? I’m extremely clean.”
“Thank goodness… Whew.”
Of course. Our Maru-nim could never be dirty. I used to think my respect and trust in her was at 100%, but it turns out it was still only 98%. Stupid Seon-a. Just believe in her already. She must have left it that way for a reason. You idiot!! Our Maru-nim could never be dirty. If anything, there wouldn’t even be a single speck of dust. She probably vacuums three times, uses a hundred lint rollers, and wipes everything down with cleaning cloths. Morning, noon, and night—three times a day. Definitely. When you walk into her house, it’s so clean it literally sparkles. That’s our Maru-nim. I really want to visit her house someday!! It would be amazing. It’s definitely going to be amazing.
“Why? Why?”
“No reason. I’m just glad. My house is clean too. I really, really hate anything dirty. If there’s even a speck of dirt on my desk, I can’t stand it. I vacuum regularly and clean everything thoroughly.”
“Ah~ So Seon-a-nim is clean?”
“Huh?”
What did she mean by that? I’m super clean.
“No~ No~ I was just curious. You clean by yourself, right?”
“Huh? Of course I do!!”
“You order a lot of delivery food. Do you clean all of that up?”
“Huh? Do you know what kind of delivery food I hate the most? The kind that comes in those plastic containers instead of plastic bags. It’s such a pain to throw away. I just eat straight out of the bag.”
“What do you mean? You eat out of the plastic bag?”
Exactly what it sounds like. If it comes in a bag, I open it and eat straight from there with a spoon. That way the container doesn’t get dirty and I only have to wash the spoon and chopsticks, so there’s less dishes.
“There’s a plastic liner inside the container, right?”
“Yes.”
“So you take out the liner and eat straight from it with a spoon.”
“Huh?”
Maru-nim’s voice jumped an octave. She sounded genuinely shocked.
“If I do it that way, I only have to wash the spoon and chopsticks.”
“No… No way. Who eats like that? That’s… that’s…”
“Then how do you eat, Maru-nim?”
“Me? I obviously transfer everything into a separate container first.”
“Who does that?”
“No, that’s how you’re supposed to do it. All those plastic containers are full of environmental hormones.”
“It all goes into your stomach anyway.”
“Hehehehe. No, it’s not the same. It accumulates. That’s why you have to transfer it into a proper container.”
“…I see.”
Maru-nim was probably right. I backed down. But I had no intention of changing. Put hot food into a container? I could never do that.
Anyway, what I wanted to say was that if a place doesn’t give me plastic bags, I’m never ordering from them again because washing dishes is too annoying. Maru-nim asked me a question.
“Seon-a-nim. Seon-a-nim. How do you do the dishes?”
“With what? Delivery containers? I have those side-dish containers, right? I just dump out the food, scrub them like I’m washing dishes, and throw them away. For sauces, I just use that hot water thing that shoots out in a straight line and keep spraying until it’s gone. Then I wash them properly after that.”
“You actually wash them?”
“Of course. They need to be cleaned. That’s why I never order from places that don’t give plastic bags. Those big containers are way too hard to wash.”
“No… Really? I just throw them away.”
“Huh? You have to wash them if you want to recycle!!”
“Ah, I do rinse them. But not that thoroughly. I just throw them in the regular trash.”
“No…”
I was shocked. If you want to put plastic in the recycling bin, you have to wash it. Does she not recycle? Was Maru-nim that kind of person?
“You… you have to wash it if you want to recycle.”
“No, you can just throw it in the regular trash bag. You can throw food-stained stuff in the regular trash. Why make it so hard on yourself?”
“Eh? No… You have to wash it clean if you’re recycling…”
“Right, right. You do have to wash it for recycling. But you can just throw it in the regular trash bag.”
“Huh…? Why?”
What was she talking about? I’d never heard this before. I’d been scrubbing plastic containers spotless every single time so I could put them in the recycling bin.
“Yeah~ It’s true. But honestly, you don’t even have to recycle. It’s cheaper to make new ones than to recycle, so companies just buy new ones anyway.”
“No…”
Suddenly my eyes welled up with tears. Then what had I been doing all this time? This is why people say you need to study. I have a short education and I’m stupid, so… All this time I’d been scrubbing and checking for dirty spots and scrubbing again… What was the point of all my effort…? This is why adults say if you’re dumb, you should study. Ah, no. It’s because your body suffers if you don’t.
“You didn’t know. Well, now you do.”
“…Hmph.”
“From now on, just transfer it into a container and eat it that way.”
“…”
“Ah, I should visit your place sometime. I need to see it with my own eyes.”
“Oh!! When?”
“Sometime when I have time?”
“Then come tomorrow!!”
I want to show her my house!! I want to prove that I’m a super clean person. I’m really clean and hygienic.
“Oh… Tomorrow’s hard. Sometime later? Within this week?”
“Really?”
“Yeah~ Of course.”
“Then!! I’ll send you my address. Ah! Let’s do that thing. That thing where we wear pajamas and go kyaa kyaa. That. What’s it called?”
“Ah~ A pajama party?”
“Oh!!! That’s it. Let’s invite Melon-nim too… and Pyeong-nim!! Ah!! Raming too!! Let’s do it at your house, Maru-nim!!”
“At my house?”
“Yes!! At your house!!”
It’s my lifelong dream. To have a party at someone else’s house. I really want to try it.