Religious War: Hannam Goes Mainstream (2)

Helen did not believe the rumors that Hannamism was spreading across the entire continent. It was true that the cities of the Greek League worshipped a variety of gods — Zeus, Athena, Hades, and more — but—

"They are all gods of Olympus, high above the clouds. Nothing like this ridiculous faith that worships a 'Hannam' who walks the earth."

Helen said this to her advisor, who had just finished reporting on the situation. Her confidence was not unfounded. In the past, Zoroastrianism from Persia to the east and Shinto from the island nation of Japan had both found their way in. Not that either had done any good.

"Tell me, Advisor. Did the faith of the Greek people waver then?"

"No, my lady. The Parthenon of Athens ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠stood unshaken."

Even foreign religions of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠no small influence had ultimately been pushed aside by Greece's native faith. The Parthenon — a World Wonder — still overflowed with priestesses offering sacrifices to Athena, and once the fad passed, no one so much as glanced at those strange Eastern religions.

"...So the rumors were true?"

But this time was different. Argos was not the only city the martyrs of Hannamism had converted. Mycenae, which had worshipped Poseidon, god of the sea, and Troy, which had worshipped Zeus, god of lightning — both had begun enshrining giant cock statues in their own temples.

When Helen later toured these cities and asked why they had abandoned Olympus, the answers she received were even more outrageous.

"Why waste time worshipping a fake-dick Poseidon when you can drop into dogeza before a Hannam who's actually packing...?"

"Artemis got creampied by Hannam, so she's not the virgin goddess anymore. The Hannam Scripture says 'do not bother with non-virgins,' so we pussy-sluts have no choice but to obey."

No matter how hard Helen tried to persuade them, it was useless. Once those bitches started worshipping Hannam, they could not forget the taste of cock. Not content with smashing the Zeus statues inside their temples, they erected shameless giant cock statues in their place.

"Have you all gone mad? How could you do something like—"

The priestesses did not stop their slutty antics even in front of their league leader. Among the women visiting the temples, more were completely naked than wearing togas, and they did not shy away from vulgar religious rites like twerking or naked dogeza.

"Ahh... since when did the proud women of Greece start chasing nothing but lust and pleasure, Lady Athena?"

Of course, Helen was a seasoned leader, so she quickly figured out what the real problem was.

"They are not simply preaching a new faith... they came prepared to throw away even their dignity as women."

Gathering testimony from all over, she found the issue: the Hannamist missionaries who arrived would return as martyrs. Indeed, among the converted cities, not a single one had turned lewd through the most common method in History — a missionary simply preaching the faith.

The next day, now certain of her diagnosis, Helen took a rather wise measure.

"When a Hannamist missionary arrives, just let her talk. Even if she spews nonsense about 'cock worship' or 'male supremacy,' do not persecute her!"

A measure designed to block the very possibility of promotion to Martyr. From that point on, Hannamist missionaries could preach their new faith, but they no longer received the Martyr bonus.

"Even the beautiful Aphrodite can't move a muscle once a cock is stuffed in her hole—"

"—I don't care, so go preach somewhere else. If cock tastes that good, then you go suck it yourself, missionary."

Converting a city with a firmly rooted native faith through preaching alone was a tall order. Maybe if there were ten missionaries it would be a different story, but with just one bitch per city like this, nobody was twerking — hell, they were not even spreading their legs.

"My lady Helen, it appears the spread of Hannamism has halted."

"...Yes. Well done. Leave me alone for a moment."

But Helen still had plenty to worry about. Her swift action had ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠blocked Hannamguk's Martyr rush strategy, yet even that felt a step too late.

"Hnnngh ♥ Just like Cronus did to his father Uranus... someday you will get castrated by a sickle too, Han Min-guk!!"

Helen pictured that bastard's face and, in her stress, downed a shot of her own breast milk. She did not want to admit it, but as sensitive parts of her body grew warm, her mood lifted just a little.

"...How the hell do they even make this stuff?"

The league leader of Greece crossed her arms beneath her breasts and thought. This was why she could not simply hate Hannamguk. They were, after all, an important trading partner supplying Greece with the finest luxury goods.

"......"

Even so, Helen had no intention of leaving that grotesque civilization alone. If she were even one step late in responding again, just like this time—

Then even the goddess Athena might abandon the Parthenon.

"Oh, there we go!"

"Hiiit! A-are you cumming in my pussy again?!"

A system message popped up in front of him while he was railing Hyo-jung from behind. It was an important notification, so the creampie could wait a second.

"Heeungh... ♥ My lord, I still haven't gotten pregnant yet...?"

"Just masturbate for a bit, Hyo-jung."

The Martyr strategy seemed to have worked. Athens, the capital, had not been converted, so they had not eliminated Greece's native religion itself — but if you just counted the number of believers, there were more bitches following Hannamism.

If more than half a population follows a religion, that becomes the civilization's majority religion. In Greece's case, they still had the religion they had founded, but their majority religion had become Hannamism. On the religious front, they'd gotten creampied by Hannam.

And so Hannamguk took one more step toward a religious victory. Though honestly, my real interest was elsewhere.

"Hyo-jung, from now on, train everyone I impregnate as swordsmen."

"Hnnngh. Your cock is seriously unnecessarily huge, my lord... Wait, hold on? Swordsmen, not spearmen or archers?"

"Hannamguk's army needs to start evolving. Helen's gonna come at us in a rage this time."

Religion has always been a sensitive issue, then and now. Even in the modern world, you have guys blowing themselves up every year for a god who promised them a harem paradise. In History, where converting neighboring civilizations nets you a religious victory, it was bound to be even worse. She'll be pissed as hell and go on a rampage, Helen included.

It might look ridiculous because of the beautiful girl patch, but facing Greece on Deity difficulty is no joke. Helen of Athens has a lot of allies. With a religious victory on the line, this would be nothing like the fight over Sidon. If last time was a skirmish with nothing but jabs, this time it would be total war.

"Just let Sparta keep pumping out Hoplites. Your daughters all become swordsmen. Got it?"

"Hogook?! Y-yes, my lord... ♥ Hyo-jung always does exactly as her lord says..."

It was not simply because swordsmen had higher combat strength than spearmen. I was training swordsmen this time because I was worried Helen might pull in the city-state of Macedon, which would change the composition of the Greek army.

Still, Hyo-jung remained skeptical of my decision. Her logic was that we were short on time, so why obsess over swordsmen that cost more production to train? The sex-crazed bitch had a point.

"What about Macedon?"

"But... would Empress Alexandria ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠really side with Athens? They're Greek in name only. They're a neutral country."

"Alexandria? Empress? You mean 'the Great,' right?"

I had forgotten about the beautiful girl patch.

"Ah! That's the name of Macedon's previous king, my lord. The woman currently on the throne is Alexander the Great's daughter. The Great died in war and only his daughter was left, so she had no choice but to become empress!"

"What happened to the Great's wife?"

"His wife? How's a bitch who sticks her ass out the moment the Great so much as twitches his finger supposed to inherit the throne? Pfft. How can the man who became ruler of Hannamguk not know something so basic~?"

A moment later, Hyo-jung — who had been laughing at her lord — had my cock stuffed in her mouth.

"Mmph...!"

"Swallow ten times and that's dinner for today, Hyo-jung."

Hmm. That was actually an interesting story, though. So a bitch born from Alexander the Great knocking up a palace maid became empress. Even if her mother was nothing but a pussy-slave, the daughter inherited his blood, so she had the qualifications?

That was when I was lost in these idle thoughts. A maid who had recently become obsessed with Hannamism opened the door and came in.

"Lord Cock, two rather distinguished-looking pussy-bitches have come to see you."

I was about to say something, then stopped. I was partly responsible for founding Hannamism, after all. The wording was crude, but it was a very important matter.

But... why the hell are these bitches showing up in person without even sending an envoy first? And why does it have to be 'two of them'?

When I asked who had come, the maid answered.

"Helen, League Leader of Greece, and Alexandria, the bitch-empress of Macedon. Those two are waiting outside the walls with their escorts."

"Got it. Don't invite them into the palace. Tell them we'll talk outside."

"Understood, Lord Cock. We can't just let those arrogant bitch-dogs into Hanseong just because they think they're important."

This bitch was just delivering a message — someone else handled the actual work — and she sure had a lot to say. Anyway. We set up a modest tent on the plains outside the capital, Hanseong.

A short while later, Helen and Alexandria sat down at the negotiation table. The two bitches were clearly furious, and their mouths were especially filthy today.

"From this day forward, do not send Hannamist missionaries to Greece. That is an order from the League Leader!"

That was the demand from the blonde, big-titted female of Athens. It pissed me off a bit, but I had expected this much. Now let's hear what the bitch-dog who came with her has to say.

The Empress of Macedon sat with her wavy brown hair flowing. Alexandria, with her fierce cat-like eyes, did not seem any fonder of Hannamism. She was not exactly the warm and fuzzy type.

"Send one more missionary to Macedon yapping about 'Lord Cock' or 'Hannam' and I'll cut your dick off!!"

I did not remember sending any missionaries there, but according to Alexandria, some bitch had visited a village in Macedon a few days ago. That crazy bitch...

That was when I figured out what had happened. A missionary who had had no luck in the Greek cities must have figured that if she went to Macedon — a city packed with warmongers — she would get properly persecuted and become a martyr.

"I heard rumors about the Hannamist doctrine that bitch was spreading... It sounded just like the garbage my father spewed when he raped my mother, and I want to kill you for it!!"

It was true that Hannamism had a lot of sexist elements thanks to the creampie mode. Alexander the Great had probably said some filthy things himself when he was knocking up palace maids.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that."

I bore some responsibility for creating and distributing the beautiful girl patch. If I had lived a little harder and had friends to go clubbing with, I probably would not have spent my weekends cackling while developing a creampie mode. Then Helen and Alexandria would not have had to suffer because of Hannamism either.

"But I don't wanna."

But my life is more important. If my civilization, Hannamguk, does not prosper, I will not survive without getting conquered by you people.

"Han Min-guk!! Athena's wrath shall judge you!"

"Kh... Macedon's phalanx units will be coming to castrate you soon, so you'd better be ready!"

Beyond unpleasant — these were blood-chilling threats. But if I do not fight now, while Hannamism is widely recognized... when am I supposed to expand my territory?

War is all about timing. A good leader is one who seizes it well.

It was a fine era for religious fanatics to go to war.