Readjusting After the Return (3)
I couldn’t bring myself to accept that the person standing in front of the mirror was me.
This was Chae Eunha.
She was corrupting Choi Eunho.
My eyes kept catching on the semen dripping from between my legs, on the crusted traces of dried fluids.
It was sticky, disgusting. I wanted to wash it off right away.
And yet, with that came the memory.
Just thinking about it made me feel sick, angry, humiliated, and furious all at once. I wanted to forget it. I wanted to erase it. But—
Drip, drip.
Little by little, liquid gathered.
From my dried-out pussy came a trickle of moisture.
Even though I was crushing the thought down as hard as I could, my body still reacted to it. Heat crept through me, and my breathing grew slightly rough.
It couldn’t be helped. As long as I was forcing myself not to think about it, Blessing suppressed my physical response and shut down that sensitive sexual arousal.
But the moment I let myself think about it, of course the Blessing stopped suppressing my instincts.
As soon as I was left alone, I was already dredging up the memory of that moment.
Thinking of the... pleasure.
Slowly, I sank into that lingering afterglow, my dull gaze turning blank.
In that utterly softened state, the satisfaction and happiness filling me deep inside my chest made my mind float away.
It came back to me.
That humiliating, coercive sex.
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t resist. Kang Juhyuk was on top of me.
My hands had been forced together, locked in place so I couldn’t run, while my hips were made to move—
And in the end, he’d shoved his cock deep into my pussy and flooded my innermost place with semen.
And then self-loathing came stabbing through that happiness.
...Fuck.
No matter how much I told myself I hated that situation.
No matter how much I thought it should never have happened.
No matter how humiliating and revolting it was.
In the end, there was still the instinctive pleasure my body received, the pleasure of existence itself being fulfilled.
It was a pleasure beyond drugs, the pleasure of a biological being achieving its own goal.
Yes. Objectively, however you looked at it. Bring in anyone you wanted.
I couldn’t deny that it had felt good.
Being held by a man.
By that trash Kang Juhyuk, of all people.
Being pinned down, being filled with his semen.
So that was what it was.
That climax, that mechanism of ecstasy that had burst open in this alien body.
It was on a completely different level from anything Choi Eunho had ever felt in his life—different in both quantity and quality.
It was pleasure so deep it got carved into the soul.
Mother’s love, huh?
I can’t deny it.
Pathetic as it was.
If I had a body that could experience that kind of pleasure, that kind of fulfillment, that kind of reassurance and happiness just from sex alone, without even using my brain, then it was enough to understand it as love in its own right.
At that level.
Without question, it had felt good.
No— it had felt insanely good.
Because it wasn’t just simple pleasure. It had swelled into something like the happiness of having fulfilled a lifelong wish.
More than any day I’d ever been a man and fucked a woman.
More than when Kang Juhyuk had forced irrumatio on me and taken his semen into the back of my mouth.
More than that moment when he’d buried his cock inside me and forced his seed into my body.
It shouldn’t have been this way.
Even in this situation, where my body was already satisfied and my instincts should have been quiet for a while.
Even so, it was natural for me to think I wanted that fullness again.
I couldn’t stop myself from wanting that pillar inside me again, filling me up.
It was no different from drug addiction. If I didn’t think about anything, thoughts of sex rose up on their own.
At that moment of climax, it had been stamped completely into my brain, my soul, my flesh.
Probably.
As long as I stayed in this body, I’d never forget it.
Strangely enough, I didn’t think about masturbation.
I’d realized that the climax reached by something like that was a fake. This alien body was like that.
Beyond the body itself, even my mind now dismissed the thin, shallow pleasure of masturbation as trivial.
Because memory compared the pleasure of being ejaculated into and the pleasure of using my hand, and it made the answer for me.
It was telling me to go outside and find some man instead of wasting time jerking off.
I shook my head and forced myself to get a grip.
I stepped into the shower and let cold water rain down over my head.
Looking down, I couldn’t see my feet because of my huge breasts.
I dragged a shower chair over, sat with my legs spread in an M shape, then bent at the waist to look toward my pussy.
My cunt, tightly sealed at the entrance, was keeping the semen trapped inside.
Seeing the semen made me miss the moment we’d been having sex again... no! I caught myself just in time,
and once more I gathered myself and forced the entrance open to wash the semen out.
This wasn’t me thinking.
I was only being influenced by the body.
Endure it.
I had to endure it.
I couldn’t let the body win again.
After hurrying through the shower, I tore open a box of after pills that had been sitting in the house and swallowed the pills inside without a second thought.
I’d had to make a woman buy them for me before, so there’d been extras lying around. I’d asked for them because it was a hassle.
Thanks to the Blessing, I didn’t need to worry about side effects.
About five pills slid into my mouth at once.
Even while I was thinking that this was ridiculous, I couldn’t help it. If I got pregnant, it would be a disaster.
Just imagining my stomach swelling made me want to kill Kang Juhyuk, but beyond that, this was contraception the world needed too.
I could resist my body this much because it was me; if some little bastard barely formed in a womb got cursed into becoming a “daughter,” it would be taken over by instinct immediately.
If something that couldn’t be killed because of the Blessing ran off into the world to increase its “daughters,” there would be no way to handle it.
After swallowing the entire box of after pills, I crawled naked into bed.
I closed my eyes.
My body didn’t need sleep.
But if I didn’t think about anything at all, I knew those memories would naturally come back.
So I forced myself to sleep.
.
Ha Yujeong came to see me the next day at noon.
I’d originally thought about meeting her outside because I didn’t want her coming into the house, but all the clothes I had were Choi Eunho’s, not Chae Eunha’s.
That meant I couldn’t stop Ha Yujeong from coming to the house.
“Please take these.”
“What’s this?”
“Clothes. I’m sure you don’t have any.”
“...Right.”
Ha Yujeong had apparently developed some sense of tact, because she’d brought a few outfits that she thought I might actually be able to wear.
They were all drab, frumpy-looking designs. Seriously, what kind of garbage had she brought? They were fucking plain.
If you’re going to wear something, you need to give it a point.
Some loose, solid-color boxy hoodies, and a few sets of tight long jeans to pair with them.
There wasn’t even anything that could serve as an accent.
You’d need to bare the shoulders a little, or show just a bit of the upper abdomen, or cut the neckline down into a V so there’d be somewhere for the eye to land.
With breasts this big, wearing something like this would only make me look bulky.
Back when I was Choi Eunho, I’d never even looked twice at women wearing stuff like this. I’d just ignored them and moved on.
I wasn’t asking for anything outrageous. I wasn’t saying she should dress like a prostitute. Honestly, it’s not like I know fashion that well either.
But at the very least, shouldn’t a woman put in enough effort to create a visual point of interest? That’s what would make a man find her attractive.
“I picked clothes that Choi Eunho would be comfortable with.”
“...Huh? Oh. Right. That’s true. Good work. Uh.”
Damn it.
Without realizing it, I’d been thinking about the clothes as something to look at, not to wear.
Just imagining Ha Yujeong in them made even the little spark I’d had die down completely.
Her slender build and face weren’t bad, but it was hard to get worked up over something like that.
Still, if I thought about it as clothes I was wearing, then it was about right.
“Then you should hurry up and put something on already. I don’t know where to look.”
While I was standing there naked and rifling through the bag, Ha Yujeong snapped at me, clearly irritated and wanting me to get dressed already.
I nodded and pulled out a black hoodie and black stretch pants.
Should I wear one of Choi Eunho’s white T-shirts underneath and let it hang out from the hoodie?
Honestly, with the breast line, it wouldn’t look very good, but no. Did it have to look good? Honestly, what was I even thinking?
Thud.
As I was pulling out the clothes, a gray set of functional underwear slipped out of the paper bag.
Literally the comfort-over-style kind, a plain pair of polyester undergarments built for activity rather than looks.
It was true she’d chosen something with less pressure on the body, but even so, just thinking about wearing it gave me a headache.
By the way.
“Hey. You scanned my body yesterday, didn’t you?”
“I thought I should. Glad I did, isn’t it? Thanks to that, I could buy these in advance.”
“Tsk. At least say something first, asshole.”
Ha Yujeong could use simple magic too. With a sigh, I picked up the underwear first.
The panties were easy enough to put on, but the bra took some fumbling. Honestly, I’d taken bras off plenty of times, so I could undo the hook with one hand, but...
I’d never once had to put one on.
“You’re getting messy.”
“Hey, hey! Don’t be creepy!”
“I don’t want to touch you either. Keep still so I can finish this faster.”
I somehow managed to stuff my tits into that ugly bra, and Ha Yujeong sighed before bringing her hands toward me.
Honestly, the fact that Ha Yujeong was voluntarily putting her hands on my body made my skin crawl, but she wasn’t wrong, so I waited.
Ha Yujeong walked a full circle around me, front and back, adjusting the bra so it would sit properly.
She reached inside as if she meant to gather the flesh and arrange it, but apparently deciding that wasn’t necessary, she awkwardly pulled her hand away.
“How is it this big?”
“Did I decide to grow this big?”
“I’ll hear the explanation later.”
“Then, fuck, don’t ask in the first place!”
“...Honestly, that wasn’t a question so much as admiration.”
After that, Ha Yujeong silently straightened out the rest of my underwear.
My clothes had clearly been a little off, because once she adjusted everything properly, they felt a lot more comfortable.
My breasts felt properly secured, at least.
The left one was a little... just a little loose, maybe.
“Your right breast is a bit bigger. I fitted the bra to the larger one, so the left side will gap a little.”
“Ah. So that’s why some women stuff only one side.”
“...Yes, yes. I won’t ask how you happened to notice that. I’m sure it’s for the same reason. The size difference isn’t enough to be a full cup size, so whether you add padding or not is up to you.”
“Fuck. Why the hell would I care about that?”
I didn’t have time for that sort of thing, and I didn’t want to think about it either.
As soon as the bra was on, I immediately slipped on one of the undershirts I’d been thinking about and got dressed in the clothes Ha Yujeong had brought.
Maybe because they’d been bought after scanning my size, they fit perfectly.
In the mirror, I saw a black boxy hoodie falling to just above my hips, with black stretch jeans underneath. The white T-shirt peeking out in the middle gave it a two-tone look.
As I’d expected, it was rough and plain, and the broad line of my chest made it look bulky. It wasn’t pretty.
Still, my face held up, and in practical terms my waist was absurdly narrow, so the way the clothes shifted when I moved stirred the imagination in its own way. Maybe that made it okay.
Only after I’d finally gotten dressed did the two of us sit facing each other on the living room sofa.
There was nothing on the table. I had no reason to bring out snacks or drinks for her.
Ha Yujeong seemed unable to wait any longer, because she got straight to the point.
“So what happened to make you end up like this? And when are you going back to your original form?”
I didn’t answer right away. I just reached up and held my head for a moment.
I’d forgotten to decide how much truth I should tell, and how much I should hide.
Damn. I should’ve been thinking about that instead of sleeping.