Loser, look up (2)

The next day.

Shortly past lunchtime, I arrived at the guild office.

It was to prepare for challenging a B-rank request soon.

The thought was that the more information, the better, so receiving consultation and advice would be great.

"Oh, Stachys-ssi. What brings you here today? It's not your dungeon entry day."

The receptionist wearing glasses asked me.

He seemed not to have expected to see me today.

He looked surprised.

"Is something the matter?"

"No, it's not that."

I waved my hands dismissively.

It wasn't that anything was wrong.

"It's just that.... Our party is trying to challenge a B-rank request."

"Pardon...?"

The receptionist's eyes widened like eggs.

He wasn't the only one shocked by my words; the surrounding receptionists nearby also looked over at me in surprise, glancing my way.

Perhaps hearing my voice, many other gatherers at the guild office were also sidelong glancing at me.

"So... you mean you're hoping for a B-rank promotion?"

"Yes. That's right."

And soon, the receptionist's expression crumpled a bit.

He made a "Hmm..." sound and stroked his chin.

He must be worried.

Because B-rank promotions are difficult.

Because a lot of people die.

Even if you succeed in one B-rank request, there are many cases where parties are wiped out in the next B-rank request.

And even parties that have been active in B-rank for a long time frequently get hurt and die.

The rate of severe injuries and the mortality rate cannot be compared between B-rank and C-rank.

B-rank is overwhelmingly higher.

Therefore, even among those with the ability, many live satisfied as C-rank parties.

Though not me.

I will follow my hyung.

What I had just told the receptionist was that I wouldn't settle for C-rank, but would risk my life to move up to B-rank.

"Stachys-ssi... You've thought about this for a long time before deciding, right?"

I nodded.

I had been thinking about it ever since Vien and Rus kept trying to get us to challenge it.

"I've thought about it for a long time... but I gained certainty from this recent request."

"Even assuming this time went well, you said a problem arose when dealing with the King Boar during the previous request. That level is not enough."

"That problem has been resolved."

The problem that occurred was purely due to accumulated fatigue.

And now I am managing that fatigue well.

The receptionist was still frowning as if troubled.

"Hah... Stachys-ssi. Of course, going out on such requests is your freedom, but if you get hurt, or perchance... come back dead, I'm the one who will feel guilty. And I hate that burden."

"I know. So I'll succeed and come back."

However, even at my words, he couldn't unwrinkle his expression.

Looking at that, I couldn't gauge how many deaths this receptionist had witnessed.

Then he let out a hollow laugh.

"...Do you know that every single C-rank party that challenged B-rank said the exact same thing?"

"...It's something I've decided."

"Then tell me just one thing."

"Pardon?"

"So that I have a reason to send you off with trust. Tell me just one factor that makes you think you'll succeed even if you challenge a B-rank request."

Sincerity was embedded in his eyes.

His willpower to not hand over the request if I couldn't persuade him was visible.

Of course, if this receptionist wouldn't allow it, I could just ask the receptionist next to him.

But still, there was nothing bad in trusting a receptionist's intuition.

I planned to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠try persuading him with words here, and if he still said no, I'd give up.

If he wasn't saying no but hesitating, I'd push through somehow.

"...The teamwork with my party members is great."

"That won't do."

"The magic is strong, the healing timing is good, and the vanguard protects the party members well."

"Even just among C-ranks, there are many such parties."

"That's because you haven't seen our party."

He shook his head.

He was firm.

It seemed I had arrived at the first hurdle of a B-rank request.

But rather, I was grateful to him for caring so much about our party's lives.

What should I say to persuade him?

"Not stuff like that. Is there any part where you can say, 'It was overwhelming'? Like healing being overwhelmingly good, or the tanker's defense being overwhelmingly high. Things like that."

I hadn't wanted to say this because it would sound like boasting,

but if it's about a part that was overwhelming, there is one thing.

"...I won a contest of strength against a Twiit Scorpion. And I smashed its carapace in a single blow."

His crumpled expression unraveled.

He blinked both eyes.

"...Who did?"

"I did."

He maintained silence for a long time.

The receptionist next to him looked back and forth between me and the receptionist with his mouth slightly open.

Actually, I understand this reaction.

Even I, the person involved, was surprised.

The receptionist in front of me looked closely at my expression and let out a chuckle.

"Haha... You don't seem like you're lying..."

I also showed a smile. With the feeling of asking him to believe me.

He looked at me and stood up from his seat.

Then, gathering his belongings, he spoke to the receptionist sitting next to him.

"Say, Sansa-ssi, I'm going to step outside for a moment."

"Pardon?"

"Pardon?"

It wasn't only the receptionist called Sansa who was surprised.

I couldn't follow what was happening right now either.

What is this, I came to ask questions, get information, and receive advice, but where is he going?

"Hey, where are you going? What about me?"

"Stachys-ssi, follow me."

He grabbed his coat and belongings, spun around from his seat, and took the lead.

I didn't know what was going on, but I decided to do as he said.

I gave a slight nod to greet the receptionist named Sansa.

"Where are you going, Mr. Receptionist?"

"You'll know when you follow. And my name is Marshal."

With those words, the receptionist who introduced himself as Marshal silently headed somewhere.

The place we arrived at following him was the medical center.

This is a place where Vien often is when she doesn't enter the dungeon and when she doesn't meet me.

"...Medical center?"

"Follow me."

He opened the wooden door of the medical center and walked in without hesitation.

-Kkiik.

Upon entering, numerous people were lying on cloths spread across the floor, groaning in pain.

Also, many saintesses were taking turns caring for them and chanting prayers to heal them.

I had been here a few times, but every time I saw it, it was a gruesome sight.

Numerous people were wrapped in bandages, applying medicine, or lying down recovering their bodies.

Just as much, the saintesses and doctors were moving about busily.

It was the usual appearance of the medical center with no particularly major injured people.

Wonder if Vien is here too.

It wouldn't matter even if I met her.

Because I didn't come here alone, but came with this receptionist, Marshal.

If she asks why I'm here instead of meeting my girlfriend, I can just say I'm preparing for a B-rank request.

I looked all around the surroundings.

Vien's figure was not particularly visible.

"Receptionist... Marshal. Why did we come here?"

"Keep following me."

He led me and dragged me up to the second floor.

Slightly more luxurious hospital beds appeared compared to the first floor.

The patients weren't lying on cloths spread on the floor; here, they were at least lying on beds.

It was also quieter than the first floor.

Instead, the patients' conditions were serious.

Occasionally, patients missing hands, legs, or arms were also visible.

The reason it had to be quiet was also because most of the patients were injured so badly they couldn't even groan and were unconscious.

The people who came to visit them in the hospital were all unanimously silent.

I had always come to the medical center only to treat minor injuries, so I just found out for the first time today that a place like this existed.

"So a place like this existed."

Marshal nodded.

Then he glanced at me.

"Stachys-ssi. You came to find me today to get information or advice, right?"

"Yes, that's right."

"I don't know if you expected it, but every single patient here is a gatherer from C-rank parties."

...All of them?

"All of them?"

"Yes. And the vast majority of them are people who challenged B-rank."

He looked at the patients with a heavy heart.

Then he walked over to a woman who had lost one leg.

As he carefully placed his hand on the shoulder of the lying woman, she opened her eyes.

Seeing Marshal, she showed a weak smile.

"Ah... Marshal?"

"How are you feeling? Tisha."

Marshal worrying and the woman smiling as if to ease that worry.

"Much... better than at first... mhm..."

The woman started speaking, looked at her missing leg, swallowed her words once, and then,

"Much... more used to it."

she finished her sentence.

Marshal frowned at her answer.

"I'm sorry... Tisha. It's my fault."

"No. It's just that I... was... lacking."

Moisture filled the woman's voice as she continued speaking.

After clearing her throat once, she said to Marshal,

"Um.. Marshal. I want to be... alone for a little bit... could you step away for a moment? Haha, it's not like I can leave the spot myself."

Then she pointed to her missing leg.

"Ah. Understood. Rest well."

Marshal patted the woman's arm again, thuk-thuk, and straightened his waist.

Then he dragged me and started walking back toward the other side.

"...Hoo....."

Swallowing his saliva in silence for a long time as if holding back tears after leaving her, he spoke in a slightly trembling voice.

"...You saw them, right?"

Seeing someone right in front of me who failed the path I intend to take felt different.

That person's gatherer life must be over just like that.

Though she was a person completely unrelated to me, my heart ached for no reason.

"It certainly hits... a bit more realistically."

Marshal nodded.

"Right? Most parties only think about the rewards when everything goes according to plan, and don't think about when things don't go according to plan. So I wanted to show you at least once."

But even so, my mind did not change.

I said to Marshal,

"Injuries like this occasionally happen in C-rank too. It's a truly heartbreaking matter, but it's not new."

In the first place, injuries like that are something I'm already preparing for.

"It might not be new, but the probability of it happening is much higher in B-rank. Even though it's something that can happen not just to you, but to your party members?"

He turned around and looked at me.

A slight charisma was felt from his small stature.

That the ones lying in those hospital beds could be Vien, Rus, or Noona Lily?

"I know, but leave my party members out of this subject."

I felt a bit bad because it felt like he was needlessly shaking me by using them.

And I will make sure such a thing never happens.

I said to Marshal,

"I will succeed."

"Succeed?"

He looked around.

"Your tone sounds as if the people here failed."

"...?"

"Everyone here. They are all people who succeeded in B-rank requests. They succeeded, but they are people who barely succeeded. If you fail... you won't even find the corpse. Except in special cases."

Marshal came a bit closer to me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

It wasn't a strong force, but a sense of willpower seemed to be felt.

"Stachys-ssi... Succeeding in a mission is not enough. You must succeed perfectly so that you can continue that life the next time, and the time after that."

Worry clouded his eyes.

"Like I said earlier, I'm sick of... someone dying after taking a request I approved. I'm truly sick of it. Stachys-ssi seems like a really good person, but... if something like this happens, I think it'll be too hard for me. Really... I can trust you, right?"

Truth be told, I'm worried too. It's B-rank.

Now I'm getting close enough to be just one step behind my hyung.

That's how high and dangerous B-rank is.

I cannot be certain that I will succeed.

I'm not even sure if I can come back without getting hurt.

But if you consider all of that, you can't go.

As I kept talking about, unless he opposes it, I've decided.

Opening my mouth while looking at Marshal,

with a dignified appearance so that he could be reassured.

"Of course."

Inside the room, dark even though it was daytime with the curtains drawn.

I was tapping my fingers on the desk with a steady rhythm, thak. thak.

My head was complex.

Stachys had become so strong.

When I closed my eyes and imagined the scene, the shock was vivid.

When he swung his weapon and struck the ground, dust burst out,

and he suppressed the Twiit Scorpion with sheer force.

When a moment of crisis arose, he would appear before my eyes out of nowhere to protect me,

and amidst all that, he continuously gave out orders.

The upper C-rank requests that had always been difficult ended without any heart-dropping crises.

His back viewed from behind looked much wider.

Though I had acted a lot like a noona, like a mature person, it was enough to make me want to throw all that aside and lean on him.

However, this change, which normally would have made me purely happy, was initially so terribly jealousy-inducing.

Because even though he became so cool, he hadn't changed for my sake.

Did he get stronger because he got something to protect?

They say men get stronger when they have something to protect, is that it?

Ggadeuk.

I gnashed my teeth.

'What about me? I've been protecting him all this time too. Why didn't he change like this back then?'

A stifling feeling as if a stone was placed on my chest was felt.

Next came anger.

I wasn't angry about Stachys doing well, but rather at such rapid change.

What on earth could have changed him like that?

I had searched everywhere for food good for the body and places good for the body for his sake, but there had never been a change like this.

Because he had always said his dream was to follow his hyung, making his dream come true became my goal.

From the thought: if I act for him and, so to speak, support him behind the scenes, wouldn't he come to like me too?

That's why on days I didn't meet him, I would inquire around to find places good for the body, visit them, and make many plans.

If there was anything I regret now while doing all those things, it was drawing the line too much.

I shouldn't have done that.

After all my efforts, this kind of change appeared merely 3 weeks after he met that bitch Elzain, and only 1 week after they became a couple.

As if mocking my efforts.

Why.

Why on earth is everything losing out to that bitch Elzain?

What was different?

Lily thought she too had done her absolute best, so why did it turn out like this?

...What on earth did she do for him?

'My girlfriend ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠was delicious.'

Stachys's voice echoed in my head.

Kwak.

Fingernails deeply embedded into the desk.

I shook my head from side to side.

No. No.

He said "My girlfriend was delicious" was a slip of the tongue.

No matter how much I think about it, that level of progress is way too fast.

It must still be early.

They surely haven't had sexual relations yet.

Behind my hopeful desires, a gloomy, creepy desire also crept up.

...So I'm still... I'm not too late either. The Stachys Treaty was broken, after all.

I know that since he has a girlfriend, sexual relations are only a matter of time, but still, I couldn't let go of that single thread of hope that he hasn't had relations yet.

Just like herself, he has never had relations with anyone yet.

I had always dreamed sweet dreams of sharing our first experiences together with him.

Just like others, following the textbook route of holding hands first, locking arms, sharing our first kiss, and sharing our first experience.

But now there was no time.

Even if I skipped everything else, at the very least, I didn't want to give away that final first experience to anyone.

I couldn't stand by and watch Stachys do the most intimate act, done with the closest person, with someone other than me.

I could feel that dream drifting further and further away, but precisely because it was a dream, I couldn't easily give it up.

Even if it meant resorting to any and all means.

What should I do?

Should I go to him, confess my love truthfully, and offer my body?

Then would he accept me?

...No. He's not the kind of person to do that.

Doing something like that to someone who already has a partner,

if anything we'd only grow further apart; we wouldn't have relations.

Then should I get him drunk and ambush him?

...If only I could get him drunk, it might be possible, but right now even meeting him is difficult.

Then what about magic?

Sleep magic? The sleep magic I can do can only target small insignificant creatures.

On a person, it wouldn't catch, just ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠make them slightly drowsy.

Or else grant an even more comfortable deep sleep to someone already asleep.

.....Hypnotic magic?

It's high-level magic.

I don't know how to do it.

It was overwhelming and hopeless.

In the end, out of habit, I activated the magic cast on the clothes I gifted to Stachys.

Did he wear it today?

He accepted the gift with such a thankful and happy expression, but in truth, I had placed eavesdropping magic on it.

Seeing his face back then pricked my conscience, but I didn't scrap the plan because of that.

Always before activating the magic, I end up taking a deep breath.

It's preparing myself to get hurt.

I'm doing this to obtain advantageous information through conversation, but perhaps because I might end up hearing them all cozying up to each other as-is.

Hoo.. hoo..

I take a deep breath and concentrate my mind.

Uung...

The magic turns on.

Since it's magic that connects hearing to a distant place, it consumes a fair amount of mana, so I can't keep it on for long.

Especially the further away the distance gets, the more so.

-......

I waited for a long time, but no sound was heard.

Same as always.

It seemed like the clothes were still inside the box just ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠like that.

I clearly told him to take them out and keep them... these trivial parts make me feel sad.

Of course, whether he does it or not is his freedom... but since he talked with me, he should keep his word..

He might have just forgotten for a moment.

I would be happy just being able to hear what he does when he's home alone, but even this doesn't go well.

Ah. Or maybe he took them out and just didn't wear them.

Treating clothes preciously is fine, but it's still a gift.

Naturally, all these negative feelings also included frustration over my creepy, gloomy plan not flowing the way I wanted.

As I stayed like that for a long time,

Shuuk.

Mana runs out.

Not a single sound came through until the end.

Tears welled up for no reason.

Because I felt sad that I seemed to have grown distant from him.

And because I hated my creepy, gloomy self.

I'm not originally this kind of person either.

Still... I can't... stop.

Though my current appearance was pitiful, I moved again for the sake of my goal.

I wiped my tears and picked up a sheet of stationery.