Saying I have a girlfriend?
Saying I have a girlfriend?
"Ha, hyung, I'm exhausted."
I was meeting up with my older brother for the first time in a while, having a beer.
Sitting in a corner of the wakjajikkeol pub, I grabbed my head and spoke.
Though it wouldn't happen, I kept glancing hilkkeum-hilkkeum toward the pub door just in case I ran into them.
"What is it this time?"
At my grumbling, hyung leaned his upper body forward.
Hyung is 9 years older than me and the leader of an A-rank party.
He had plenty of social experience, and whenever I consulted him, he would give clear answers or teach me the mindset I should have, often setting my mind at ease.
He was one of my mental pillars.
"Is it because of those party kids again?"
"Who else could it be besides them?"
"Which party member is it this time?"
"...Just all three of them."
"...Hah."
But even when he offered solutions, our consultation didn't end.
It was like fighting a defensive battle; as soon as one worry vanished, another would pop up in its place, over and over.
And those worries always came from my party members.
It's a party I created.
Because I admired hyung, the leader of an A-rank party, I put together my own party as well, and as a result, I found three female party members and stayed together with that lineup for two years.
Forming the party had been two years, but knowing each other's faces before forming the party varied slightly, though it was longer than two years.
"I want to have some rest time."
"...? Then just take some."
"That's why I'm saying this, because it's hard."
"What on earth are you talking about? Drink some beer, organize what you want to say in your head, and then talk."
Hyung seemed unable to understand even though he wanted to listen to my worries seriously.
As he said, I downed my beer and thought about how to untangle these words.
Just thinking about those three made my chest feel stuffy.
"My party members. They can't bear to see me resting."
"What, inside the dungeon? Why, do they make you run errands?"
"No. You shouldn't make them do stuff like that inside a dungeon. If everyone doesn't take it seriously, it's a huge disaster."
If I kept running errands inside the dungeon and got drained of energy and couldn't pull my weight, the whole party would shake.
If they treated me like a slave like that, I would have cut ties already. Inside the dungeon, everyone did their part.
"There's no problem inside the dungeon."
"...Then? You mean outside the dungeon is the problem?"
"Yeah."
"What do they do?"
"Lately, they show up every single day off. Let's do this, let's do that, help me with this, let's go hang out, etc... They try to work me to the bone. Even though we used to hang out a few times back then, nowadays it's way too excessive."
"...?"
Hyung was frowning with a puzzled look on his face.
"So you're saying they show up on your days off and ask to play?"
"Yeah."
"So what, why is that a problem?"
"They come every single day... Assuming nobody got hurt, if we clear a dungeon for 2 days and rest for 5 days, they show up all 5 days of rest, you know? Taking turns."
"Tell them you want to rest."
Hyung, speaking so simply, looked annoying.
Right. To outsiders, that's obvious.
But if it was as easy as saying it, would I have consulted you?
But I didn't have the strength to talk back.
Because I was already too exhausted right now.
When I looked at him with a resigned gaze asking, 'Can't even hyung help me?', hyung stealthily avoided my eyes and spoke.
"Buuuut, since it's not easy, that's why you consulted me. Hmm. Why can't you refuse, what's the reason?"
I was annoyed, but seeing hyung watching my reaction made me feel sorry again.
Come to think of it, hyung was spending his own rest time for my sake.
Not only was he not spending a fun time, but I was only talking about gloomy stuff.
And yet hyung kept worrying for my sake.
"Tell me. Why can't you refuse when they ask to go out and play?"
"...Phew....... First of all, if I refuse, they pout."
"...They pout?"
Hyung's face clearly said he found it absurd. As if saying, 'Just that?'
"You might think it's just that, but hah... you have to see it. They pout severely. To the point where it interferes with dungeon runs. They won't answer, and if they do, they're sarcastic or snappy."
My body trembled bureureu. I recalled the days when all three of them—not just one or two—pouted.
That day was hell.
Whenever I said anything, it was like, 'Did you have time to invest in me?', or 'Don't talk to me and go rest a bit more, will you? You must be tired.' etc...
"If it's hard to make up with them when they pout, you just shouldn't make up with them."
"I told you! I'm telling you they pout severely! And hey! If you're a party leader too, you should know! If you don't resolve grievances, it gets hard later on. I want to do a good job, so I try to resolve things on the spot!"
"Alright, alright. I know, don't get mad. But what I'm saying is, if it's that hard, don't do it. Why go to such lengths when you're struggling? Just run dungeons a bit harder. Over time, they'll get over it on their own."
"If I don't resolve their pouting, they stay pouting continuously... They don't just get over it naturally. Later on, it becomes a real pain in the ass, I'm telling you... Ugh, hyung has to see them to understand. Even in life-or-death situations, they pout and won't answer. They even burst into tears later on. I mean, who in the world cries just because we didn't play for a single day?"
Hyung went, "Hmm...", staring blankly at me.
"Right. Well, you have your own situation too. You're right. I'd have to see them to know."
"Exactly."
"But do they pout because you keep refusing to play, or do they pout even if you refuse just once? If you kept refusing, anyone would be hurt, right?"
"...Of course they pout every single time I refuse. If not, I wouldn't even be worrying. If I refuse even just once, their expression turns truly savage... Ugh."
"Hmm... fascinating."
I rested my head against the table.
Other wakjajikkeol laughing customers were visible.
Drinking noisily, singing songs, throwing arms around each other's shoulders...
I wanted to laugh happily like that too.
"That's why I can't rest a single day these days. Since I can't refuse, they call me out without missing a single day now. Even when I try to subtly refuse by saying today's a bit tough, they spout nonsense like, 'Isn't that why we're asking to go out and play?'"
"Then how did you manage to come out today?"
"I begged them after saying I was meeting my older brother. I don't know what else they'll demand because of this later. Honestly, I just wanted to rest at home, but if I'm at home, they drag me outside no matter what. Rather than that, I decided to come see hyung, so I came. Seriously, why do I have to live like this?"
I kept grumbling.
"Please... I want to sleep to my heart's content for just one day. If one person drags me around playing until night and sends me off, I have to meet another party member starting the next morning at dawn. What is this nonsense?"
Hyung tapped his fingers on the table tuktuk and asked.
"You're still not thinking of breaking up the party?"
"...Hyung."
To become a high-ranking hunter, you have to stand out. Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is a D-rank or C-rank hunter; if rumors spread that a party has broken apart, you can consider your work dried up from then on.
Since hyung is a big corporation at A-rank, it's their own league so leaving and joining are free, but down here in C-rank and D-rank, it's not that easy. There are plenty of other C-rank and D-rank parties, and there's no reason to commission people who failed to stand out and gave up.
By my standards, I can't even change party members. There are three problematic party members. If I changed all the party members instead of just one, it would be natural for people to think that rather than the three having problems, I, the leader, was the problem.
So if I break up my party, this C-rank party, I can practically consider myself retired from this industry as a leader.
"No, I'm just curious why there's a reason to suffer to that extent. Because of them, you always come back carrying worries. Even if you're not running dungeons, there's plenty to do. From my perspective, I just want you not to do dangerous work."
I can't break up the party. Even if you ask why I keep doing this crap, I can't answer.
How can I say right to his face that it's because I wanted to be like hyung?
When I kept silent, hyung let out a sigh and asked.
"...Good grief. Fine, do as you like with your party."
Hyung downed his beer to the last drop.
"Coming back, Stachys, can hyung ask you one question?"
"...What is it?"
"Until now, whenever I heard stories about your party members, I thought they were just total bitches, but today something suspicious came up."
"...?"
What is this? Did he figure something out?
"It fits the situation so perfectly that I'm left wondering, 'Why didn't I think of this before?'. It even explains why they act that way."
"..."
After hesitating for a moment, hyung spoke.
"Isn't that just because they like you?"
Of all things to say...
Is he misunderstanding because my explanation was lacking?
I was also baffled.
"Oh come on. What kind of nonsense..."
"Why do you think it's not that?"
"Hyung, absolutely not."
"Why not? They just want to keep seeing you and go on dates, so they call you. And if you refuse, they pout."
Hyung already seemed to have made up his mind. Gone was the hyung who listened seriously, and he was even trying to smile kkumteulkkumteul.
I mustn't get swept away here.
If I couldn't accurately debunk this claim here, advice or whatever, I'd end up looking like a fool.
Hearing remarks like 'Why are you so dense?' and the like.
I calmed my excitement and spoke calmly.
"Hyung. I'm telling you, absolutely not."
"What's absolutely not? Sounds spot on to me."
"As embarrassing as it is, it's not like I haven't thought about it either."
"Oh, really?"
"You know it. I'm very interested in romance too."
"And?"
"But if you see how we hang out when we meet, it's definitely not that. If they're someone you love, you should praise them, go to places where you can both have fun, eat delicious things together, right? Your heart should go thump-thump too."
"Hmm. It differs from person to person, but yeah?"
"But if they liked me, they should be considerate of me a bit. If I say I'm tired, they should let me rest. Forget that, even when we meet they're snappy, only doing what they want to do and going where they want to go. Eating only what they want to eat. They just take me along to do things they want to do but are too embarrassed to do alone. While using me as a luggage carrier to boot."
"..."
"They keep drawing lines too. Who keeps drawing lines when they like someone? Do you do that, hyung?"
"What lines?"
"The line saying 'not as a romantic partner'. They keep drawing it. As if telling me never to cross it."
"...That's ambiguous."
"...Hah."
I felt like I was going to suffocate from frustration. He hasn't seen firsthand how I get dragged around, so of course he says things like that. Their behavior consisted only of things completely incomprehensible by my view of romance.
"I'm only like this because I really can't explain it well, hyung needs to see it for himself, hah."
"Try emptying your head once more and observe again. My words might be right, you know."
"Hyung. But, it's definitely not. Even if, by a one-in-ten-thousand chance, they genuinely liked me, what does that have to do with me? If that was their way of expressing affection—well, it's not, but anyway, if that was their method of expressing affection—I have no intention of getting together with people who express it that way."
"Hmm? That's true, isn't it?"
I clenched my fist tightly in my heart. Yes, finally he's taking my side.
"If they're people who keep acting like that even after becoming lovers, I'll just suffer more. I'm a total pure-love fanatic, so I like love where only nice words are said. Do you want me to suffer, hyung?"
"Aish. Of course not, you're my younger brother."
"Right? But because of kids who aren't even gonna be my lovers, my rest time keeps getting stolen, does this make any sense?"
I thought I had persuaded hyung, but hyung's smile showed no signs of disappearing.
Feeling strange yet, hyung eventually told me the solution.
"There's a limit to playing with friends. This is too much."
"Stachys, my cute little brother. So you're saying they don't like you?"
"I'm telling you they don't!"
"Absolutely?"
"Absolutely."
When I said it firmly, he chuckled kukkuk.
"Even if, just in case, they had feelings for you, you have no intention of working out with them?"
"None."
"And you want to have a bit of rest time?"
"Yeah. Make some rest time for me. What should I do?"
Hyung looked at my face like that, scratched his head beokbeok, and whispered quietly.
"...Damn it, fine, you'll figure out the aftermath yourself."
"...?"
"Stachys. Then try this."
"Yeah, hyung."
Hyung spoke without any playfulness.
"Tell them you got a girlfriend."