Just to the Entrance
Frost clung in patches to Cha Seeun’s voice as she asked if I had lost my mind.
She was definitely pissed.
While I stood there wondering why—why the target of it had to be me—
“Huh.”
Cha Seeun seized my wrist in a sudden grip.
At some point the light had changed, and she pulled me across the crosswalk with it.
The destination needed no question; the pharmacy across the street was obvious.
Ding.
She sat me down in a corner, exchanged a few words with the pharmacist, paid for several items, and settled opposite me.
“Seeun. I’m fine, really.”
“Shut up.”
Her reply was ice.
The air itself seemed to close around my throat.
It was the same face I always saw, yet the carefully blank expression she wore now turned my stomach.
I had no idea how to soothe her anger. Not a single thought came.
“I’m not listening to any nonsense, so stay still.”
Cha Seeun scrubbed my fingertips roughly clean, then squeezed burn ointment onto them with the clear intent of emptying the entire tube.
She went on to wrap bandages around even the uninjured knuckles, then tossed the empty box at me.
“You. Why did you do that.”
“…Do what?”
“What I’m asking right now is…!”
Her rarely raised voice stabbed my ears. Startled, I stopped reaching for the trash and rested both hands on my knees.
Cha Seeun forced the volume back down and asked again.
“Why did you step in and do something you didn’t have to.”
She pressed her fingers irritably to her forehead. The fact that she did not bring that vein-ridged palm down on me was the full measure of her patience.
“Are you insane? Snatching a stranger’s cigarette and stuffing it in your pocket?”
Well, the person who made the trash ought to take it away—that was what I had thought.
“And why put the cigarette out like that?”
I just wanted it gone quickly. Only now did I notice the sting.
“Even if it wasn’t him, those kinds of people are everywhere. Are you going to pick a fight every time you meet one?”
“No.”
“Or did you think I’d praise you for being cool?”
“Not that either.”
I had stepped forward because something inside me flared up. There had been no calculation at all.
If the lunatic had charged, I had planned to shove him aside and run—but that was all.
“Then why.”
She pressed the question again, and I thought it over carefully.
People can get drunk. People can smoke.
I would not deny there are more suitable places for it, yet if one were inclined to look the other way, it could be overlooked.
Only not when Cha Seeun was standing next to me.
“Actually, I don’t really understand why you’re angry, Seeun.”
“What?”
“Conversely—why are you the one treating my hand?”
It was the same thing. I was the one who had been hurt, yet she was treating me. She was the one who had been offended, yet I was the one who had stepped in.
I lifted my head and looked at her.
Manner, atmosphere, clothes, speech—everything about her had always seemed rational. Yet here her irrationality stood out with particular clarity.
“If you wanted me not to step in back there, you should have taken me and left.”
“What?”
“That guy was blowing smoke right at you, Seeun. Did you really think I would just sit there and take it?”
She could not possibly be unaware of the way I tended to jump out when things went wrong.
No rebuttal came to the obvious fact.
It was true I had stepped forward because she was there—but it was also true that her presence was the only reason I had held back as much as I did. She must have realized that too.
I scratched absently at the tightly wound bandages and spoke.
“I confessed that I like you, didn’t I.”
Silence settled for a moment.
In that awkward stretch of time I discovered that thinking and speaking at once was far harder than I had expected.
Still, I kept my eyes averted from anything that might reflect my face and continued.
“Believe it or not, I like you. So how am I supposed to just stay still.”
“….”
Cha Seeun said nothing for a long while—long enough for the heat that had risen in my face to cool again without her touch.
I scratched my head under the gaze of those unreadable eyes.
Am I getting kicked out?
She had fed me an expensive meal, only for me to road-rage at a passerby. Then I had tactlessly repeated the confession she had once laughed off.
She had already been reluctant to let a man into her home; worse, my nightly seizures meant she could not even leave me alone to sleep.
People as bothersome as me had to be rare.
Now she had a perfect pretext. If she threw me out, the only option left would be to cling.
“Uh… that is…”
Maybe I should just beg on my knees?
While I was chewing over past regrets, Cha Seeun rose, cleared away the trash, and walked out of the pharmacy.
I followed the silent figure at a careful distance, watching her mood.
I should kneel… right?
Pride?
That had been discarded the moment I called her for help.
Even so, it was my fault for saying every last thing that should and should not have been said. Especially since, if I were thrown out right now, I would be the only one to lose.
What did right or wrong even matter.
I was timing the perfect moment for a full prostration when Cha Seeun suddenly stopped and turned.
“Shin Ian.”
My name on her lips. My heart clenched hard.
“Hand.”
“…Yes?”
She held out her palm as if demanding something.
I had no idea what she meant and simply stared, then carefully placed my hand in hers.
She pulled me closer and took hold of it as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
“Uh—uh. Uh?”
“If you open your mouth—”
I gave our joined hands a weak shake, still unable to believe it.
Her claim of running hot was no lie. The body heat I felt the moment we drew close was especially fierce today.
“Wow…”
“Don’t make stupid sounds. And don’t do stupid things either.”
Even though I was staring at her from right beside her, she ignored me and walked on briskly.
“Because when you’re next to me, I get heated.”
“So that’s why your hand is so warm—”
Crunch.
The crushing grip shut my mouth at once.
I had woken early, excited for my first day of work, only to find the dawn still pitch-black. Shivering, I had crawled back into bed and fallen asleep again beside Cha Seeun.
The morning that finally began with oversleeping was nothing like what I had expected.
“Um, Seeun.”
“What.”
She was in a suit again today, no tie. As she adjusted the fabric that pulled tight across her chest from the neatly fastened buttons, she turned her head.
“Look away.”
“Yes.”
I obeyed, and my breath caught.
We were shipwrecked in the middle of a completely jammed road—there was no mistaking it.
This place was a graveyard of cars whose engines alone still ran. They would live out their days as used vehicles that never once exceeded five kilometers an hour.
A communal cemetery for things that refused to rot, perhaps.
“But is the commute always like this?”
“It’s late because of you.”
“This—this. Everyone drives, so maybe I should lead a boycott of private cars.”
“Because you woke up late.”
Faced with her relentless insistence on assigning blame, I simply stared out the window.
Was this choked road really my fault?
The car would inch forward only to stop again; after a long halt it would take a single step.
It felt less like driving than like tedious, repetitive labor.
“Everyone lives so hard.”
“You just realized that?”
“I should live a little harder myself.”
I let out a long sigh, and a horn blared from behind. Cha Seeun stepped on the accelerator a beat late and tapped the steering wheel.
“No. Just live the way you are.”
“That tone is a little… what does that mean?”
“I can support one of you.”
This time I could not even manage a stupid remark.
Cha Seeun’s expression did not change. She spoke with the same indifference she might use to announce the day’s menu.
“Ah, that…”
I made a weak sound and asked a beat late.
“Is that… a confession? Let’s live together forever?”
“Get out.”
“No, it is!”
Her fingers tightened on the wheel until the knuckles went white.
It was Cha Seeun’s habit: when she was embarrassed and pretending not to be, her speech turned vicious.
“So—do you hate it?”
But I was no better at pushing back. Just as I pretended not to notice the faint flush at her ears visible through the black bob of her hair.
“I like it. Then I’ll try harder too. I’ll live even more like trash so that no one but you can handle me, Seeun.”
“How do stupid words keep coming out of you nonstop.”
After the sharp scolding, the cars ahead suddenly poured forward.
Before long we were racing between glittering buildings into the heart of the city, heading straight for a massive structure whose glass walls mirrored the sky perfectly.
“Whoa…”
My mouth fell open without my noticing.
“Is it that one?”
“Yeah.”
I got out of the car and straightened my back for no particular reason.
“Ahem.”
Jeans and sneakers. Fortunately the outfit did not stand out too badly among the surrounding office workers.
“First time in a place like this— is it okay to dress like this?”
“What’s wrong with it.”
I fell into step beside Cha Seeun as she walked ahead without concern.
“Seeun. I’m nervous—can you do that one more time?”
“Do what.”
I carefully held out my hand.
“Hand.”
A sudden murderous aura made my shoulders tremble.
Thud.
Cha Seeun stopped and looked back and forth between my outstretched hand and my face.
“Are you crazy?”
“Lately your words to me have gotten a little harsh.”
She was silent for a moment. Her lips worked as she clearly swallowed something vicious.
Then she let out a short sigh that sounded almost like a lament and pushed my arm down.
She stared at my hand for a long time before finally wrapping only her index finger around mine.
Then she bit her lip and whispered in a voice too small to carry.
“Just until the entrance.”