Chapter 118
Choi Jonghyeon confirmed that Kim Jeongu was still sleeping deeply, then stepped back out onto the balcony. Clutching Kim Jeongu's phone, he paced about at a loss. Now and then, unable to contain his rage, he bellowed into the empty air. He seemed to be barely restraining himself from calling the editor-in-chief right away to lodge a complaint. He kept pulling up the editor-in-chief's number on his own phone, only to delete it over and over.
"I've always wondered why Jeongu keeps failing the promotion exam." He grimaced in anguish, sweeping back his matted hair. "I even chewed him out repeatedly for not studying properly—how much he must have resented me for that. Ha, I never dreamed he was under this kind of pressure because of me."
"He probably didn't say it on purpose."
"Yeah, that's probably it. Jeongu knew how all-in I was on digging into Wooshin and Lee Jeongchan..."
"Does Kim Jeongu have any colleagues he might have opened up to?"
At my question, Choi Jonghyeon nodded slowly. "He's close with Se-yeon. Same intake class. That's what makes it even more baffling. Se-yeon's been a full reporter for over two years now, but Jeongu keeps striking out every time."
"You mean Yun Se-yeon?"
"Yes."
I hadn't realized they were in the same class. In any organization, intake classmates are the ideal people to confide worries in. Sudden suicides do happen, but signs usually show beforehand. Given his family history, he probably hadn't told his parents. Even Choi Jonghyeon, his closest ally at Iljungilbo, had no clue. So Yun Se-yeon seemed likely.
I called her.
"Early morning call, huh. What if I'd been sleeping?"
She picked up sharply, as expected, before the rings could drag on.
"I have something to ask, so I called."
"Speak."
"Weren't you out of touch with Senior Choi yesterday? He said he got hold of you?"
"No, we connected. This time, I'm calling about Kim Jeongu."
"You sure have a lot of questions about our reporters. Kim Jeongu... For stuff about Oppa Jeongu, you'd be better off asking Senior Choi?"
"That's why I thought to ask you, Yun."
"What is it?"
I couldn't explain the full situation to her. She'd guess anyway from my direct question. Straight to the point.
"Has Kim Jeongu ever seemed distressed, or talked about wanting to die?"
"...What's going on with Oppa Jeongu?"
Her voice sank in an instant.
"No, not yet."
"Not yet? What does that mean?"
"Just answer first. It's urgent."
"...He says it's hard as often as eating rice. Same for me."
She fell silent for a while, perhaps reminiscing.
"About three months ago, maybe. He asked which suicide method seemed the scariest..."
"But that could've just been idle talk from some suicide story."
"So, what did he say?"
"Switzerland euthanasia seems the least painful."
Not a method Kim Jeongu would pick. In my previous life, I'd never heard of him going to Switzerland.
"Just wondering what dying feels like, if it'd burden people around... Oh! He said if he died, no condolence money needed. No chief mourner anyway. So I told him to have lots if I died. Just... a joke."
"Anything more?"
"He talked about quitting too. But all just everyday talk anyone could say, and he hasn't since. And Oppa Jeongu's so upbeat..."
Yun Se-yeon seemed to catch the oddities as she spoke, her confidence fading into trailing off.
"What's really going on with Oppa Jeongu? Lawyer, is it serious? He didn't... suicide, did he?"
"No. If anything happens, I'll consult Senior Choi first."
"...Yes, please. But if there's something, I want to help too. Tell me."
"Will do."
I wrapped up the call with Yun Se-yeon. Then I shared the conversation with Choi Jonghyeon.
"I really had no idea. He never said anything like that to me... We've talked about death, but it was always me starting it, worrying we'd drop dead digging into Wooshin."
He seemed gripped by guilt, blaming himself for failing to look after the heart of the person closest to him.
"We have to stop it."
"..."
"Talk to Kim Jeongu and block the zolpidem overdoses first. The side effects are severe. And for now, until better options come up, it might be best if you stick together."
"Let's do that. But staying together—will it actually help Jeongu...? I'm worried he'll just hide it from me more and get worse."
"The zolpidem addiction is the most critical issue anyway. We need to keep watch until that's resolved."
It wasn't a brilliant plan. But it was the only thing I could think of right now. At least if they stuck close, we could prevent him doctor-shopping multiple psych clinics.
As far as I knew, zolpidem's max recommended dose was 10mg—going higher didn't boost sleep treatment effects. If Kim Jeongu cited insomnia, there were plenty of ways to shut that down.
"Ah, on weekdays, you should go to the hospital together. He probably hasn't told the doctor about the addiction. Let them know and look into solutions."
A psych visit might at least get him anti-suicide impulse meds. Choi Jonghyeon nodded with a troubled expression. I couldn't fix his already shattered family life, but there might be a way to ease the pressure from the editor-in-chief. Reducing one major stressor could help him improve. Pure hope on my part, of course.
Kim Jeongu didn't wake until 1 p.m. He'd gone to bed in the late wee hours, so it wasn't just the meds stretching his sleep excessively. Plus, zolpidem's effects wore off after four hours—it wasn't meant for sustaining sleep.
"I slept way too late, huh?"
Kim Jeongu grinned sheepishly at Choi Jonghyeon and me.
"Hurry and wash up. Food's here. I'm starving, man."
"Got it."
For the guy who'd downed three bottles of soju yesterday, I ordered hangover soup delivery. I had no idea if he remembered his nighttime antics, but he devoured it heartily.
Choi Jonghyeon, by contrast, barely touched his and set down his chopsticks. Kim Jeongu even eyed him curiously after polishing off his bowl.
"Why aren't you eating?"
Choi Jonghyeon glanced at Kim Jeongu's empty bowl. Then, as if he couldn't wait any longer, he shot me a look. We'd planned to talk after eating, not before digestion even kicked in. With no choice, I nodded.
"Jeongu. Got anything to tell me?"
"Tell you? Nope?"
Utterly baffled, Kim Jeongu carried his plastic container to the sink and rinsed it out.
Choi Jonghyeon sighed. "Didn't mean to see it, but before you woke, I spotted it by chance while sorting the trash bags."
At his words, Kim Jeongu's shoulders twitched once.
"Why're you taking so many antidepressants?"
Kim Jeongu turned to him. His eyes trembled fiercely.
"Even I know, with zero knowledge, that eight packs a day makes no sense. Don't say it's not yours. It's not mine either, and we checked with Cha lawyer."
His firm tone drew a sigh from Kim Jeongu. He sat back down across the table.
"Even eight Stilnox pills. That's zolpidem, right? Looked it up—max 10mg a day, don't exceed, narcotic properties plastered all over the internet. What the hell's going on?"
It sounded scolding, but affection bled through. Kim Jeongu seemed to sense it; he didn't push back. Head bowed, he just bit his lip.
"Not gonna tell me?"
"..."
"You know I'm aware you're dealing with side effects, right?"
Choi Jonghyeon's voice grew more agitated. "You know you chugged three bottles of soju at dawn? A lightweight who taps out at one and a half..."
He couldn't continue. Sobs choked his breath. His clenched fist trembled, and tears finally welled up.
"How'd this happen, man...? Why didn't you tell me until it got this bad? Since when?!"
As Choi Jonghyeon wailed, Kim Jeongu's eyes reddened too.
Kim Jeongu worked his lips as if to speak, hesitated repeatedly, then finally spoke cautiously, resolve hardening.
"...About a year."
"A year? You've been popping eight zolpidem a day for a year?"
Choi Jonghyeon gaped in horror, lifting his tear-streaked face.
"No, no... Not that. It's only been about three months at this dosage..."
"Why? What's the problem...? Tell me. If I can help—"
"No. It's personal. Family stuff. Really personal... And unsolvable."
Then he laid it out simply: his father beating him and his mother since childhood, his mother's schizophrenia and depression.
"Mom's living with my sister now. I know it's hard on her alone, but I just... couldn't take it anymore..."
In the texts on his phone, his mother had called him her "one and only child." Since we'd confirmed the truth via messages anyway, no need for my ability—but maybe I should've used it. I'd decided not to mention checking his texts.
"Does your mother look for you?"
I asked indirectly. Kim Jeongu glanced up at me.
"...Yeah. She thinks my sister got beaten to death by Dad. Thinks I'm a killer Dad hired. Ridiculous, but it's delusions from the schizophrenia."
"Aigoo..."
Choi Jonghyeon sighed deeply. If she saw her caregiving son that way, even she must struggle to hold on.
"Sis has it rough too. But she knows about me, so she handles it on her end as best she can. I feel so guilty."
Kim Jeongu gave a faint smile. Choi Jonghyeon let out a long sigh and gripped his hand tight.
"Why didn't you say anything, you idiot? I had no clue..."
"Why would I? Just make things awkward. Didn't want to worry you either..."
His voice trailed softer. Hesitating a moment, he added cautiously, "Actually, when I first joined, I lied—said I grew up in a normal family. Kinda hard to backtrack later. One lie breeds another..."
Kim Jeongu pulled a tissue from the table box and handed it to Choi Jonghyeon. Forcing a bright smile, he said, "That's the whole story. Shall we talk about something else? Haha... Ah, gotta hit the bathroom quick."
Kim Jeongu seemed eager to dodge the moment. He fled to the bathroom, and Choi Jonghyeon wiped his tears, turning to me.
"Cha lawyer. Looks like he's not gonna bring up the editor-in-chief thing after all..."