The Antlion's Pit
Sun Quan rose from her seat only to freeze mid-motion. "If that's the case, we must move at once... ugh."
She seemed to have felt her body growing uncomfortable again. Bewilderment flickered across her face. She must have suddenly remembered what happened in last night's dream. Yet the dire reality left no room for sentimental reflection. Instead of lingering on that hazy boundary between dream and waking, she turned her attention to rousing the still-sleeping soldiers.
"The enemy is coming! Wake up...!" she called, moving among the troops and shaking them awake while conducting a hasty roll call. Before long she returned, her expression noticeably darker than when she'd left.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Two are missing."
Their bedrolls remained exactly where they'd been left. She offered me a bitter smile as she explained.
"Such things are common in chaotic times. Men gather when you win, scatter when you lose. A mere handful of deserters isn't worth worrying over."
"...I suppose you're right."
Sun Quan was desperately trying to fill the void Ju Tae had left. It wasn't going well. The soldiers' morale had plummeted to a level unimaginable from when Ju Tae was still with us. They looked utterly unmotivated. Though they made an effort to obey, they clearly struggled to entrust their lives to a commander both younger and less experienced than themselves. Sun Quan understood this better than anyone. My attempt at comfort did little to brighten her face.
"More importantly, we should move quickly. If we linger like this, the enemy will be upon us soon."
Unlike our previous desperate breakthrough attempt, Sun Quan's forces had already ceased to function as a coherent army. If caught now, it would be the end. We needed to slip away before the enemy's grasp could close around us.
"You're right... Very well. We move at once. Everyone, march quickly so the enemy cannot snap at our heels!"
We set out without even a proper meal and fled until the sun dipped beneath the horizon. Sun Quan hid her disappointment behind a mask of forced cheerfulness as she led the troops onward. Fortunately we encountered almost no fighting during our flight. By sunset we had completely shaken off Ye Gwan's army. Yet the situation continued to deteriorate.
"All right. We'll stop here for the night and rest."
When we found a suitable hiding place at dusk and called a halt, Sun Quan looked back at the soldiers trailing behind her and let out a quiet sigh.
"...We've shrunk again."
More men had slipped away during the retreat. By the time we counted heads at sunset, three had vanished. The soldiers sitting in a circle, silently chewing their dry rations, wore grim expressions.
"You've all endured much. Tomorrow will be another grueling march, but if we press on just a little farther..."
"Can we actually escape? How?"
A soldier suddenly cut her off with a sharp tone while she was trying to lift their spirits. The informal exchange between commander and troops wasn't new; I'd seen it under Ju Tae. But this time there was no trace of camaraderie in the soldier's voice, only thorns.
"That... well..."
Sun Quan's response was equally different. Put on the spot for a concrete plan, she stammered and could offer no decisive answer. Even Ju Tae might have struggled to find a brilliant solution in such absolute disadvantage, so perhaps it was too harsh to blame her. Still, the contrast was unmistakable: Ju Tae could silence dissent with a single commanding word, while Sun Quan faltered and fumbled.
Ju Tae had always given the impression that following her would somehow work out. Sun Quan offered neither direction nor reassurance. For soldiers already resigned to death, her uncertainty was inevitably terrifying.
The drug's power had its limits too. It could only clear the mind and elevate the mood. It could not create what did not exist.
"Should we hang one or two as an example?" I suggested.
"No. This is my fault. I can't do that..."
If she had at least rebuked them for insubordination, it might have helped. But kind-hearted Sun Quan could only blame her own inadequacy. In peacetime such gentleness might have been seen as virtuous. In war it merely marked her as an indecisive commander. The soldiers' continued desertions were, in that sense, inevitable.
Before the next dawn, five more men fled. The trickle of desertions continued without pause. By the time we finished the day's march and sat down to eat, only a pitiful handful remained.
"Would you like more?" I asked, offering her another bowl.
Sun Quan shook her head. She claimed she could not eat, neither physically nor mentally. Yet I had no intention of withdrawing the bowl regardless of her protests.
"You should still eat. A full stomach is necessary if you wish to plan for what comes next."
"...What comes next, huh."
She smiled self-mockingly. Only the two of us remained. The last few soldiers had slipped away during the day. Sun Quan seemed to have expected as much. Once she confirmed no one else was coming, she declared that since we'd been discovered anyway, we might as well eat properly. She suggested building a fire. I followed her instructions, constructing a small stove, lighting it, and boiling the remaining meat scraps into a thin porridge. Most of it ended up in my stomach after she claimed to have no appetite.
What I offered her now was the portion I'd set aside for her. I kept urging her to eat, reminding her we needed strength for tomorrow's march. She continued to refuse.
"Xiang Yu had the chance to cross the Wu River, yet he chose death because he could not face the families of the soldiers who had followed him."
Even the man who had once pacified the world found himself powerless once fortune turned against him. After falling into Liu Bang's famous Ten-Sided Ambush and losing the bulk of his army, he fled alone to the Wu River. When the boatman offered him passage to plan for the future, Xiang Yu smiled bitterly and said he lacked the face to return alone to the families of those who had died following him.
Sun Quan's situation must have reminded her of that tale.
"I know the story as well," I replied. "When only twenty-eight cavalrymen remained, Xiang Yu broke through the Ten-Sided Ambush several times to prove that his defeat came not from lack of strength but because Heaven had withdrawn its mandate. Only after displaying his valor did he choose death. If you wish to decorate tomorrow with such an ending, Lord Sun Quan, I won't stop you. But even that requires strength."
I held out the bowl once more.
"So eat."
"...All right."
With a bitter smile, Sun Quan accepted the bowl and began eating slowly. I watched her with quiet satisfaction for a moment before starting to clean the dishes. She chuckled at the sight.
"Why bother cleaning that?"
"If I don't wash it now, the food will stick and make it harder later."
"No, that's not what I meant."
She started to say more, then fell silent, sinking into deep thought. The silence lasted roughly the time it takes for one incense stick to burn. After I finished cleaning, I was about to suggest she get some sleep when she finally spoke.
"Do you still have that medicine?"
"Yes. One dose remains."
"Give it to me. I'll take it before sleeping tonight."
Since I'd intended to administer it anyway, I had no reason to hesitate. I handed her the Five Stone Powder. With movements that had grown familiar, she consumed it and immediately began pacing about the campsite. I didn't understand her sudden burst of motivation, but it wasn't a bad development for me. I walked beside her to help her work the poison through her system. Once the effects took hold, I laid her down with practiced ease and began toying with her body as usual.
"Mmm..."