A Gentle Death Sentence
After a long day had passed, the following afternoon arrived.
A dull thud rattled the thin front door.
Thunk, thunk.
"Huh? What is it? A delivery? Honey, did you order something?"
Min-a, who had been sitting on the living room sofa watching television, ran toward the front door.
"Ah! I- I'll get it!!"
Seong-jun, just coming out of the studio, was a step too late.
Min-a came back inside holding a black-taped envelope.
A cold sweat ran down Seong-jun's spine.
It was the very thing he had ordered on impulse in the middle of the night yesterday.
They're really quick, the fucking bastards...
He had no choice but to curse the diligence of his regular shopping site again.
"Uh... I'll handle that. Just wait a second..."
Seong-jun reached out in alarm, but Min-a's hand was faster.
She stood by the entrance and peeled off the tape with practiced ease.
Riiip.
The box opened.
A clear plastic case.
Inside it lay coiled a flesh-colored giant shaft, its veins and wrinkles grotesquely detailed.
The hideous object in Min-a's hand was too jarringly out of place in the calm afternoon living room.
"......"
Min-a's eyes widened.
It was a rather violent visual for first thing in the morning.
Seong-jun couldn't bear to look straight at it and pressed a hand to his forehead.
"Th-that... haa..."
This was a situation he couldn't hide or explain away.
While he racked his brain for something to say, Min-a's expression changed first.
Her confusion lasted only an instant, and before long a mischievous smile spread across her face.
She looked like a mother watching an immature son, or a wife fondly indulging a husband with a bizarre hobby.
"There, there... here you go."
Min-a handed the box over as if nothing were strange at all. Seong-jun took it awkwardly and managed a stiff smile.
"Uh... well, I heard some new technology had been applied to these. They call it real skin or something... so I was curious."
It was a lie.
He couldn't bring himself to admit the stupid truth, that he had bought the same thing again.
"Oh, reeeally?"
Min-a lowered her head and looked up at him with a grin. The pure, unmalicious playfulness in her face kept poking at Seong-jun's conscience.
"It's okay. I don't give you grief about buying this stuff, do I?"
At her generosity, Seong-jun gave a bitter smile.
He had always hidden the roleplay toys, including the extension condom, from Min-a.
If she saw the props with her own eyes, it would obviously wreck the immersion.
But judging from her reaction, it seemed that had never mattered much to begin with.
"Sigh... still, I should stop buying them. I keep doing it without even realizing."
Seong-jun scratched the back of his head, embarrassed.
"Then how about something like a robot instead? You used to put together a lot of those, remember? Pretty useful, right?"
Min-a had no intention of putting a stop to her husband's hobbies. If anything, she encouraged them more.
"The house is small enough as it is... and it's fine. You play games too."
Seong-jun's gaze slid to the game console beside the TV in the living room. Min-a's eyes followed naturally.
"I play that with you, too."
Two controllers were lined up in the charging dock beside the main unit.
One of them looked so clean it seemed as though it had never been used.
That's not exactly playing together...
Seong-jun swallowed the complaint rising to his throat.
"I'm fine with you having hobbies where you do things on your own."
Before he knew it, Min-a was right up in front of him.
She tapped the sleeve box in his hand and added with a teasing tone, "Though this is a little hard to collect, isn't it? It's not like you can really put it on display anywhere."
With a giggle, Min-a turned away.
Min-a's consideration... that was the force that moved Seong-jun's daily life.
Roleplay, games, everything was built on her generosity.
But sometimes...
The new weapon suddenly in his hand gave him some baseless confidence.
Seong-jun moved behind Min-a and hugged her tightly.
"Hehe, honey..."
At Seong-jun's sudden embrace, Min-a's body trembled pleasantly.
She overlapped her arms over his and savored his warmth.
Min-a was the kind of person who could gauge her husband's affection just from the strength of a hug.
The warmth radiating from Seong-jun's back was hot.
A happy smile spread across Min-a's face.
"Ahem... do you have any plans today?"
Seong-jun asked even though he knew there weren't any, too embarrassed to get to the point outright.
"Hmm... today I was going to clean the living room and the bathroom, and maybe work out a little this afternoon. Why?"
As she listed off her schedule, Min-a's voice was full of anticipation.
Seong-jun buried his nose in her pale nape, kissed her lightly, and whispered, "How about a date for the first time in a while? Let's eat something good."
Min-a reacted instantly.
She spun around to face him, her eyes sparkling like a cartoon character's.
"Woooow! Reallyyy?? Yes, yes, yes!"
Min-a flung herself onto Seong-jun's neck without restraint.
Choking a little, Seong-jun still wrapped his arms firmly around her waist.
She peppered his lips and cheeks with kisses loud enough to smack, then started dancing in place with excitement.
"What should we eat? Where should we go? Ah! Search, search!"
She dashed to the sofa like a bullet and grabbed her phone.
Seong-jun sat down beside her with a satisfied smile.
For a long time, Min-a chattered happily about restaurants, newly opened cafes, and walking trails.
Seong-jun just nodded along with "Yeah," "That sounds good," and "Let's go there."
By the time twenty different shop names had spilled from Min-a's mouth, Seong-jun finally brought up his real intention.
"You have to make a reservation here in advance. I'll set it up now, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. Ahem... and, uh. After we eat... the motel... too..."
Seong-jun deliberately stumbled over his words while staring at the empty air.
Min-a's fingers, tapping at her phone, stopped.
Her eyes narrowed into a sly look.
"Heh-heh~~ So that's what you had in mind?"
"No, it's not really a scheme or anything..."
Min-a pinched his side lightly, not enough to hurt, as he tried to play dumb.
"Planning to stuff me full before you eat me up?"
"Well, you eat too, you know. Haha."
Seong-jun tossed the joke back at her and casually lifted the sleeve box he had set on the table.
"Shouldn't the new mister get a taste too?"
Seong-jun slyly introduced the cameo he had accidentally revealed to the actor.
Min-a set down her phone for a moment and folded her arms. She pouted, looked up at the ceiling, and pretended to think it over.
Then she looked at Seong-jun and spoke carefully.
"I'd like that too, but... can we just do it at home today?"
"Uh... um... why? You don't want the motel?"
Seong-jun was slightly taken aback by Min-a's unexpected reaction.
It wasn't a refusal, but it was surprising all the same.
"Let's use our bed. We paid a lot for it. You said you'd use it a lot."
Min-a pointed toward the bedroom and whined softly.
It was the top-of-the-line mattress Seong-jun had forced their budget to stretch for. Back then, he had thought they would roll around on it forever.
If he had known it would come to this in just one year, he should have listened to Min-a.
But now, for Seong-jun, home was only a place of ordinary life, not a stage for departure from it.
"Aren't you going to use this? We said no using it at home."
Seong-jun shook the sleeve box again.
Ahjussi roleplay only at the motel.
It was partly because of the setup and the staging, but more than anything, he needed at least some trace of unfamiliarity.
"Mmm..."
Min-a looked troubled.
For her, this had been a kind of consideration, an attempt to allow her husband's tastes inside the ordinary space of their home.
But saying that out loud was still embarrassing for her.
"Fine! Then, today..."
Min-a stretched the ending out without finishing her sentence.
"Alright! Fine, then today we'll do it at home!"
Min-a sprang to her feet and pointed at the sleeve box with her index finger.
"......"
Seong-jun's expression stiffened slightly.
Min-a nodded brightly, as if the decision had already been made.
Seong-jun said urgently, "At home... are you sure? You used to say you hated it because it was embarrassing at home."
He was shamelessly using Min-a as his excuse.
"I think... it's okay. Hehe. If that's what you want, honey."
Thinking this must be his consideration for her, Min-a looked at him with even more loving eyes.
Seong-jun wanted to drag her to the motel no matter what. At home, he simply had no confidence he could become the Ahjussi.
"No... the bed might get wet and all. That... we use a lot of lube."
"We can wash it. The machine does the laundry anyway. Don't worry."
"It might smell like cigarettes..."
"Hmm... we'll ventilate well and spray some deodorizer. I'll clean everything."
Seong-jun's excuses grew more and more pathetic, and Min-a blocked each one like a wall.
At last, Seong-jun pulled out his final card.
"Are you really okay with the Ahjussi coming to our house?"
He was asking whether it was fine to bring another person into their most private space.
"It's fineee."
Min-a answered without a single second of hesitation.
"......"
It's not that it's fine. She just doesn't think of him as the Ahjussi.
As Seong-jun kept fumbling and going on about the motel, Min-a grew a little sullen.
"Hng... I thought you'd be happy. If we do it at home, we save money too, and it's easier..."
"No... it's not that I hate it."
Seong-jun waved his hands in panic. He had no defense against that expression of hers.
"You do hate it, then."
Min-a pouted.
As Seong-jun looked helpless and flustered, Min-a's expression softened a little.
To reassure him, she smiled with the most tender, radiant smile in the world and said, "I'm good anywhere. As long as it's with you, honey."
Then she added, as if to drive the nail in.
"Anyway..."
In that brief moment while Min-a's lips moved, Seong-jun felt as though time had stretched into infinity.
Her lips, moving in slow motion, seemed about to reveal a truth he did not want to hear.
O... opp... a...
And before Min-a could even finish, the next words struck Seong-jun's ears like lightning.
"You're my honey."
Beeeeep-
The world in front of him blurred, and a shrill ringing screamed inside his ears like a siren.
He felt a sharper, more intense pain in his heart than ever before. It was a physical agony, as if something were trying to punch straight through his chest.
Anyway... you're my honey.
Right.
Yes, that was it.
The identity of the ever-growing compulsion and the unnameable suffocation.
So this was what had been nurturing the monster inside me.
Deep within Seong-jun, the black beast that had been sealed away twitched in agony, as though answering him.
He knew it.
Min-a had done nothing wrong. She had only confessed her love with complete sincerity.
It was just that her confession had been the final confirmation of Seong-jun's warped fetish.
Seong-jun's face sagged like that of a dead man.
The smile he had been forcing broke apart, and only empty pupils remained.
Min-a noticed the change in him immediately.
Now she could no longer avoid seeing it.
She had no choice but to admit it.
Something was seriously wrong with her beloved husband.
And if that problem had been caused by her... there could be no greater sorrow for Min-a than that.
"...Honey? Are you okay?"
Min-a sat beside Seong-jun with a worried look. Her warm hand touched his back and knee.
Ordinarily that warmth would have been a great comfort, but now it only made Seong-jun feel more wretched.
Seong-jun slowly pushed himself up, creaking like a wind-up doll.
His face had a smile on it again.
But it was one Min-a had never seen before.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Then we'll go some other time. I should work a bit until this evening."
The voice that came out of him was hollow.
Even Seong-jun himself felt a strange detachment, as though he were hearing someone else's voice.
The sensation in his legs as he got up and headed for the studio felt as though he were piloting a robot rather than moving his own body.
Leaving behind only the shell of the considerate husband, Im Seong-jun, the real self had fled deep into the abyss.
"H- honey! Wait!!"
Min-a jumped up quickly and followed after him.
Her intuition was sounding an alarm. She couldn't let him go like this.
"I'm sorry, honey. Did I mess something up again? So..."
Min-a grabbed Seong-jun's arm and apologized. Her words were full of genuine remorse and confusion.
But that sincerity never reached Seong-jun, who had hidden himself inside the shell.
Shaking his head, Seong-jun gently removed Min-a's hand.
"No. It's really just that the deadline is dangerous this week. I have to go out later, so I need to write as much as I can."
The lie flowed out smoothly.
Seong-jun walked into the studio slowly, like a corpse, but with firm resolve.
Min-a couldn't bring herself to follow him.
Her consideration, the belief that she must not interrupt her husband's work, became the greatest wall between them at that moment.
All she could do was shout after his back.
"Honey! Th- then... let's just stay home today? We can go on our date after you finish your deadline."
Even at the end, Min-a's way was still devotion.
At those words, Seong-jun paused with his hand on the doorknob.
He turned his head slightly to look at Min-a.
Her face was frightened, like she might burst into tears at any moment.
Seeing that expression, something rose in Seong-jun's throat as well.
He wanted to run over and hold her right then. He wanted to tell her I’m sorry, I’m a fucking lunatic.
No.
If he went back now, he would have to repeat that filthy, false performance all over again.
And he no longer had the strength for it.
Without regard for Seong-jun's will, his head turned forward again as if following a program already entered into him.
"I'd appreciate that."
Leaving behind that dry answer, Seong-jun disappeared into the studio.
Clack...
The closing of the door was not loud, but to Min-a it sounded like the sound of the world shutting down.
The door was locked tight.
Min-a sank down where she stood.
The tears she had been holding back dropped to the floor, one after another.
"Honey..."
Only Min-a's muffled sobbing echoed hollowly through the living room.
But that sound could no longer reach Seong-jun, who had already gone into his own cave.
Inside the cave, the beast was crying in a low voice.