The Name I Must Return
Beneath her rigid mask, Asena's words hit like a thunderclap.
I wasn't the only one stunned by Asena's declaration. Kirsi shot up in a surge of fury. Asena stared at me without a trace of playfulness, her gaze as cold as if she were looking at a noble from a rival house.
......I was so shocked I couldn't speak. The impact must have been written plainly across my face. I didn't even think to hide it. Asena watched me for a moment, then lowered her eyes and looked away, as though waiting for my reaction.
My voice came out low and threatening without me realizing it, but Asena didn't waver. She didn't take her words back.
"Return it..."
What a heartbreaking thing to say. I was their family. It wasn't like I'd borrowed the name—I had received it. The shock made my body sway, and Kirsi rushed to cling to me in alarm.
Asena flinched and half-rose from her seat, but then she squeezed her eyes shut, shook her head sharply, and sat back down. The more I watched her, the deeper my despair grew.
"......"
"......"
"...I'm sorry, Brother. But this is a decision I made after a lot of thought."
"Brother, I'm only taking away the name. I don't hate you, and I'm not exiling you from the family."
"..It's true. Even after this, we can live just like we do now. Even if you return the name, I'll treat you exactly the same. So... please do as I say."
Even her excuses couldn't erase the sense of betrayal. It had been more than ten years since I became part of the Freister family. The time I'd spent here, the emotions we'd shared—they had been more than enough to make me believe I truly belonged. I had been proud to carry the name Freister after my own. It was the name Grandma Liana had given me. And now the head of the family, Asena, wanted to take it back. That made the shock even worse.
One of the two precious gems I had trusted so completely was now showing me her sharp edge.
"Brother..."
As my strength began to drain away, Kirsi's worry deepened. Then she shouted at Asena.
"...Ugh..!"
When Asena spoke to Kirsi, she revealed the same coldness she had hidden from me, pressing the conversation forward.
When I spoke, Asena's expression softened ever so slightly. But the words that left her lips were utterly frigid. It was like the merciless side of her I had read about in the novel was emerging. She wouldn't bend her decision.
"....."
Asena closed her mouth once more. The frustration of it made me snap.
The moment I couldn't hold back my anger and raised my voice at my sisters for the first time, Asena clutched the hem of her skirt. But she didn't retract her words.
“.....”
Kirsi watched me nervously and clung tighter. She pressed herself against my side, trying to soothe me, while shooting a sharp glare at Asena. But Asena said nothing.
When I vented my frustration at Asena, Kirsi clung to me even more desperately.
She shook her head in a panic. As if sensing that my anger might turn toward her, tears welled up in Kirsi's eyes too.
She answered slowly.
"Haah...."
After entrusting the task of strengthening the family internally to Asena and Kirsi, I had stepped back from the political struggles between houses. I didn't know exactly why Asena had made this choice, but at the words for the future, the flames of anger inside me died down with surprising ease. I already trusted Asena completely. If it was her, there had to be a reason for choosing this. I believed the reason must be justified... but the emotions shaking me refused to be denied.
It might have been a stretch. But I was curious. Weren't the benefits I had brought to the family since joining far greater than any damage? Couldn't they endure whatever harm came from keeping me, for my sake?
“........”
.....But then again, unlike me who knew the future, Asena wouldn't. She wouldn't see how I had changed them. Instead, she would only see the harm I might cause. Even so, it hurt. It felt like she wasn't protecting me, even though I was family. I was now willing to risk my life for them, yet Asena didn't seem willing to risk anything. It pained me to think that they didn't love me as much as I loved them.
Asena still didn't answer. That silence was an answer in itself. It seemed she had chosen silence because she didn't want to hurt me any more than necessary.
Funny. Until now I hadn't thought much of it, but suddenly being born a commoner felt bitterly unfair. For the first time, I hated that I had transmigrated into Caiden's body. I couldn't stand proudly by my family's side. Was this how Hong Gildong had felt? A hollow laugh slipped out at the ridiculous thought.
"...."
"...."
Neither Asena nor Kirsi smiled at my laugh. They only watched me carefully.
....They really weren't the twins from the novel. I could never have imagined those two ever worrying about someone else's feelings. But there were similarities. From what Asena had said, I could tell just how much she valued the family. If she was willing to do this even to me... The words for the future—in other words, for the family—were an unfair blow. They left me unable to argue back. My resentment toward Asena was even starting to fade. After all, she had only made the choice for the family's sake.
That didn't make the frustration disappear, though. I muttered to myself.
It was the first time I had shown my weakness to my sisters. Both Asena and Kirsi's faces crumpled at the sight of me. But right now, I needed time alone. The shock of losing the family name had hit me that hard.
I opened the door of the moving carriage. One of the escort knights looked at me in surprise.
Then I jumped down from the carriage. The servants around me stared in confusion, but I signaled them not to stop. Asena and Kirsi poked their heads out of the carriage to look at me, but I didn't meet their eyes. The carriage carrying them gradually moved farther away.
If I talked to Asena now, I knew I would only get angry. And I would only feel sorry for Kirsi, who was stuck in the carriage with her. I needed some time alone to process these feelings.
Soon, an escort knight arrived leading a horse. I mounted it and mulled over what Asena had said to me. ......The more I thought about it, the more shocking it became, and as a commoner by birth, I had no grounds to argue. In this world, the class system was that strict.
Asena stared blankly out the carriage window. No matter how much she told herself it was for the future, she hadn't wanted to hurt Caiden this badly. Still, she knew. This was a hill she had to climb eventually. These were words she had to say someday.
The die had been cast. There was no turning back now. In truth, she had wanted to say this for years. Ever since she became the head of the family, she had been waiting for the right moment. But now that they had to enter the Academy, she could delay it no longer.
Caiden Freister had to give up the surname Freister. He didn't seem to have accepted it yet. If it were her, she would have reacted the same way. ....But it was something that had to be said.
Her brother Caiden had been furious, but the moment she said for the future, his anger had subsided. It seemed he was thinking about the family's future. But Asena's true feelings were different.
The family? She didn't care if it was looked down on or not. She had no grand desire to make the house overwhelmingly powerful during her rule. As long as the family could protect its own people and its loved ones, that was enough.
She had never shown it in front of Caiden, but she wasn't as good a person as he believed her to be. She wasn't taking his name for some lofty reason like the family's sake. It was far more selfish, personal, and underhanded than that.
What she had in mind was the future of 'herself' and 'Caiden'. It was the one thing she allowed herself to be greedy about, even as she sacrificed and gave up so much as the head of the family.
In the past, Asena had once hoped Caiden would become the head. But now, she was endlessly grateful that he hadn't taken that position back then—and that it was neither Kirsi nor him, but herself who had become the head. Because now she could use the power of the family head to make her dream come true.
Her dream was simple. She wanted to spend her entire life with Caiden. A life without him was impossible to imagine. But she had come to realize something.
Many marriage proposals had come to her as the head of the house. She had rejected them all... but through them, she had felt how unstable her relationship with Caiden truly was. She and Caiden were siblings. If that bond could have let them stay together forever, she might have been satisfied and left things as they were.
But even family ties eventually break. Especially the bond between brother and sister—it becomes unstable the moment they reach adulthood, liable to snap at any time. So she would sever that sibling bond with her own hands. She needed a new kind of connection.
The method she had found was marriage.
It wasn't just the fact that it would let her stay by his side that made her think of marriage. Perhaps all of this was simply Asena making excuses. Setting everything else aside, she simply wanted to become the most precious person to Caiden. She wanted to always be his top priority. She wanted to claim every bit of love he had to give.
Asena had realized her feelings for Caiden long ago. She couldn't have helped it. He was the one who had shaken her heart when she thought it would never move again. He was the one who had become her family when she believed she was alone. He was the only person who had taken care of her when all the servants had clicked their tongues at her.
No matter how much she threw tantrums, he would approach her with a smile, praise her, and pour affection on her. At first, she had wondered how a stranger could act that way. But those doubts had melted away in the face of his efforts. The reason no longer mattered. When she was with him, the painful thoughts stopped coming. He had lifted her back up.
She didn't even want to imagine what kind of person she would have become without Caiden. He was like a jewel, and the fact that only she and Kirsi knew that was a blessing.
Even as they grew older, he remained the same. Whenever she was struggling, he would come to encourage her. When she was lost in useless thoughts, he would play with her and fill her head with joy. When she was afraid, he would step forward and offer her his back. He was someone she couldn't help but treasure. She couldn't help but love him. There was no other choice.
But until then, she hadn't known what kind of love it was. She had only felt it vaguely. She had loved her father, loved her mother, loved Kirsi, and loved all her family—yet her feelings for Caiden had always been something more special.
At first, she thought it was because he had become family later than the others. So she believed her emotions were simply a little different. But as she grew older, as her body matured, those feelings became more and more concrete.
If it were simply familial love, hearing his voice alone wouldn't make her so happy. Her face wouldn't flush when he stroked her head. She wouldn't think of him dozens of times a day... and she certainly wouldn't want to sneak into his room every night to kiss him.
She wouldn't fantasize about spending hot nights with him, wouldn't imagine what their children would look like, and her body wouldn't burn with desire as she thought of him in the deep of night.
It had been a long time since she had cast off the guilt of thinking she shouldn't feel this way. After all, not a drop of blood was shared between them. They had grown up like siblings, but she had never once felt familial love for him. He only shared the surname Freister; in truth, he was closer to a childhood friend than a brother.
It was a feeling she shouldn't have if she thought of him as family, but it was perfectly fine if she thought of him as a childhood friend. The only thing standing in the way had always been the proud name of Freister.
That name she had once worn with pride was now the greatest obstacle. So she had to take it away. After all, two people sharing the same Freister family name could not marry. They could not be connected, neither mentally nor physically.
....And today, she had finally spoken those words.
Caiden had been furious. She had never seen him that angry before. A hundred times over, she had wanted to yield, to soothe his rage, to return to a place where he wouldn't hate her. But she had forced those desires down. She had to think of their future. If she couldn't endure this trial, there would be no future where she could be with him.
When she imagined a Caiden who spoke to her with even deeper affection and whispered words of love, her heart pounded so violently she could endure it. She had never thought her usually dull emotions could make her heart race like this.
If Caiden ever learned of these sticky, clingy feelings of hers, what would he think? Would he be shocked? Would he be frightened? ....Or would he be happy?
....It was a heart she still couldn't reveal.
Kirsi continued to express her dissatisfaction with the decision as well. But ignoring other people's feelings was not difficult for Asena. The emotions of anyone except Caiden didn't matter much to her.
Right now, Asena was only worried about how to soothe Caiden's heart. She stared blankly out the window. Beneath the rigid mask of the family head, she hid countless thoughts.