Principle Above All (2)
Asena knew she was in the wrong, yet the sight of Caiden emerging from Daisy’s room ignited a fury she could not contain. She wanted to break him, to make him submit so that nothing like this would ever happen again. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him. He had surely gone in only to deal with the wasps and nothing more. But the first step was always the hardest; after that, everything became easier. If they kept inching closer like this, what if something truly happened between him and Daisy? By the time she reacted, it would already be too late. She had to cut it off the moment she saw the sprout. If the two of them ever became involved, that would be something she could never endure. Even Asena herself did not know what she might do. Perhaps only the complete destruction of House Hexter would ease her rage. From her perspective, what she had done was already quite lenient. Compared to the storm raging inside her, she had shown remarkable restraint. A single apology from Caiden, followed by his return to her room once his duties were finished, would have been enough for her to let everything go.
But Caiden did not yield. He did not waver. Asena sometimes admired this steadfast side of her older brother, yet at times it frustrated her beyond measure. Was it because he always had to stand as a guide through life? He was the kind of person who called right what was right. Caiden refused to apologize, insisting he had done nothing wrong. Yet right and wrong were ultimately matters of perspective. From Asena’s point of view, entering another woman’s room was an unforgivable mistake on his part. Her own room was acceptable. Kirsi’s room was acceptable. Anything else was not.
Perhaps it was because Asena viewed the bedroom as something far more special. It was the only sanctuary she had besides Caiden’s embrace, so the space carried a different weight. A private space. A comfortable space. A tender space. A space where deep love was shared. That was why the thought of Caiden entering Daisy’s room—roommate or not—infuriated her so deeply.
“……”
Yet everything had gone wrong. Asena could not focus during class. Though she maintained her usual cold expression, something inside her was rotting away. ‘Your Grace, it is getting late. We should head to class.’ Caiden’s stiff tone echoed in her ears. Every time she recalled his voice, it felt as though needles were flying straight into her chest. Her breath trembled without her realizing it. His words had never hurt this much before. It was as if he were speaking to a stranger. All the memories and emotions they had built over more than ten years seemed to have vanished. Of course, Asena knew she had been foolish. When it came to Caiden, maintaining her reason had always been difficult. She had pressured a friend he might care for and tried to suppress him with words. Even knowing he was angry, she had not taken back what she said and had pushed forward instead. This was the result.
“……”
Her heart was in turmoil. She knew she was wrong, so part of her wanted to apologize to Caiden, to beg him to stop. Yet the knot of anger toward him remained tangled with that desire. She could feel it even without him saying a word—he would not stay like this forever. This was merely the punishment he had chosen to give. Or perhaps it was simply him expressing his anger. But Asena was angry too. Setting aside the matter with Daisy, how could he do this? How could he speak to her with such formal distance, as though they were nothing to each other? She was his younger sister, not some stranger. He knew she saw him as her sanctuary. He knew how much she relied on him. He knew how broken she would become without him.
“……Ha.”
Asena found her emotions difficult to bear. She could not understand why these provocations kept driving her toward foolish choices. She did not want to apologize first. Even though she knew it was an absurd stubbornness, a childish tantrum, she still wanted him to come to her. She wanted proof that he still cherished her. She wanted to feel that they had not become strangers. She wanted to sense that they were not drifting apart the way his tone suggested. She was trying to take advantage of how endlessly generous he was toward them. If he did not come, she would simply break. Then he would regret it. He would feel guilty. Caiden probably already knew this. He would not leave her alone like this. Just as she was rotting inside, he would eventually cool down and feel sorry for her. He would come back, talk about what had happened, and put an end to it.
“……”
Still, she was not without anxiety. The more she loved him, the more even the smallest problems loomed large. What if this really was the end? What if he no longer cared whether she broke or not? What if, as he had said, this stiff distance continued until he left two years from now? Asena could never allow that to happen, yet the mere thought of it was agonizing.
In the end, she reached no conclusion. She could not decide what stance to take. It was all she could do to keep her emotions from showing on her face. Today already felt unbearably heavy.
****
I waited outside the Political Science Department for class to end. Judy, standing beside me, was doing the same.
“……I’m sorry about all this.”
“……You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I apologized to Judy, but she simply shrugged it off.
“They’re my siblings. It’s my responsibility.”
“Don’t worry. I figured Freister would react that way.”
“……”
Her words were dry, but the meaning behind them was easy to read. The fact that she would not even look at me told me her feelings were somewhat hurt.
“……I’ll buy you a meal later. Cheer up.”
“……”
Only then did Judy Ice turn to face me.
“……I’m not angry at you. It’s the Duke of Freister. How have you managed to stay by that girl’s side all these years?”
Even in front of me, Judy did not hesitate to speak ill of her younger sister Asena.
“……She’s not like that when we’re alone.”
“……What is she like when you’re alone?”
“……She listens well. She’s sweet.”
“……What?”
Judy stared at me for a long moment before letting out a snort.
“……Hard to believe.”
“It’s true. What would I gain by lying about this? The problem is that she keeps acting this way in front of others.”
“Asena Freister actually listens to you?”
“I’m telling you she does. I’ve said it before—she was there for me when we were kids and things were hard, so we’re close.”
“You’re saying you’re still close after fighting like that today?”
“……Well, you have a point.”
Judy let out a long sigh, as though expelling the knot in her chest. Her voice sounded slightly lighter when she spoke again.
“Still, you don’t have to apologize anymore. I actually feel a bit relieved that you pushed back against Asena.”
“Huh?”
“The moment you started using formal speech, she couldn’t even move. After everything she tried to do to you, the fact that she’s the one feeling hurt now—what kind of nerve does she have?”
“She likes me, but she hates that I’m part of House Freister.”
“You really have it rough. I guess it’s hard no matter where you are if you’re not the legitimate heir. You took care of those girls, and the only thing you get in return is being told to leave the family. They’re just sucking you dry and tossing you aside, aren’t they?”
“……”
I had nothing to say. There was no reason to defend them, and her words were not wrong. That was exactly the part that hurt me too. Judy glanced up at me. She scratched her head once, then carefully opened her mouth.
“……I got a reply from my father.”
“About me joining as a vassal?”
“Yeah. I asked if they could take you in.”
“What did he say?”
“……”
Her voice dropped slightly, as though she were sharing a secret.
“He said no.”
“……I see.”
I nodded. Strangely, I was not as disappointed as I had expected. Maybe I had already anticipated this to some degree.
“……Yeah. Well, it’s not like I didn’t think it was possible. In the end, House Freister is a rival house. He might have seen it as sending in a spy.”
“Caiden, listen. He didn’t say it was impossible forever. He just said not right now.”
“Huh?”
“Actually, I only meant to ask Father, but it seems the matter grew within the family. My sister and brother got involved in the discussion too.”
“Sister and brother, meaning……”
“That’s right. The legitimate heirs of House Ice.”
Worry clouded Judy’s face as she spoke, so I asked gently, “……Are you okay?”
“……I don’t know. I only planned to ask Father casually, but I think I was being too naive. Anyway, that’s not the important part. The family was split on the decision.”
“……It even went to a vote?”
“Yeah. Several people, including my sister, were against it. Father and my brother were in favor. Even though Father and Brother supported it…… the fact that you still can’t join tells you how strong the opposition was, right?”
From her words, I quickly understood what kind of house House Ice was. Just like in the novel, where they were portrayed as the righteous faction, Duke Ice seemed to respect the opinions of his family members.
“Father and Brother seem to value the idea of you acting as a bridge between the two houses, just like you said. They also understand that even if you tried to gather information as a vassal, it wouldn’t be as simple as it sounds.”
“But in the end, it was rejected.”
“Yeah. Still, my sister’s side said this: if you achieve excellent results at the Academy, they’d be willing to accept you. They want to see your own efforts.”
“That’s…… something I was planning to do anyway.”
“……Their standards were pretty strict. Graduating at the top of the class is apparently mandatory.”
“At this rate, I’ll be the top graduate anyway.”
“……That’s true.”
“Then there shouldn’t be a problem, right?”
“Being top of the class was only one of the conditions. There are a lot more, and the list is so long I couldn’t even memorize them all……”
“……Hmm.”
I rubbed my chin, my mind growing complicated. I had already considered leaving the family, but the idea of heading to House Ice had started as a lighthearted question, much like Judy’s. Now it was becoming more concrete. While I was lost in thought, Judy fidgeted beside me as though she still had more to say. She sighed, opened and closed her mouth, bit her lower lip, and tapped her fingers against her thigh, looking like an anxious puppy.
“……What’s wrong, Judy?”
“Ah…… It’s just, I’m not sure if I should even say this……”
“Go ahead and tell me everything. I need to know how big this has gotten too.”
She seemed reluctant to speak. Because it concerned House Ice, I had already braced myself for harsh words. It was not Judy saying them anyway—it was her family. There was no reason for me to be hurt. The only people who could truly wound me were the ones I cared about.
“And there’s one more thing. There’s a way to become a member of the family without any of this……”
The strange tone made me repeat her words. “……A member of the family? Not as a vassal……?”
“……That…… If I marry you…… then it would just happen……”
Judy turned her head away as she let the words slip out.
“……My sister…… apparently suggested it.”