Waking from the Dream (3)
Will this be alright, Daisy?
Right after speaking to Asena, Caiden turned to Daisy and asked. Daisy couldn’t answer. Instead, she looked at Asena. She, too, was wrestling with her own conflict.
Daisy liked people who tried. People who quietly did what needed to be done without complaining or making a fuss. That was why Caiden looked even more pitiful in her eyes. He had shown enough talent to become champion of the Jousting Tournament, yet because he was an adopted child, he was being suppressed by the twins.
She wanted to say it was fine. It pained her to see someone like him unable to spread his wings. But the warning Asena had given her just moments ago made her hesitate.
Caiden noticed the subtle tension in the air. Daisy’s expression had been off ever since she entered the room with Asena, and the current situation only made it clearer.
“Just a moment.”
He asked Lord Hoslo and the student council president for their understanding, then grabbed Asena by the wrist and pulled her along.
“Ah…!”
Asena couldn’t resist his strength. They left the student council room, crossed the hallway, and Caiden didn’t let go of her wrist until they were completely alone.
“…Brother, I’m not okay with this. Why do you want to become Daisy’s knight? You should be my knight—”
As Asena spoke while being dragged, Caiden turned around and cut her off.
“Asena. Did you say something to Daisy again?”
“…..”
“You did. You told her not to get close to me.”
“….”
“Didn’t I warn you last time? You said you wouldn’t do that anymore.”
But Asena refused to back down.
“…Brother. Wake up from this dream.”
“….What?”
“Don’t even think about getting involved with Daisy.”
“What do you mean by ‘getting involved’?”
“Daisy said she needs a marriage that suits her station. With someone other than you.”
“….I’ve never thought about that, Asena.”
“Your actions say otherwise.”
The anger Asena had been holding back finally burst out.
“You gave her a flower at the Jousting Tournament. You asked her to dance at the ball. And now you’re trying to become her knight. How am I supposed to interpret all of this?”
“Since I’ve come to the Academy, I can’t help but form connections with people. If I really only wanted to train as a knight, I would’ve stayed in the Priaster territory. Why would I come all the way here?”
“….Can’t you just go back to the territory, Brother?”
“What?”
Caiden frowned. Anger slowly crept across his face—an expression she rarely saw.
“…..I’ll finish things here and return. So Brother, just go back.”
“…Ha…”
Caiden turned his head and let out a hollow laugh, then ran a hand through his hair. Asena took a step closer, trying to grab his sleeve, but Caiden gently blocked her hand.
He took several deep breaths, then looked at her with a hardened face, as if he had made up his mind.
“…….Asena. Let’s just be honest with each other from now on.”
“Huh?”
“I’m tired of hiding things and playing games. From now on, let’s only speak the truth. I’ll answer your questions truthfully, and you’ll answer mine the same way.”
Asena was bothered by his expression, but she eventually nodded.
“…Then I’ll ask first, Brother. Do you like Daisy?”
“I don’t. Now it’s my turn. What do you think of me?”
“……”
Caiden’s sudden question froze Asena in place. Her mind went blank. The only answer she could give was I love you. She wanted to become his wife. She wanted to have children with him. She wanted him to show interest in no one else. It had always been that way since they were children.
But she couldn’t say those words now. She saw him as a man, but he saw her as a sister. If she said it, he would surely pull away.
“….I like you. Why are you suddenly asking that?”
So Asena hid the word love. She couldn’t even decide what the right choice was. Whenever she talked with him, she always became too emotional.
“…….We agreed to be honest, Asena.”
But as if he could read her mind, Caiden didn’t believe her. Asena’s heart began to pound. Could he already know?
“…Huh…?”
But the words that followed weren’t the affectionate ones she feared.
“I… heard everything.”
Caiden’s voice trembled slightly. The fluttering feeling in her chest was instantly swallowed by anxiety. The world never flowed the way one wanted.
“I heard it all, Asena.”
Asena’s mask shattered. Her eyes drooped, her lips parted slightly. Her breathing grew ragged, and strength left her legs.
“……What…”
The small, disbelieving question slipped out. Then, like a dam breaking, the words Caiden had most wanted to keep hidden poured from his mouth one after another.
“That you don’t see me as your brother. That I’m an adopted child with no blood relation. That it would be more comfortable if I weren’t at the Academy…”
Asena stood stunned for a moment, then reflexively reached out. But Caiden was out of reach. No words came from her mouth. It felt like the Caiden before her might vanish like a mirage, and her heart raced ahead of her.
The excuses she barely managed to squeeze out were all that escaped.
“N… no, that’s not…”
“…..I heard it all. Why can’t you just say you’re ashamed of me?”
Asena shook her head violently.
“No…! Why would I ever be ashamed of you—”
“—Not ashamed, yet in front of others you say I’m not family. You hoped I wouldn’t appear in the Jousting Tournament, and at the ball you kept me standing in the back like a folding screen? Asena, this isn’t something you can make excuses for. Earlier you told me to go back to the territory.”
“……Ah…”
“We said we’d be honest.”
Asena needed time to think. She needed a moment to figure out how to untangle this situation.
“….Brother, let’s go to my room and talk.”
“There are other people in the student council room. Where are you going?”
“Are those people important right now?”
“Will talking somewhere else change anything?”
But Caiden gave her no room to breathe. Asena’s head was still ringing; she couldn’t pull herself together. This was the first time such a huge mistake had been discovered—and by the very person she least wanted to know.
Her heart pounded so hard it hurt, and cold sweat ran down her back. She probably wouldn’t have been this panicked even if her life were on the line.
“…Brother… I was wrong. It’s not like that… so…”
Caiden let out a long sigh. Then he gently brushed her hair back, strand by strand.
“….It’s okay. I’m not angry… I’ve decided to understand.”
“Huh…?”
A sliver of relief opened up for Asena.
“….It’s the Priaster family, after all… I suppose it makes sense that I’m the only flaw in such a powerful house… I can accept that to some degree. Even Grandma Liana warned me to be careful of the Academy’s prejudices.”
“………”
“Of course… I never expected you two to treat me this way… but still. I must love you both too much. I can’t bring myself to hate you easily. I understand… your choice.”
“….Brother…”
He smiled, released her hair, and touched her cheek.
“..But you know. It hurts as much as I love you.”
Asena swallowed. His pain felt as vivid as her own. He must be hurting more, yet the agony was almost unbearable.
“…We agreed to be honest, right?”
Asena looked up at him. She was beginning to fear the words that would come from his mouth. It was the first time she had ever felt such terror.
“………I’m going to leave the family, Asena.”
“………………Huh……?”
Caiden gently stroked her cheek with his thumb, smiling bitterly as he spoke.
“…..How should I put this…”
“Brother, what did you say?”
For a moment Asena wondered if she had misheard. No—she wanted to have misheard.
“……If I’m a flaw to the Priaster name, then it’s right for me to leave. No. We agreed to be honest, didn’t we? I just… don’t want to be hurt anymore.”
“You’re… leaving…? You’re leaving me…?”
Caiden seemed to struggle to get the words out, repeating soft sounds of “Ah” and “Um” before slowly nodding.
“….I thought I tried really hard. Like you said… I’m an adopted child, a commoner… but I still tried to stand tall with dignity.”
“Why… why are you doing this…? You’re joking, right?”
“But now I see I was going in the wrong direction. I can’t stand proudly beside you two. I was too greedy. Even Judy, a mere illegitimate daughter, suffers like that. Yeah… I’ve been living too comfortably.”
Asena grabbed Caiden and shook him.
“Brother!!”
Caiden swayed for a moment, then let out another long sigh.
“…..Sigh… Why…”
Calming the increasingly distressed Asena, Caiden continued.
“It’s not like I’m saying we should ruin our relationship. I told you I understand. Politically, it’s possible to be ashamed of me. There’s no problem when it’s just the two of us, is there?”
“That’s not it…! Why are you leaving me…! You always promised to stay by my side…”
“Why are you surprised, Asena? You were planning to exile me after graduation anyway.”
Asena opened her mouth, but it felt as if a stone were blocking her throat—no words came out.
Only after she began to suffocate did she manage to draw in a ragged breath and find her voice again.
“…That was just…! I said we’d only remove the Priaster name…! You don’t have to go anywhere else, and we’d treat you even better…?”
“I don’t want to live like that.”
“…What?”
“That’s the life of livestock. It’s not the life I want. No matter what you do to me, I am a Priaster. And as long as I am a Priaster, I want to be of help to the family.”
Caiden rolled his neck and squared his shoulders proudly, as if declaring who he truly was.
“I’m going to become a vassal of another house. With my skills, I should be able to enter as a knight. When conflicts arise with the Priaster family, I’ll mediate. Acting as that kind of bridge would be better than the shameful sight of me that you two are so embarrassed by.”
“………”
“Now you understand why I want to become Daisy’s knight? The Hexter family has also caught my eye.”
“….I don’t like it. No. If that’s the reason, I absolutely cannot allow it.”
“Allow?”
“Yes. I cannot allow it.”
Asena hardened her expression again and glared at him. But to Caiden, it didn’t feel threatening at all.
“Asena, I don’t need your permission.”
Asena shook her head. She grabbed his sleeve with both hands once more. Since nothing she said seemed to shake him, all that remained was disbelief.
“….It’s a lie. You’re lying, right? Brother… no matter what I did wrong, you always came back to me.”
“….I kept telling you. The family is the family… but now it hurts too much. Or what, should I suddenly change my attitude and say in front of everyone that I like you? That would make even less sense. Then all the pain I’ve endured so far would have been for nothing. It would be better to spread the story that an adopted child like me is not a true member of the family and raise the family’s prestige that way.”
“No, from now on I won’t say anything strange in front of others. Okay? So please…”
“If there was a chance, it was last time. I clearly told you to love me…”
Suddenly, the passage Asena had read a few days ago came to mind. The writing about generous people. The words that once you cross the line, there is no return. The moment she remembered that, her heart was squeezed again. If she had already crossed the line, would he truly never come back?
Asena couldn’t tell what her own expression looked like, but Caiden stepped closer and pulled her face into his embrace.
“Asena. It’s okay. This conversation is over. If we keep talking… well… we don’t need to walk around with red faces, do we?”
Asena couldn’t say anything. With anyone else it might have been different, but conversations with Caiden were far too emotional. She would get swept up in those feelings and her vision would narrow. She couldn’t tell what the right choice was. She wanted to beg for forgiveness, but he had already smiled and said it was okay. At the same time, he never took back his words about leaving. If only he had gotten angry—then she could have begged for forgiveness somehow. But with him only smiling and hugging her like this, she had no idea how to ask for forgiveness.
“Brother… it’s really not… where are you going…”
“This discussion is over. I’ve said my piece, so later we’ll talk with Kirsi again.”
Asena couldn’t react at all. She couldn’t accept that the warmth she felt right now was about to leave her.
When the two returned to the student council room, the moment of decision finally arrived. Daisy’s eyes went to Asena, who followed behind Caiden. She looked completely deflated. It was the first time Daisy had seen Asena like that, and it gave her a strange feeling.
To think she could make even Asena look so crushed… Is that why Asena hated him? Because he was the only one who could suppress her?
“…Daisy. Would it be alright if I took on the role of your escort?” Caiden asked.
At that moment, Asena glared at Daisy. It was as if she were reminding her not to forget the warning from earlier. But an emotion Daisy herself couldn’t understand shook her. The Caiden before her was a peculiar person. He was the adopted son of that Priaster family. She had heard that when he was an orphan, he had grown up in the orphanage run by her own family. He had shown overwhelming strength in the Jousting Tournament, proving how hard he had worked… and now it seemed he could even shake Asena to some degree. She had thought he only ever took hits, but this was yet another unexpected side of him.
Before making her decision, Daisy stepped right up to Caiden. Asena looked even more uncomfortable from behind, but Daisy wasn’t the type to be intimidated by that. She was someone who could clearly say what was right and what was wrong.
“….?”
When Daisy approached, Caiden leaned his ear toward her. She whispered.
“….Asena doesn’t want you and me to become close.”
Caiden listened, thought for a moment, then whispered back.
“…..I only just realized that myself. I thought after warning her once before, she wouldn’t do it again… I’m sorry. Does this put you in an awkward position?”
“…It’s not that, but are you okay with this, Sir Caiden?”
“Pardon?”
“If you come to me, won’t you face even harsher discrimination from your family…? I’m fine with it. It would be an honor to have someone as capable as you as my escort.”
“…..I’m fine with it too.”
Daisy pondered for a long time again, then asked one final question.
“….Just one more thing. She said that if I become close with you… Asena would harass me…”
“….Pardon?”
At those words, Caiden turned to look at Asena standing behind him. Asena had been watching them with cold eyes, but when Caiden’s head turned, she quickly looked away.
Caiden let out a sigh and thought, …So she went that far…
Another wave of disappointment washed over him. Why was Asena turning back into a villainess again?
Looking at Daisy, Caiden declared firmly.
“..Don’t worry. I will protect you.”