A Single Flower (2)
Kirsi entered the dormitory room and greeted Asena with a stiff expression before locking the door behind her. Click. Then, as if the strings holding up a puppet had been cut, she collapsed weakly to the floor.
“...Haa... haa....”
Her ragged breaths trembled uncontrollably. Only now was she allowing the anxiety and fear she had hidden to surface. She had forced herself to endure it in front of Caiden. When he had said that someone was spreading rumors about him and that was why he was being tormented, the world before her eyes had gone pitch black. Because she had something to feel guilty about.
Obviously, it could only have been her.
When she had first entered his devastated dormitory, she had wondered who would dare touch a Freister. A cold fury had risen like a haze. But the words that followed had snuffed that anger out completely. The culprit was herself, and there was no room for excuses. It was none other than she—a fellow Freister—who had spoken behind his back, which explained why he had been attacked. With her sharp mind, she had pieced it together quickly from the few hints available.
He had been made to look as if he had been abandoned by the family. That had never been her intention. She had only wanted to cool the interest of the women who kept approaching him.
.....Of course, it had become more comfortable lately. After she had let those words slip, no one showed him easy interest anymore, so she had felt secretly relieved. She had known the unpleasant rumors about him were circulating... yet she had even thought that was a good thing. His beauty was something only she needed to know. She had wanted others not to know.
But she had never imagined anyone would attack him so directly. She had never imagined her beloved brother would be tormented like this. She had never imagined he would suffer so much that he broke into cold sweats and had nightmares.
The problem did not end there. She knew. Caiden knew. He knew that someone was badmouthing him. He had sensed there was someone behind it. He had said it himself. Even if they caught the culprit, they were not to bring them before him.
‘......I think I would come to hate them quite a lot.’
At those words, her heart had felt as if it had plummeted. It was the first time she had felt such despair since their parents had left their side. Her legs had nearly given out.
If he found out the culprit was her, how would he react?
‘.....Would you hate me?... Would you... hate me, Brother?’
She imagined it. It was not easy since she had never seen it, but she pictured Caiden looking at her with contempt. The goodnight kisses, the tight hugs that pressed their bodies together, the affectionate linked arms, the food they fed each other—all of it would disappear. The Caiden who had filled her childhood with happiness would leave her. He would abandon her and cherish only Asena, loving only her. He would not even spare her a single glance.
“No...! No...!”
She hated it so much it drove her mad. So even as that first terror gripped her, she had done everything she could to hide it. Her legs felt ready to buckle, her face felt ready to twist, her hands felt ready to shake—but she had forced it all down. Because he might find it strange. Because if she panicked, he might notice.
...But she could not control the anxiety itself. Just the mere thought that had crossed her mind was too painful.
‘That’s right. He still doesn’t know.’
Kirsi had comforted herself. Then she swallowed hard and sat beside him. Right then, she needed his warmth. She needed the certainty that he was still by her side.
‘...Brother, hold me.’
She had been willful. Even as she looked at him drenched in cold sweat, she had wanted to cling to him tightly. She had wanted him to hold her so hard she might break. Fortunately... though it had been a light embrace, he had held her, and after that she had left the room.
Kirsi, sprawled on the floor, slowly clasped her hands together.
“...Please... please...”
She let out groans from deep in her strained throat. Anyone listening might have thought a puppy was whimpering.
“...Please... please...”
She prayed to a god she did not even believe in.
“Please let Brother never find out... Please let him never know it was me.... Please... please... I can’t live without Brother....”
She prayed and prayed again. Please let him never discover it. Please let him continue to love her. For a long, long time, Kirsi could not fall asleep.
. . . . .
The next day, Kirsi entered the classroom a little late. It was partly because she had overslept after spending the night making wishes, but she had also done it on purpose. Sure enough, every noble young lady she needed to meet was gathered in one place. They were the girls she had first spoken ill of Caiden to.
Mary Bones waved her hand.
“Kirsi, you’re here?”
“....”
She did not answer. She walked straight toward them. She did not wear the smile she usually showed. She had no desire to.
While everyone was watching her strange behavior, Kirsi spoke without hesitation.
“...Everyone. Do you remember what I said about my brother?”
“....”
Since those words had been slander, not everyone nodded easily. An awkward atmosphere settled as they exchanged uncertain glances, but that was enough for Kirsi. She continued.
“.....Did any of you happen to repeat those stories elsewhere?”
“.....”
Again, there was no answer. Kirsi went on.
“....I’ll say just one thing.”
“......”
“If by some chance—one in a thousand, one in ten thousand—those words I said reach my brother’s ears.”
No one made a sound. Even Mary, who had always been close to her, remained deathly quiet.
“.....I would be incredibly disappointed. They were our secret stories, weren’t they?”
If those words ever reach my brother…
I will be very, very disappointed.
They were our secret. Weren’t they?
Time passed. Today was a holiday. I yawned. I was sitting in my own little field, planting seeds. Anyone watching would probably ask why I was doing this, but for me, there was nothing else to do. There was no place for me no matter where I went, and I had to pass the time somehow.
Just because I had resolved to change did not mean everything would transform overnight. Deciding to become the strongest knight did not suddenly let me prove it. Wanting a beneficial political marriage did not magically produce a woman who would marry me with a pop. Wanting followers did not make people appear to follow me.
My reputation was still scraping the bottom, and there was no fearless person willing to get close to someone like me. At most, it was only Eric Endra and Judy Ice. I had no complaints. On the contrary, those two were the remarkable ones. The fact that they still approached me without changing was impressive.
I did not force myself to wander around trying to raise my reputation. I knew that would only do me harm. No matter what, when someone is seen desperately struggling, people feel repulsion first. So I was waiting for the right moment. I believed without a doubt that an appropriate opportunity would come.
“Brother!!”
Kirsi came running from far away. I turned my head, smiled, and waved at her. Our relationship had returned to something close to how it used to be. That had not been very difficult for me either. On the contrary, spending time with flushed cheeks would have been harder. It might look like a false peace... but I had no desire to break it. After all, what I planned to do in the future would not change.
“Where’s Asena?” I asked as Kirsi came closer. Today she had taken off her academy uniform and was dressed comfortably. The clothes made her look undeniably cute.
“...Before that!”
Kirsi did not answer. She spread her arms wide. I wiped the sweat from my brow and stood up. Then I looked at my hands, dirty from tending the garden.
“My hands are dirty.”
“Mhm!”
As if she would accept no excuses, she pouted with a touch of determination.
“You still have to do it!”
I shrugged and opened both arms. At the same time, Kirsi flew into my embrace. She squeezed me as if trying to wring me out. I patted her back with my wrists and pulled away. Kirsi stepped back with a satisfied expression and said,
“Sister will be here soon too.”
“Why didn’t you come together?”
“I ran. Sister is walking.”
“Hmm.”
I nodded and looked back at my garden. Kirsi crouched down in front of it.
“Are you done, Brother?”
“Yeah. I planted everything I wanted.”
“I was surprised when you suddenly said you were planting flowers.”
“I only ever use my body every day. I need to let my mind breathe somehow.”
“What kind of flowers did you plant, though?”
I looked at her and smiled softly.
“...That’s a secret.”
At my words, Kirsi smiled shyly and hugged her knees.
Tap tap. Someone tapped my back. The moment I turned around, a warm sensation touched my cheek.
Chu.
With a light sound, Asena pulled away from my cheek. Her expression showed no emotion. The head of the Freister family stood there.
“....You’re here, Asena. Your clothes are pretty.”
After a brief moment of surprise, I complimented her outfit. Asena liked compliments.
...Well, I could no longer be completely sure of that.
Kirsi stood up, about to say something, but Asena acted first.
“.....Kirsi, go look over there for a moment.”
Asena gave Kirsi an order without even greeting me.
“...Huh? Over there?”
Kirsi’s head turned in the opposite direction from where we stood. At that exact moment, Asena’s arm reached out and cupped my face. Then she began planting one bird kiss after another on my cheek.
Chu. Chu. Chu. Chu.
“Whoa..! Asena, what are you doing?”
“Huh? Brother, what’s Sister doing?”
The moment Kirsi tried to turn her head at my voice, Asena kept her hands on my face and said to Kirsi,
“Kirsi. Don’t turn your head. It’ll only take a moment.”
Then she kissed my cheek a few more times.
Chu. Chu.
Eventually I gave in, relaxing my stiffened body so she could kiss me more easily.
“What’s going on, Asena?”
“....I’m just making up for all the ones I couldn’t do these past few days.”
She whispered to me. Asena was always like this. Whether it was to maintain her dignity as the family head, because skinship embarrassed her... or because she had some other reason to hide it, she did not often show affection in front of others. That was true even if the other person was Kirsi. Nevertheless, she never forgot and never gave up—she made sure to show affection no matter what. The way she tried to do it secretly was simply adorable to me.
....Truly. It seemed I could not help it either. I had tried not to be conscious of the twins’ evaluation, but when she kissed me like this, my heart fluttered as if it had no pride at all. Even though I could not read her true feelings, a smile came to my face. Even if this was an act meant to deceive me, there was nothing I could do. I liked these children so much... I could not give them up.
Even if the twins hated me, their actions still became fuel for me. I let out a sigh and steadied my heart. As expected, I would become their support. Even if I could not lean on them, I would stand tall.
“Do you two want to plant something too?” I changed the subject.
****
A few more weeks passed. The students of the Knight Department looked at Sir Hoslo. Even though class had begun, he was scanning us with his eyes as if he had something to say.
“...Mm. Everyone’s here.”
He nodded and spoke.
“You all are becoming more knightly. Your horsemanship improves day by day, your sword swings are becoming cleaner... and I hear you’re keeping up well with the theory classes too.”
As the days went by, I could feel more and more how great a knight Sir Hoslo was. There was much I could learn from him. Having set my goal to become the strongest knight, I listened to his words with utmost attention.
“But now you must be curious. In this Knight Department that some chose for honor, some for glory, and some for their families, where exactly do you stand?”
“....Yeah.”
I muttered to myself so quietly no one could hear. I felt that the thing I had been waiting for was finally approaching. A natural opportunity to prove myself. An opportunity to raise my fame. In the end, beneath my declaration that I wanted to become the strongest knight lay another hidden goal.
I did not want to become some secluded master. I had no desire to be strong alone in solitude. I wanted to become a famous knight that everyone acknowledged. I did not even need to truly be the strongest. It was enough if everyone simply believed I was the strongest. What I aimed for was not the skill itself, but the reputation.
I wanted to become a knight whose mere existence within the family would raise its prestige. For that, I needed a stage where I could show myself off.
“Some of you must be itching. Some must be bored of rolling around in this dirt field every day.”
A few classmates nodded. Judy, standing beside me, did the same. Sir Hoslo checked our eyes and said,
“I will give you a chance to prove yourselves.”
“...That’s it.”
I nodded once more and muttered. Strength flowed into my fist. Sir Hoslo continued.
“....On the coming holiday, a jousting tournament will be held.”