Rookie Dad.
Rookie Dad.
The man I assumed was my father—someone I'd caught glimpses of early on—started showing up more often, as if he'd decided to focus his attention on me.
The first time I nursed, I wondered whether he was my mother, but it didn't take long to figure out the truth.
I had no memory of ever seeing the young, breathtakingly beautiful woman from the wedding photo in the house.
And this so-called dad of this body also looked like a damn pretty boy.
"Si-yoon~"
"....."
When I stared at him with a blank face, the man started to tear up.
"Why does our daughter look so pissed off?"
When I finally managed to roll over for the first time, the man, his expression full of expectation, pulled out a rectangular object—a camera, I assumed—in a case decorated with animal pictures.
'What year is it...?'
One thing was certain: this place was the future.
That whole mess went down in 2004, so this was at least not 2004.
Lying in a crib, I couldn't see the world even if I wanted to.
While I was gauging the size of the room and staring back up at the ceiling, the man put down the rectangular object.
"She doesn't even cry... What's wrong...?"
The young man started tapping on the rectangular object by himself.
The man began to speak while looking at me.
"Uh, Mom, Si-yoon isn't crying so..."
'Ah... So my dad's kind of an idiot...'
Looking at his ear, he was wearing something.
"If you quit your job, Mom..."
He must have gotten an earful, because the man pulled the thing out of his ear.
Judging by the shape, it looked like the head of a golf club, but there seemed to be something made of silicone attached to the end.
The man plugged the object back into his ear and started talking, but eventually his face hardened and he began to speak his mind.
"What...? You serious right now...?"
Then he glanced at me and went out of the room.
The soundproofing made his voice faint, but... I could tell he was furious.
"... I won't call, and don't you call me either. Not ever again..."
And as he looked at me with sorrowful eyes, the man's eyes welled up with tears.
"I'm sorry you've got such a worthless dad... baby girl."
My dad kept flipping me over with a beaming smile, as if trying to get me to do something.
'Fuck, this is so damn hard, seriously.'
But maybe because my gross motor skills were developing, I could flip over easily now.
Even though I'd had to break a bit of a sweat at first.
"Si-yoon did such a good job!"
And thanks to the man trying to bathe me, I saw my naked body in a mirror for the first time and was forced to face reality.
My chromosomes were (X, X), not (X, Y).
'Ah... no... goddammit...'
The man stared at me, smiling.
"Why is our daughter so low-energy?"
'If somebody cut your dick off right now, you'd be pretty low-energy too.'
"Is this what they call a parent's rose-tinted glasses...? Our daughter's so pretty..."
When I was taken to the bathroom to get washed today, I began to think that this place was definitely the future, and that maybe this body's father might be filthy rich.
Because for a house that just this one young man used... it was insanely huge.
And I figured out why babies can't talk.
Their throats are too soft to produce sound.
When I tried to force words out, all that came out was a squeal.
I'd rather just bite my tongue and off myself.
'Ha, shit... I don't even have teeth.'
I touched my squishy gums with my tongue and surrendered my body to the man's hands.
"Does our daughter like it~?"
'I'm going crazy... seriously... haah...'
I admit it. This man was devoting everything in his life to me.
He tried not to leave my side for a single minute, a single second.
I'll admit it. This was what I could never give my subordinates—a father's heart. This is what family is.
So... I decided to play along.
As for a title, I'd go with Rookie Dad.
Without me, this Rookie Dad seemed like he'd make a drastic choice,
so I lived on, forgetting that I could speak, until I heard Rookie Dad's voice.
"Why is our daughter's speech so late in coming...?"
Dad started agonizing by himself.
"I read books to her every single day... but she barely even babbles..."
"Daddy?"
"!!!!!"
Was it a problem that I'd spoken with such perfect pronunciation?
Or was he shocked that a daughter who hadn't even babbled had called out to him?
Approaching a state of near-hyperventilating excitement, Dad rushed over to me with an expression that looked like he was about to burst.
"Si-yoon? W-What did you call me?! Again! Just one more time!"
"D... Daddy."
"Huuuaaaack!!!!"
This Rookie Dad always acted like he was about to faint at every little thing I did.
'Hey... Don't do that, fucker. If you die, I die too, and there's nothing I can do about it!!!'
I was still at an age where I couldn't even hold my body up...
That day, I met the figures I presumed to be my grandmother and grandfather.
"Si-yoon~ It's Grandma! Grandma~"
"....."
Having listened to Dad's usual phone conversations, I felt like I could understand the expression on his face as he stared at his own mother right now.
They laid me down and went out of the room to talk, but the door was open, so I could hear the conversation.
"..... Do you have no plans to work?"
"I have more than enough money to raise Si-yoon."
"In this day and age, you think just having enough to raise her is enough?"
"Once Si-yoon starts going to daycare, I can start back up again then."
Listening to their conversation, the fact that even raising me required money told me that this huge house was the home of a perfectly ordinary person.
'Fuck... I wasn't born with a gold spoon after all?'
Time passed, and when I turned three, Rookie Dad looked at me and spoke.
"Si-yoon, is TV fun?"
I was currently watching a movie rated 15 and up.
"I'm concentrating, don't talk to me."
"....."
When Rookie Dad's shoulders slumped like a dejected puppy, I sighed and looked at him.
"Don't tell me you want to read a fairy tale book."
My pronunciation was slurred thanks to my underdeveloped mouth, but Rookie Dad still watched my every move carefully.
"Ahem... This is rated 15, and Si-yoon is only three. Want to watch the fun Pporuru instead?"
"If it's so fun, you watch it, Dad."
"....."
"You can't even sit through it for long yourself."
"....."
At one point, Rookie Dad, astonished that I could think so clearly and speak, began to see me as a genius...
but I have absolutely no intention of playing along with that.
More important than that was the fact that I was currently having an incredible experience.
In the past, I couldn't even remember what I ate two days ago, but now every memory since my birth was inside my head.
When I thought back, the past came back to me as vividly as if it were yesterday.
As if taking a photograph—no, as if a video were playing back—I remembered everything I'd ever seen.
"Si-yoon, should we go eat?"
"No. I have to pee."
Rookie Dad reacted immediately to my single word, like a slave, picking me up and taking me to sit on the toilet.
"Get out."
"Okay..."
Suddenly, I grew curious about Rookie Dad's occupation.
Seeing him cook, he seemed to be a chef.
"Does Si-yoon want to try too?"
"Too much work."
"O... Okay."
There was a time when Rookie Dad had been shocked by my memory.
When I rattled off a fairy tale he'd read to me just once, as a way to show my boredom, Rookie Dad was left speechless.
"Is our daughter only this pretty in her daddy's eyes?"
It probably wasn't that.
Every time I looked in the mirror, I felt it myself.
I hadn't seen that many young children, but I was so pretty that I couldn't even be compared to any kid I'd ever seen before.
"No, even I think I'm pretty."
"Ri... right?"
Seeing him focus on me without missing a beat with the knife, Rookie Dad's occupation was definitely a chef.
"Dad."
"Huh? Si-yoon, why did you call me?"
"Put me down so I can watch TV, will you?"
Maybe wanting me to watch him cook, Rookie Dad had placed me in a chair I couldn't get down from on my own.
"Uh... okay..."
I watched TV and learned about the present.
Exactly twenty-three years had passed since I died.
Rookie Dad's name was Kim Ji-ho, and he seemed like a fairly capable person.
The first time I looked out the window, I flinched back in horror and fell flat on my backside.
Our house was situated at a staggering height, and that was why the people on the ground looked as small as ants.
'Maybe I really was born with a gold spoon...?'
An apartment boasting an incredible height—it seemed even taller than the tallest building I'd known.
When I plopped down on my butt, Rookie Dad spotted me from afar and came running in shock.
By now, he had blocked off access to the windows.
He must have thought I had a fear of heights.
Even when I said I wanted to look out the window, Rookie Dad wouldn't let me get close.
He had more backbone than I thought; when he believed something shouldn't be done, he was obstinate about it, no matter what I did.
While I was fiddling with the remote, he was looking at me with his eyes sparkling.
"What."
"My Si-yoon is just so pretty~"
"Don't stare a hole through me."
Rookie Dad glanced at my expression and spoke quietly.
"... Should we eat?"
I turned off the TV and stretched out my arms; Dad smiled and sat me down on a chair.
"Is it good?"
"I haven't put it in my mouth yet."
When I started spooning up food, Rookie Dad stared at me intently.
"You're making me uncomfortable. I'll tell you after I've eaten."
"Okay!"
Right on cue, the doorbell rang, and Grandmother came to visit.
Rookie Dad's expression started to change.
Since I couldn't get down from the chair, I gave a nod as a greeting instead.
"Oh my~ Was our Si-yoon having a meal?"
I nodded vaguely and ate the food Rookie Dad had made.
The side dishes were made on the bland side, but they were tastier than I expected.
"Who does she take after to be this haughty~ Our granddaughter is such an ice queen~"
"You're making me uncomfortable, so stop staring at me."
"....."
Grandmother was bewildered by my perfect command of language.
"Isn't she a genius?"
Dad spoke with an expression completely unlike the one he'd always shown me.
"What brings you here?"
"What reason would a mother have to come to her son's house?"
"Call ahead before you come next time."
"Oh my? Look at this one?"
"Si-yoon's speaking for me. It makes me uncomfortable."
"... Are you still like this because of what happened?"
Dad looked at me once and shut his mouth firmly.
"You should leave now."
Grandmother's expression held regret and loneliness.
"....."
Grandmother stood up, left only the bag of food she'd brought, and headed for the door.
"Si-yoon~ Grandmother is going now~"
I signaled to Dad to put me down, so he picked me up and lowered me to the floor.
I went up to the front door, hugged Grandmother, and spoke.
"Goodbye~"
"Okay!"
"Come again next time."
"Oh my, how sweet~"
Rookie Dad silently looked at the food Grandmother had packed, then hid himself away and wiped his tears.