Touch Me and I Bite.
Touch Me and I Bite.
Han Seo-jun.
There was a time when JSM pushed idols who showed real talent for acting.
Among them was one with passable visuals and a gift for performance. That was Han Seo-jun.
Han Seo-jun built his name showcasing his distinctive style, then truly bloomed in My Love Was a Gumiho.
But JSM's CEO Jang Seong-man had watched his conduct closely, and before things could turn bloody, he cut him loose quickly.
Drunk on his own fame and still unable to read the room, Han Seo-jun's standards had gotten so inflated that he'd turned down every decent role.
The only casting offers he was getting now were for films planned by some no-name amateur writer.
His manager came into the room carrying scripts for two projects.
Han Seo-jun took one look and let out a sigh.
"Hah... I'm not some hack who acts in low-grade shit like this, am I?"
"Come on, Seo-jun. You've gotta put something on screen to prove your talent's still there. Then better projects will come in!"
"No, fuck. Why the hell would I do that? Just get out. Tell the CEO I'm not doing it."
"Hah..."
"Hah? Did you just sigh in front of me!?"
"...Sorry."
Han Seo-jun, having yelled, stared at his phone and bit his nails.
On the screen was Kim Si-yoon's social media.
"Ah, I should've just gone for it back then instead of chickening out. Ah... such a damn waste..."
Convinced even then that Kim Si-yoon had felt something for him, Han Seo-jun swiped quickly through her photos.
"Wow, she grew up fucking incredible."
While he was lost in fantasies of Kim Si-yoon pinned under him, whimpering, his phone rang.
Yoon Hyeong-seop.
The name commanded respect: Hanguk University, the greatest university in Korea.
He was a student there, and recently he'd made connections with some chaebol types he'd gotten friendly with, so we'd become aware of each other.
His business had people from the corporate world and the political world alike seeking him out, and his name had gotten so big in those circles that he'd nearly achieved his original goal.
His business boiled down to two things.
One was connecting college girls to figures in politics and business...
The other was filming videos and posting them on a platform he'd built himself.
This lunatic was apparently trying to stretch his influence into the entertainment industry too, and he wanted to make contact with me.
I took him up on it without hesitation, and using the excuse of connecting them to political figures, I sent three of our trainees his way—high-quality talent, but their futures were completely blacked out.
The 300 million won stamped on my bank statement...
That was the price for introducing those three.
- Seo-jun, wanna meet up?
- Grab a drink or something. When are you free?
- Come whenever it works for you.
- I'll head over now?
- Sounds good~ You haven't eaten yet?
- nah
When I stepped outside, the manager I'd kicked out earlier came up to me.
"Where are you going...?"
"None of your business. Don't follow me."
"....."
"Wow~ He doesn't even answer anymore."
"Uh... fine. Have a good time."
The CEO who stuck me with that bastard as a manager is clearly a brainless fuck as well.
"I'm not about to rot away in this dead-end place any longer. Fuck it, I'll make my own way."
I got into the black Maklaren Spider I'd bought after seeing Kim Si-yoon's and headed to the meeting spot.
Yoon Hyeong-seop sat at the tuna place looking troubled and glanced at me.
"Oh? You're here?"
"It's been a while, boss man."
"Keu-heu-heut."
There's something slightly creepy about this crazy bastard—the way he switches between expressions at a moment's notice.
To the point where you can never tell what he's thinking normally.
We made small talk, and as the alcohol started to flow, a brilliant idea sparked in my head.
"Hey, doesn't Kim Si-yoon go to Hanguk University too?"
Yoon Hyeong-seop's expression chilled instantly...
I'd never seen that look on his face before, and it sobered me up a bit. I stopped talking.
"Everyone's yardstick is different. But in this world, there are people smarter than you and people dumber than you..."
Yoon Hyeong-seop mulled something over, then smirked.
"You don't touch Kim Si-yoon."
"Why?"
"Unless you've got a plan to tear down a tower built with painstaking effort..."
"She's just a bitch in the end, isn't she?"
"....."
"And hey, I saw the intel earlier—didn't you try to get at her once too?"
"I was testing the waters... and now I've drawn a conclusion. Besides, she's got a lot of people around her."
"People?"
Yoon Hyeong-seop, having drunk more, smirked again.
"Only about 32, confirmed by my careful check... The personnel shifts every four hours, but roughly eight of them are always on. Probably security."
"For real?"
"Six posing as enrolled students. Eight who run the welfare facilities. Fifteen pretending to be regular citizens out for a walk. And I'm certain at least one's posing as a professor."
"You memorize all that?"
"Memorize... no, I just remember it."
"That's a shit-ton of people. So why'd you call me out today?"
Yoon Hyeong-seop picked up his soju glass and swirled it.
"There's someone in Japan who runs a major site, you see? Similar business to ours, but the way they do things is a bit... a lot different."
I lifted my soju glass, and Yoon Hyeong-seop clinked his against mine.
He downed the soju.
"Keuh... We can't release the material we're holding right now in Korea. But a secretive overseas site like that... that's a prize catch for us, you see."
"So?"
"I sent them a few samples, and they came calling, wanting to sign a contract directly. Offering to fill in our personnel gaps, too. With a sum of money far beyond what I'd imagined..."
"Isn't that good?"
"It's good, but it's so good it's a problem... I've got a bad feeling about it. That composure of theirs that goes past confidence. The way they're acting like the deal doesn't hurt them at all, even though it's clearly to their disadvantage."
Yoon Hyeong-seop stared at his empty soju glass, his eyes calm.
"Typically, people like that... they fatten you up, and then they plan to swallow you whole, bones and all."
I stepped out of the building after class, and maybe because exams were coming up, the campus was sparse.
I sat on a bench for a moment, puffing on my vape. In the distance, I spotted Yoon-seo.
Lately, Yoon-seo's been dressing in pretty clothes that draw attention to her figure, since she's got a boyfriend now.
But starting a while back, the energy had gone out of her expression.
Even now, she looked kind of dead-eyed, and all that talk about Im Yeong-hwan, which she used to go on about giddily, had dropped off drastically.
I'd been waiting for an opportunity, and when it was just the two of us, I spoke up.
"Yoon-seo."
"Hm?"
"Has something been going on lately?"
Yoon-seo hesitated, then shook her head awkwardly.
The look on her face was like someone searching for a person who could fix their problems...
"Yoon-seo."
"...Yeah?"
"You know who I am, right?"
"Yeah..."
"I'll grant any wish, I'm telling you."
"...It's nothing~"
After a moment's thought, Yoon-seo gave me an awkward smile.
She's a smart friend. It's probably some personal situation.
She'll handle it...
"Yeah? Then how about we go grab some bulgogi for lunch?"
"Sounds good~"
In the pitch-black dead of night...
Inside a factory, Yoon Hyeong-seop burst out as if fleeing for his life.
"Crazy... crazy... these... fucking lunatics..."
His legs kept buckling like the strength had left them, but Yoon Hyeong-seop scrambled out of the factory and retched violently.
Oo-we-e-egh.
Grabbing his wobbling legs to steady himself, he got into his car, which was parked off to one side, and slammed the door shut.
BANG!
And then he peeled out roughly, fleeing the scene.
The woman sitting next to him sensed something was seriously wrong from this reaction—something she'd never seen from Yoon Hyeong-seop before—and hurriedly spoke up.
"Hyeong-seop, what's wrong? Why's your face so pale!? What happened with the contract?"
"Th-those bastards... seriously! Fucking lunatics... how can they do that to a person..."
"What!? What is it? What did you see in there!?"
"I told you we shouldn't do this, fuck!!! The broker who connected us... Hyeong-min... a wood chipper..."
As if what had just happened came flooding back, he pulled the car onto the shoulder and started vomiting again.
"Oo-eugh... oo-eup!"
"What...?"
Yoon Hyeong-seop stopped the car, opened the door, and stuck his face out.
The woman patted his back.
Once he finished throwing up and closed the door, Yoon Hyeong-seop broke out in a cold sweat as if something was chasing him and hit the accelerator.
"Crazy bastards... absolute fucking lunatics... those people... they aren't human..."
"Hyeong-seop! Calm down. This isn't like you—what's going on? At this rate, nothing that needs to get done is going to get done!"
"FUUUCK!!! I said we should just stick to Korea... but no, had to bring in some psycho motherfuckers..."
It was the first time the woman had seen Yoon Hyeong-seop's mask slip, and she tried to soothe him even as she panicked.
"Try to calm down. Okay, Hyeong-seop..."
"You, you should've seen them... those crazy bastards. You want me to be calm after seeing that?"
The woman reached over to Yoon Hyeong-seop, opened a water bottle, and handed it to him.
"They must've had some objective for doing it. We have to know what it is so we can either prepare countermeasures... or run!"
At the word "run," the color drained from the big man's face.
"Run...? Don't even dream about it... Hyeong-min ended up like that too, trying to cut ties once he realized what they really were..."
"Who are these people...?"
"I don't know... those Japanese bastards. Every last one of them had an 'M' tattooed on their neck..."
"...What's their objective...?"
The big man stared at the phone mounted on the dashboard.
"To grow our site... and they said they'd tell me the rest later..."
Grandpa and Grandma came to the house to visit for the first time in a while, bringing Roy and Rosa with them.
Alpha and Beta don't bother with tiring stuff anymore these days.
I sat on the stairs and glanced at Grandpa's group. Alpha and Beta still seemed to dislike Roy and Rosa as much as ever.
Alpha and Beta hate any four-legged beast that isn't a human.
Once, I went for a walk with Dad, Alpha, and Beta.
There was a Maltese approaching from the opposite direction.
That little Maltese—barely a third of our Beta's size—tried to sniff Beta's butt, and Alpha beat the crap out of it.
Alpha and Beta minimize their movements now, not so much because they lack energy as because they hate being bothered.
When Roy and Rosa approached, they gave a soft hiss.
But of course, the bubbly, hyperactive Roy and Rosa had no way of understanding a cat's mind.
They bounded up to play, got beaten up by Alpha, and scurried away.
Roy, who'd been acting cute in front of me, spotted Alpha approaching, freaked out, and bolted.
Our Alpha's imposing, aloof demeanor.
Even the way Alpha walked was still graceful.
Roy went over to Grandpa to act cute, then suddenly started sniffing around the surroundings.
Then Roy sniffed in front of the bathroom, pulled the door handle down with a paw, and let itself in.
Our Alpha and Beta pull stunts like that all the time.
I watched to see what Roy would do. It hoisted its butt up onto the toilet, took a shit, and came right out.
"Wow..."
Feeling lighter and exhilarated, Roy scampered over to Grandpa.
Grandpa grabbed some tissue off the dining table, wiped Roy's butt, and then went into the bathroom to clean up.
Then Grandpa gave Roy and Rosa treats.
"Wow, I've never seen one take a shit before."
"Hahaha. Roy and Rosa have always been smart, you know."
Grandpa shot a triumphant smirk toward Alpha and Beta...
Lately, Grandpa and I have been butting heads a lot, and it's because he keeps making sneaky remarks that look down on cats.
Probably because Alpha and Beta blow Dad off all the time, and he's seen them smack Rosa and Roy a lot...
"Alpha and Beta are smarter, you know."
"Hoho~ How can a cat compare to a dog!? They don't even treat your father like their owner!"
I smirked.
Alpha and Beta are stupid, he says...
Through Dad's vlogs, they're already famous as feline geniuses.
I trained Alpha and Beta whenever I was bored when they were little.
Even if you call them old now, would they lose to some ordinary mutt like that?
"Beta~ come here."
"Myat?"
Beta jumped up onto the table with a light spring.
You don't see agility like that in dogs... heu-heut.
"Right paw."
"Myat."
"Left paw."
"Myat."
Starting from simple commands like asking for a front paw, I gradually increased the difficulty.
"Back paw."
Beta flopped down onto the floor and extended a hind paw.
"Peace sign."
When I made a V with my thumb and index finger, Beta rested her face between them.
Beta looked at me with sparkling eyes.
"Korea Mode. Ch-chk."
I pretended to chamber a round with my finger gun, making a loading sound, and Beta froze.
"Bang."
Beta pitched a full method-acting performance, stumbling and then collapsing.
"Aww, so pretty~"
When I petted her, Beta started purring, and I moved on to another command.
"America Mode. Ch-chk. Bang."
Without any pretense of being hurt, Beta immediately flopped over and played dead.
The more tricks I showed off, the more Grandpa's pupils shook.
I placed a chair next to me and tapped the seat, and Beta hopped down from the table onto it.
"Beta, give me a massage~"
Beta placed its paws on my thigh and started kneading.
"Myat-myat."
"Good job~ go get your churu."
Beta excitedly jumped to the floor, grabbed a churu tube in her mouth, and brought it to me.
"Is it yummy~?"
"Myat-myang-myang-myat-myac."
"The hell's it saying."
I looked at Grandpa and smiled a greasy little smile.
"The 'myo' in 'myo-gi'—the word for a trick—is exactly the same sound as 'cat,' you know."
"...That's a different character. It means 'wondrous.'"
"Same sound."
"...Kheum."
Alpha and Beta might question Dad's orders, but they follow mine unconditionally.
Given that cats excel at mimicking behavior, I trained Beta, the smarter one, first. Then I trained Alpha the same way by having him watch, rewarding each success with churu.
Alpha is a lot more awkward than Beta, but it's just that Beta doesn't seem like a cat sometimes. Alpha is still a smart cat, so no one would ever call Alpha stupid.
Especially in the vlogs, although a lot of people were hoping for kittens from the two of them... Alpha's got no walnuts, and Beta's the same way.