College Student.
College Student.
I spent the day killing time mostly just goofing around in Debtor's Forest, and before I knew it, the MT was only a day away.
Lee Gi-seok had summoned Da-yeon to his family home today, so I ended up taking the Spotted One to school by myself.
Lee Gi-seok, summoning people here and there—he sure as hell wasn't aging gracefully.
The sky flaunted a flawless blue without a single cloud, and under the warm sun, the black asphalt ahead turned into a red glow signaling a stop.
While I was waiting at a standstill, a vape shop that stood out especially today caught my eye right in front of me.
"A vape, huh..."
I instinctively pulled into the building and parked. It wasn't so much that I'd been bewitched as it felt like the desire to smoke, buried deep in my heart, had nudged my subconscious.
When I got off the Spotted One, I realized just how preciously I'd been raised.
Jesus...
Walking into a building where I didn't know the layout by myself—it was a first for me.
What was downright chilling was, now that I thought about it, walking alone in a secluded spot like this had also been a first in twenty years.
For a moment, I looked at my reflection in the elevator mirror—my pink hair, the color faded to an extent—and it felt oddly novel again.
When I stepped into the vape shop, a female staff member greeted me.
"Welcome~"
It had looked pretty tidy even from the outside, but once I was inside, it was clear the place was well-maintained.
"Would it be possible to try a sample?"
I was wearing a hat and a mask, but the staff member double-checked my face after hearing my voice.
The store was spacious, but she was holding down the fort alone, so I lowered my mask.
"Oh!"
"Hello."
"... You smoke?"
"Nope. I'm just the type who tries out anything I'm curious about."
"Ah, um... is there a product you're looking for?"
How to put it, this feeling of my conscience pricking at me...
It was probably because smoking was one of the things Dad had forbidden...
"I've never really looked into any of this, so maybe something that tastes as good as possible and puts out a lot of vapor?"
"Would you like to try a sample first?"
When I nodded, the staff member disinfected the mouthpiece area so it looked as clean as possible and handed it over.
"Just press this button and draw it in. The juice in that product contains no nicotine~"
Following her instructions, I pressed the button, drew it in like I used to smoke cigarettes in the past, and swallowed.
For something that was supposed to be a cigarette, the fruity flavor was ridiculously strong—even sweet.
When I exhaled the vapor, it didn't come out as much as I expected.
"Ah! With vapes, it's a direct-lung hit."
"A direct-lung hit?"
"You just draw it in like you're breathing normally."
The staff member took out her own vape, drew in deep, then started exhaling.
Whoooosh...
Less than what I'd had in mind, but definitely a lot of vapor came pouring out.
The staff member waved her hand through the vapor.
"Oooh..."
Entranced by that charismatic display, I pressed the button, took it straight into my lungs, and then burst into a prolonged coughing fit.
"Ack!..."
"Ahaha. It's just because you're not used to it."
I recalled my first time smoking and nodded.
The scratchy feeling in my throat still hurt.
The staff member smiled, seeing the tears welling up in my eyes.
"Are you the shop owner?"
"That's right~"
"You can keep it a secret that I was here, right?"
"Of course!"
Maybe she picked up on the fact that I didn't actually smoke and that I, from experience, seemed like I simply wanted to give it a shot.
She started explaining gear that was as harmless as possible.
"This is a new product that just came out. They say it's reduced the harmful stuff to the extreme. Basically, you're smoking it more for the style and the flavor."
The female owner laid out the components and launched into an explanation.
"It works by vaporizing a dedicated juice at the lowest possible temperature before you inhale it, so it won't feel as unnaturally strong as what you just tried."
It seemed like merely a long pink stick, but when you opened the cap, the silver design inside was pretty enough to make me, someone who hated pink, nod in approval.
Pink hair and a pink vape.
The image others saw was basically me turning into some kind of pink maniac, but...
"The reason it isn't widely used is that even one bottle of the juice alone is pretty expensive. Would you like to try it?"
I took the device and drew on it like I'd just done.
It was sweeter than I'd imagined, and the scent of all kinds of sweet fruit flooded in, filling my whole mouth.
Less of a boiling sound, and the vapor went in naturally.
When I blew out the pure white vapor, it came pouring out as if I were shooting a breath attack.
"Oh... I'll go with this one."
"You're not asking about the price, heheh."
"How often do you need to swap out the coil?"
"Since it runs at low heat, it says once every three months is ideal."
I swiped my card on the spot for 1 million won, including several bottles of juice.
Honestly, for a vape, it was a ridiculously expensive price, but I liked the product more than enough to make up for it.
"May I get your phone number?"
"Excuse me? Ah, here you go."
The female owner handed over her business card.
"I'll get in touch when I need coils or juice~"
"Sure~ Take care~"
I gave the business card a quick scan, then shoved it somewhere deep inside my wallet.
As I got back on the elevator and hit the vape, it felt way better than I expected.
I was messing around in front of the mirror, blowing vapor and trying out all sorts of sexy expressions and poses, when, as Park Ji-hoon would say, I had a sudden clarity moment from feeling that I'd become a total chick even by my own reckoning.
"I've lost my damn mind too..."
Before getting on the Spotted One, I opened the hood and put in the shopping bag holding the product I'd just bought.
Satisfied that I'd shopped for a decent product, I drove the car back toward school again.
I parked the Spotted One in the school parking lot that had practically become my private space, and with the remaining time, I hit a café and bought a mango smoothie.
At the café too, people were bustling about, busy.
There was still about an hour left and nothing else to do. I sat in the shade by the athletic field and watched the people playing soccer.
When I first put my lips to the straw and took a sip—this place was a hidden gem for smoothies.
Resting my chin on my hand and watching the field, I saw guys running around with full passion.
For people who had only ever studied to get into Hanguk University, they were pretty damn good at soccer.
In particular, number 46 on his back was as good as Kim Tae-oh had been back in middle school.
Park Ji-hoon was on another level entirely, since he'd been freakishly good at soccer even in the past.
'The second-half training only has two weeks left now, huh.'
Thinking I'd go visit Park Ji-hoon once he got his unit assignment, I held my mango smoothie in one hand and sipped it little by little without taking my lips off the straw.
Once you're a celebrity, everything is a bit inconvenient.
And if you're as seriously famous as I am, the inconvenience doubles.
For example, every single person playing soccer was already conscious of my presence.
The people kind enough to pretend they didn't know who I was for my sake were, surprisingly, plentiful.
But obviously, from the perspective of someone watching, you can tell every time they're just putting on an 'act'.
It'd be one thing if it were one or two people, but I live every day acutely feeling that a fair number of people are doing it.
It made me wonder if my life would've been a little different had I been born a decent bit uglier than I am now.
Well, good is good, I guess.
Even after starting university, the fact that I didn't have a single friend aside from Da-yeon struck me as a little funny about my situation.
Ji-yeong was in the law department at Hanguk University too, but Ji-yeong—who was aiming to become a judge—had such zeal for her studies that she barely slept, even after entering Hanguk University.
We'd both been happy we were at the same school,
but we hadn't met even once since starting, so that says it all.
Still, if I called her, Ji-yeong would happily come.
But I'm not selfish enough to call someone out and disrupt them just because I'm bored, when they're pouring their passion into their goal.
Dad had been the same, and Farzier too. Above all, Tae-oh, Ji-hoon, and even Da-yeon—they all worked hard enough to have no regrets for the sake of their goals.
That's when I noticed someone coming up from behind me, but I didn't particularly go out of my way to acknowledge it.
"Oh... thought it might be you. Good to see you~ junior who can't hold her liquor? You dyed your hair?"
The class president Yoon Hyeong-seop approached with an easygoing, genial look.
"Mind if I sit next to you?"
"Go ahead."
"Oh... the smoothies from this place, Vane Café, are really incredible. People who aren't on the student council usually wouldn't know about them... how did you find out about it?"
So that's why—the place made smoothies so fantastically good even I, always sensitive to flavor and a constant smoothie drinker, had to acknowledge them.
'So it was already a famous spot after all.'
"I saw it on the way here and stopped by."
"Haah... you really made an awesome choice~ I'd better swing by after my next class too~"
When I put my lips to the smoothie straw again and watched the soccer, Yoon Hyeong-seop continued.
"Hey, number 46 over there, that's our department? His name's Jeong-hun, he's the pride of the business school. He's good, right?"
As I'd mentioned earlier, number 46 was definitely the best player, even to my eyes.
"Ah, he's from our department? He really is good."
Replying to Yoon Hyeong-seop, I glanced at my phone, then casually took out my vape and put it in my mouth.
"Ssssslllllp... Haaaaaah..."
Maybe there was a synergy between its top-tier performance and my overwhelming lung capacity, because the vapor spread out almost like I'd popped a smoke grenade, even though we were outside.
Yoon Hyeong-seop was taken aback by my exhale.
But he sniffed the air, and soon let out a note of admiration.
"Oh... what flavor is that? First time I've smelled it."
"They said it's Marquisa Original?"
"Huh? Never heard of it."
"They said it's a new product."
"Oh... Marquisa Original..."
Yoon Hyeong-seop took out his own vape, murmuring the juice's name as if he were trying to memorize it.
The skull pattern on his was kind of cute.
"You mind if I vape?"
When I gave a half-hearted nod, Yoon Hyeong-seop hit his own vape.
Tssssss.
Unlike my vape, you could hear the sound of the juice boiling.
"Hoo... Oh, right, I heard from I-su the other day that you basically bought your way out of becoming the class rep with money. He was grateful, said things moved along fast thanks to you."
Him? There's no way...?
I'd figured he was at least talking behind my back, but I-su, the class secretary, must be the type who hides his true feelings.
"Yeah? That's good to hear."
I put my vape away and picked up my smoothie again to drink.
"Still, it's a shame. You've got so much talent. Not being able to make use of a person like that..."
"Hahaha."
"Then again, I get it from another angle. If a celebrity takes on a representative role somewhere, the spotlight is bound to get even more intense."
"Oh, is it?"
"...? It isn't?"
"What is."
"... Never mind."
Big-framed and with a bit of flesh on him, Yoon Hyeong-seop had distinct facial features, so he'd probably look pretty decent if he just lost some weight.
I'd assumed he drank every single day, but it seemed he reined it in during the semester.
"Ah~ if only every day were this relaxed."
"Must be a lot going on for you?"
"Got a business I run that I need to manage, plus I've gotta manage things at school~"
"A business?"
"Yeah, started it because my family was hard up, but it got more popular than I expected. I guess it's grown a fair bit now? Got a contract matter overseas coming up too. They're supposed to come to Korea around June."
"Oh... what kind of business is it?"
Yoon Hyeong-seop looked at me and smiled.
That smile almost felt like a sage's smile.
"The kind of work that needs the power of a business major the most?"
"What's that supposed to mean."
"I'll tell you if you become a student council officer."
"Then I'll pass."
"Hahaha."
Yoon Hyeong-seop bit down on his vape and smiled as he looked up at the blue sky with its sparse patches of clouds.
Then, his gaze fixed on one spot.
"Ah, I'll head off first—that's our department over there. I can see him sitting alone. If anything's bothering you, or if you're curious about something, give me a shout~"
Leaving those parting words for me, Yoon Hyeong-seop headed toward a first-year business student who was sitting off in the distance, reading a book alone.
What was kind of fascinating was that I can confidently say my memory is overwhelmingly better than almost anyone's—so much so that I know the faces of every single person I've run into, whether I want to or not.
Especially if a name even briefly passes by me along with a face, the moment I recall that face, the info I know about that person automatically comes to mind along with it.
For example, if I think of Da-yeon, the arrangement of her moles and her three sizes pop right up.
Even her scent and the feel of her skin to boot.
Even I would find it a bit tricky to recall someone with a weak presence if they'd just been sitting quietly, but Yoon Hyeong-seop had seen just a face from a distance, instantly remembered it, and headed straight over.
As though he'd specifically studied up on it or something...
At first, when he'd approached me, I'd wondered if he was trying to hit on me or something, but now I'm starting to wonder just what kind of guy he is.
"Guess you've gotta be at least that dedicated to be the class president?"
The guy's meddlesome nature is next level.
After finishing the smoothie I'd brought, I tossed it in the trash and headed to the lecture hall for class.
'A Scientific Understanding of Death.' This is the elective Da-yeon loves.
Before, at Da-yeon's house, I'd seen her still revising an assignment that I'd already completely finished ages ago.
Since she missed today, she'd asked me to lecture her on it. So, for that purpose, I rested my chin on my hand and watched the lecture.
The professor had said that when a person passes away, the part of the brain near the temporal lobe that governs hearing might still be alive, so rather than crying, you should put your ear close and be sure to say things like 'I loved you. Thank you. I will live my life to the fullest.'
That was when the professor pulled up Da-yeon's assignment on screen, anonymously.
. . . . . . .
-I believe a farewell that marks the end with a loved one is as sad and difficult as it is hard for anyone to easily imagine.
However, if there exists even a sliver of scientific evidence that a final goodbye can be made,
the sincere words that come out only at that last moment.
I believe they can serve as a small comfort, necessary for living on, to the person left behind who has sent their loved one away.
. . . . . . .
The professor smiled and nodded while reading it.
It was anonymous, but as for how I knew it was Da-yeon's assignment—I'd scanned it during the brief moment when Da-yeon had gone to the bathroom.
I just can't stand it when I'm curious, you know...
The death of a person, huh.
The temporal lobe is the last thing to die...
If what I experienced wasn't death,
then I can understand that to some extent.
But if it was death,
the feeling of becoming certain that you yourself are dying—it's nothing so pleasant,
nor was it peaceful enough in that moment to focus on what was being said into my two ears.
Death is... even if the one dying appears peaceful, they will not be at peace.
Because for the one watching, and the one going through it, it's hard for either to smile at each other.
The last words can supposedly be conveyed through eardrums fragile enough to get permanent tinnitus just from getting accidentally clapped on the ear the wrong way.
My experience was like a dive.
The moment of death, the moment of certainty—a new, different pain rose up and I was reborn.
A reality in which scientific evidence doesn't mean a goddamn thing is my reality, so leaning on scientific evidence is a little tough.
The professor read the assignment and explained the impressions he'd felt.
Judging just by his satisfied expression and tone, it seemed like the highest score was already locked in for Da-yeon, but he was holding back on saying "good job" outright.
"...."
If a person you loved died, how many people would really spit out 'I loved you. Thank you. I will live my life to the fullest.' as their final farewell?
When I sent Amy Allen off.
Even though she couldn't hear, I held her in my arms and appealed to my own emotions for a long time.
If you look at it from a different perspective, that wasn't something I did for Amy Allen.
I needed a lifeline to grab hold of to keep myself from plunging into the abyss, and all I did was desperately clutch onto Amy Allen's body, which would serve as that rope.
A 'small comfort, necessary for living on,' like in Da-yeon's assignment? When someone you love dies, no matter what you do, it can't comfort you.
I couldn't even forget her.
"Haaah..."
When I experienced death,
I wished that Tae-oh and Ji-hoon had been by my side.
I wished they would remember me. I wished they would watch over my final moment.
Sure, I can't claim everyone is the same just based on my one experience.
Though I never imagined it was Joo Gwang-il who would send someone after me.
At the very end, I was selfish to the point of being ugly.
The classroom, now empty of everyone.
I looked up at the sky for a moment, and as ever, there wasn't a single cloud.
It was more brilliantly, spotlessly clear than on any other day.
"Nice weather, huh..."