Next-Door Hyungnim.
Next-Door Hyungnim.
There's an article that's been popping up a lot in the news lately.
It says a turf war has broken out between the Triad and the Gwangsu Gang...
The Triad operates out of Incheon, apparently, and their two sons were killed by the Gwangsu Gang, so they're believed to be preparing a retaliatory strike.
A war in this day and age...
South Korean citizens were horrified by the dozens of Gwangsu Gang bodies discovered in a warehouse.
Dad was leaning against my shoulder, watching TV.
"Whoa... that's insane... isn't that Seoul, too?"
"Right? Still a scary world out there."
"Yeah."
Next week, the song Dad made on Next-Door Hyungnim would come out, and once I was on vacation, filming for Next-Door Hyungnim was waiting for me.
"Sweetie."
"Hm?"
"Did your exams go okay?"
"Eh, so-so."
I was peeling an apple when Dad opened his mouth, so I popped a piece in.
"Your head's not bothering you?"
"Not really? Even though I had short hair for a while, it's not uncomfortable."
"I heard from Da-yeon that you're getting bombarded with confessions from guys."
"Haah... don't even bring it up."
Dad lifted his head from my shoulder and looked at me with a teasing expression.
"Hahaha, our daughter's so popular~"
"I'm holding a knife, you know?"
"...Sorry."
Watching TV and mindlessly peeling fruit, I ended up with a mound of it in front of me.
"I agreed to guest on Sheen's stream this time, remember."
"Ah!"
He'd recently been hosting shows across various genres and was starting to establish himself as a top-tier Twatch streamer.
"I hear he's been pulling decent views with collabs and Maincraft."
"That's tomorrow already."
I picked up half an apple and lay down on my side.
"You know they say that's a bad posture?"
"In the old days, nobody cared about stuff like that."
"That's... nonsense. Sit up straight."
I grabbed the pillow with my toes, tossed it into the air, caught it smoothly, and propped myself up straight against it.
Dad lost all words at my casual acrobatics and bit into his apple with a crunch.
A post-exam weekend...
I got in Dad's car, and we headed to Uijeongbu to meet Sheen.
"What is this~ totally countryside~"
"You say that on a broadcast, you're gonna get mobbed."
"Look, way over there, farming."
"Come on... how is that farming? It's a little vegetable patch~"
Maybe it was the feeling of a rare trip, but Dad was pretty excited.
"Aren't you curious?"
"About what?"
"Seeing Uncle Sheen in person."
"I want to see Big sis Dubu, though."
Dubu was a female streamer I'd come across watching Sheen's stream and later through a collab, and I'm currently serving as her fan club president.
"Oh, she did say she lives in Uijeongbu. Want me to ask?"
"They say she's really pretty in person."
Dad looked thoroughly uninterested.
The sense I got was that he just thought I'd be bored with only adults around.
Watching Sheen's stream, I saw he was doing an outdoor live in what looked like downtown.
-"Wow... honestly, it didn't hit me at first? Ji-ho and Si-yoon... wow..."
-"Guys, I'm seriously, like, crazy nervous for the first time in ages."
The comments section was already exploding over the fact that Dad and I were coming as a set.
-Anon donated 1,000 won.
Wouldn't you have to sell your house to pay Ji-ho and Si-yoon's appearance fee?
-LOL
-LOL, true. Totally doable with Maple Leaf gold trading.
-Pfft, LOL.
I let out a little snort reading the comments.
"What?"
"Think they'll pay our appearance fee in gold?"
"Oh... not bad."
"Honestly, getting paid in the items Uncle Sheen has would be even better for us."
Since Sheen was treating us to tuna this time, I looked at Dad with a greasy grin.
"I hear the place we're going is a bluefin tuna specialty restaurant."
"...I think you're going way overboard..."
"Honestly, if we just hit the kamadoro and the sunazuri, we can make a killing."
"...Hahaha. I'm kind of curious to see his reaction, though?"
Hanging out with me had made Dad noticeably more mischievous, and we started scheming.
"Let's keep eating like we have no concept of money."
"Oh..."
"But eventually, Dad, you pick up the check."
"Yeah, we should. Heh heh heh..."
"Heh heh heh..."
Before we knew it, we'd arrived in Uijeongbu.
"Si-yoon, I think we're here?"
I looked around and nodded.
"Oh... guess it does have everything it needs."
Truth be told, calling Uijeongbu "countryside" up to now had been a joke.
It was the filming location of a Zombie movie—no way I wouldn't know it.
Still, the city had changed by the day, and it was quite different from the Uijeongbu I remembered.
There was nowhere to park, so we pulled into the New World Department Store, the site of the Zombie movie's final battle.
Every time I watched Dad drive, I kept thinking I wanted to get my license soon.
Honestly, I was itching to backseat-drive so badly it was driving me crazy.
After parking, we got in the elevator.
"Capping it off with a movie would be perfect~"
Dad and I had our faces covered like a pair of criminals.
If I'm being honest, Dad looked like the actual criminal, while I just looked like a celebrity hiding my face.
The other people in the elevator kept stealing glances at us.
Then a couple-looking pair started whispering to each other.
"Isn't that... Si-yoon and Ji-ho...?"
"It really... looks like them, right?"
Maybe because it was a department store elevator, it stopped at every floor, so we were stuck riding it longer than expected.
The crowd got thicker, and we naturally got separated from the couple who'd been speculating about us.
Every time a cramped space like that fills with people...
Dad tries to tuck me into his arms.
Even if I look up, annoyed, my height barely reaches his chest, so I can't even see his face.
And above all, in these situations, he usually ignores my opinion entirely.
When we got off on the first floor, the department store was crowded.
People rushing around paid us barely any attention.
As Dad and I were walking along peacefully, I noticed that HSW Teams 7 and 8 had already gone civilian-undercover and were circling around us.
And a short walk from the department store, we saw the Yi Seong-gye statue.
Sheen was streaming right in front of it, with a few spectators gathered around.
I grinned at the sight and made a phone call.
"I'll be tailing you, so start moving..."
As Sheen was looking around, he must have spotted us; he smiled, nodded, and started moving.
Dad and I kept our distance before casually joining up with him.
"Hey, Uncle. First time meeting in person, huh?"
Seeing Sheen in the flesh, he wasn't quite on Dad's level, but he had a way younger face than I'd imagined.
The chat was getting absolutely spammed with 'Si-yoon!? Yuha'.
Once Sheen was actually face-to-face with us, he looked totally flustered.
I found that a little hard to understand—he hadn't been this bad even the first time he met Dubu.
Sheen, the guy who played around just fine with Dubu, who has a distinctly hard-to-approach look.
Then again, given the reputation Dad and I have in South Korea, I guess it would be hard for him to treat us like the kid next door.
I let out a snort, watching Sheen get all awkward around us.
"Uncle, you scared?"
"Ha...! I've been streaming for years. Watch me show you the pride of a pro broadcaster..."
We'd already arrived at the tuna place and followed Sheen inside.
"You can look forward to this one. The reservations have to be made two weeks in advance."
Dad gave Sheen a smile and said,
"You're paying, right?"
"Of course. Eat whatever cut you want, as much as you want."
""Whoa...""
The interior was upscale the moment we stepped inside, and that made me start expecting the food to match.
We followed the staff naturally to a private room.
Once Dad and I were seated, Sheen, who'd fixed his camera, sat down across from us.
"Prince Siyu, it really takes me back to when I first interviewed you. How old were you then?"
"Me? I was... in first grade."
"Wow... I'm only saying this now, but... you were totally faking that whole crying-about-how-unfair-it-was thing, right?"
"Obviously."
I took off my mask and reached for the hot tea in front of me.
Sheen and the chat both went dead silent the moment my face hit the screen.
Watching that, I laughed under my breath and spoke.
"Back then, I got pretty worked up trying to catch 'Passing Bystander'... Dad gave me absolute hell for it."
"He... did? What kind of hell?"
Sheen was thrown off by my reaction but was desperately trying to keep the commentary going since he was live.
"You know, getting spanked, or kneeling with my hands up? I was eight, so it was about the same as any other little brat~"
"Does Ji-ho not scold you now?"
I shot Dad a greasy little smile, and he flinched.
"Still the same, actually."
"Hey! That's because you keep doing things that deserve it!"
Dad runs the 'Si-yoonJi-ho' Neotube channel too, so he's had some practice broadcasting, apparently.
He started reading out and replying to select comments naturally.
Right about then, Dubu knocked on the door and came in.
Her face was exactly the kind you'd admit qualifies as 'a hard-to-approach look.'
On looks alone, she could walk up and slap most celebrities to the floor with both hands.
"U-Um, hello! Ji-ho, I'm really, really a fan!"
I frowned at that and said,
"Then I'd have to call you Auntie. Call my dad 'Uncle' right now."
"Huh? Ah... uh... y-yeah. I mean, yes."
I'd heard she acts super cocky on stream but is really timid in person; guess that was true.
Either that, or she just got timid in front of the names 'Ji-ho' and 'Si-yoon'...
Whatever it was, I scooted over and gave Dubu the seat next to me.
"Want me to call you auntie~? Or should I call you big sis? We're only seven years apart, you know~"
The stiff look she gave me was the exact expression of someone staring at a superstar.
So I broke the ice to help Dubu relax.
"Big sis, I watch your streams a lot."
"Huh...? My stream?"
"I've donated a ton, too~"
"Come on... no way."
"Seriously. If I told you my Twatch username, you'd recognize it instantly, you know?"
Dubu shook her head frantically, like there was no way that could be true.
Which was understandable—most of the people who donate to Dubu are straight-up trolls.
"Wh...what's your username...?"
"No fun if I just tell you. You talk comfortably with me for over an hour, and I'll let you know~"
Dubu started desperately trying to act casual, all to find out my username.
Before long, the tuna started coming out, and I picked up a piece of kamadoro and said,
"Ma'am~ Six more orders of kamadoro, please~"
A sentence anyone would assume was about pork shoulder.
I looked down at the marbling on the tuna I was holding.
That beautiful marbling spread through the bright red flesh...
The gold dust resting on top like a flower was practically seducing me to take a bite.
Dad and I put a dab of wasabi on our tuna and ate it.
"This is good~"
"Yeah, really good."
Laughing with Dad as we ate, I grabbed two pieces of the sunazuri right next to it and dunked them straight into the chojang sauce.
"Ah?!"
Sheen's face was a mix of shock and horror.
It wasn't just a light dip—there were only a few pieces of sunazuri to begin with, and I'd straight-up submerged them; Sheen recoiled in alarm.
The gold dust left floating in the chojang sauce was the real masterpiece.
"Whoa, it's good even like this. Try it, Dad."
"Should I?"
The chat started getting spammed with "LOL."
And Sheen learned, precisely, what kind of punishment it was to feed a father and daughter who gave zero fucks about the price.
"H-Hey! That's too much!"
"Uh... is it a waste...?"
I put my chopsticks between my teeth and made my eyes sparkle, and Dad shook his head a little at the sight of me.
But Sheen, who was meeting me for the first time today, had to weep tears of blood.
"Eat up, big sis~ Uncle Sheen is paying."
I piled a generous portion of tuna onto Dubu's plate.
"Thanks... but wait... to think I had a Twatch regular in my own stream..."
Dubu's the one who, back in the day, had been dying to have a Twatch regular of her own.
"Want a hint?"
"Yeah! Let me try guessing."
"The first time I saw you, big sis, was when you were collabing with Uncle Sheen."
"Ah... I see... but that alone gives me zero clues..."
That was back when Dubu was getting a massive wave of new viewers flooding in.
"Okay, last hint~ If you don't guess it, it stays secret forever."
She nodded with a determined look, like she'd just steeled herself for something.
"The first solo stream of yours I watched was the 'twerking' one."
The moment she heard that, Dubu went rigid as a board.
Back when Dubu was a small-time streamer, I'd put up a 300,000-won donation mission on the condition she bust out some hardcore twerking.
Dubu was a total klutz physically, so she'd been forced to twerk desperately for two hours before she finally collected that 300,000 won.
"No fucking way..."
Everyone, myself included, flinched at Dubu's low voice.
Dubu, who'd picked up the tuna I'd given her and then dropped it, spoke in a trembling voice.
"Don't tell me... Noprincess...?"
"Oh..."
"You're lying!!!"
Dad and Sheen flinched at Dubu's sudden outburst and stared at her.
""...?""
"Ah... is it... is it really, really true?"
"Of course it is~ The president of your stream, at your service~"
Dubu, who'd abruptly crashed down to earth, started muttering to herself.
"Do you have any idea... how much I suffered because of you... you've got some nerve showing up..."
"Ah...?"
Back when Dubu was bummed out that she had zero female viewers,
I'd meant to drop it on her in a sort of 'Surprise~ your fan president was a female viewer all along~ ta-da~' kind of way.
But Dubu's reaction right now was not the reaction I'd predicted.
"So you're the main culprit who made my life miserable..."
"Uh... big sis? Let's calm down for a sec..."
After that, every time anyone said a word, Dubu started launching into one long grievance after another.
"I'm gonna pop to the restroom real quick~"
"Haah... I wonder if anyone would spot me 180,000 won for holding it in for one hour..."
"Dad, I want a drink."
"Skip the drink and finish the mukbang, and that's 180,000 won..."
Ah shit... her memory was better than I'd thought, and my long list of tyrannies started getting aired far and wide.
"If you refuse the mission... one ten-thousand-won deduction going forward..."
Dad's face grew more and more horrified as he listened to Dubu talk.
"The Jar Game, after barely climbing all the way up over twelve hours, start from the beginning and I'll give you 300,000 won..."
Just hearing it, honestly, it was the work of a troll among trolls—waving money to boss people around.
Now that I thought about it, aside from the occasional 1,000-won donations I sent Dubu, every other donation I'd ever made had been exactly that.
"I... because of you, I..."
I pulled out my fifth and final trump card.
Also known as... playing the victim while being the perpetrator.
"So... you didn't like it? I mean, do you not like it?"
"".....""
"...No, ma'am... I just wanted to say... thank you... Madame President."
"Aha."
As expected, my trump card was bang on the money.
Dubu's expression, having capitulated to capital, did sour a bit, but hey—whatever works, works.
Dad and I kept stuffing ourselves nonstop with the kamadoro and sunazuri, and Sheen grew steadily paler as the bill stacked up.
"Ah~ I'm stuffed~ Dad, instead of dessert, more sunazuri is the way to go, right?"
"Obviously~ Uncle said he was gonna treat us with a big, generous heart~ the more we eat, the happier he'll be!"
"Right? Then let's go with a tuna poke bowl."
Poke is usually made with various ingredients and cheaper cuts of tuna, but Dad and I drove straight for the bluefin sunazuri.
The tuna poke we made that way had a taste that was... luxury and delinquency smushed together?
A bit like a Glenfiddich Single Malt 50-Year poured into a soju bottle.
In a word, it tasted like pure decadence.
Sheen looked totally, utterly soulless at the sight of the final total.
"Wow... how can a single meal..."
Still, as he was trembling and pulling out his card, Dad grinned.
"Come on~ I was kidding. It's on me."
"Don't tempt me..."
"I mean it~"
Sheen laughed under his breath and snatched Dad's card out of his hand.
"Honestly, I only got this far because of you and Si-yoon~ This much is nothing..."
That line was a little touching.
Then again, it was exactly because Sheen consistently had that kind of personality that Dad liked him a lot.
I let out a quiet laugh and said my goodbyes.
"Thank you for the meal~"
Dad, Dubu, and I stepped outside, and Sheen came out a moment later, hauling his streaming gear.
"We'll be heading home now~"
The moment I said it in a teasing tone, Sheen snapped.
"Hey! You have to earn your meal!"
"Yep, I already earned it, didn't I?"
"Wow... you're turning more and more into Ji-hoon."
"...? What... did you just say?"
Faced with my instantly glacial expression and dead-serious face in real life, Sheen hurriedly apologized.
"Sorry..."
Normally, hitting a noraebang before a meal is the play, but we'd practically drunk down that tuna, so we headed to the noraebang after.
The second I got in, I queued up Dad's song.
"Si-yoon will help out, won't you?"
"Of course I will~"
Come to think of it, I'd never actually gone to a noraebang with Dad.
Any time I wanted to sing, I just went into the home studio...
The song of Dad's I selected was 'My Apples.'
The lyrics are entirely in English, and it's basically a bunch of nonsense.
If you roughly translate it directly, it goes, 'My apples are from Chungnam, oh yeah~ sheeit.'
Where the hell did apples suddenly come from?
It's because I had peeled him an apple right before he wrote this song.
A few comments in particular really stuck with me.
- The sweetest statement of origin in the world.
- Meet Kang Mari in Chungnam?
- Looks like Si-yoon peeled him an apple.
↳ Bullshit, LOL. If he really came up with that just from eating an apple, that's legendary.
↳ No, but the creepy thing is that actually makes perfect sense...
With a voice so beautiful you'd never believe it belonged to a 40-year-old, Dad smiled and searched for the apples.
I added the backing vocals, and Dad laid down the rap.
Originally it's a song he does solo, but this one is also a song he made because he wanted to sing it together with me.
It wasn't a noraebang with especially great sound quality or atmosphere, but in no time it transformed into a full-on concert.
Once they identified me and Dad, an overwhelming flood of foreign viewers suddenly poured into Sheen's stream.
Right then, Sheen and Dubu got a renewed confirmation of exactly who we were.