Even Bullshit Deserves Effort (1)
The Stolen Netorare Hero.
From the title alone, this novel reeked of misery. It was a textbook specimen of the netorare genre — and true to form, the story didn't merely depress. It was pitch-black.
As for the plight of the game's protagonist, Evan — well, talking about it was a waste of breath. From the start, misery-porn was the whole point of the genre, so happy developments didn't exist so much as a speck of dust.
It begins like this.
The First Hero, Maier, falls in mutual destruction alongside the Demon King. Everyone assumes the war between humans and demons is over — until the Demon King's minions start sprouting up across the continent. So the Goddess selects a second hero. That chosen one is Evan.
Of course, contrary to the Goddess's expectations, Evan is incompetent and stupid. There's a saying for this sort of thing, isn't there? A sequel can never beat the original. The Second Hero, Evan, was living proof of that universal law.
Anyway, the novel chugs along. It opens on a hopeful note — Come on, let's go on an adventure together! — but as the story progresses, hope turns out to be pure garbage. Nothing but crushing despair waits for Evan. And the shape of that despair? NTR.
Like any NTR novel, Evan struggles not to lose his heroines. And the result? Exactly what you'd expect from any NTR novel.
Childhood friend of ten years? Sure~ Go ahead and use those fingers that promised marriage to give another guy a handjob~
The master who taught the protagonist swordsmanship? Sure~ She's busy teaching some other guy how to fuck~
Every other heroine, too — the protagonist is an afterthought. They're all too busy moaning underneath other men.
Looking back on it, my situation after transmigrating into another world hadn't been half bad. Back in my day, we didn't have any of that. Sure, we fought hard sometimes, but nobody stabbed anyone in the back out in the open. And non-virgins? Ugh. Every woman in my party was a certified virgin. If I'd been stuck with a party of non-virgins, I'd have quit on the spot and left the Demon King alone.
"Mmm."
Right. Thank god I was the First Hero, Maier. If I'd been the Second Hero, Evan — ugh, just imagining it made my legs go weak.
But ta-da! What if you actually lived through the situation that made your legs go weak just by imagining it? There were no words for that.
"Heh heh heh. A mistake. Yeah, a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, right? Mmm!"
Yeah, yeah. Just like I said — everyone makes mistakes, don't they? And there's no law saying I can't be that "everyone." So then — shall I casually commit the little mistake of assassinating the Emperor?
No. First I should smash that goddamn Goddess's church to pieces. Mmm, yeah. That.
"Ah, fuck it! I quit!"
I flopped face-first onto the bed. Burying my face in the pillow, I groaned.
"Haaah, fuuuck."
I didn't even have the energy to get angry anymore. I just didn't want to do anything. Hope of going home? Hell if I know. Not my problem. It'll work out somehow.
Things had gotten bad enough that I'd lost all will to live. I felt like just stabbing myself in the throat and dying — but even that was too much of a hassle, so I kept putting it off.
What was I supposed to do at a time like this? I just stared blankly, blinking over and over. After thousands of blinks, about three hours had passed.
Thud thud!
A sudden knocking at the door snapped my consciousness back. With my barely-returned wits, I looked toward the source of the sound.
"Evan! What are you doing! Aren't you coming to morning training?"
A sharp, ringing woman's voice stabbed into my ear canal. It was a question that demanded an answer, but I didn't give one.
I'm tired, dammit…
Bang!
"Evan! Don't tell me you're still sleeping? We have to train!"
The door flew open and a woman strode in. I didn't even glance at her — just shook my head.
"Ugh, seriously! What have you been doing this whole time!"
She shoved her face toward mine. Red bob-cut hair. Combined with that irritable tone of voice, this woman's name had to be Judy.
Evan's reliable childhood friend — and the traitor who'd taken that trust and thrown it to the dogs. Judy.
I looked at her for the briefest moment, then turned my eyes away again.
"What? What's wrong with you all of a sudden? I said get up."
"…Judy. Do me a favor."
"Huh? A favor?"
"You smell like chestnut blossoms. Get out."
Her eyes went round. She stammered.
"Wh-what? Wh-what smell?"
"The chestnut blossom stench is disgusting. Get out already."
It's going to soak into the whole room. I need to air this place out.
I slowly pushed myself up and opened the window.
Mm. Better.
"So you're telling me it's Imperial Year 458 right now?"
"That's right, but…?"
"…Why?"
To Evan's question, Gadel offered a brief review.
"You've completely lost it…"
"It's really 458?"
"That's the tenth time you've asked. My ears are about to grow calluses."
"No, I'm saying why is it already 458! That doesn't make any sense!"
"If you want to complain, take it up with the almighty Goddess. If you've got a problem with the calendar system, go argue with the Emperor."
Gadel, captain of a mercenary company. As usual, he'd been about to start his day by enjoying a leisurely breakfast — when the "nice young man" Evan showed up and started talking to him.
Having received more than a few unsolicited favors from the kid, Gadel had answered Evan's questions with genuine sincerity. But the warm feeling of wanting to repay a debt hadn't lasted. The endless barrage of questions had gone past tedious and into soul-crushing.
Did he smash his head into something?
While he was entertaining that well-founded suspicion, Evan suddenly threw out a different question.
"Th-then when did the Demon King die?"
"The Demon King?"
Gadel furrowed his brow — a habit that appeared whenever he was thinking hard.
"What are you talking about? Why would you kill a Demon King who's still very much alive?"
"…?"
"His whereabouts are unknown for now, but he's probably holed up somewhere. He took a serious beating in that bloodbath with the Hero, after all."
"Wh-what?!"
In that instant, Evan bellowed. Then he seized Gadel by the collar.
Normally Gadel's temper would have had him swatting that hand away immediately — but this was the "nice" Evan. There had to be a good reason for this rudeness. So Gadel didn't use force. He just told him to calm down.
"Why the hell is that bastard still alive! The Hero gutted that son of a bitch three or four times! Who's spreading this bullshit rumor!"
"Ahem. Evan, you're the one spouting nonsense here."
In reality, Maier had slain the Demon King without much trouble — but the circumstances hadn't looked that way. By the nature of his race, the Demon King had crumbled to dust and vanished, leaving no proof of death. And the Hero Maier had disappeared without a trace as well.
"The one who died was Hero Maier. Not the Demon King. I'm angry about it too, but history is history. What can you do?"
"This fucking—! I'm already pissed I can't go home, and now you're telling me I'm dead!"
Even rough cursing, so unlike Evan. Gadel scanned Evan's head with a somewhat worried look.
Strange. No matter how carefully he checked, there was no sign of impact. So why had his mental state changed like this?
Not a physical shock, then? Maybe he's just under so much stress that he snapped.
Evan had always smiled and offered kindness — but that didn't mean his inner life was happy. Every human has troubles they can't talk about. Only the size of those troubles differs.
"R-right! That's it!"
Evan shot to his feet with a cry. The sudden eccentricity might have been startling, but Gadel had already adapted enough that nothing about it surprised him anymore. He spoke casually.
"Got something else to say?"
"The Hero's party! Maier's companions! They'd know, right! That the Hero tore the Demon King apart!"
The members of the Hero's party, who had arrived at the scene after the fact. From the traces of battle alone, they should have been able to tell who killed whom.
Gadel listened in silence, then let out a deep sigh. When he spoke, his voice was hollow.
"First, a word of advice — you shouldn't call those people by just any title. There's the matter of respect, and you might earn yourself some unnecessary hostility from people around you."
"O-oh! So what did they say? They said the Demon King was dead, right?"
"Hmm. Who do you think Archmage Karen is hunting right now?"
"What? How would I know that?"
"She's hunting the Demon King. To avenge her comrade, the Hero."
Evan's eyes went wide. Forget revenge — she was chasing a Demon King who didn't even exist?
"That was five years ago. But there's still no progress, from what I hear. That Demon King bastard is thorough, I'll give him that."
"Th-that's—!"
What kind of insane woman is that! What kind of pointless busywork is she doing!
Evan shouted his injustice at the top of his lungs. Then he grabbed Gadel by the shoulders and shook him. Poor Gadel was the only one taking damage.
"Where is she right now! I have to tell her to stop this nonsense!"
Gadel offered no resistance — just a quiet sigh. His body rocked helplessly under Evan's grip. Only once the shaking stopped could he finally open his mouth.
"How would a nobody mercenary like me know where she lives? Karen's whereabouts are just as unknown. Same for the other companions. They deliberately vanished — how are we supposed to find them?"
"…Hah."
Evan sighed again and again. After the tenth and final sigh, he slowly got to his feet. Then he trudged away with lifeless steps.
"…He's really off today."
Watching that retreating back, Gadel stroked his chin. No matter how he looked at it, something had happened.
The conclusion: five years had already passed. And I, the Hero, had been recorded as killed by the Demon King.
How the hell was I supposed to accept this?
"Haaah. This is so fucking shitty…"
It was all that Goddess bitch's fault. If that woman had just sent me home in one piece, I wouldn't be stuck here suffering like this.
I stared blankly up at the sky and muttered bitterly.
"You fucking bitch… I'm going to kill you. Guaranteed."
She wouldn't die cleanly. I'd take my time savoring it until I was satisfied.
I was walking along, burning with that resolve, when—
"E-Evan?!"
I ran into a man and a woman coming the other way. The woman who spotted me looked thoroughly shocked.
"Oh my? Evan, it's been so long!"
And the man with his arm around her waist wore a faintly sly expression. That guy looked extremely greasy. White hair, narrow eyes — a face that advertised I am a slimy piece of shit with his entire body. True to that appearance, the man grinned with a thoroughly unpleasant smile.
…Something about them feels familiar.
I only looked at the pair for a moment before it clicked. That woman — she was one of them. One of Evan's heroines. And the man beside her was the villain who'd NTR'd her. Judging by the look of things, they were on their way back from a thoroughly messy round of fucking. Which would explain why the woman looked so flustered.
Tsk. As if I wasn't already annoyed enough.
Both the woman and the man looked like they had something to say. Seemed I was about to walk into a thoroughly bothersome situation.