The Aftermath of the Kim Shinu Law
The Research Student Human Rights Promotion Act. Commonly known as the Kim Shinu Law. It marked a major turning point in academy history by dramatically improving the treatment of research students. Of course, to the professors it felt more like having their carotid arteries slit. Still, that was a story for a slightly more distant future. Not the one we were living right now.
Let's rewind the timeline and return to the academy's point of view. This is the moment right after the bill was proposed.
Maybe Hyeji's declaration as the true heroine had been too effective. The bill itself moved forward at a frightening speed, so fast that people wondered if it was even possible. The moment my name entered the equation, however, every professor in the academy started paying attention to me. Naturally, in the worst possible way.
I had never been on good terms with most of the faculty to begin with. Honestly, I wasn't even sure of the exact reasons.
Who told them to sneak into the student cafeteria?
They already had their own faculty dining hall, yet daring to eye the student one was a mortal sin. Whenever the student cafeteria ran out of popular menu items or came up short on side dishes, it was almost always the professors' fault. Research students sometimes had to dig up grass roots to eat because they were broke. I couldn't tolerate those bastards greasing their bellies in the student cafeteria while the grad students suffered.
There's a limit to what you can skip, you fucking bastards.
And that was how the proposal of the Kim Shinu Law drove a stake through the already terrible relationship between me and the professors. The fact that things between us would spiral even further into ruin was, in a way, inevitable.
One day after class, while I was heading to the cafeteria with the others, Professor Pilyong came looking for me. The moment he saw me, he grabbed my collar without a word.
"Grrrrrr..."
"Hyeji, hold on."
The situation was a powder keg. Veins bulging on his neck, Professor Pilyong started screaming at me.
"You! You! You bastard! How dare you repay kindness with enmity!"
"You wrote your thesis just fine thanks to me, so why are you suddenly acting like this?"
"And of all people, you dare drag my brother's name into it!"
"It was agreed upon with Lord Cheonma. I paid a fair price."
None of my business.
As Professor Pilyong's aura grew more vicious, the rest of the group dropped their relaxed expressions and prepared for a fight. He didn't seem to notice any of them. His eyes stayed locked on me as he roared like a wild animal. He had clearly lost half his mind.
"After pulling a stunt like this, do you really think you'll get away with it?!"
"Keep this up and I'll plant hair on your head just to rip it out again."
You only realize how precious something is after you lose it again.
Professor Pilyong's face had turned beet red. The hand gripping my collar trembled with raw power. But he shut his mouth and didn't try anything more. He knew I was the kind of guy who would actually do it. Instead, he chose to roughly release my collar, huffing furiously as he turned to leave.
Unfortunately for him, he stepped in a puddle on his way out and took a spectacular face-first dive. There was a loud smack. Since he didn't move afterward, it looked like he'd fainted.
We gathered around the unconscious professor. His eyes had rolled back and his entire head, face included, was coated in filthy water. He didn't seem like he'd be waking up anytime soon no matter what we did.
Seeing this, Elsia placed a black seaweed-like plant on top of Professor Pilyong's head.
"Elsia, what is that?"
"It's a weed that only grows in our elf forest."
"Elsia, why are you planting a plant on his head?"
"Sister Hyeji is truly ignorant, isn't she? Your head is as empty as your chest."
"Grrrrrrrr..."
Elsia flinched at Hyeji's growl. She immediately turned to me for help.
"Husband! Save me!"
"My lord! Please stop her!"
"Hyeji, wait."
Elsia, who had been trembling behind me, carefully stepped forward once Hyeji stopped threatening her. Then, as if nothing had happened, she spoke with complete confidence.
"This is a plant that's become popular among people suffering from hair loss lately."
"Why? If you put it on your head, does it turn into hair?"
"Yes! Exactly!"
What... the hell did she just say...
Hyeji regained her composure and asked another question. She seemed genuinely curious.
"Elsia, what's the actual principle behind it?"
"It takes root in the follicles, consumes all the nutrients meant for the hair, and grows grass that looks exactly like hair!"
If you'd stopped there, it would have sounded like an incredible invention. Too bad Elsia's next sentence ruined it.
"It simply burns its one brilliant moment in a lifetime and withers away after a few days."
".......Isn't that just torture through false hope?"
"Since you're doomed to live with hair loss forever anyway, you might as well go out in a blaze of glory once!"
"Like how Miss Elsia's coin crashes straight to rock bottom in a single moment?"
"Don't worry! It'll rise again soon enough!"
Elsia didn't shrink back even at Jeong Ayeon's words. The absolute certainty in her voice made me wonder if it really would rise.
......Fuck.
We returned to the original topic—why exactly she had placed the seaweed on Professor Pilyong's head.
"But why put it on Professor Pilyong's head?"
"He'll be bald his entire life, so I wanted to let him feel what it's like to have lush hair at least once!"
"......That doesn't sound like something a sane person would think."
"It's been a while since I agreed with Jeong Ayeon."
"Oh, Shinu! Look! It's taking root!"
At some point the plant Elsia had placed on Professor Pilyong's head had begun rooting itself in his scalp. According to her, it would soon grow and function as hair. But even after watching for quite a while, nothing else happened after it took root. Not even a little.
"Hey, Elsia? Isn't that a defective product?"
"No! Let me check again!"
Elsia examined the plant on Professor Pilyong's head. Then her hands suddenly started shaking violently.
"There are... no follicles?"
Exactly. Professor Pilyong's head was already a complete wasteland. A barren desert with neither nutrients nor even a single hair follicle. With the expression of someone who had seen something she shouldn't, Elsia roughly yanked the plant off and tossed it into the flower bed.
Thanks to that, Professor Pilyong's head was now covered in rainwater and dirt. When the plant was torn away it must have felt like his hair was being ripped out, because even while unconscious, faint tears welled in his eyes.
Feeling a pang of pity, I took out a tissue and approached him. I wiped only his head until it was perfectly shiny and smooth, then continued on my way.
It was pitiful that Professor Pilyong's identity was being erased.
We continued on our way. The last thing I heard was Professor Pilyong's anguished wail.
"Shinu, did I push the bill through too quickly?"
"No, you did well. Thank you."
"Truly, my lord's actions were righteous."
"Someone had to do it."
"However, the backlash seems quite severe."
Just as Jeong Ayeon said, the professors' harassment was endless. Sudden hard shoulder checks as they walked by. Throwing trash cans at me and ordering me to clean up. Knocking things out of my hands.
"Shinu, want me to take a few of them out as an example?"
".....If you do it they'll actually die, so please don't."
The mad dog Hyeji's engine had started once again. There are no bad dogs in the world. Only bad owners. Which meant that as long as I held the leash, there wouldn't be any problems.
Then Hyeji suddenly bit down hard on my arm.
"......Why are you doing that all of a sudden?"
"Because it seems the owner is the problem."
"......"
In the middle of that, someone else slammed into my shoulder hard as they passed.
These motherfuckers really want to die.
Should I endure it like Piece said? I decided to have a talk with my inner self.
Mini Shinu can endure it. Right? But Mega Shinu can't.
Compared to what the professors were doing, my revenge was actually quite cute.
For the professors who slammed into my shoulder, I would pretend to stumble.
"Whoa, fuck, I'm falling!"
"Kyaaaaaaaack! I'm flying!!"
Then I'd grab their clothes and hurl them into the distance. They wouldn't die from something like that. If they did, they wouldn't qualify as professors in this novel.
Sometimes Elsia would pickpocket the professors who bumped into me.
"Hey!! Elsia, have you lost your mind???"
"Oh my! I brought compensation money for our husband."
"Elsia, no matter what, stealing is wrong."
"......Understood. I'll return it."
When Elsia drooped her shoulders with a gloomy expression, I knocked the wallet out of her hand and sent it flying to the ground.
"Huh? Who threw away a wallet?"
"Husband! I love you!!!"
"......Say that while looking at my face at least, you crazy woman."
"Don't worry! I'm always looking at husband's face!"
Or when a professor threw a trash can at me and told me to clean it up.
Time to give the newbies a proper treat.
I slipped some trash and a live cockroach into the professor's pocket. A live one, of course. These days every web novel character has a pet anyway.
At first, seeing what I was doing, both Hyeji and Jeong Ayeon offered to help.
"Shinu, I'll help too."
"My lord, this lady shall assist as well."
"Really? Here, take these."
I handed each of them a cockroach. As the bugs wriggled and crawled busily up their arms, their expressions rotted at lightning speed.
"You son of a bitch, are you insane?"
"My lord, have you gone mad?"
Was this not what they meant?
I asked them urgently.
"...Weren't you offering to help with the sleight of hand?"
"This lady meant she would help clean up the trash!!"
"Huh? There's burning trash right in front of my eyes right now?"
".......Hyeji? You have to classify people as non-burnable trash."
"From today onward he's burnable trash. I decided it."
After that little incident, neither of them offered to help me anymore.
Finally, when professors knocked things out of my hands.
"Tenno Heika Banzai!!!!!"
"Kieeeeeeeeeeek!!!"
"Ack!! What the hell is this roe deer!!!"
I ordered the roe deer squad to perform banzai attacks whenever a professor was holding something important. The roe deer themselves gave it high marks, saying it felt better than getting hit by a car. A satisfaction rating of 4.8 out of 5 stars. The 0.2 deduction came from Elsia trying to harvest meat from the fainted roe deer after every attack.
During those moments, Elsia's escort elves would join our group. The moment any roe deer showed signs of fainting, they would try to snatch it, which slightly lowered the rating.
Anyway, the professors' harassment was more manageable than expected.
Then why pick a fight with the tower?