Versus the Bald Guy

I stood facing off against the professor. In my right hand, I held a broken soju bottle, swaying unsteadily like the textbook definition of a drunkard. Meanwhile, the professor had slightly hunched his large frame, hands hovering awkwardly as if preparing to grab something. He looked exactly like a grappling specialist stepping into the ring.

I kept swaying. Hoping it would lull him into letting his guard down, even just a little.

...Truth was, I really was drunk. Should've just dumped the whole bottle instead of downing it in one go.

"You really think you can start a fight after drinking that much?"

"No... *urp*... problem at all."

Fuck. It was coming back up again.

The professor's expression screamed deep skepticism about having to fight a pathetic loser like me. Eventually he gave up thinking about it and continued.

"Hah... Fine. Let's begin."

"But Professor."

"What."

I glanced around the classroom before turning back to him.

"Won't the students watching get hurt?"

"I didn't expect words like that to come out of your mouth... How surprising."

Unlike your head, I actually have common sense, you bald fuck. No conscience, no common sense, no hair. The unholy trinity, you piece of shit.

At that moment, a youthful voice came from the back of the classroom.

"Professor, I can take care of that."

"Ah, was your name Hye-ji? I'd appreciate it."

"Yes~. Understood."

In response to the professor, a girl ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠stood up from her seat. She had straight red hair with slightly messy bangs and golden eyes like a reptile. Looking inexplicably excited, she smiled as she walked to the front of the class holding a small black cube.

She tossed it between me and the professor.

"Activating~!"

"Good."

In an instant, a white translucent barrier enveloped the area around me and the professor.

The professor gave the girl a look that said explain, and she immediately began.

"Rather than covering everyone, trapping just the two parties involved is more efficient, so I did it this way~."

"Whatever works, as long as no one else gets hurt. Thank you, Hye-ji."

"You're welcome~! Have a great time~!"

Great time? Are you insane? What kind of great time am I supposed to have with this bald old man? The thought of BaldProfessorForciblyChargingInClassroom.MP4 already made me sick.

"I'll let you have the first move."

"It'd be pretty shameless for the professor to take the first move too."

"Would you shut your mouth and just come at me already!!"

I slowly approached the professor while thinking about how to attack. With each step, I carefully organized my plan.

First, stab the abdomen, then adapt based on his reaction.

When only a few steps remained between us, I suddenly accelerated. I planted my left foot hard, pulled back my right arm, and thrust forward.

Or rather, I tried to thrust.

Right before a black number appeared above the professor's head.

He regressed, huh?

You don't have confidence? You fucking loser?

You're really going to regress against a student?

Just before extending my loaded right hand, I desperately began moving my head.

Assuming he experienced a future where I stabbed him and regressed.

His hand position was already ambiguous from the start, so he could still grab me like this.

I need to change what I'm doing.

Especially that smug little grin the moment the number went up. It pissed me off so much.

Suddenly this is so fucking annoying. Regressing and shit, what a pathetic bastard.

I urgently revised my plan of stabbing his gut with the broken soju bottle. Instead, I released the bottle in my right hand and pulled back my right foot that had been behind me. Then I kicked the bottle as hard as I could toward the professor's face.

-BANG!!!!!!!

Because I kicked it hard enough, the bottle shattered, sending glass shards flying in every direction. Most of them flew straight toward the professor's face.

"What?!?!"

For the first time, shock rather than a smile appeared on the professor's face. At the same time, the red number above his head went up by 1.

Didn't expect that, did you, baldy?

Stop grinning. How nice.

In the unexpected situation, the professor hurriedly used his arms to block the flying fragments heading for his face. Unfortunately for him—and fortunately for me—he took an involuntary step backward with his right foot.

I used that opening to plant my raised right foot on the ground and prepare my next move. At the same time, bits of Kang Hyuk's teachings started floating up in my mind.

-Even if they're a hunter, at the end of the day they're still human.

-The basics you need to learn are techniques for fighting other people.

-Unless they're some kind of monster, no matter how strong they are, the laws of the human body still apply.

To the professor, it was just one step. A single step back with his right foot. Not much of a variable.

But for me, it was more than enough.

I lifted my left leg and whipped it around like a lash. My target was the back of the professor's left knee.

-For example, if you apply force in the direction that bends the joint? Then the joint bends.

A clean impact sound proved the kick had landed perfectly. Of course, I wasn't trying to cause damage with the strike. I'd already assumed his body was tough enough to shatter a soju bottle with his head alone.

I was aiming for something else.

The professor's knee bent involuntarily from the strong external impact. And that bent knee was more than enough to throw off his center of gravity.

The moment I saw it, I immediately pulled my left leg back to its original position. At the same time, my left arm grabbed the sleeve near the professor's right elbow.

All of it flowed together naturally, like water.

And flowing water must never stop.

My right arm invaded the professor's right armpit, hooking tightly around the inside of his elbow. It looked like two hooks locking together.

-If the opponent's center of gravity is off balance? Crush them right then.

I immediately placed my left foot between the professor's legs, twisted my body to face the opposite direction, then put all my strength into my legs and pulled his arm as hard as I could, slamming him down.

-BOOM!!!!!!!

The sound echoed loudly, proportional to the professor's mass. But it wasn't over yet.

I recalled the lessons in my head again.

-You think hunters are invincible? What idiot said that?

-If they can't breathe, they die. And there are a few very vulnerable spots—if you hit them, the damage stays permanent. For real.

-Even if a knife won't pierce their body, a clean hit to the jaw will knock them out.

I immediately pressed down on his throat with my right knee while using my left hand to forcibly pry his eyes open.

-For example, eyes.

-Some guys train their balls, so be careful with those.

Fuck, why did that last part have to pop into my head?

In my right hand, I held the wooden chopstick I'd hidden in my sleeve earlier and thrust it forward. I stopped my hand right before the chopstick pierced his eyeball.

The entire sequence had happened in just a few seconds.

"Huff... huff... Professor... This should count as... subduing you, right?"

"...Y...eah."

Probably because his throat was being crushed, the professor barely managed to answer in a tiny voice.

I didn't have particularly good feelings toward him, so I was about to press down harder, but he kept tapping my knee with his palm. Tapping out.

Tsk. What a shame. When else am I gonna get to beat him up like this?

In the end, after pressing down a few more times, I reluctantly withdrew my hand with obvious disappointment and slightly lifted the knee that had been crushing his throat.

After taking several breaths, the professor spoke while still lying on the ground.

"Hoo... Yes, you subdued me splendidly."

"Huff huff... Thank you..."

But I was starting to feel like shit.

"This year's Iron Rank looks promising. By the way, would you tell me what your ability is?"

"...Huff... huff... Well, about that."

Ah. I can't hold it anymore.

"There, there. Take your time answering. So, what is your ability?"

"Blarghhhhhhhhhh—"

The human body is both weak and strong. Even in extreme situations, humans adapt and survive. At the same time, humans are also capable of creating miserable results from just one bottle of soju.

After pouring liquor into my stomach and then moving violently, it was only ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠natural that it would come back up. The problem was that it happened right on the professor's face.

Still, since I'd done it on an empty stomach, it wasn't like fermented bean pancakes—just a murky liquid pouring down like a rainstorm. It wasn't the worst outcome, but it was close. Tears that weren't from the professor's own eyes formed at the corners of his eyes.

...I'm sorry, Professor.

The waterfall made of soju and gastric juice crashed down onto the professor's face. It wasn't particularly fast or slow, but the speed at which the professor's face crumpled into despair was faster than anything else.

When the entire sequence finally ended, the professor slowly got up and trudged out of the classroom. Even when the next class period arrived, he still hadn't returned.

He was supposed to teach both first and second period consecutively. Did we just get a sudden cancellation? Thank you, students.

The moment I thought that, the door opened and the professor walked in—having changed all his clothes.

By the way, I was sitting in the very front seat. I had no choice. Back seats filling up first is the national rule. But you fucking idiots are sitting way too close. What the hell is with two people per seat?

Meanwhile, the professor came right in front of me and made eye contact.

"Right. I still haven't introduced myself to you. My name is Kang Pilyong."

"Hello, Professor Kang Pilyong. I'm Kim Shinu."

"Yes. That... unfortunate accident, let's just skip over it."

"You mean the vomiting?"

Tears looked like they were about to form in the professor's eyes again.

"Don't talk about it. It reminds me of when a monster puked on me twenty years ago."

"So I'm the second one, huh."

"Anyway, the way you subdued me was truly impressive. Did you use some kind of ability?"

"I didn't, though?"

An instant silence fell. All kinds of emotions began swirling in the professor's eyes. Doubt. Suspicion. Confusion. Humiliation. The professor stared at me and the grappling hook with eyes full of mixed feelings.

"?"

"?"

"?...Really?"

"Yes, really. I swear on everything."

"Just wait a moment."

Professor Pilyong stepped out of the classroom while calling someone on his phone. Fifteen minutes later, he returned carrying a black spherical device with flashing LEDs.

Professor Pilyong held up the spherical device and began explaining.

"Everyone! Please look over here. This is a device called an ability scanner. The government has encouraged ability users to voluntarily report and register their abilities, but it hasn't been very successful. So this is the research achievement that our graduate students poured their hearts into. It's still in the prototype stage. However, it can scan the majority of existing abilities."

...The only scanner I know is the one from Cat of the Ruined World. This novel is doomed! From now on, Kyaru rules this place!

"I'll demonstrate it once, so please watch carefully."

Professor Pilyong placed the scanner on the lectern and put both hands on the top of the device. At first I didn't notice, but upon closer inspection, there were slight grooves on the top so hands could be placed properly.

As soon as Professor Pilyong's hands touched it, the LED colors on the scanner began changing brilliantly. After about fifteen seconds, once the scan was complete, a short mechanical voice outputted.

"Yes, as the scanner said, I possess the freezing ability. The explanation is also accurate. Although it's still a prototype, as development progresses it will scan even more precisely than this."

Damn it, I won because I didn't use my ability. If I had used it, I probably would've lost with high probability. Getting frozen the moment he grabbed me would've been pretty painful.

I thought while carefully examining the scanner. Still, that thing's going to be useful later. Now they can catch all the unregistered users and force them to register.

But at that moment, I remembered something I'd forgotten.

.........Fuck.

That unregistered user was me, wasn't it?

I started breaking out in a cold sweat, but Professor Pilyong kept pressuring me to use the scanner.

"So Shinu, would you place your hand on it once?"

"...I'm a powerless person, do I really have to?"

"You might have an ability you don't know about. Just try it."

"Be honest. You just don't want to admit you lost to a powerless person, right?"

"......Hurry up. You bastard."

From what I'd heard, academy students were required to register any abilities they had. Violations meant expulsion at minimum, and in severe cases, arrest and a red mark on their record.

This is so fucked. For real.

In the end, I resigned myself and placed my hand on the device. I prayed nothing would happen, but my heart was already half-given up.

Goodbye, my beautiful academy life.

The LEDs changed brilliantly, but inversely proportional to that, my heart grew increasingly depressed. Exactly like before, after fifteen seconds the scan finished and a short mechanical voice came out.

??? ????????

I was so shocked I couldn't even speak. Then Professor Pilyong, with bloodshot eyes, forcibly placed my hand on it again.

Unable to accept it, Professor Pilyong forcibly held onto my hand even as I tried to pull it away. But the result didn't change.

Hey, you son of a bitch. Say it once.

Then I heard the students around me murmuring.

Professor Pilyong's face slowly began to rot. Whether he liked it or not, the students' murmuring showed no signs of dying down.

...I'm definitely beating up those last two bastards later. I'm going to beat the absolute shit out of them.

The students' murmuring only grew louder. It didn't decrease at all. Even under this unexpected attack, Professor Pilyong stubbornly kept smiling. His eyes were just very dead. Plus, in contrast to his smiling face, veins were starting to pop out all over his bald head.

"Everyone! Since this device is still a prototype, it will take some time until commercialization. For now, today's results will become the foundation for a brighter tomorrow. I'll show it again next time. That's all for today's class. Thank you."

Right before Professor Pilyong left, I grabbed him.

"Ah, Professor!"

"What is it? Shinu?"

"You remember the condition you offered me earlier, right?"

"You mean nullifying your tardiness? Yes. Today, you were never late."

Since he was trying to leave hurriedly after saying that, I grabbed Professor Pilyong once more.

"Ah, there's one more thing."

"What do you mean?"

"You said you'd cover for anything I do in all classes today."

"Ah, did I? Yes. Today, no matter what you do, I'll take full responsibility."

Professor Pilyong looked busy, but I asked again to get a clear confirmation.

"You definitely promised in front of all the students here, right?"

"Yes. I promise!"

And then he ran out of the classroom. From far away, I faintly heard the cry of "Graaaaduate stuuudents!!!"

Today, Professor Pilyong's graduate students will once again spend the night in tears. Doing graduate research? You have a talent for indirectly saying you want to commit suicide!

***

"So... everything the student is doing right now is because of Professor Kang Pilyong? Is that it?"

A strict-looking woman in her thirties with braided green hair and glasses ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠ground her teeth. Of course, I remained extremely calm no matter what.

Please stop glaring at me like that. You're going to get more wrinkles on your face.

"Yes, that's right. He said he would take responsibility for everything. Heh!"

Anyway, I'd already heard him say he'd take responsibility. I'd given up on the back seats long ago. There was no sign of them being as ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠empty as the office bathroom in the morning.

In the end, I sat in the front seat, eating snacks and cup ramen while drinking alcohol. The soju that had gotten lukewarm hadn't even had its cap opened yet, so I exchanged it for a cold one at the school store. As a condition for buying one bag of snacks, I got a new pair of wooden chopsticks. I just got hot water from the store and quietly went back up to the classroom. There was a water dispenser right in front of the Gold Rank classroom, but after the morning incident I felt a bit awkward using it.

First class: 09:00~10:15. Second class: 10:30~11:45. Third class: 12:00~13:15. Second and third years could eat after second period. Unfortunately, pathetic first-years could only eat after finishing third period.

But I had already received permission. I hadn't even eaten breakfast and only drank alcohol, so I really felt like I was going to die. So while everyone else was clutching their starving stomachs, only I was enjoying a happy meal.

I poured in cold soju, and while the sharp aroma lingered at the tip of my nose, I drank the spicy cup ramen. In between, I ate the salty potato chips and sweet snacks I'd prepared by type. When the snacks started getting boring, I bit off the chewy noodles and drank more alcohol. It was an infinite loop of pleasure.

Have you ever had sex? This is sex. I decided it is.

All the other students couldn't endure this inhuman behavior and were having fits. The female professor conducting the class in front of me was suppressing her anger and forcing herself to continue the lesson. Professor Pilyong would probably get chewed out badly, or in the worst case, even have to submit a written statement. Of course, that wasn't my problem.

Thanks to you, I'm eating well, Professor. If you don't like it, you should've won.