The Pyre That Soothes Forgotten Dreams
Despite the Academy President's screams, the clowns on stage began tying him to a massive wooden pillar they'd dragged in from somewhere. Beneath his thrashing feet, piles of firewood steadily grew. The whole scene looked eerily similar to a medieval witch hunt.
"Let me go! You crazy bastards!!"
[My dear, wasn't the plot supposed to avoid killing the president here?]
'And the plot where the president gets fucked by monsters makes sense?'
Right then, one of the clowns standing next to me handed me a clown mask. It was clearly meant to hide my face. Since I had no desire to get recognized, I quietly took it and slipped it over my head.
The moment I finished putting on the mask, Elsia shouted again in a booming voice.
"This offering was captured from the back mountain! It's a pig that slipped a disc in its back and has been hobbling around ever since!!!!"
"I'm not a pig, I'm a human being!!!"
"Look! The evil spirit of coins has possessed it!!!"
She grabbed a torch and held it high like a holy relic. In one hand, the torch. In the other, a microphone. Holding two completely unrelated items, Elsia cried out in a solemn voice.
"Everyone!!!! Today we march toward the all-time high!!!"
At that moment, numbers began rising one by one above the heads of countless clowns. The ones around me were no exception. Suddenly I was surrounded by countless mirror shards.
[Are you going to look?]
'...I think I already know without looking.'
Everyone raised their phones high into the air and, as if by agreement, began shouting in one unified voice.
"""""We beg you, we beg you. Please let us break through the all-time high!!!!"""""
"Your desperation is lacking!!!!! Shout it one more time!!!!"
"""""We march toward the all-time high!!!!! Full speed ahead!!!!"""""
"Louder!!!!!"
The moment everyone's desperation reached a sufficient level, Elsia began setting fire to the firewood piled beneath the president's feet.
As the flames slowly rose, the president started shouting desperately. It seemed he'd finally felt the heat under his feet and realized this was real.
"Put out the fire right now!!!! This body is the president, I tell you!!!!"
But his words fell on completely deaf ears. Everyone ignored him as if the screams of a sacrificial offering meant nothing.
Then, suddenly, Elsia pointed straight at me and beckoned me onto the stage.
"You there! The clown wearing the mask in front!!! Please come up!!!"
All the clowns around me stepped back to make it easier for me to pass. Carried by their cheers and applause, I slowly made my way onto the stage.
By the time I fully stepped onto it, the clowns' cheers and clapping had grown so thunderous that no other sound could be heard. If anyone saw this from afar, they might have mistaken it for some grand religious ceremony.
At that moment, Elsia recognized me and started to speak.
"Husba-."
[My dear! That pig's ears are still open, you know!]
'If she gets caught, we're fucked.'
I hurriedly reached out and covered Elsia's mouth, whispering so only she could hear.
"Shh, stop. Don't say anything, my little kitten."
"Nyehye..."
Elsia answered in a tiny voice through the gap in my fingers, her face lost in ecstasy.
When I removed my hand from her mouth, Elsia picked up the microphone again and spoke.
"The clown who has come forward will say a few words to all of you!! Everyone, please listen carefully!!!"
With that, she handed me the microphone.
I took it and began facing the countless gazes of the clowns staring at me head-on. I swallowed down the rising pressure, cleared my throat, and opened my mouth.
"Everyone. They say you should only invest in coins or stocks with money you can afford to lose."
The mood sank in an instant. The clowns' eyes, once filled with hope and passion, began shifting to hatred and contempt.
Under those gazes, Elsia stood beside me with an anxious expression, watching me closely. She slowly began manifesting butterflies around us. It looked like she was ready to subdue them all and run away with me if things went south.
An uncomfortable silence now ruled the plaza, filled with silent resentment. The atmosphere felt like it could erupt into a knife fight at any moment.
Then the president, who had been groaning in pain, suddenly muttered in a puzzled voice.
"Wait a minute... that voice sounds familiar..."
[My dear! That pig might figure it out at this rate.]
'Fuck, that would actually be dangerous.'
I lowered my voice slightly, making it deep and dignified, then shouted powerfully.
"But that doesn't mean you should really lose everything, does it!!!! Am I wrong!!!!"
"""""That is an extremely correct statement!!!!!"""""
The flames of madness rose once again among the clowns. There was no turning back now. Since it had come to this, I decided to go all the way.
"Everyone!!! Have your coins broken through the all-time high yet!!!!"
"""""No they haven't!!!!!"""""
"We even offered a sacrifice, but there's still no sign of it going up!! What should we do in this situation!!!!"
"""""Please enlighten these foolish ones!!!!!"""""
Countless expectant eyes locked onto me. I faced those gazes boldly, squeezing my throat to shout in a voice close to a roar.
"Is a pathetic fire like this going to be enough!!!! We need a bigger flame!!!!!!"
"""""Burn him! Burn him! Burn him!"""""
"Please stop, I beg you!!!!"
Paying no attention to the president's wails, I grabbed all the oil prepared behind the stage and dumped it over him. The flames roared up even more fiercely than before.
At the sight, every clown cheered wildly and stared down at their phones. Soon they began shedding tears of fervent passion.
"It's really going up!!!!"
"It's gone from -81% to -40%! Please, just keep going like this!!!"
"You guys still haven't bought?! Can't you see the full-buy timing?"
"What the hell are you idiots still not selling your kidneys for?! Hurry up and add to your seed money!!!"
"Hey fuck, go dig up those bastards who already buried themselves!!! It's going up now!!!"
"Let's only walk the path of flames!!!!!!!"
This insane scene wasn't much different for Elsia. She clutched her phone with bloodshot eyes, cheering desperately.
"Goat, hang in there!!! It'll definitely go up later, but it's okay if it goes up now too!!!!"
With some breathing room, I looked around and spotted the escort elves in the distance. They weren't wearing clown makeup, but the way they gripped their phones suggested they were in the exact same situation.
[They're all insane.]
'The world has always been led by madmen.'
I was happy too that the Elf Coin I'd sunk money into was skyrocketing. Elsia had always said it would go up, and while it didn't seem like it before, there was no harm in it rising now.
Keeping that pleasant feeling close, I approached the president, who was burning brightly.
"Aaaaaaaaagh!!!"
"Does it hurt?"
"Save me!! Please!!"
"I'll ease your suffering."
"Really?! I beg you!!!"
[Even so, you're quite the benevolent one. To release such a wicked man.]
'Watching someone writhe in agony isn't exactly pleasant either.'
I stood beside the president with a rather serious expression. Even though he couldn't see, he turned his head toward my voice. Somehow, it looked like he was clinging to a sliver of hope from me.
To answer that hope, I began burning off what little side hair he had left.
- Whoosh!
"Uwaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!!!"
[You crazy bastard! You crazy bastard! You crazy bastard!]
'This is the shortcut to reducing his pain.'
The president's scream suddenly grew much louder. The clowns lifted their heads from their phones with puzzled looks, then, upon seeing his side hair burning, began cheering even more enthusiastically.
"""""Burn brighter!!!"""""
"You bastard!! Why the hell did you do that!!!"
I grabbed the microphone and shouted to everyone.
"Everyone!!!! What is the root of all suffering!!!"
"""""The brain!!!"""""
"Then what should we do!!!"
"""""Destroy it!!!"""""
"You son of a bitch! All that for such a ridiculous reason!!"
The president's side hair was now engulfed in flames. At this point, he could legitimately be called Flame Heihachi. As a bonus, it really seemed to make all the coins skyrocket.
Now every clown knelt in place and began praying devoutly.
'Human sacrifice still works, huh.'
[Fuck, is this the Academy or the Aztecs?!]
'They both start with "A," so let's just call them similar.'
But our joy didn't last long. A single raindrop fell from the sky. As if it were a signal, a heavy downpour began.
Thanks to that, the fire on the president was cleanly extinguished, leaving only thick smoke rising. As if on cue, all the coins began plummeting. They fell in nearly straight lines, like rain pouring from above.
"Stop, fuck!!!!!!"
"Goat, don't be in pain. Goat, don't be in pain. Goat, don't be in pain."
"Fuck! I only have one kidney left!!!!"
"Looking for someone to bury together!! First two people!!"
"It's really over!!!!! Ugh~ My life is over!!!!! I'm so sick of this!!!!"
But it wasn't just the clowns' joy being washed away by the rainwater. Their makeup began washing off one by one as well. The bodies that had hidden behind anonymity to spread their madness were finally being revealed.
In the end, everyone started frantically fleeing the plaza. Elsia's situation wasn't much different. Her wig had gone crooked and her makeup was coming off.
So the only ones left on stage were the president, still emitting smoke like a signal beacon, and me, still wearing my mask. Just the two of us.
'What a shame. It was going to be grilled over direct flames.'
[It's become smoked instead.]
'But it's really raining.'
[Isn't it because the president is a pig that a rain ritual was performed?]
I checked on the unconscious president. Although parts of his clothes had burned away, there wasn't even a trace of soot on his body. As for his head, only his hair had burned, leaving it slightly singed.
'...He's a lump of fat, yet none of it burned?'
[Is this what they call non-combustible fat or something?]
I quietly reached out toward the unconscious president. Then I plucked out every last bit of the side hair he had left.
[What kind of vicious shit are you pulling now!!]
'Burnt hair is bad for the body.'
After neatly finishing the president's side hair with what amounted to a Brazilian wax, I left him there and stepped down from the stage.
Of course, Hye-ji was nowhere to be seen. She must have returned to the dormitory as soon as the rain started. Since there was no reason for me to stay either, I quickly ran back to the dormitory.
The president wasn't rescued that day, but the next. The one who found him was the cafeteria dog, No-reong-i. It had thought he was smoked meat and bitten him, then collapsed on the spot. The kitchen staff discovered him while looking for the dog and rescued the president.
As for No-reong-i, it suffered from food poisoning and hovered near death, but after a stomach pumping, it recovered its health.
That day, a short article appeared in the school newspaper. Even the person who wrote it seemed to have been burned by coins, because the content was actually comforting the clowns.
Why do we fall... It is so that we may rise again.