Ajumma, Moron, Samsung
Three meaningless words. Our family had come to the big-box supermarket to buy groceries. We went through a lot of food at home, so the plan was to stock up on ingredients in bulk. Choco hyung stayed behind to watch the house. He threw a massive fit at first, but he agreed to behave if we brought him jerky.
We pushed two carts around the store, filling them to the brim. Most of it was stuff to replenish Dad’s energy.
Look at your father! The man is truly going to die.
I’m seriously worried. If she doesn’t get pregnant soon, he’s just going to keep wasting away.
What is that scrawny arm! Nothing but skin and bones! Standing up is already his limit!
We started ringing up the mountain of items. That was when a hand suddenly thrust itself in front of me. It belonged to Mom.
“Hand it over.”
“Hand what over?”
“Your card.”
“Wait, why are you charging it to my money?”
The way she tried to rob me the second I showed up was straight-up highway robbery. Still—
“I’ll leak the CD.”
“Here you go, Mother.”
I surrendered instantly. The banking app on my phone showed the account balance dropping in real time. Every last won vanished in seconds.
It’s all gone.
Can’t be helped. Being too attached to money isn’t healthy anyway.
I hauled all the purchased items to the car, grunting the whole way. By myself, obviously. I couldn’t ask Dad to help, and Mom was already planted in the driver’s seat.
She had the window rolled down, casually watching the world outside. I made a tiny attempt at rebellion.
“Hey, I’m the one who paid. Can’t you at least help carry some?”
“Shut up and move the bags.”
Normally Mom would have done it herself, but the moment I showed up she decided I was the designated pack mule. Anger flared before I could stop it.
“Don’t you have any conscience? You already stole my money—why are you stealing my labor too?”
“Stop whining about your mom and just move the damn bags.”
“…You are my mom, you know.”
“Oh. Right.”
It hurt. It hurt so much. I suddenly missed my real mom so badly.
Yuz maman. Aris maman. Kokkoro maman. I miss you all.
Just die already, you fucking bastard. Please hold your breath and perish.
That was when I spotted a little kid in the distance. He was lying on the floor throwing a full-blown tantrum, sobbing his heart out.
As I carried the last load, Mom noticed him too. She grinned at me with a wicked little smile.
“Son, remember this? I picked you up when you were throwing a fit and crying exactly like that at the mart.”
A surprise attack. I refused to lose.
“Yes, ajumma. Of course I remember.”
The second the words left my mouth, Mom slammed the accelerator and peeled out of the parking lot. I tried to chase her down, but catching up to a veteran housewife’s driving skills was impossible.
In the end, the only thing left was walking all the way home from the distant supermarket.
Why in the world would you counterattack with that?!
I never back down from a fight someone picks with me. That is the way of the tower.
Then I remembered the jerky I’d promised Choco hyung, so I turned around and bought some before heading home.
The moment I walked through the door, Choco hyung greeted me. We bumped fists—well, fist and paw.
To think something like this is the protagonist…
It’s fine. Still better than all those trashy, hateable protagonists.
Now that Choco hyung was in a good mood, I took him out for a walk.
“So, you moron, what the hell happened?”
“I headbutted an electric pole.”
We were currently at the police station. Hyeji had come to get me. My parents obviously didn’t show up. Kang Hyuk’s phone was off. By process of elimination, Hyeji was the one who appeared.
She grabbed my collar and immediately started screaming. Her words were unusually sharp today.
“Why the fuck did you ram into a goddamn electric pole while walking a dog?!”
It had been a small accident during our walk with Choco hyung. Staring at Hyeji’s terrifying glare, I accidentally slipped into polite speech.
“I got too excited and ran straight into it.”
“Fuck. Seriously.”
Hyeji clutched her head, still gripping my collar. She clearly thought the story was complete nonsense.
“And what’s this I hear? While you were unconscious, the dog guarded your side?!”
“Yes, that is correct.”
“Are you insane? Why did you two swap intelligence?!”
“Well, he’s my hyung, so it’s only natural for him to protect his little brother.”
“No, why the hell is a dog your older brother?!?!”
Hyeji protested even harder, as if the idea that Choco hyung was my brother was the most ridiculous part.
Ah, right. Hyeji doesn’t know I became sworn brothers with Choco hyung.
…I don’t even know where to begin with this mess.
I gave Hyeji the short version: we drank together, had a sincere heart-to-heart, and became sworn brothers. After listening to the whole story, she started laughing. It was the laugh of someone halfway to losing her mind.
“Ha… haha… fuck. How did I end up with a guy like this…”
Once she pulled herself together, she asked the obvious question.
“If you’re hurt, why are you at the police station instead of the hospital?”
“They said my headbutt caused a blackout in the area. I’ve been named a suspect.”
She grabbed my collar again. This time she looked even more furious, so I instinctively shrank back.
“How is your head perfectly fine while the electric pole is the one shaking?!?!?!”
“…Good question.”
It would be more believable if you claimed the pole attacked you.
I should’ve gone with that.
Choco hyung tried to intervene and calm Hyeji down. Since she couldn’t understand his barks, she turned to me for translation.
“…Just to be sure… Shinu, what’s he saying?”
“He says you shouldn’t bully his little brother too much.”
“…Fuck… I’m actually losing my mind.”
“As expected, hyung really is the best.”
This situation was apparently so absurd that even the police officers inside were holding a meeting. No malicious intent. I was still registered as a normal civilian. And the fact that said civilian had caused a blackout with nothing but a headbutt. Those three points had them genuinely stumped. Their faces said they were half-convinced they’d get chewed out if they filed a report.
In the end, the incident was quietly swept under the rug.
Good thing I’m still technically powerless.
Yes. But when exactly is your registration going to be finished?
Probably not until this novel ends, right?
The blackout incident wrapped up with a light scolding. Thank goodness.
“Guess the walk’s canceled.”
“Shinu, please just go home.”
“Yeah. Thanks for today. See you later.”
The moment I tried to leave, Hyeji suddenly grabbed me.
“…Shinu, are you free next week?”
“I have no friends, so nowhere to go.”
“Not bad.”
Hyeji looked oddly pleased. She made an abrupt suggestion.
“Then why don’t you come over to my house next week?”
“Sure, got it. Send me the address later.”
The second I answered, Hyeji clamped down on my arm like a vice. Her grip made it very clear I had no choice.
“You must come completely alone!!! Understand?!?!”
“…I understand, so can you let go of my arm? I think I’m growing an extra elbow.”
Luckily she released me before a second joint could form. Even as we parted, she kept confirming over and over that I had to come alone. It felt like something terrible would happen if I didn’t show up.
You? You are really going to go?
I mean, sure. It’s someone else’s house, though—should I bring a gift?
Piece expressed pure bewilderment.
…What? What did you just say?
What? It’s basic manners.
For you to finally show some human decency… I am truly moved.
…Piece-nim, I’ve been spoiling you too much lately, haven’t I?
Piece frantically shouted that she was sorry, but it was already too late.
I returned home safely with Choco hyung. Then, for the first time in a while, I logged into the Mystic Sorcerer gallery. It was time for HAL to get to work.
That night, one voice screamed in my room. Two voices screamed inside my head.
The day I promised to visit Hyeji.
Is… is this the right place?
It is, yet… I never imagined this.
I was extremely flustered. I’d bought a case of vitamin drinks from the pharmacy as a gift and followed the address Hyeji sent. Everything had been fine up to that point. The gift was appropriate, and the address itself looked normal.
But after I arrived, what greeted me was—
Fuck. Isn’t this the kind of place where a commoner bastard gets mocked at the entrance?
Even I feel uncomfortable in a place like this.
It was an insanely luxurious apartment complex that didn’t feel real. A place that didn’t suit me at all. I started worrying whether my current appearance even qualified me to step inside.
Even so, can you not simply walk in?
That place has a minimum qualification requirement.
Take Starbucks, for example. If you show up without the latest iPhone and a MacBook? You can’t even enter, let alone order. Our apartment wasn’t bad, but the one in front of me now was on a completely different level.
The urge to run away slowly crept into my head.
…Should I bolt?
This once, I agree with you.
Lingering would only get me reported. The moment I turned to flee, Hyeji suddenly appeared and greeted me.
“Shinu, you’re here. Let’s go in.”
“…Yeah.”
“Are you sick?”
Hyeji noticed my terrible expression and looked worried.
“I can’t adapt to this high-class apartment. I want to run away.”
“People live the same everywhere. Let’s hurry.”
In the end I followed Hyeji into the complex. At least the people passing by didn’t stare. That was a relief.
“Still, it’s different from what I expected, so that’s good.”
“…Shinu? What exactly were you expecting?”
Hyeji tilted her head. Still trembling from the lingering fear, I answered.
“I was worried they’d make the commoner bastard do tricks in front of everyone.”
It was frightening.
Exactly.
Instead of answering with words, Hyeji responded by slamming two powerful punches into my side. For a moment I couldn’t speak; I could only gasp for air. Hyeji dragged my CC-debilitated body toward her house. This time, the passersby did stare.
Anyway, pulled along by Hyeji’s hand, I got on the elevator. Her place was on the top floor. Even with an express elevator, the ride felt long—it was that high up.
Doesn’t the top floor usually have bad heating?
Are you worrying about that in a luxury apartment like this?!
It could be a rooftop unit.
But I was wrong. The moment we stepped off the elevator and entered her home, a completely different world unfolded.
Oh shit. It’s a penthouse. So this is possible because Hyeji’s dad is a Samsung man, huh?
Simply earning money well would not be enough. The money would have to be rotting away in absurd amounts.
Right then, a man came into view. He hadn’t noticed us yet and kept watering the plants. The face looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it.
“I’m home.”
“…Hello.”
Then it hit me where I’d seen him. He was the man who had been sitting in the driver’s seat when Hyeji gave me a ride. I whispered so only Hyeji could hear.
“Hyeji. You make the driver come to the house to take care of the plants?”
“What????? What kind of bullshit is that?”
“Wait, isn’t that the driver who drove us last time?”
“Are you crazy? No!”
Just then the man turned to look at us.
Black hair. Deep wrinkles around his eyes. Golden irises that clashed strangely with the black hair. Very tall. A body that was far too well-trained for his age. He definitely wasn’t an ordinary person. Especially the sharp, weapon-like gleam in his eyes—it was fierce enough to cut.
Then Hyeji spoke.
“Dad. I’m home.”
“Yes, and that must be the friend from last time.”
…It was Dad.
There is no resemblance at all except for the eyes.
Now that I knew he was Hyeji’s father, I quickly greeted him.
“Hello, sir. My name is Kim Shinu.”
“Yes.”
“It’s not much, but here’s a small housewarming gift.”
“Yes.”
Hyeji’s father only answered in short, clipped responses. The way he kept staring at me with a displeased look was incredibly uncomfortable.
Why is the Samsung engineer looking at me like he wants to kill me?
Is he truly an engineer? Those eyes look more like they belong to someone who has drowned people in concrete.
Must be the alien interrogation specialist.
Hyeji said she’d be right back after stepping into her room. That left only two people in the living room: me and Hyeji’s father.
“Sit.”
“Yes, sir.”
I sat where he indicated. He naturally took the seat directly across from me. We were face-to-face, yet only silence flowed between us. I had no idea what to say, and apparently he wasn’t in a hurry to speak either.
This is awkward.
It really is.
The atmosphere was unbearably uncomfortable. It felt like invisible needles were pricking every inch of my body. Fortunately the silence didn’t last long. Hyeji’s father finally spoke.
“Nice to meet you, Shinu. I am Hyeji’s father.”
“Yes, nice to meet you, sir.”
“Allow me to introduce myself briefly.”
“Please do.”
“My name is Kim Baekhong. I am fifty years old.”
That was when I noticed the strange decorations lining the living room walls. I couldn’t read the plaques, but there were several nameplates and what looked like medals. They resembled the kind of honors given to soldiers.
…Medals?
What is it?
Suddenly a bunch of keywords flooded my mind. Kim Hyeji. The need to encounter countless weapons to manifest them. An environment where she could design and manufacture blueprints. Excessive training since childhood. Hyeji’s masterful swordsmanship and marksmanship. Her father’s intense gaze. All those medals.
The moment the keywords were about to click together, Kim Baekhong’s next words became the final piece of the puzzle.
“My occupation is simply working in a modest capacity for the Ministry of National Defense.”
The combination was complete. One fact became crystal clear.
Ack, fuck. They said her dad was Samsung, but it wasn’t the company Samsung—it was three-star Samsung.
He was quite a high-ranking individual.
My friend’s dad is a general? Suddenly this is incredibly uncomfortable.
Lieutenant General Kim Baekhong of the Ministry of National Defense. That was my first meeting with Hyeji’s father.