Before Even Tasting the Grilled Professor Meat
Before I could even taste the grilled professor meat, I was half-forcibly dragged to the infirmary.
"Both sets of ribs have nearly complete fractures, and your right arm is such a shredded mess it's a miracle it's still attached."
"Did you see it earlier, noona?"
"Yeah. I caught it from the middle onward. Why the hell were you throwing hands without the dueling arena's safety system?"
"Short version? Some pig dumped an entire pot of tteokbokki all over the system."
"A pig?"
"Yeah. A purple one."
Oh, right. Fuck.
At that moment, Yelim noona made a slightly disgusted face.
"And after examining your head..."
"And?"
"Why isn't there a single scratch?"
"......Beats me."
They're gonna send someone from Wakanda to collect it.
After a few more tests from Yelim noona, I quietly listened to the results and received treatment. The shredded remains of my right arm got slathered head-to-toe in the same slime-like gel they used when my left arm exploded last time. My torso was completely wrapped up thanks to the cracked ribs. I was a total wreck.
I suddenly feel the urge to start chanting "I don't need a prince."
Meanwhile, Hyeji, Jung Ayeon, and Elsia were still waiting because they hadn't taken their final exams yet. That left only me and Yelim noona in the infirmary right now. Then Yelim noona spoke up like something had just occurred to her.
"Shinwoo, I heard you got harassed by the chicken farm ladies while I was on vacation."
"Those crazy Gold Miss bitches started throwing memorization spells in the middle of the faculty meeting."
"Oh my, so that's why they can't get married~. Everyone needs to fix their personalities~."
"......You say that like you escaped their fate through sheer willpower."
"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."
Still, it was nice to see the couple I'd set up actually walking a pure love route.
Besides rape-pure-love, there's training-pure-love, hypnosis-pure-love, and confinement-pure-love.
Anyway, if they're happy, doesn't that make it pure love?
Right then, someone threw the door open with a bang.
"It's me."
"That was fast?"
It was Hyeji. She was probably the second one after me, but she looked like she'd finished way quicker than expected.
"I showed them what happens when you don't ban weapons."
"......I think the novel needs to put some restrictions on you for balance purposes."
From what I'd heard, Hyeji's opponent had been a giant feline-type monster. They apparently didn't even know the exact species.
"No, was it a cat, a wolf, or did the two of them get it on? How do you not know?"
"If I slaughter everything the second it starts, why would I need to know such trivial details?"
"Sorry, I'm just a weakling so I couldn't understand. As expected, overwhelming power really is the best."
"You're actually the weirder one here. You fought doped-up beef without any safety systems."
"Oh right. I never got to eat that nutrient-injected beef."
All the one-bite addicts need to be cut from the story. I caught it myself.
Then Hyeji dropped a bombshell.
"It's already all been eaten. Unfortunately, you'll have to give up."
"Those sons of bitches. I caught it, so why the hell are they the ones stuffing their faces?"
Apparently the higher-ups were currently doing a sword dance targeting everyone connected to the hair-loss professor. While they had prevented the monster from causing any major incidents, the criticism was that the import and containment procedures had been sloppy.
The initial decision was to force the professor's voluntary resignation. However, that decision was overturned. The cornered professor had eaten all the beef, and his hair had started growing back. From that barren wasteland of a scalp, no less.
Therefore, instead of voluntary resignation, the academy's final ruling was to strip him of his professorship and use him as a research student. In reality, it meant using him as a living human sample. On top of that, the higher-ups had already agreed on how to divide up the research data among themselves.
Not a demon. Not Satan. Humans. It's humans.
Wouldn't the lesson plan be moving a bit too fast?
Surprisingly, the research students who participated in the experiment received no punishment. No expulsion, and they were promised no disadvantages when acquiring their degrees—a generous verdict. Instead, they had agreed to continue working as research students until the study was successfully completed. Nominally, it was because they were victims who had simply followed the professor's orders, so they wouldn't be held heavily accountable. But there was a hidden reason for that too. They couldn't possibly let go of the research students who were the core workforce behind the recipe development.
The so-called "agreement" was more like "Do you want to stamp the paper with a knife at your throat or not?" What kind of agreement is that?
It's short for KaeByungSin Academy, so it's not exactly wrong.
Just then, Jung Ayeon and Elsia walked in together. Jung Ayeon looked genuinely shocked when she saw me.
"Young Master! Are you alright? I expected you to have recovered by now!"
"You're saying I'm fine even though I'm wearing a damn corset? This is misandry."
"Seeing that you're still in your right mind, it seems the young master really is fine!"
"Fuck. Seriously."
On the other hand, Elsia was waving around a thick wad of cash. Before I could even ask, she explained.
"Husband! Husband! I made money thanks to you!"
Huh????? That's right?
I couldn't understand it. The professors should have completely cracked down on the students' illegal betting.
"Elsia? What are you talking about?"
"Ah, I got in on the secret betting the professors were running among themselves. Everyone except me bet on the cow bastard, you know?"
"......Where exactly do I need to start killing people to purify this academy?"
Fuck.
From the looks of it, both Jung Ayeon and Elsia had passed safely. That was good, at least.
"Anyway, young master, we passed without issue as well."
"But doesn't using your ability turn you blind? How did you manage?"
"Strangely enough, this lady's summons were able to pinpoint the monster's exact location."
The novel's setting was thrown together like absolute garbage.
Then a thought suddenly hit me. Would this even count as passing the test?
"This will count as a pass, right? They're not seriously going to make me retake it?"
"Would they be crazy enough to make you retake something like this?"
"That's right! Husband fought like a complete madman!"
I guess so?
Once I'd recovered enough, I joined the others and left the infirmary. Before we went, Yelim noona told me to contact Uncle Kanghyuk at some point, so I said I would.
***
My thinking had been wrong. The correct answer really was gyojeonjuk (kill all the professors). It made sense—the majority of the professors had pushed for my retake.
The person who broke it was the boss, so they say they can't touch it recklessly.
In the end, they agreed to replace the practical score with a written theory exam. When I protested to the professors, the main reason they gave for the retake was that scoring was too difficult.
Normally, monsters summoned through the simulator could have their scores calculated based on loss rates during the student's fight. However, the monster I fought was different. It was an invasive species brought in from outside, and it was so overwhelmingly strong that numerical data was hard to record. That was their excuse for forcing a retake.
From what I saw, they're just pissed they lost money on the betting. Stupid bastards.
The retake would consist of each professor submitting two questions, which would then be compiled into a single test. But since they were professors, they found even that annoying, so they decided the loser of rock-paper-scissors would create the entire thing.
Why the hell am I involved, you fuckers?
A bunch of lazy, honey-sucking professors. It really was a state-run academy, after all.
***
This is shit. The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off. This reality where I can't kill those professor bastards is complete shit.
I really should have killed that chicken-farm bitch Park Miran during the meeting.
The moment Professor Park Miran—who had lost at rock-paper-scissors—got to create every single question, I should have realized my test was doomed. At the time, I'd been taking it way too lightly. But the second I received the test paper, I knew I'd fucked up. The only thought in my head was why I hadn't killed this son of a bitch sooner.
The difficulty level was vicious, as if every ounce of resentment from being an unmarried spinster had been poured into it. Here is an example:
Q. A mercenary hunter not affiliated with any guild is requesting information about an unknown gate. Select all appropriate responses.
1) Mol? Is it you?
2) Is that so.
3) You don't need to know.
4) I don't know either, so go find someone else.
5) None of the above.
It seems like that's the proper way to respond to mercenary hunters who aren't guild-affiliated? I don't know the exact reason.
In the end, I completely bombed the test. However, thanks to the bonus points from fighting the beef, I barely managed to avoid failing and scraped into the middle ranks.
When I left the classroom, no one was waiting. Well, it was to be expected. It was already far too late.
Those extras are all ability elitists anyway, so they had no reason to wait for me.
Still, I have to stay vigilant. In other worldviews, tons of people get possessed that way.
Hyeji said she had something to discuss with her father and left first. Jung Ayeon also headed back to prepare for her return home now that finals were over. Elsia had wanted to stay until my retake finished, but—
We usually call knocking someone out and dragging them away "kidnapping."
Thanks to the guard elf, that plan failed spectacularly. In the end, I returned to the dormitory and slowly started packing. I wasn't leaving immediately, but vacation was right around the corner, so there was no harm in preparing early.
It feels like a prison, so I want to argue, but the fact that it's accurate pisses me off even more.
I packed everything except the clothes I would wear immediately, stuffing it all until the bag was bursting. There wasn't much difference from when I had first arrived at the academy.
***
The last day of class before vacation. There was practically no actual lesson content. It felt like going to school the day after the college entrance exam ended.
Ah, The Shawshank Redemption can't be helped.
Watching the rooftop scene—the highlight of the masterpiece—made me crave a cold beer. On the way back to the dormitory, the thought of buying some began to bloom in the corner of my mind.
Come to think of it, that side can't even taste anything, right?
That's a little sad. Not being able to feel any of the other senses.
Let's think about it. Only being able to see the world through someone else's eyes while being unable to feel anything else? If this were a neglected game, it would've failed ages ago.
But the voice in my head seemed to feel differently.
Why? It sounds suffocating.
No, please disappear during moments like that.
Please be advised. Futanari is not authentic TS.
The professor supervising the classroom today was someone I'd never seen before. Wavy black hair. Snake-like sharp eyes with black pupils. Tight clothing that showed off her slender figure without restraint. However, the students were too focused on the movie to pay any attention to her.
Who cares about a slender figure? Right now Red is getting paroled.
As the movie neared its end, Hyeji watched with sparkling eyes while Jung Ayeon was tearing up, completely absorbed. At that moment, the professor silently approached me and narrowed her eyes. When I noticed and met her gaze, she gave me a very seductive smile.
"You're Shinwoo, correct? I'm Professor Kim Jiseon."
"Yes, hello."
Hyeji shot her a sharp glare full of wariness, but Professor Kim Jiseon gently ignored it and leaned close to my ear. Then she whispered so quietly that only I could hear.
"Ryu Kanghyuk. Where is that man right now?"
My blood ran cold.