Exterminating the Hazardous Pests

The restaurant wasn't occupied solely by the heroines. It was packed with all kinds of cat beastmen. The holy knights sat shoulder to shoulder, each of them unwinding in their own chaotic way.

"Pour it, you fucking furballs!!!"

"Boss! This is cinnamon powder! I told you to sprinkle bonito flakes!"

"Why the hell are you chugging the booze like that!"

"Isn't the whole point of drinking to figure out the answer to that question?"

"Does booze taste sweet to you? I've lived too comfortably, so it just tastes bitter as hell."

It was an incredibly dizzying scene. This was supposed to be a high-class restaurant, but thanks to these insane furballs, it suddenly looked like a cheap dive bar. The only things barely proving its upscale status were the fancy decorations and architectural details.

The only empty spot was the heroines' table. Hye-ji and I had no choice but to head over there. Hye-ji sat down with a clearly displeased expression.

"Head down, you piece of shit."

"Fuck."

I obediently pressed my forehead against the table right next to Caersi. After taking a few solid hits in that position, I was finally allowed to sit up properly.

The moment I sat down, I asked the question that had been bothering me since the beginning, directing it at Elsia and Ayeon.

"Why are you two even here?"

"It was a co-in-ci-dence!"

"...It just sort of happened, my dear."

Elsia had a completely shameless look on her face, while Ayeon avoided my gaze like she had something to feel guilty about. Caersi let out a sigh and answered for them.

"They were whining and clinging to me, begging me to buy them food, nya."

"And you just happened to pick this place?"

"That wasn't me, nya. These two insisted strongly on coming here, nya."

"Then what about all these holy knights?"

"Once it got to this point, they threw a fit demanding we turn it into a company dinner, nya."

Caersi shook her head in exasperation. Meanwhile, Hye-ji's gaze toward Elsia and Ayeon grew sharp enough to cut.

"You really want to die?"

"......"

"......"

Both Elsia and Ayeon shrank back without saying a word. Then, a sudden question occurred to me about Caersi, so I asked right away.

"You're supposed to be clergy, right? Is it okay for you to be pounding drinks like this?"

No matter how much the religion allowed it, drinking alcohol wasn't exactly going to earn them favorable looks. But Caersi simply raised her glass high as if my concern was completely unnecessary.

"It's fine, nya! For today only, it's all about the Lord of Booze, nya!"

'It's the Trinity. Lord. Lord of Stocks. Lord of Booze.'

My vision was starting to get a little blurry. It felt like there was fur floating around everywhere. Right then, angry voices ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠reached my ears.

"Fuck! I told you long-haired breeds should eat in a private room! There's hair in the drinks!"

"Short-haired breeds shed like crazy too! Why are we the only ones getting discriminated against!"

"Everyone shut the hell up unless you're a Sphynx cat beastman!!!"

It really was fur flying around. As if to prove it, every single glass at the table was now piled high with cat hair.

When we stopped drinking and just stared at Caersi, she scratched her cheek apologetically.

"I shouldn't have listened to these idiots, nya."

Meanwhile, Hye-ji's expression had turned deadly serious. It was understandable—her date had been interrupted, and now she was dealing with this nonsense. Noticing the shift in Hye-ji's mood, Caersi hurriedly tried to shoo the holy knights out.

"Nope! Today's a day with no Saintess or any of that crap!"

"We're not even the real power anymore anyway, so why should we listen to you!"

"Time to switch factions!"

"Study hall time! Let's have study hall, you bastards!"

"Hey Saintess! Come over here and introduce yourself!"

The already heavily drunk crazy holy knights weren't listening at all. Hye-ji exploded with killing intent, but it didn't do much good. The excessive amount of alcohol had completely paralyzed their survival instincts.

But the instincts of a furball remained. The proof was a holy knight in the distance, completely wasted and grooming himself.

So of course there was a way to deal with these lunatics. I decided to start with bribery.

I asked the restaurant staff to bring out several large cardboard boxes and place them outside. Hye-ji looked at what I was doing with a puzzled expression.

"Shin-woo, you don't seriously think these idiots are dumb enough to fall for something like that, do you?"

"Out of the way!!! That box is mine!!!"

"......"

The effect was immediate. The majority of the furball holy knights dove straight into the boxes and started purring contentedly. If they had been cute cats, it might have been adorable. But since they were disgusting furry bastards, it wasn't exactly a pleasant sight.

I quickly wrapped the boxes in layers of packing tape and stacked them neatly outside the restaurant.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"Hot! That was close, nya!"

It worked so well that even Caersi nearly got lured in for a second. I quickly sat her back down and looked around. There were still a few holy knights left who hadn't left, clinging to their superhuman patience.

If the bribery didn't work, there was no choice. Time for the hard approach.

"Waaaaah!!!!"

"Haaaaack!!!!"

Water spraying. The sudden deluge sent the remaining furballs scrambling out of the restaurant like their tails were on fire. Of course, one water-resistant cat beastman remained.

"I'm going! I'm going! I'm heading to the place where Novelpia has expanded into the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠mainstream!!!!"

I unloaded my secret weapons right onto the water cat's face. Catnip. Bonito flakes. And churu on top of that. I didn't know how it worked in the Beastman Kingdom, but in Korea, these were the officially permitted drugs for cats.

As a result, the water cat completely lost her mind and vanished to a place that absolutely didn't exist in this world. I roughly stuffed her into a box, stacked it outside like luggage, and returned.

When I came back...

"Haaaaah!!! This feels amazing, nya!!!"

There was one more furball. It was Caersi, with her face buried in the very items I'd used to take down the last water cat. Still, since she was a nekomimi and not a full furry, she quickly came to her senses and started coughing awkwardly.

Anyway, all the obstacles had been removed.

"Shall we?"

"Yeah."

I held my hand out to Hye-ji, and she shyly took it. In that state, we moved to a different table. Hye-ji's expression finally brightened up completely. We sat facing each other, just the two of us.

Then I gently took Hye-ji's hand as her face turned red.

"Hye-ji."

"...Yeah."

To be honest, I'm not good at flowery words. I'm great at tearing people down and attacking them, but my brain completely shuts off when it comes to the opposite. I don't know how to move a woman's heart with eloquent speech like the protagonists in other novels.

All I've ever done is convey my feelings by crashing into things headfirst every single time. It might look pathetic, but I don't care. This is just how I've always lived.

So even though it's clumsy...

"I love you."

"......Take care of me, babe."

I put my whole heart into it. Hye-ji answered in an unusually small, quiet voice. I finished by lightly kissing the back of her hand and giving her a gentle smile.

In response, Hye-ji smiled brightly with tears welling up in her eyes. A pink atmosphere bloomed between us.

Right on cue, the quick-witted staff began serving the course dishes. It couldn't have been more perfect.

It was perfect. It should have been.

But somehow...

"Bring all the alcohol, fuck!!!!!!"

Hye-ji had lost her mind.

She had been giggling with happiness after hearing my confession. Up to that point, it wasn't bad. The problem came after.

She couldn't keep her senses straight and kept repeating toasts like crazy, saying we should commemorate this moment forever. One bite of food, one glass of liquor. No sipping—straight shots. And only the expensive, high-proof stuff.

Obviously, I had no choice but to match her. If I hesitated even a little, Hye-ji would immediately glare at me fiercely.

'Fuck. I feel like I'm actually dying.'

As a result, by the time the course meal ended, the other heroines had gathered at our table again. To be precise, the heavily drunk Hye-ji had called them over.

At that moment, Elsia suddenly stood up from her seat.

"I'll be going first!"

"Really?"

"Yes! And I'll pay for the drinks I had before I leave!"

'Fuck. The novel's finally showing signs of collapse.'

"Did you call, nya?"

"Not you, it's Kyaru I'm talking about."

She didn't show up this time. That was a relief. Elsia stopped by the register for a moment, then headed straight for the door. Before leaving, she turned to look at me and licked her lips slightly.

"We'll meet again very soon! Husband!"

"Yeah. Get home safe."

"Yes, see you later!"

Elsia left after saying something that felt a bit suspicious. I tried to think about what she meant, but I'd drunk so much that my brain wasn't working properly. I decided to just let it go.

Right then, I saw the deranged heroines.

"Fuck!!! It's an anniversary, an anniversary!!! Sex!!!"

"Since we ate deliciously today, it must be zero calories!"

"Nyahahahahahaha!!! You guys are hundreds of times better than those shitty holy knights, nya!!!"

I had to stop this. The great disaster from last time could happen again.

"Guys, don't you think you're drinking a bit too fast?"

But my words were useless. All I got in return was provocation.

"Shin-woo, you scared?"

"You are quite adorable, my dear. No breast milk, but how about a glass of regular milk?"

"The coward should stay out of this~. This is the domain of fierce heroines, nya~."

I couldn't let that slide. Piece desperately tried to stop me.

'The tower doesn't stop!'

"Let's drink even faster, you fucking bitches!!!!!!!!!!!"

We ate food that melted in our mouths. We chugged bottles of liquor that burned our throats. We chatted excitedly the whole time. Not a single person ran away. Everyone kept repeating the same actions with madness in their eyes until the very end.

How much time had passed? At some point, only Caersi and I were left exchanging drinks. My head was spinning and my vision was swirling, but Caersi looked strangely ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠sober.

"How are you not drunk?"

"It's the blessing of the Lord of Booze, nya!"

"That passive is fucking broken."

Meanwhile, Hye-ji and Ayeon had completely lost their minds. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠In Hye-ji's case...

"Fuck, you pink bitch! You think having big tits lets you ignore everything I say?"

She was suddenly yelling at a large pink spherical decoration. Then she kicked it hard enough to shatter it. Looking satisfied, she started chugging a bottle of liquor like it was a trumpet.

The restaurant staff rushed over to stop her, but...

"Whatever Hye-ji breaks, I'll pay double the price, nya."

"Bring everything you've got!!!!!"

With a single sentence from Caersi, the hotel staff did a complete one-eighty. True professionals.

On the other hand, Ayeon was...

"Young Lady Hye-ji! Say something, anything!"

Yelling at a red wall at the top of her lungs. It was a blessing that Hye-ji was drunk. If she'd seen this while sober, Ayeon probably would've been split into three neat parts: Jeong, A, and Yeon.

Soon after, Ayeon pressed her ear against the wall with a deathly pale face, tears streaming down as she shouted desperately.

"Young Lady! What happened?! Her heart has stopped!"

She was spraying alcohol all over the wall like water, trying to wake Hye-ji up. Then she'd come to her senses for a moment, drink more, and go crazy again. It was a constant cycle.

Everyone had gone completely insane, but there was one silver lining. Unlike last time, no one was throwing up. The stuff we were drinking now was strong liquor, but it was all extremely expensive. They were on a completely different level from the Captain Q we'd had before. Thanks to that, everyone was barely clinging to the final line.

'It's never been normal from the start, so it's fine.'

Still, everything has an end. The alcohol and food prepared by the restaurant had finally run out. Both Hye-ji and Ayeon had collapsed on the floor, exhausted and asleep. I carried Ayeon on my back and held Hye-ji in my arms.

Watching Caersi settle the bill, a question suddenly popped into my head.

"What are we going to do about what the holy knights ate earlier?"

"Just tell those shitty bastards to handle it themselves, nya. It's not my problem anymore, nya."

Caersi's tone had suddenly turned ice-cold. It was scary enough that I didn't dare ask any more questions and kept my mouth shut.

Right before we left, something else occurred to me. This time I asked the staff member who was processing the card payment at the register.

"By the way, how much did our pink-haired elf pay for the drinks earlier?"

Given Elsia's drinking capacity, it should have been similar to ours. Since she'd been communicating normally, I figured she hadn't drunk that much.

But reality always exceeds expectations.

"She didn't drink anything, so she didn't pay for any drinks and just left."

"......Excuse me?"

'Yeah. Fuck, that's so Elsia.'

In a way, it was a relief. If she had actually paid, I was seriously considering dragging her to a mental hospital.