Choco's Harem and the GOTY Bullshit Contest
Unlike Mom, Choco opened the door and greeted me warmly. On the surface, he looked the same imposing Choco as always—except for one thing.
[......Why the hell is a damn dog regressing?]
Finally, the novel title is making sense.
A number had appeared above Choco's head. It was a small number, suggesting he'd regressed fairly recently, but the fact that he could regress at all was what mattered. Now the story was truly living up to its title.
I held out my fist to Choco, whom I hadn't seen in a while, and he responded with a bro-fist. A picture-perfect display of brotherly affection. The heroines, however, didn't seem to share the sentiment. They greeted Choco with lukewarm expressions.
"...Hello. We've met before, haven't we?"
"Bark! Bark! Bark!"
"......A pleasure. I am Jeong Ayeon."
Choco gave me a light nudge and congratulated me on having so many pretty girlfriends. I thanked him and handed over the gifts along with the kimchi container Mom had packed. Choco expressed his gratitude, asking why I'd bothered bringing all this. He really was family.
Stepping inside, the apartment turned out to be much larger than it appeared from the outside. Even for a two-room officetel, it was quite spacious. I decided to chalk it up to it being newly built.
What caught my eye next were Choco's girlfriends. A Pomeranian. A Husky. A Poodle. A Bengal cat. And then—
"Who?"
"......Who are you?"
A half-naked woman wearing nothing but underwear and a collar. At the sight of a stranger, Choco's girlfriends began growling at me, openly displaying their wariness.
"Who the hell are you?!"
The half-naked woman joined in as well. Elsia immediately lunged forward in response.
"Grrrr!!! Woof!!! Woof!!!!"
"Kuh! Quite the refined vocabulary you have there!"
The woman looked troubled upon hearing Elsia's dog-babble but acknowledged her.
[Fuck! Does it make sense that she understands dogshit talk?!]
Of course she can. That's species discrimination.
[...Right. In a world where even an idiot like you exists, something like this is hardly surprising.]
However, the atmosphere shifted when Hyeji approached. Choco's girlfriends all shrank back, whimpering nervously.
"What are you lot?"
"......Please spare us."
Even the half-naked woman dropped to her knees and bowed her head to Hyeji, trembling. As expected of beasts—they instinctively recognized the strong.
Then, spotting Ayeon, the woman bared her teeth again.
"A bat bitch here to steal Master, I see!"
"Silence! This lady already has a partner!"
The woman wasn't listening. Instead, she provoked Ayeon further.
"You think you can seduce Master with that vulgar body? Wake up! Our Master has no interest in whores!"
"It's not whore, it's succubus!"
Ayeon, visibly angry, turned to me with a desperate plea.
"My dear, won't you please hit this crazy bitch just once? No, make it twice."
"Come at me anytime!"
The tension between Ayeon and the half-naked woman grew dangerous. The rest of Choco's girlfriends joined in, fueling the hostile atmosphere. It was a powder keg about to explode.
At that moment, Choco, who had been sorting through the gifts, rushed over and introduced me as his little brother. Only then did the girlfriends begin to lower their guard.
"We'll let it slide this time!"
The woman still couldn't resist getting one last jab in. Meanwhile, I asked Choco how he'd ended up with so many girlfriends. Hearing this, the woman proudly interjected.
"Master saved all of us!"
As if to confirm it, Choco's girlfriends nodded in agreement. Choco scratched his head awkwardly and gave a short nod.
"That's my brother!"
We bumped fists again. The woman, watching our friendly exchange, wore a displeased expression. The other girlfriends' gazes toward me weren't exactly friendly either. Even though Choco had introduced me, they didn't seem ready to accept me so easily.
Suddenly, the woman pointed at me and snapped.
"Hmph! If you're Master's brother, you should at least be able to talk some dogshit!"
"Of course. I'm the number one bullshit artist in this novel, you crazy bitch."
"Let's hear it then!"
She clearly had no intention of accepting me easily. I composed myself and delivered the finest piece of bullshit I'd ever heard.
"This policy will be pushed forward as an economic measure truly for the common people."
"Pass. You pass."
Choco's girlfriends all rose to give a standing ovation. Even Choco had tears streaming down his face. He patted my shoulder twice as praise for how much I'd grown.
That day, I earned the recognition of all of Choco's girlfriends.
***
Our first impressions hadn't been great, but we quickly grew close. Since conversation didn't flow easily, I rushed out to buy a ton of alcohol, and after we all drank together, we were soon chatting away in perfect harmony. Alcohol really was the ultimate social lubricant.
They all looked so good as dogs.
[The fuck do you mean they look good?!]
As long as everyone's getting along, that's what matters.
Of course, I got another call from Caersi in the middle of it.
- "Why did you all go drinking on my card and leave me out, meow?!"
"Sorry. What should I bring you next time?"
- "......Get me some catnip. It's a banned item in the Beastman Kingdom."
After ending the short call with Caersi, I looked over at everyone gathered together. Right now, a dogshit-talk contest showcasing each person's vocabulary was in full swing. Naturally, I wasn't participating and was just quietly watching. If I joined, the balance would be completely destroyed, so I understood why.
Soon it was Elsia's turn. She knelt down, clasped her hands together, and began pleading earnestly.
"Sisters! Please, I swear I won't be a burden—just cosign for me!"
Elsia's dogshit talk ended with a round of applause. The half-naked woman looked at Elsia with an impressed expression.
"Your eloquence is excellent! There's so much I can learn from you!"
Elsia beamed, clearly pleased by the praise. Of course, that didn't mean anyone actually agreed to cosign for her.
Having failed to find a cosigner, Elsia took out her frustration by dragging Ayeon over from where she'd been sitting far away.
"L-Let go!"
"Our little sister Ayeon should say something too!"
All eyes turned to Ayeon. Sensing she had no choice, Ayeon cleared her throat a few times. She tried to start with a simple self-introduction.
"This lady is the Heavenly Demon."
The moment the introduction ended, an enormous cheer erupted. The reaction was far greater than the one Elsia had received. Even the woman who had been hostile toward Ayeon nodded in acknowledgment this time.
"A bat bitch calling herself the Heavenly Demon. I'll give you that much."
"No, what the fuck!"
Everyone agreed that Ayeon had earned a spot among the GOTY—Gotshit of the Year—candidates. It had been that impressive. In the end, Ayeon was declared the winner, a result everyone accepted. Everyone except Ayeon herself.
But all good things must come to an end. Night had begun to fall outside.
"Well then, let's meet again sometime."
We parted ways with Choco and his girlfriends seeing us off. Now it was time to decide where to go next. I casually asked the heroines about their plans.
"I'm heading home. Want to come with?"
This time, the heroines wore slightly fearful expressions. Facing Mom's pure linguistic blades while putting on airs had apparently been too much for them.
"......Shinu, I'm going to Dad's place."
Hyeji had ultimately decided to borrow her father's power. Elsia and Ayeon quickly latched onto her like hyenas spotting prey.
"Please take me with you, Hyeji!"
"This lady begs you as well!"
"...I'll ask."
Hyeji sighed and stepped away to make a call. She returned quickly, but her expression was complicated.
"He said since they're your first friends in life, bring as many as you want. He'll treat them to anything."
"That's good."
"But he also said if Shinu comes, he won't let you off easy."
"Figured as much."
I'd already expected that much. Since we'd meet again eventually, there was no need to rush. Actually, the thought of meeting was terrifying.
[Try calling him father-in-law the moment you arrive.]
How is that different from telling me to die?
Anyway, we decided to take a taxi. The heroines would go to Hyeji's house. I would go home.
When I arrived, Mom looked surprised.
"Son? Where are my daughters-in-law?"
"They said they'd stay at Hyeji's."
Mom's gaze turned icy.
"...So you're sleeping alone? Leaving those pretty daughters-in-law behind?"
"They've got some important girl talk to do, apparently."
Her stare was so sharp that I made up an excuse, but Mom's eyes remained fixed on me. Then came the cold dagger that pierced straight through my heart.
"You retarded virgin bastard."
".......Fuck."
With that, Mom shut the bedroom door behind her. Even at the very end, she kept landing hits.
[Tell Mother to turn on her meter. She'd probably rank first.]
That hurts, so shut up.
Clutching my aching chest in my room, I quietly went to bed. And the next day. A bit early, but I was planning to return to the Academy. Staying home meant I couldn't withstand Mom's damage output. When I asked the heroines, they said they'd stay a little longer, so I decided to head back alone this time. I had things to do anyway. Very important things.
Returning home.