The Great Pig Massacre and the Champis

The Monday after the chaos passed by in a blur, but on Tuesday the deranged second-years came crawling back once more. Their numbers, however, were noticeably smaller than the day before. The reason was simple. Yesterday, the support department students had utterly demolished the combat department's martial artists in duels. The martial artists then begged for a chance to vent their frustration on someone weaker. And so, right now, the classroom was packed wall-to-wall with nothing but martial artists. A bunch of pathetic, ugly bastards who got their asses handed to them by the strong and now wanted to take it out on the weak.

What is this, a star room? Why the hell is everyone and their mother screaming "1v1 noobs only"? I watched as a bunch of sweaty old men and a few female students glared at me from across the room. Then, suddenly, a sense of unease hit me.

"Hye-ji. Isn't this a world of gender reversal?"

"Shinwoo, just how pathetic is your general knowledge? Are you sick or something?"

"I didn't even properly attend high school in the first place."

"I'm sorry. I spoke too carelessly without knowing your circumstances. I'm truly sorry."

Hye-ji suddenly started apologizing to me. It was such a rapid attitude shift it felt like she'd fallen into Tallulah's trap. I flinched in surprise and quickly told her,

"It's absolutely not the tragic backstory you're imagining, so don't start spinning weird scenarios in your head."

"Then why the sudden talk about gender reversal?"

"There were quite a lot of female students at the entrance ceremony."

"The entrance ceremony?" Hye-ji looked puzzled by my words. "Why did you even go to that? It's not mandatory, so a ton of people skipped it."

"What?"

"Didn't you get the notice? It said participation was optional, only those who wanted to attend should come."

"What the... what are you talking about?"

I distinctly remembered the admissions office telling me over the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠phone that it was mandatory. What the hell is this? Discrimination against the powerless? All non-mutants matter, you fucking bastards.

"Anyway, stop spouting nonsense about gender reversal."

"What a shame. I was really looking forward to getting headpats."

Right then, one martial artist who clearly lacked both tact and patience shouted out.

"That's enough! Kim Shinwoo, you bastard! Come forth and spar with us this instant!!!"

"Aren't you guys going to class? I'm dying trying to learn theory here, so come at me after class is over."

"Do first-years these days not even learn theory before coming here?"

The martial artist glared at me with a look of utter contempt. Then he suddenly shoved a thick bundle of papers into my hands.

"Here. These are all our sparring applications."

"...We're speaking the same Korean, right? Why do you keep changing 'dueling application' to 'sparring' like a bunch of lunatics?"

Having said their piece, the martial artists swarmed out in a big group. At a quick glance, there were easily over twenty sheets. My mind went blank.

"Hey Shinwoo. Can you really take on all these people?"

"I'll go easy at first and quit midway if it gets too hard. You think I'm crazy enough to actually do all of them?"

"Looking at the applications, it seems like they really underestimated you hard."

"Why?"

Hye-ji flipped through several sheets and said in a flat voice,

"In the ability and weapon fields, they all uniformly wrote 'Not needed against the powerless.'"

"Those fucking insects have actually lost their minds? I'm beating every single one of them."

You could argue that the basics of a martial artist involve body reinforcement. But to write nothing at all and still act all high and mighty? That was crossing a serious line.

'Those goddamn bastards.'

I started meticulously filling in every blank on all the applications. Especially the weapons and combat tools section. I listed every single weapon and tool I would use, leaving no space empty. The scratching sound of my pen filled my ears until Hye-ji suddenly spoke up.

"Shinwoo, hand them over."

"Why? Want to take a look?"

"I'm checking to make sure you didn't write my name as a 'tool' again like last time."

"Why would I write that again?"

At that exact moment, the number above Hye-ji's head went up.

"Give me the last page, you bastard."

"Fuck."

That ability was way too overpowered, seriously. I hadn't even written anything yet.

Hye-ji slowly examined the final application and said,

"The last person wrote 'Body reinforcement and weight conversion' in the ability field."

"Do you know who the last person is?"

Hye-ji narrowed her eyes sharply and glared at me.

"The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Do I look like the kind of person who tells you everything?"

"You're the only person I can ask."

At my words, Hye-ji's expression melted into a goofy smile. Her face really went ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠through a lot of changes.

"Hmm! Hmm! Well, if that's the case, I guess I have no choice~"

"Thanks, Hye-jimong."

"Don't call me by a name that sounds like a future cat robot. I'll kill you, I swear."

"Yes ma'am."

Since it wouldn't change much from my perspective anyway, I wrote the same thing as before. I planned to submit the applications after class during lunch. Open wide, you bastards. True education is coming.

The promised dueling time arrived. The arena was already swarming with people like cockroaches. The betting conditions had already been met. Were all these people here to bet on me? Then the crowd started pointing at me and saying something. It must be words of praise.

"Ah, that bastard's here!"

"Give me my money back. Give me my money back. Give me my money back."

"No abilities but wearing a robe? Is he a mage? A reverse-pick mage?"

"He's probably a mage because he's a virgin."

That last one was wrong, you fucking prick. I'll deal with you separately later.

It was clear the students' hatred toward me was considerable. Perhaps because of that, their expectations for the martial artists were equally high in proportion to their hatred.

"Whether it's the favorite or the underdog, I'm betting on the opposite side no matter what."

"Martial artists, I believe in you this time. Please kill him."

"If you lose today too, you don't deserve to be called martial artists anymore. We'll call you champis instead!"

"He's alone again this time, right? This is a sure thing! Put all your money on the martial artists!!"

When I arrived at my position in the arena, twenty-five martial artists were waiting on the opposite side—the exact number of applications submitted. The moment they saw me, they ground their teeth with a loud grit.

"What are you all doing? Hurry up and get up. It's already time for morning energy circulation practice."

"Who the hell treats energy circulation as a morning routine!!!!!"

"Getting too angry is bad for you. How about turning on some widow music and trying meditation?"

"Shut your fucking mouth!!!!!"

Perhaps because they expected twenty-five duels to take a long time, five professors were on standby. They were probably going to rotate every five matches. The few professors with unhappy expressions were likely on a comprehensive salary system. Although I didn't like professors, I did feel some pity for those who had to work overtime without extra pay.

'I won't drag this out, so I'll finish it quickly for ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠you. Going home on time is important, after all.'

I was already prepared. With my arms crossed, I stared at the opposing martial artists.

"There are a lot of you, so let's start quickly. Who's coming first?"

"All you small-dicked losers, step aside. This lady will end it immediately."

From the very back of the martial artists, a massive woman shoved them aside and stomped forward with heavy thuds. My first impression was awe at the mystery of the human body that allowed something like that to walk. My second impression was pity for the black tights that looked like they were about to burst.

'Clothes, I'm so sorry.'

Visually, she was at least a lump of flesh that had to be classified as human. The students who saw her immediately burst into cheers.

"She's here!!! The pride of the second-year martial artists! The crushing rebuke! It's Maegal!!!"

"Oh my, look at her! That majestic physique! She's the very definition of a great warrior!"

"The favorite is definitely winning this time! Who could possibly defeat a body like a mountain!"

"Can you feel the ground shaking every time she walks? My heartbeat is starting to sync with it!!"

The enormous mass of fat finally stood before me with heavy thuds. The distance wasn't that far, yet it took her an incredibly long time because she was so damn slow. Up close, she really was gigantic. I was around 180cm, and she was much larger than me, meaning she had a massive frame. A black face covering and black tights that looked ready to rip apart. Along with that came an overwhelming presence. My body sent warning signals, tensing up completely. I steeled my resolve to beat the crap out of my opponent in my mind.

But the moment I heard the nonsense coming out of her mouth—

"You pathetic man. Are you ready to die with your pathetic 6.9cm tiny dick, you small-dicked loser?"

"You fucking pig, did you escape from the slaughterhouse? Why is bullshit coming out of your mouth?"

"MAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

All tension died instantly. I wanted to kill everything. Her voice was so loud my ears started ringing. While I clutched my ears, more bullshit flowed from Maegal's mouth.

"This lady will shatter the glass ceiling created by pathetic men. That is the path of the Heavenly Demon, you small-dicked loser."

"It's not the ceiling that's going to break, it's the floor, you crazy bitch."

"Hmph. A world that cannot handle this lady must be destroyed."

"And the Heavenly Demon is supposed to strike the heavens, you idiot. You're just beating the shit out of your parents' hearts."

Maegal shook her head as if I was pathetic. Of course, the way her flesh jiggled with the motion was simply grotesque.

"The families of pathetic men and ugly women are the very first things the Heavenly Demon must destroy."

"Bullshit. You call yourself the Heavenly Demon but you're just a fatass."

"If I had been born in a place with only goddesses, my rank would be Gold."

"Golden Maegal my ass, you fucking pig."

But Maegal wasn't listening to me at all. Or maybe her ears were blocked by all that fat. The important thing was that we weren't communicating at all.

"Pathetic men like you can't even imagine how much we goddesses have suffered."

"You're only alive because Korea is a democracy, you fucking idiot."

"This lady will make goddesses great again, you small-dicked loser! Pathetic men like you are nothing but my first stepping stone!"

Then, suddenly, Maegal raised her right hand high and shouted vigorously.

"Hmph. It seems the ugly ones cannot understand this lady's grand vision."

"Seriously, fuck."

Anyway, bullshit should be dealt with through violence. As I heard the arena's activation sound, I checked my equipment. In my hands was a two-handed sword. On my left and right hips were a hammer and a sawed-off shotgun respectively. Spare ammunition just in case. Steel gauntlets on both hands. And finally, a loose-fitting hooded robe. Some might question the final outfit, but it was to hide my weapons as much as possible. Since I was the one who finalized and submitted the application, my opponent had no information about my armament. I was maximizing the advantage that came from the information gap.

'At best, they'll think I only have a two-handed sword and gauntlets.'

I gripped the sword with both hands, pointing the tip toward the right rear. With my right foot forward, I slowly approached. Maegal wasn't doing anything, just watching. It was as if she was saying "Go ahead and try if you dare."

'You're dead, you fucking bitch.'

I finally reached the distance I wanted. The range where Maegal couldn't attack, but I could. I put strength into the hand holding the two-handed sword and swiftly swung it upward from below. But Maegal easily blocked my attack with a body-reinforced hand.

- Clang!

"How pathetic."

It sounded like metal clashing against metal. The impact I felt in my hand was quite strange. Ignoring the pig-like noises, I continued my consecutive attacks using the momentum. From above to below. From left to right. Once more using the momentum to swing from below to above. But Maegal only retreated slightly. None of the attacks were effective hits.

'Maybe something else will work.'

I pretended to swing the sword while taking another step forward and switched to half-swording. The pommel's role was to balance the sword. But right now it became a blunt weapon and smashed into Maegal's head.

- Thud!!!

"Wait, is this bitch's head made of vibranium? I hit her with the pommel and she's completely fine."

"This is getting a bit annoying. Enough with the games."

Even though I definitely felt the impact, Maegal looked completely unharmed. She immediately spread her legs wide, then bent her knees.

"Thousand Pound Drop!!!!"

In an instant, Maegal's figure disappeared. I lost sight of her momentarily and looked around in panic. At that moment, I faintly heard the students shouting "Above!" I quickly looked up at the sky. Maegal was already flying high.

"Ten Thousand Pound Drop!!!!"

Maegal roared from the sky. The moment she finished speaking, a massive weight came crashing down to crush me.

- BOOM!!!!!!!!

I timed my jump backward to create distance after landing. But Maegal was one step faster. While I was still in the air, she drove her weight forward and threw a straight punch.

"Die!!!!"

In desperation, I gripped the sword in my right hand in reverse and turned the flat of the blade toward the incoming punch. My left hand supported the opposite side of the blade to prepare for the impact.

- BANG!!!!!!!!

- Crash!!!

It was just one punch. But the damage was devastating. The gauntlet on my left hand and the two-handed sword shattered into pieces. The kinetic energy I couldn't fully negate sent me flying into the arena wall. I slammed my back hard, slid down to the ground, and let out a groan.

"Ugh, fuck. It's called Thousand Pound Drop but why the hell is she flying?"

"Pathetic man. To me, something like Thousand Pound Drop is merely a movement technique." Maegal extended her fist proudly as she spoke. "True power comes from Ten Thousand Pound Drop, you small-dicked loser."

"You fucking idiot! How heavy do you have to be for Thousand Pound Drop to make your body lighter instead, you pig bitch!!!"

"This will be your last time running your mouth!"

I barely managed to stand up. My breathing still hadn't properly recovered. Because I'd slammed my back too hard. The moment I tried to catch my breath, the number above Maegal's head went up by one. Every alarm bell in my body was ringing. If I didn't dodge, I'd die.

"It's already my victory!!!!"

Before Maegal could even open her mouth, I rolled my body sharply to the left. Maegal's attack was fast and fierce. Her afterimage blurred, and before I knew it, she had already thrown a right straight at the spot where I'd been. On the other hand, I had just finished rolling and hadn't even gotten up yet. The biggest problem was that my back was completely exposed to Maegal.

In that split second that wasn't even a full second, my brain was accelerating like crazy. When she hit my head earlier, I felt the impact. That meant strikes worked. It was possible to reinforce specific body parts, but reinforcing the entire body was probably difficult. Her instantaneous acceleration was far superior to mine. The next attack would be with her left hand. I had enough information. Therefore, I could see the solution.

I pulled out the sawed-off shotgun from my hip. Without turning my gaze, I immediately pulled the trigger from inside my robe, aiming behind me.

- Bang!!!!

"What?!"

As expected, Maegal was retracting her right arm to throw a left punch. But thanks to my clothing, she hadn't anticipated the hail of bullets. It wasn't a direct hit, but it bought me a slight delay. That brief moment was enough. I turned my body, stood up, and drew the hammer from my left hip. Planting my left foot and putting my weight into it, I twisted my waist and swung the hammer in a wide arc to the left outside.

At that moment, I saw the red number above Maegal's head go up as well. Seeing that, I grinned wickedly and continued the attack.

"You fucking pig bitch, you didn't expect this, did you? Time to take some hits."

The hammer, loaded with centrifugal force and body weight. The attack landed squarely on Maegal's left temple.

- THWACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

"Kyahahahahaha!!! I'm so happy!!!"

Maegal screamed like a pig getting its throat slit while spraying blood from her head. I couldn't stop laughing. The tingling sensation at my fingertips proved that enough force had been delivered to her skull. Yet Maegal still didn't fall and endured. She resisted with the incredible toughness that came from her thick layers of fat ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠and tried to counterattack.

'Not a chance, you fucking bitch.'

This time I fired the remaining shot in the sawed-off shotgun.

- Bang!!!

"It's not single-shot?"

"If you don't know, you get hit, you pig bitch!"

Maegal's face was filled with shock and confusion. That gave me another brief window of time. In that state, I raised the hammer again and began smashing down with full force. The hammer I'd brought was very similar in design to the ones used to make tonkatsu. Ah. It was tonkatsu-making time.

"I'm going to turn you into ground meat today, you fucking bitch!"

- BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!

Under the sudden barrage, Maegal flailed her hands desperately trying to block the attacks. So I kicked her hands away with my feet and continued smashing her head repeatedly.

'Move your hands. They stink, fuck.'

Unlike before, Maegal was now completely helpless and could only take the beating. She writhed in pain and begged me for mercy.

"S-stop!!!"

"Stop? You should've shut your fucking mouth first, you bitch!!!"

There was no mercy. The modern meta for pig slaughter was using electricity for a humane method. But the opponent before me was perfectly suited for an outdated meta. Therefore, this couldn't be helped. It would be rude not to beat her. And so the one-sided beating continued. Until my arm went numb and I could no longer hold the hammer.

By the time I couldn't lift the hammer anymore, Maegal was already trembling like a slaughtered pig with her arms and legs spread out. The moment her defeat was confirmed, the arena system finally shut down. It was humanity's victory.

Meanwhile, the spectator seats were wrapped in silence. It seemed no one, not even Hye-ji, had thought I could win alone.

'Ah, the underdog odds were too good.'

But my work wasn't done yet. I raised my right middle finger toward the remaining martial artists and said,

"Hurry up and come at me. The professors need to go home."

The duels with the remaining martial artists ended ridiculously easily. I didn't even need to use my sword in the first place. All twenty-four of those idiots who believed I was powerless and didn't write down a single ability. What suited ability-less trash like them was a shotgun. So every time it was a martial artist's turn, they got hit by two shots from the sawed-off and immediately swapped out.

"Ugh, how cowardly to use a gun."

"I'm a realist. I don't have any romantic delusions about dueling."

"It's not a duel, it's a spar!"

- Bang!

"Next."

Another personnel change took place. Were they really brainless idiots? Did they seriously think I'd come out bare-handed? What kind of confidence made them come at me without writing down even one ability? Occasionally there would be one who secretly used body reinforcement. But in front of the overwhelming violence of the tonkatsu hammer, everyone was equal.

I raised the tonkatsu hammer high and spoke to another martial artist approaching me.

"Hey fuckface, an automatic tonkatsu hammer is loaded at head height."

"Y-you bastard!!!"

"Hurry up and get beaten quickly so you can go rest."

"I'll kill you!!!"

Another martial artist charging in. And the hammer coming down. It was an endless loop. And so that day, I received twenty-five guests. By the time I'd thoroughly beaten the last one, another wave of screams erupted from the spectator seats.

"I believed in you champi bastards."

"Hey, fuck, no way. I don't even have money to eat dinner today."

"This is a dream. Please tell me it's a dream."

"Fuck, coin addicts at least take back half their principal, so why did I lose everything, fuck!!!"

"You retards, I bet 100 million! I have 100 million in debt you fucking pricks!!!!"

I'm happy. So happy. These screams that make me feel alive. I love it so much.

Meanwhile, the professors all looked delighted. Probably because they hadn't bet at all this time. Or maybe because they avoided overtime. They managed to protect the most important muscle in life: 'going home on time.'

Then, suddenly, I thought of Ye-lim noona. I immediately took out my phone and sent her a message first.

I'd sent enough to Ye-lim noona. Now it was Kang Hyuk uncle's turn.

Finally, I approached Hye-ji. Next to her was Jung Ayeon with a gloomy look in her eyes.

"What is this? Are you a spy for the champis? Why do you look like you need some consolation candy?"

"I-is it wrong for this lady to be here?"

"It's fine, Shinwoo. This bastard is a total pushover anyway."

"That's true, but it's because this pushover bastard keeps trying to cling to you."

"Since when did martial artists get treated worse than dogs at a restaurant?"

Jung Ayeon muttered in a depressed voice. Then Hye-ji spoke with a look of pity.

"You lost to the support department and then came to Shinwoo to vent your anger and lost again. You're a retard, right?"

"Hye-ji, this is actually a crisis for other people."

"Why?"

Hye-ji stopped teasing Jung Ayeon and looked at me questioningly.

"The moment someone loses to these retards, they'll be branded as even worse than martial artists—complete dogshit retards."

"Oh."

"......Martial artists are not a group of retards... sob."

If a certain baseball team goes on an 18-game losing streak? Every team's goal isn't the championship, but making sure they don't lose to that team. One team like a plague virus infects the entire league with insane fear. Of course, that was just an example. Surely there couldn't be such a retarded team in this world?

In the end, Jung Ayeon shed tears. We left her there and went to eat. After finishing everything, a wave of fatigue suddenly hit me. Come to think of it, I'd fought twenty-five times today. Even a gladiator would awaken to human rights if treated like this.

'If it was twenty-five consecutive battles a day, even Brother Maximus might say fuck it and quit.'

Maybe because I was tired, I kept feeling hungry and added two more menu items. Hye-ji's movements seemed to stop, so I paused eating and glanced at her. Hye-ji's pupils were trembling.

"Hye-ji, I made money thanks to you, but isn't it a bit much to react like that over two menu items?"

"......It's not that, fuck."

Hye-ji spat out in a depressed voice. Wondering what it was, I followed her gaze. There, a female student with large breasts was walking by.

"Ah."

It wasn't about the menu. It was because the female student's chest was big. Feeling sudden pity, I gave my dessert to Hye-ji. Hye-ji looked at me with moved eyes.

"Shinwoo."

"Hang in there."

I cleaned up my empty dishes and slowly prepared to get up. It seemed like I'd have to run again.

"Dreams are beautiful precisely because they cannot be achieved."

"You fucking bastard!"

It was quite an intense run for post-meal exercise.