The Heart (2)
"You sure it's okay to step out at a time like this?"
Lize had dragged him out of the guild, but Ain's face was as unimpressed as ever. After the robbery that had just gone down, the Adventurer Guild had to be swamped — and Lize held a surprisingly high position. Could she really just walk away from her desk that easily?
The question dissolved the moment Lize answered, her expression softening by the faintest degree.
"It'll be fine. This isn't the kind of organization that falls apart just because one person steps out."
"...For someone saying that, a lot of hands were grabbing at you on the way out."
"If I'm not there, they can work overtime. I've already gone three days without even setting foot in my own home."
"..."
Ain wore the look of a man with plenty to say and no idea where to start. Then he gave up thinking about it and shook his head. Right. He didn't need to go sticking his nose into the guild staff's workload. He had more than enough on his plate just taking care of himself.
Having shaken that off, he spoke to Lize, who was walking ahead of him.
"Food... well, the only place I know is the guild tavern. Even if we're out on the street like this..."
"It's all right. I know a good place."
"...A place you know well?"
Something about that made Ain uneasy. When a woman said she knew a good restaurant, wasn't that terrifying? A fancy place with soft music in the air. Steak paired with a glass of wine. Every image that surfaced was the kind of thing that would absolutely massacre his wallet, and he started frantically rummaging through his mental inventory of his finances — until Lize, apparently reading him like a book, cut in.
"You don't need to worry that much. Guild office work doesn't pay particularly well. Getting used to the kind of restaurant you're imagining would come with quite a few difficulties."
"...How do you know what I'm thinking?"
"Occupational hazard."
Sit at a reception desk long enough dealing with adventurers, and you picked up certain tricks whether you wanted them or not. To keep those unruly types in line, you needed to be able to read what they were thinking.
"...You people have it pretty rough too."
"Are you... worrying about me?"
Her face was as deadpan as ever, but a flicker of surprise crossed it. Looking at that face, Ain spoke in a calm voice.
"People who give everything to their work are always cool. So I'm cheering you on. It's not worry."
"You do have a way of saying difficult things. There are times when you do that, Ain. A kindness that doesn't match how high-strung and... difficult you usually are."
"...You were about to say 'pain in the ass,' weren't you."
"You're imagining things."
Cutting him off, Lize raised a finger and pointed ahead.
"That's the place. The one I know well."
"...Are you sure that's it?"
"Yes. I'm a regular."
"...Really?"
Lize nodded at his incredulous follow-up. But even after confirming it twice, Ain still couldn't wipe the skeptical look off his face. His voice came out faintly stunned.
"This is a toast stall."
"Yes. Cheap and delicious. Easy to eat with one hand while working, too."
"So it still comes back to work, huh...?"
"Since we're already here, I should pick up a few extra for the other staff."
With that, Lize approached the stall. The owner, spotting her appear in front of the griddle where eggs and ham were sizzling, called out in a warm voice.
"Lize, dear! You're here?"
"Yes, ma'am. Ten toasts to go, please. Ah — and two of them so we can eat right away."
"Two? What's the occasion today..."
Mid-sentence, the stall owner caught sight of Ain's face as he followed behind Lize, and her voice dropped.
"...A boyfriend?"
"No."
She didn't even hesitate. The stall owner sounded disappointed.
"I thought maybe even our little ice block was getting a spring breeze... what a shame. Then a friend?"
"...A friend."
At that, Lize glanced back at him. Ain answered with a faintly put-upon look.
"...Yes. A friend."
"...That's what he says."
"If that's what it is, just say so. What's with the 'that's what he says'?"
The stall owner gave Lize an odd look, then immediately got her hands moving. Bread and eggs hit the griddle. They sizzled and browned, filling the air with a savory smell, and once they were just right, ham went on to crisp up. Fresh green vegetables filled the gaps in the bread, and tomato sauce and grated cheese went over the top — the finished toast looked far more appetizing than Ain had expected.
In the blink of an eye the stall owner had produced seven toasts. She pulled two bottles from the cooler behind her and held them out.
"You said two to eat right away, yeah? Then the juice is on the house."
"...Thank you. How much?"
"Just one silver."
Ain was about to pull out a coin when—
"Here you are."
"Hehe, always appreciate it. Come again!"
"Lize, wait...!"
"Shall we go, Ain?"
Lize took the bag and shoved a bewildered Ain along by the back, putting distance between them and the stall. They settled on a tree stump in a small clearing a short walk away. Ain spoke in a startled voice.
"I didn't ask you to buy me food."
"That was the original plan, but I changed my mind. Thinking about it, using a meal voucher on toast would be a bit of a waste, wouldn't it?"
"Hey, then..."
"I'll just have you treat me to something better later. This place is famous even among the guild staff. Don't worry and just try it."
Lize handed him a paper-wrapped toast. Ain took it, peeled back the wrapping, and examined it with a faintly dubious look. It was an appetizing toast — fresh off the griddle, still warm, a savory aroma rising from it. It looked delicious. Lize, sitting across from him, had already unwrapped hers and taken a bite. Ain followed her lead and took a big bite of his own.
"How is it?"
"...It's good."
It was an ordinarily delicious toast. The kind that wouldn't split anyone into love-it-or-hate-it camps.
"There's juice, too."
"Thanks."
Ain took a sip of the bright yellow juice and bit into the toast again. A few repetitions later, all that remained in his hands was an empty glass bottle and a wrapper.
Lize spoke to Ain, who had finished an entire toast in the blink of an eye.
"...Men really do eat fast. I'm not even halfway through mine."
"That's just how it is..."
"Well then. Would you mind paying for the toast now?"
"...What?"
"If you were planning to eat and then play dumb about it..."
It was a trap.
The look of a man thoroughly had settled over Ain's face. He spoke in a low voice.
"...What do you want?"
"Nothing major. There's something I've been personally curious about regarding you, Ain."
"...Curious about?"
Lize answered with her usual unreadable face.
"You've seemed like you have a lot on your mind lately."
"..."
"And the self-deprecation. That seems to have gotten worse, too."
There was no particular emotion in Lize's voice. But her words struck Ain's chest like an arrow.
"...That's not the kind of conversation you have over a single toast."
"You also had a bottle of juice."
"...Even if I do have things on my mind, what's that got to do with you?"
He spoke in a prickly, irritable voice, like a hedgehog raising its spines.
"The psychological well-being of affiliated adventurers is part of the guild's role."
"Ha. If that's all it is..."
"And you did say it yourself. That we were friends."
At that, Ain shut his mouth. It had just been something he'd gone along with to get past the stall owner's question. Had she taken it seriously? The thought showed so plainly on his face that there was no hiding it.
"I know it wasn't a particularly meaningful remark. The lady can be a bit of a tease. I was going to say we were friends as well, so long as it didn't make you uncomfortable."
"Then..."
"But you said something last time, didn't you?"
"...Said what?"
"That maybe even I would find someone who would worry about me."
When had that been. Right before Ain's parents came to Karpe, was it? The memory of that cringeworthy conversation surfaced, and Ain shuddered.
"I— I was temporarily out of my mind back then. That kind of sappy—"
"I don't know. I thought it was a good thing to say."
Setting down the toast and juice in her hands, Lize straightened her posture.
"You said someone would come along who would worry about me. Who would take my side."
"S-stop! Don't drag out my dark history!"
Ain writhed with every word she spoke, twisting in agony. That day he'd been unusually sentimental and had just blurted out whatever came to mind — and now the past was closing around his throat. But unlike the suffering Ain, Lize spoke with her usual unreadable face.
"Why did you say something like that? You and I barely even had a connection at the time."
"Th-that's... I was just being a busybody that day for no reason..."
"I don't mind if it was meddling. Because I didn't feel it as meddling."
"H-huh?"
"As I mentioned before, I'm an orphan. I have coworkers, but... no one I can call a friend. No one I can call family."
And so she had always been alone. The guild staff felt burdened dealing with their young superior, and the Guild Master who had taken her in never showed her much interest. When she slept, when she worked — even now, sitting in a vacant lot eating toast — she had always been alone.
"Maybe that's why. What you said, Ain — someone who would worry about me, who would take my side. I was quite envious of that."
"...Envious?"
"Yes. Because you, who said those words, already have people like that."
There were many people around Ain. A junior sister who had him in her sights every single day. An eccentric mage who wanted his blood and organs. A teacher famous enough to rival royalty, and parents who loved him. And the one person who occupied the largest place in his heart.
"Ain. Do the people around you not worry about you?"
"..."
"If that's why you've been avoiding them, suffering alone. If you have nowhere to lean on—"
"That's not it."
Ain spoke, a gloomy cast settling over his golden eyes.
"It's the opposite. That's why I've been avoiding them even more. Because I don't have the face to look at them."
"...Why?"
"Because I figured out that I'm dead weight. I can't even do anything properly, but my heart keeps running ahead..."
He'd charged out of the temple so full of confidence — and what had he actually accomplished? Nothing. Not a single thing. Everything was a sandcastle built on other people's consideration and sacrifice.
"So I was just... thinking. If that's how it is, maybe I should just quit..."
"Have you told them that?"
"...What?"
Ain lifted his head, startled by the unexpected question. Lize continued.
"Your companions. I asked whether they already know this."
"...No. I haven't told them."
"Then stop sitting here stewing and go talk to them first."
"But..."
His companions were kind. If they heard what Ain had to say, they would worry and comfort him as if it were their own problem. But that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to stand beside them as an equal — not become someone who only received their protection. He didn't want to be that powerless. That was why he'd left the temple. That was why he'd tried so hard to get stronger. But at this rate...
"That's not it."
"...What are you talking about?"
"Your companions are kind, yes. So if you tell them what's been sitting in your chest, they will worry, and they will comfort you. That's a certainty. But..."
There was something Ain himself had forgotten. Something Lize had been able to see, standing one step removed, watching him with a professional eye.
"You're not the type to settle for that. Not the type to just sit down and stay there."
"...What does that mean?"
"Are you going to live off nothing but your companions' worry and goodwill? Convince yourself there's nothing you can do, all on your own, and just give up? I don't know. The Ain I've seen isn't that kind of person."
Something in Lize's words must have struck a nerve. Ain's face went rigid. Lize spoke to him with the same unchanging expression as always.
"If they truly are on your side, if they truly worry about you, they will look for a way together with you. If it's something you genuinely want, they will help you achieve it. Not just protect you no matter what."
"...How would you know that?"
"That's exactly why you should talk to them — to find out. And in the unlikely event that they turn out to be different from what you and I think..."
Lize fell silent for a moment, as if considering something.
"Then come find me."
"...Come find you? Suddenly?"
"Yes. If I goaded you into falling apart, I should take responsibility. I know more than I look like I do. I can be of help."
With that, Lize unwrapped the toast she'd set aside and spoke again.
"The choice is yours now, Ain. This is all I can do. I'll be watching from one step away."
"...Lize."
"Please. Make a choice you won't regret."
Looking at Lize biting into her toast after saying that — what was he supposed to say? The thought didn't take long.
"...I should get going."
"Where are you going?"
The answer to that was, of course—
"To those guys."
That was all. He moved away, his pace looking somewhere between a fast walk and a run. Watching his retreating back, Lize allowed herself the faintest of smiles.
"Next time... I suppose I should look up a nice restaurant."
"I'm going to run an experiment. Help me."
"...An experiment?"
"What's this all of a sudden?"
The moment he got back to the mansion, Ain gathered his companions — and what came out of his mouth made no sense at all. Jina asked, and Ain answered without a shred of hesitation.
"I can't spend the rest of my life getting screwed over by this goddamn curse."
"Ain, are you..."
"Let's find it."
Ain spoke with complete confidence, looking straight into Er's green eyes.