Fire the Cannons If You Dare
People resort to curses when they've got nothing left to say, but when they're just too dumbfounded, even the curses die on their lips.
"Whoa... that guy's a real psycho. How the hell did he play it cool in the army all that time?"
"Even knowing he could pull something like that, no normal person has the balls to actually do it..."
After wrapping up a thoroughly unrewarding day and shuffling back to the barracks, the first thing they see when they flick on the TV is this news story? A guy who'd been eating the same chow as them just weeks ago, now dragging cops and soldiers on a sightseeing tour of Seoul like some freakish radio wave? Of course their first thought would be to stick out their tongues in disbelief and mutter, "Thank God he didn't pull that shit while bunking with us."
Amid the furious twin beams of countless commuter cars' headlights, Kim Chomo zipped through faster than any of them. As smartphones captured him chanting "Ability Guilty! Inability Innocent!" while blowing past, the footage flooded in.
"...Are we walking right now, or riding?"
"Better than lugging all this heavy crap around on foot. Grab a drink."
The gridlock in Mapo-gu—already hellish enough—was perfect for bogging down the troops. With Yeouido emptying out at rush hour, and only two exits: Mapo Bridge and Jemulpo Road. Anyone could see they'd be crawling like caterpillars through the traffic jam.
In a country where soldiers and cops weren't exactly beloved to begin with, handing the public yet another reason to rage? No wonder.
Honk honk--!! Braaang--!!
"Hey! You think you're special just 'cause you're soldiers?! We're backed up enough without your damn 'operation' bullshit, you assholes!!"
"Protect Korea? Protect the road to my house instead!! Don't cut in, you pricks!!"
Good words were off the table already, so the troops quietly popped in their orange earplugs.
Unless Kim Chomo actually went full "filthy dangerous super-mutant psycho" and got caught, the ones dishing out direct pain to civilians so far? Soldiers and cops. What could they do?
"...Fuck, my ass already hurts from the ride, and now my heart does too... Hey, why are you slapping yourself?"
Slap!
"Ah, mosquitoes! They're swarming extra bad at night... Ow..."
The young conscripts, dragged here against their will and forced to endure an hour-plus of curses and shouts, gloomily kept donating blood to future generations of maggots amid the endless jolting.
"When the hell do we get there?! Only command's moved so far! We can't encircle shit like this!"
"...Reports say we'll be stuck on the road for at least another hour."
Having moved first while the grunts packed, the higher-ups were burning up with anxiety. They should've been controlling civilians and setting up the encirclement by now, but the route was Yeouido-to-Mapo? Prime turf for subway loyalists and pedestrian hordes who sneered at cars anyway!
"Then tell 'em to get out and direct traffic or something... Sigh, no way they will."
"Yeah. Touch some VIP's ride by accident, and we're all fucked."
They could've hopped out and waved trucks through, sure... but at rush hour? In this mess? Seoulites would sharpen their complaint blades and lop off heads before Kim Chomo even blinked.
"...Shit, tell 'em to hurry! And prep combat rations ASAP!"
"Yes, sir. We'll grab the latest-model slimming ones in case cameras catch us."
The troops dragged out to tie down that bastard—or at least negotiate—had become shackles on themselves in Seoul's unique shitshow. Win or lose, they'd be fretting about post-discharge jobs, not promotions.
"Haa... Feed the kids, review the encirclement plan again."
The capture op they'd first seen as a golden chance? Confirmed rotten-to-the-core skull water the moment reality hit.
Oh, but the real nightmare hadn't even started.
"Encircling's the least of our problems now. Car #1 showed up... And damn, it's the answer."
Anyone who's set foot in the army knows what a white "1" on a plate means. Battalion commander minimum—brigade or higher if lucky.
"Drooling already? What balls do these clowns have showing up early with barely any escort?"
They'd scarfed ramen, kimbap triangles, and hot bars from the nearby convenience store already, but still.
"Round 1 was hide-and-seek in Seoul. Night's falling, so time to switch rules."
-- Round 2: Hide-and-seek among ten million joyful citizens. Rea-dy... Go!
Kim Chomo was still starving.
"What the hell are you watching?! Turn it off now! TV viewing banned until further notice!"
Naturally, it wasn't long before all units got slapped with a "insufficient morale training" TV blackout.
"What? No thanks. I'm shipping out soon anyway—who gives a shit what brass says."
"......Fuck, we've got every type of last-tour asshole from warrant officers to ROTC rejects...!!"
Like how every top-down policy births bottom-up countermeasures or apathy, everyone just tuned it out.
"Hon... Honestly, seeing those pricks who extended active duty get fucked? Feels like a chest-clearing breath of fresh air..."
Already a nightmare ability-user unit short on short tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours tours