Can I Come Up Now?
Three years ago. That day when my entire life turned upside down.
At first, I just thought it was a bad cold. A slight fever and dizziness. An itchy throat and occasional dry coughs. Who wouldn't mistake it for one of those summer colds that only idiots get? I'd been playing muddy soccer on the rain-soaked field the day before, after all. So I figured it was nothing serious. I mixed some lemon-flavored cold medicine into hot water, chugged it down, and headed to school like usual.
But even after the medicine, I didn't feel any better. My body shivered all day. I felt strangely lethargic, like I had no strength left. With exams right around the corner, I couldn't leave early, so I toughed it out until I finally collapsed during the last class. That was the first time in my life I rode in an ambulance.
At the emergency room, they ran all sorts of tests on me. The doctor said it might be serious, so my parents rushed over from work, along with my older sister and little sister. Up until then, I'd thought maybe I was just overreacting. But when I saw my sister's eyes—hers, who always wanted to devour me alive—puffy and red, I knew it was really bad.
Later, lying in the hospital bed, the attending physician delivered the heavy news. It looked like TS Syndrome. My body was going to turn into a woman's. Or rather, even worse—the odds of surviving the transformation alive weren't high.
The changes came soon after. My memories of that time are hazy. Not because I don't want to remember. I kept blacking out, surviving day after day on painkillers.
About a month later, my body had become a woman's. The silver lining, if you can call it that, was that I survived. And I emerged with a pretty healthy female body, I guess.
Let's keep the part about going through puberty all over again with this new body a secret.
In summary, it was tough in all sorts of ways back then—
"Song Yuwon! Over here, over here!"
Across the lecture hall packed with people, a girl with her hair neatly combed back was waving at me. I waved back with a smile and headed toward her.
To wrap up that little story I started earlier. Yeah, it's just some trivial tale. Back in my first year of high school, my body turned into a girl's. After that, I ditched the identity of Song Yujeong and started living as Song Yuwon. Now that I've somewhat adapted to life as a woman, it's just a bittersweet memory I can't easily share with others.
~
The massive 102 lecture hall on the first floor of the Liberal Arts Building took up nearly half the space. The course "Appreciating and Understanding Masterpiece Films" was a huge elective with 150 spots, thanks to its name that had nothing to do with studying. And since it was pass/fail, not graded on a curve, it filled up in just one second—our university's most popular elective.
Put simply, the seats around me were full of strangers.
I made my way through the unfamiliar crowd toward the one friendly face waving at me.
"Hey, Song Yuwon! Why're you so late?"
"Sorry, sorry. Forgot my earbuds, had to go back up."
"Seriously! You ghosted my texts too!"
"I said I was hurrying."
She grumbled but playfully smacked my arm. The stylish girl layering a white sleeveless top over a gray long-sleeve tee was Yoo Jian, my classmate in the Economics Department. We'd only exchanged quick hellos at orientation, but this class had somehow turned us into friends.
"What do you think? Good spot, right?"
"Yeah, perfect. Last week we were too close to the front; I was sweating under the prof's glare."
"Right! Remember? Some pretty girl named Song Yuwon with big boobs showed up late, and the only seat left was right up front."
"Hehe, sorry sorry. Love you, Jian."
"Say it with some sincerity, you bitch!"
Now that half the semester was over, we were close enough for this kind of banter. I sat down and set my lecture materials on the desk. Then Jian lightly bumped her shoulder against mine. Amid the fresh citrus perfume came a soft, powdery scent tickling my nose. We were close enough for me to catch it.
Three years ago, back when I was Song Yujeong, I couldn't have imagined being this close to anyone.
"So, Yuwon, what're you up to after class?"
"Hmm... No real plans today. Body's sore and tired, so heading back early to rest."
It wasn't a lie. Ever since sex with Hanjiu last week, my condition had been off. I was smiling through it in front of Jian, but my body really felt wrecked.
What can I say? After getting fucked so intensely—no, gotta watch my mouth around Jian. Anyway, after going at it that hard, it took about a week to recover like this. We always double-checked the condom, so pregnancy was out. It was something I couldn't spill to other girls, so my solo theory: sex means shoving something foreign inside you, so maybe it tanks your immunity as an aftereffect. My mouth was even a little sore right now.
"Wanna grab lunch if you're free?"
Jian tilted her head, bumping my shoulder again. I was beat, but not so much I could flat-out refuse, so I nodded lightly.
"Sure, sounds good."
"Where to?"
She lit up and pulled out her smartphone. As she excitedly hunted for spots, I racked my brain.
Men's conversations are direct and to the point—no need to overthink. Women's are softer, more roundabout, easier to chat but full of unspoken vibes and subtext you have to read between the lines. Especially when you're not close enough to bare your soul, like now—just awkward classmates.
I subtly scanned Jian up and down. Her makeup, her outfit. She wasn't planning on just lunch and done. Especially since she had a shoulder bag instead of her usual backpack...
So, time to take the lead.
"How about that pho place by the back gate?"
"Pho?"
She glanced over from her phone—guess it wasn't on her list.
"New franchise in the alley behind the back gate. Clean and good. My stomach's iffy today."
The key was "franchise," not pho. No room for anything after eating.
"Right, you said you were tired today?"
Luckily, it landed.
"Oh... I didn't realize."
I just smiled instead of answering, and she glanced around before whispering low.
"Yuwon, is it bad?"
No. Misunderstanding, not understanding. Well... I did it with family last week before the long weekend break, so yeah, still a ways off. No need to clarify, though. I'm not some office worker taking period leave on a Friday before a holiday.
I just grinned like an idiot, and she didn't push. Perfect timing—the instructor walked in, cutting our chat short.
~
After class, I walked with Jian toward the main gate, listening to her chatter. Technically, it was less conversation and more me being her audience. I tried hard, but blending into women's social circles still had its gaps.
But I knew shutting up and marching off would just make me that arrogant girl relying on her looks and body with zero social skills.
So, like now.
"Really? And then the sub-lead popped out?"
"Yeah! Insane. His eyes were dripping honey; I nearly lost it."
Same here, Jian. I'm about to lose it.
I nodded along to a storyline from some teen romance short drama I couldn't care less about. As we passed the Engineering Building, a familiar face caught my eye. The sub-lead talk had already bloated into his idol group, but seeing that stoic face doubled my relief.
"That sub-lead's from the group O—"
"Hold up, Jian. Gotta say hi real quick."
"Huh? You know her?"
As she blinked, I shot my hand up and yelled his name.
"Hey, Hanjiu!"
The group of guys approaching across the grass immediately buzzed. Moments later, a familiar face pushed through the pack of dark-haired dudes and came over.
First time seeing this guy for Jian. And with his bulky build closing in, she subtly pulled my arm into her soft, squishy embrace. Enjoying the plush feel against my upper arm, I looked at the guy in front of me.
"Where you headed, Hanjiu?"
"Cafeteria grub, then basketball."
"Basketball? In this heat? Ew, back off. You stink of sweat."
"Haven't even played yet."
It wasn't even that funny, but I burst out laughing anyway.
"And you?"
"Lunch with a friend."
"Cool. Eat up."
"Have fun!"
The chat ended blandly. Nothing much to say, just a quick breather. Hanjiu gave a small nod to Jian—providing that squishy sensation—and headed back to his crew. Soon, rowdy guy laughter echoed from afar, while sharp stares poked at my cheeks.
"Yuwon. Who's that? That fine specimen?"
Fine specimen? Does that mean there are flawed ones?
"Just a friend."
"Friend? Hmm... friend. For real?"
"Yeah, just friends. Economics freshman."
Just friends felt a tiny bit off, but I couldn't spill the truth.
"Don't lie! Song Yuwon! When and where'd you snag an Economics guy?"
"Didn't snag him; real friend. High school classmate!"
Yoo Jian ignored me, staring back and forth between me and Hanjiu walking away.
"So, how far? Flirting? Or official?"
"Crazy? Flirting? Ew, gross."
"Why? He's pretty hot. Tall, built nice. You're tall and slim for a girl; you'd match well."
We'd match?
Hmm... Uh-uh. No way. Getting railed by him was fine. But snuggling into his arms, acting all girly...
"No chance. Way too much for me! Look, just thinking about it gives me goosebumps."
I rubbed my prickled arms, staring at Hanjiu's retreating back.