Excel
Excel
"Yunha, eat up."
Mom placed a bowl of porridge on the table.
My favorite abalone porridge with seaweed steaming invitingly.
"Thanks, Mom."
"Did that broadcast thing go well yesterday?"
The spoonful of porridge paused mid-air.
"...Yeah, it was okay."
"Really?"
"Yeah. It was good. Don't worry about me, Mom."
Mom stared intently at my face.
But no matter how long she looked, she couldn't tell I was lying.
"Alright, I'll trust you, Yunha.
The porridge will get cold.
Eat up."
"...Okay."
The porridge didn't go down easily,
but I forced it down my throat and pulled out my phone.
10 new DMs?
[If you need money just go all out on HourPants and make bank lol]
Deleted.
What kind of message is this...
Huh?
[Hello, this is Haneul Company from GomTV...]
What's this?
[Hello, I'm Park Haneul from Haneul Company, an Excel broadcast on GomTV.]
I put down my spoon.
Excel? What?
Those broadcasts where they line up female streamers to dance and milk donations?
They want me to do that?
'...'
But.
I scrolled down to read the rest.
[You seemed to urgently need money - how about appearing on our broadcast?]
...300 million won.
[We can accommodate your conditions.]
Maybe this could work?
[Ah, but please send us a high-quality selfie first if possible :)]
Did they contact me after watching yesterday's stream?
I searched for this Haneul Company broadcast first.
A BJ who recently entered Excel.
Mid-tier in rankings but their profits rival top-tier?
'User1: How's Haneul Company's new girls?'
'User2: More open than others'
'User3: How isn't this banned? They bribing mods? lol'
'User4: So many cyber brothel bastards here'
'User5: It's my money, why you bitching?'
...Brothel.
The steam had disappeared from my porridge without me noticing.
I put down my phone and took another bite.
"Ah, Dad's calling. I'll be right back."
"Why go out? Take it here."
"Need to talk privately."
Mom answered the call and stepped out of the hospital room.
"Honey? About the money—"
"..."
I picked up my phone again and opened the calculator app.
The calculation from before was still there, not refreshed.
34 years.
...This isn't the time to be picky.
***
I forced down the porridge and took a selfie.
Hmm... is this good enough?
Too plain?
I changed angles and turned on the half-broken lights.
While adjusting poses for more photos—
"Yunha, what are you doing?
Taking pictures?"
"Need to send a selfie somewhere."
"Oh? Is it for a blind date?
Sit over there then.
Let me take it for you."
"It's not that.
Just... got a casting offer from another internet broadcast, they asked for photos."
"Ah, I thought—
But that internet broadcast is quite thorough.
Your face will be on screen anyway, right?"
"Guess my camera quality was too poor to see properly.
Give me the phone."
"No need. Sit properly over there.
I can take better photos than you, who was originally male, right?"
"...Is that so?"
"Of course. Tilt your head up slightly."
Click.
"Hmm, my masterpiece as expected.
But?"
Mom alternated between looking at the photo and me, tilting her head.
"Yunha, are you still changing gradually?"
"Huh?"
"I didn't notice before, but you look different from two days ago.
Look at this."
"How much can I possibly change..."
She's right.
"Does your Status Window show anything new?
Something about being created, right?"
"Wait."
[Trait: Yin-Yang Person]
— The moon is being created.
"Same as before?"
"Doesn't it say when it'll be completed?"
"No."
"Frustrating with nowhere to ask."
I'm the most frustrated, Mom.
I hoped for trait enhancement like clutching at straws, but never thought it'd actually happen.
I kept staring at the Status Window, but not a single character changed.
***
After staring blankly at the Status Window, I came to my senses and sent the photo.
The reply came in less than a minute.
[Wow, you look even better than on broadcast?
Can we call now?]
[Yes, that's fine.]
The call came immediately.
"Hello, this is BJ Park Haneul. I've been watching your broadcasts.
Wow, I thought you were pretty on stream, but you're even better in photos?"
Empty flattery.
"Yes, thank you."
"Let's get straight to the point.
Looks are confirmed, but this isn't just about the face."
"Huh?"
"We'd like to conduct an interview. In person."
An interview for an Excel broadcast?
"This is... surprising."
"Ah, I understand. But please understand my position too.
Honestly, how much depends on lighting and camera angles?
I once scouted someone based solely on their broadcast,
but they turned out completely unfit for air."
"So you need to see my face in person?"
"Yes, that's the surest way."
...Should I just refuse?
"I really don't ask for much.
Just a pretty face, good body, and some charm—that's all we need.
Ah, and let me mention this upfront."
That's asking a lot, you bastard.
Just as I was about to decline—
"If you pass the interview, we'll give you 10 million won upfront."
"......What?"
"Sign a contract for 15 appearances on our broadcast, and we'll wire it immediately."
10 million won.
Almost equal to my monthly repayment amount.
"Look, you won't find another BJ with a conscience like mine.
Let's set a date quickly."
My phone nearly slipped from my sweaty hands.
"...When would be good?"
"The sooner the better."
I'm being discharged in two days.
"Can we meet three days from now?"
"Perfect. You're in Seoul, right?
I'll text you the location."
After hanging up, I looked down at my phone.
10 million won.
Money I'd need to do over 300 broadcasts at 33,000 won each...
And they'll give it just for passing an interview?
My reflection in the dark screen showed my trembling eyes.
***
"Yunha, are you sure I can go?"
"Don't worry.
I can get around fine alone now, so go ahead."
"Call home after discharge?"
"Got it."
I urged Mom, who wanted to stay longer, to go home.
I couldn't prepare for Excel with her around...
***
Lying on the hospital bed, I installed and opened GomTV.
Countless female streamers filled the live trending broadcasts,
with Excel broadcasts dominating the top spots.
Haneul Company wasn't live yet.
I clicked on the top broadcast first.
Under glamorous lights, female streamers took turns dancing and flirting with winks.
Next to them, donation amounts rose in real-time.
...I'm going to do this?
A streamer on screen shook her chest and smiled at the camera.
Strangely, embarrassment came before excitement.
But.
She's terrible at dancing...
Her moves were clumsy and expressions awkward.
Not that I'm qualified to judge.
But I think I could do better than that.
...What delusions are these, Kang Yunha.
I covered my face with my hands.
Don't get ahead of yourself like yesterday's broadcast.
After staying still for a while, I opened another Excel broadcast.
Watch closely and learn.
***
I stood before the bathroom mirror.
"Hello. I'm Wolha.
Too stiff?
How do other female streamers do it?
...Doesn't seem special."
Closing my eyes, I imagined my brightest possible expression.
"Hi~ I'm Wolha...
Huh?"
The mirror reflected a woman whose beauty was beyond comparison.
I winked like yesterday's streamer.
"...Aren't I way prettier?"
My brief confidence faded quickly.
"Yesterday's broadcast was a total failure..."
Pretty female streamers are a dime a dozen in Excel.
The woman in the mirror's smile dimmed slightly.
***
Wearing my old male coat over the hospital gown, I headed to a nearby supermarket.
No way regular stores would have clothes fitting this body.
"Welcome. What are you looking for?"
"I need new underwear—can you measure my size?"
"Ah, sure. This way please."
Entering the fitting room, I took off the coat.
"Um, miss?"
"Had a major accident.
Can you measure me like this?"
"Well... technically yes, but bras should be measured while worn.
Ah, we don't carry your size here."
"I see..."
"...Let me measure you anyway.
But frankly, you're too large for local stores.
Try this brand online—it'll be faster."
"Thank you."
Starting from the lingerie section to nearby boutiques, nothing fit this body.
Most just took measurements and politely showed me the exit.
The scarier part? This body is still changing.
If I buy based on today's measurements, will they still fit for the interview?
...Better buy slightly larger, even if loose.
***
Interview day.
I wore a new white bodycon dress under my outerwear.
Even buying one size up, the chest felt tight while the waist remained loose.
...Changed again in two days?
Sighing at the mirror, I pinned the waist.
***
Park Haneul arrived 10 minutes early, sipping iced Americano.
"Playing hard to get? Coming exactly on time?"
As he discontentedly slurped his coffee, the café door opened.
A woman entered wearing a stylish black blazer over white bodycon mini dress.
Not just pale from poor quality—her long hair shimmered silver under sunlight.
Her face seemed to only have basic makeup, no color.
Yet.
"Whoa, who's that?"
"Look at her hair, some foreign actress filming?"
"Where's the camera crew?"
Park Haneul's straw fell from his mouth.
'Holy shit.
That's the low-tier streamer girl?
She's even better than her photos!'
Not just Haneul—every eye in the café locked onto her.
Even the barista froze while pouring coffee.
The woman scanned the café until her eyes met Haneul's.
Then slowly approached him.
Heads turned in sync with her heel clicks.
"Are you BJ Park Haneul?"
"Yes, that's me!"
'Jackpot!'
Haneul unconsciously raised a hand triumphantly.