9
9. Back to the Beginning
In the end, the editor and I agreed to meet a week later.
It was a long distance, and since he was coming from overseas, he needed some time.
“You’re going back to Korea next month?”
“Yes. I think it’s about time I went back.”
“Well..... You said you’d only stay for a month, but that turned into four months. It probably is about time you headed
back to Korea.”
If I hadn’t been able to communicate with the people in Canada, I might have gone back much sooner.
I had started studying English because communicating with people had been so inconvenient, but that ended up continuing
until I had stayed here for such a long time.
“I’m just going to spend the time until then getting things sorted out.”
“Do as you please.”
Jeongmin’s father didn’t seem to care one way or another, but his mother was different.
“Why don’t you stay just a little longer? Are you planning to come back after you leave?”
There was a great deal of regret in her voice.
‘Well, I have been here for a long time.....’
I felt like I would miss the food I had eaten in Canada once I returned home.
After spending so much time together, it was impossible not to grow attached.
At his mother’s words, Jeongmin was about to put a piece of meat into his mouth when he spoke.
“When Shinyong leaves, we’ll have to find another part-time worker, right?”
“Sigh..... Exactly. It’s a shame. Shinyong was so diligent.”
“......”
Apparently, I was the only one who had grown attached.
They seemed disappointed because my cheap labor was disappearing.
“So, are you coming back?”
“Yes. I think I will.”
I would come back.
Because I didn’t want to leave this place filled with the scent of freedom.
---
The four months I spent in Canada changed me greatly, both mentally and physically.
“There are a lot of people.”
When Jeongmin and I went downtown, there were unusually many people.
There usually weren’t even this many people on weekends, but today the streets were packed, and most of them had skin
tones similar to those of Asians.
“It’s the 15th today.”
“Oh. So today is that day.”
In Saskatchewan, the 15th and 30th were special days.
They were the days when government support payments were deposited for the Indigenous people living in Canada.
‘It was interesting at first..... but now, whatever.’
Canadian Indigenous people could receive government support and live on it if they met the condition of not taking a job
after high school.
This caused a lot of controversy within Canada, but as a third party, I didn’t really care.
“If you’re going to work at our farm next time too, just come on a working holiday visa. I’ll hire you.”
“I’ll think about it.”
I couldn’t guarantee that I would stay this long the next time I came, nor could I guarantee that I would still be
farming.
There was a high chance I would come during winter.
“Did you buy everything you needed?”
“For now?”
We had come downtown because we were running short on snacks to give the kids whenever they came over.
“Oh. BeaverTails.”
On our way home after buying everything, we spotted a newly opened BeaverTails franchise.
It was a Canadian snack shaped like a beaver’s tail and was one of Canada’s signature foods, much like hotteok in Korea.
Fried dough was topped with various sweet fruits or spread with cream or jam before being eaten, and it had become one
of the foods I always bought whenever I came downtown.
“You actually like those more than I expected. I don’t really like them because they’re too sweet.”
“I fell in love with them after eating them with Emma.”
About two months after coming to Canada, I had gone downtown to practice having conversations in English with ordinary
people.
The BeaverTails I had eaten with Emma back then had been so delicious that I had become completely hooked.
“Emma likes lollipops more, though.”
Perhaps because Canada was famous for maple syrup, there was also a type of candy made by solidifying maple syrup into
something like a lollipop.
It had a distinct sweet syrupy aroma, and perhaps because she was a child, Emma loved sweet foods.
“It’s a newly opened location, so let’s try it. Aren’t you getting one?”
“I am.”
Perhaps because the store had just opened, there were a lot of people.
And since today was the 15th, the store was mostly filled with Indigenous people.
“They have a lot of kiosks here now too.”
Kiosks that hadn’t been there before were now appearing everywhere.
“Jeongmin, what do you want?”
“Just something simple. Hazelnut.”
I chose the Banana Rama and took the number ticket.
‘It’ll take about twenty minutes.’
The delicious smell of fried dough continuously teased my nose.
Grrrr.....
Perhaps because we hadn’t eaten yet, my stomach began growling from hunger.
“Maybe it’s because it’s summer, but my appetite is going crazy.”
“Doesn’t your appetite usually increase in autumn?”
“Then do you eat less in summer?”
“Not really.”
After some time, we received our BeaverTails and walked outside.
“That smell..... It’s insane.”
“Whew..... I can’t resist this greasy smell.”
I carefully tore open the wrapping paper and looked inside.
Chocolate cream, bananas, and various nuts had been sprinkled over the crispy fried dough.
‘Let’s see.....’
I looked at the steaming hot pastry and moistened my mouth with saliva.
Once my mouth was sufficiently wet, I immediately bit into the BeaverTail.
Crunch.....
‘Haaah.....!’
After passing through the crispy exterior, similar to a pastry, the chewy bread pleasantly pushed against my teeth.
The texture was similar to a twisted doughnut sold at Korean markets, but because this was made flat, it was even
crispier.
‘As expected..... This flavor is so intense that it’s almost addictive.’
The rich aroma of sweet chocolate and banana filled my mouth, pleasantly stimulating the tip of my nose.
Sugar sprinkled over a twisted doughnut was delicious enough, but it still couldn’t compete with the sweetness of
chocolate and banana.
‘Is that coffee bean powder? That’s the key.’
Just as the chewiness of the bread disappeared, the texture of the nuts suddenly came forward, perfectly finishing the
bite.
It was a flavor packed with saturated fat that seemed impossible to dislike.
“I’ve thought this for a while..... but your face seems the brightest when you’re eating.”
“Isn’t everyone the same? Who doesn’t like eating delicious food?”
I licked the chocolate from the corner of my mouth and took another huge bite of the BeaverTail.
“No..... How should I put it? I eat a lot too, but it feels like I eat to replenish my energy. You seem to eat because
of the taste.”
“What does that even mean?”
“I can’t explain it..... Just think of it as me talking to myself and ignore it.”
After hearing Jeongmin’s words, I realized that I could now properly feel the taste of food on the tip of my tongue.
‘.....No, it’s actually been a long time.’
It would be more accurate to say that I simply hadn’t realized it.
‘After I burned out, I started losing weight.....’
I could still taste things with my tongue, but the sensations had gradually become duller.
As the feeling of deliciousness disappeared, I naturally became distant from food.
Food was nothing more than something that provided nutrition.
No matter how delicious the food was, it failed to stir any emotion in me.
But now I could properly taste it again.
“Maybe because I took it for granted, I didn’t even realize it was disappearing.....”
“What kind of nonsense are you talking about?”
“Nothing.”
I simply hadn’t realized it until now.
Even though knowing it now wouldn’t change anything, it was nothing more than a meaningless thought.
‘Still, there are a lot of people.’
On the 15th and 30th, stores opened even if those days happened to be holidays.
Since everything was far away from where people lived, they often bought things in bulk, so they couldn’t afford to miss
these opportunities.
“Hey. When writers see scenes like this, what comes to mind?”
“......Do you think writers are people who see inspiration in everyday life and immediately start writing?”
“Aren’t they?”
“Well..... You’re not entirely wrong.”
As loneliness had gradually become worse in Korea, I had once joined cafes and communities where writers gathered.
There were people I could communicate with and people who disappointed me, but I learned about human relationships there
and met writers who approached writing in various ways.
“Some writers say they learn from everyday life. Whether it’s something good or bad.”
“Really?”
“Well..... I used to think that way too.”
Since I was also a writer whose strength was natural storytelling, I had written several books that could be considered
slice-of-life stories.
Though I wasn’t sure whether they should really be called everyday-life stories or simply delusions.
“An ordinary person’s everyday life isn’t spectacular every day.”
“That..... is true.”
Finding material in ordinary daily life was quite difficult, so there weren’t many writers capable of doing it well.
There was a reason popular slice-of-life works remained loved for such a long time.
“So, are you not going to write web novels anymore?”
“I’ll think about it once I get back to Korea.”
“Think about it..... The guy who used to whine about not knowing how to rest now only wants to rest.”
“.....I guess that’s true.”
Four months had given me so many gifts.
“Let’s go back now.”
We had finished shopping, so it was time to head back.
---
Burnout comes to everyone.
Perhaps it could even be considered a symbol.
It was proof that someone had lived harder than anyone else, while also being a warning signal from the body telling
them that they could no longer keep working.
‘Writing.....’
I had put web novels down.
At first, after coming to Canada, I continued to cling to them, but eventually, I completely let go of writing.
After that, the only thing I wrote was The Woman of New York, at Emma’s suggestion, partly as a way to practice English.
‘Writing in Korean and writing in English.....’
They were both languages and written forms belonging to different countries, yet somehow they felt completely different.
‘I don’t want to write..... Is that it?’
As I had said earlier, I had already adapted to resting.
I couldn’t even remember when I had once thought resting was a waste of time.
Now I had become completely immersed in the sweetness of rest.
Calling myself lazy might have been the least fitting description of me.
‘But being lazy is only natural for humans.....’
I had let go of all my desires, and now I had filled myself with them again.
The senses that had disappeared before were beginning to return.
“Should I at least write a synopsis.....”
A synopsis or a setting guide.
It didn’t matter what you called it, but since web novel writers had to write out long journeys, many of them prepared
such documents.
‘I never used to do this.....’
When I first started writing web novels, my memory had been good.
I could remember everything I had written the day before and even the story I had written before that.
But as I grew older, my memory didn’t improve, and by the age of twenty-seven, I had reached the point where I could
forget what I had done the previous day.
“Let’s start again.”
I threw away all the earnings I had made from web novels until now, as well as everything I had built up through writing
web novels.
“Let’s not aim for high profits. People say life is like the stock market, right?”
If there was an upward curve, there was certainly a downward curve as well.
Right now, I was sitting on the downward curve of web novels.
‘Writing in English is simply writing in another language. Let’s clearly think about what kind of story I need to write
now.’
No matter how many dozens or hundreds of times I repeated it in my mind, it was honestly difficult to give up the
expectation of making money.
Money couldn’t buy happiness, but money was such an essential part of life that people even said perhaps they couldn’t
buy happiness because they didn’t have enough money.
“Let’s take it slowly. I’m not even serializing it yet.”
Once I returned to Korea, I would start serializing again, but until then, I planned to write leisurely.
Tatatatatak!
The sound of the keyboard echoed through the dark room for a long time.