5
5. Vlog
Saskatchewan is home to 1.18 million people, with most of the population being of British, German, Ukrainian, or French
descent.
Maybe that was why I hadn’t seen any Black children. Most of the children were white.
However, Emma’s circumstances were different from those of the other children.
“Emma wasn’t born in Canada.”
“......”
“Hey. Are you listening?”
“I couldn’t hear you because I was grilling meat. Say it again.”
“I said Emma wasn’t born in Canada.”
Sizzle, sizzle, sizzle.
I was grilling and eating meat in the yard behind the house, so I couldn’t concentrate on what Jeongmin was saying.
Once it got late, the children had all gone home, and Jeongmin’s parents said they would be coming back late, so we were
grilling meat and eating in the yard.
“By the way, this beef is pretty good. Is this that Kobe beef I’ve only heard about?”
Chew, chew.
It wasn’t exactly tender, but it had a strong meaty flavor and a nice chewiness that suited my taste perfectly.
“It’s bison meat.”
“.....Buffalo?”
“It’s a little different from that..... Or maybe it’s similar? I’m not sure.”
The strong meaty flavor might make it a love-it-or-hate-it kind of food, but it suited me perfectly since I had a pretty
strong stomach.
“Anyway, why about Emma?”
“Emma’s a kid with a lot of scars.”
“Hmm......”
Unlike the other children who were born in Canada, Emma was born in the United States.
Apparently, she had been subjected to discrimination because of that, though honestly, I didn’t really understand it.
“It’s a racist country, isn’t it?”
“Hey. Even in a racist country, there can be discrimination that you can’t see. Simply put..... it means she feels out
of place.”
“Out of place.....”
“How would you feel if a Black person suddenly appeared in a rural village in Korea?”
“They’d probably seem out of place.”
“That’s the kind of feeling I mean.”
I had a rough idea of what he was talking about.
In Saskatchewan, where there was a high proportion of immigrants, Emma might have been seen as someone who didn’t quite
belong.
“You heard about her family situation too, right?”
“To some extent?”
I hadn’t heard that much.
All I knew was that Emma’s father had struggled and that her mother had run away.
“Well..... It’s complicated, but basically, Emma thinks her family fell apart because of her.”
“......”
“And she isn’t exactly wrong.”
I eventually had to put down the plate and chopsticks I was holding.
“Why do you think she isn’t wrong?”
“Emma had childhood cancer.”
“......”
Before I could even say anything to deny it, I heard something shocking.
“Childhood..... cancer? Emma?”
“Yeah. She’s completely recovered now, but apparently, it cost them a huge amount in medical bills.”
Blaming a child whenever something bad happens is foolish.
That might be how adults think, but the child involved could see things differently.
From those few words, I could understand, if only slightly, the burden Emma must have been carrying all this time.
“Apparently, neither of her parents came from particularly wealthy families. In the end, they went into debt to pay for
Emma’s treatment, but her mother eventually couldn’t take it anymore and ran away.”
“......”
“But the truth is, she didn’t actually run away.”
“She didn’t?”
Jeongmin spoke calmly.
“Yeah. She didn’t run away. She died. Apparently, she got into an accident while working to earn money.”
“......”
A truth I didn’t want to hear rang in my ears.
I wanted to ignore what he had said, but it was impossible to ignore such words, and I couldn’t say anything.
“I don’t know all the details after that, but apparently, according to her mother’s dying wish, they told Emma that she
had run away. They thought it would hurt her even more if she believed her mother had died because of her.”
“......Then how do you know all this?”
“Maybe people who feel out of place just understand each other, but Emma took a liking to me, so her father told me.”
Since Emma was the only American among them, she had naturally grown attached to Jeongmin, who was also someone who felt
out of place here.
“She was weak physically, so she naturally became friends with books. And since you’re a web novel writer too, I thought
you two might get along, so I called you.”
At last, I felt like I understood why Emma had said earlier that she didn’t want to come here but came anyway.
Jeongmin was one of the few people Emma could trust, and since he had called her over so she could meet me, she probably
had no choice but to come.
“Anyway, did you two have a good conversation?”
“She gave me a few pieces of advice.”
“.....You take advice from a little kid too?”
“Shut up.”
Emma had told me in detail about how her father had gone through the process of overcoming burnout.
The fact that she knew what burnout was at such a young age was proof enough that she had matured early.
‘There are more children who grow up quickly than you’d think.’
Even in Korea, I sometimes came across children who had matured at a young age.
I got that feeling whenever I saw children growing up in poor families or children who had a lot of responsibilities
from a young age.
“Anyway, how was she?”
“She was nice.”
Her Korean was still awkward, so her speech was a little clumsy, but she was such a kind child that even those awkward
parts seemed cute.
“Anyway, enough with the depressing stuff. What are you going to do tomorrow?”
“Hmm......”
After thinking for a moment, I cautiously brought up what I had been considering earlier.
“Can I..... make a MuseTube video?”
“......”
Jeongmin suddenly fell silent while grilling the meat.
---
They say burnout can’t be overcome all at once.
Since passion had turned into a candle, you had to keep adding the firewood of consistency to make that candle burn
brighter.
‘That consistency..... I always thought I had to use it practically.’
I had only pursued consistency in things that cost money or could make money.
For someone like me, I thought keeping a diary or recording things might actually be the hobby that suited me best.
“You want to upload a..... vlog to MuseTube?”
“Yeah.”
“.....You’re not crazy because I’m not making you work, are you?”
Jeongmin held up two fingers in front of my face.
“How many are these?”
“Your ugly face.”
“You’re normal.”
Jeongmin lowered his hand and let out a deep sigh.
“Whew..... So you want to leave a record through MuseTube?”
“Yeah. Rather than writing a diary or something like that, I think it would be better to record my time in Canada
through videos.”
“Hmm.....”
Jeongmin thought about it for a long time before eventually nodding.
“There are plenty of travel vlogs too, so I guess it’s fine..... But are you okay with the fact that people probably
won’t watch it?”
“Yeah.”
“At least you know what the topic is.”
“Who would watch this face?”
My mother had told me I was a handsome son, but objectively speaking, I wasn’t particularly attractive.
I simply wanted to leave a record. I had no intention of becoming famous.
“Then go ahead. I’ll help you.”
“Really?”
Honestly, I had expected him to give me permission, but I hadn’t expected him to agree so quickly.
“As long as you don’t reveal your location or your face, I guess it’s fine..... More than anything, it might actually be
fun.”
“......”
“What?”
“No, it’s just that you never liked this kind of thing.”
I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t into this sort of social-media-savvy behavior. Jeongmin wasn’t either.
“Well..... I guess it might help you, and it seems more meaningful than just wasting your time doing nothing.”
He had always been like this.
He was the kind of person who repaid trust with trust when someone showed that they could be trusted, which was why I
could trust Jeongmin too.
“So when are you going to start?”
“I’m going to start now.”
“.....Now?”
“Yeah.”
“.....You really are an impulse guy with no plans.”
“What are you talking about? You’re the obsessive planner.”
When it came to traveling, I was the type who didn’t make plans, while Jeongmin was the type who always planned
everything beforehand.
Whenever I did something or worked on something, I tended to act without making a plan.
‘I hated putting things off.’
That personality of mine was probably heavily influenced by my childhood.
I preferred finishing things quickly and resting afterward rather than putting work off.
‘Maybe that’s why I burned out too.....’
I was supposed to finish my work quickly and then rest, but instead, whenever I had free time left, I tried to do even
more work.
Maybe burnout had been inevitable.
“So you’re really going to start filming now?”
“There’s still meat left, right? More importantly, are you full?”
“Do you think I’m full?”
We hadn’t eaten much because we had been talking, but in the first place, neither of us was the type to eat very little.
“I can just film it roughly with my phone, right?”
“Well. We’re not doing anything serious. We’re just filming everyday life, so there’s no need for an expensive camera,
right?”
“That’s true.”
Like Jeongmin said, I was only filming and uploading my daily life, so there didn’t seem to be any reason to buy an
expensive camera.
Phones had good cameras these days anyway, so I decided to just use mine.
“Okay. I’m filming.”
“Don’t let my face show.”
“I’ll keep the camera pointed down as much as possible.”
I roughly propped my phone up against a nearby rock and started recording.
“......”
“......”
Sizzle.....
Once we actually started filming, neither of us said anything.
“.....Today’s meat is bison.”
In the end, unable to bear the silence, I spoke first.
Thinking about it, there was no reason for Jeongmin to say anything since this was my vlog.
“Uh..... My name is Kwon Shinyong, and I’m filming a video in some countryside in Canada.”
“.....”
“The guy in front of me is my friend. This is just an ordinary garden you can find anywhere. We’ll enjoy our meal.”
After saying that, we simply went back to eating.
---
Uploading a video to MuseTube was incredibly simple.
All you had to do was create a personal channel and upload the video there.
‘Well..... There’s no way the views will reach double digits.’
I wasn’t uploading it for the views anyway, so I didn’t even bother editing it and simply uploaded the video of us
eating the beef.
“Now let’s get to work.”
I had uploaded the video, so it was time to get back to my main job.
‘Let’s try writing.’
Until now, I had repeatedly deleted countless pieces of writing and started over again.
‘The strength of my writing..... Think about its strengths.’
I wanted to write something readers would want to read while bringing out the strengths of my writing as much as
possible.
“.....My writing is calm.”
So calm that it simply flowed naturally.
Because it flowed so naturally, it was extremely difficult to find the kind of writing that suited me.
“.....Hmm.”
In the end, before I could even come up with a proper story, I had no choice but to take my hands away from the laptop.
“I don’t feel like doing it.”
I had absolutely no desire to work.
No, more than that, my head was simply filled with the desire to play a little longer.
“Maybe it’s because of the burnout..... Or maybe my body is just demanding the rest it never got all this time.....”
I didn’t know what it was, but I simply couldn’t bring myself to write.
“Should I study English?”
Since I couldn’t speak English after coming here, it was incredibly frustrating.
I was planning to go home after staying here for only a few days anyway, but for some reason, I felt like learning it.
“I might as well study instead of wasting time thinking about it.”
Instead of continuing to worry about it, I decided to study and pulled out the English book Jeongmin had given me.
“A is for Apple.....”
Since I had to start by learning simple words again, it looked like it was going to take quite a while.