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1 . Burnout Syndrome
“Writer, I’m sorry, but... I think we’ll have to stop publishing this work.”
“.....Why?”
“The view count for the 25 chapters hasn’t reached the required standard. I don’t think you’ll be able to expect the
income you were aiming for if you continue publishing it.”
“Yeah......”
“I think it would be better for you to rest a little longer, recharge, and then start writing a new work.”
“.....Yes. I understand. I’m sorry.”
“There’s no need to apologize. It’s only natural. More importantly, you need some rest.”
“.....I’ll think about it.”
After hanging up the call from my editor, who had contacted me out of the blue, I let out a sigh.
“Whew..... Rest, huh......”
Kwon Shinyong could only stare blankly at the white ceiling, thinking about the words that kept circling around in his
head.
“What is rest?”
I didn’t know what rest was.
It wasn’t that I literally didn’t understand the meaning of rest. It meant that I didn’t know how to actually take a
break.
“Have I been charging straight ahead for too long?”
I stared at the white ceiling that offered no answers and fell into thought for a long time.
‘There was a time when I did that before.’
I had lived my entire life doing nothing but working for a long time.
Ever since my father collapsed from a stroke when I was in high school, I had been running forward without looking back.
I cut down on food and increased the amount of work I did, but in the end, there was nothing left in front of me.
‘It feels like I haven’t even thought about having fun since I came back from the military.’
My father had passed away, leaving behind nothing but a mountain of loan debt.
The moment I was discharged from the military, I threw myself into society to pay off the debt. At the same time, I
started writing web novels after hearing about the profession from a guy who had served in the military with me.
Since I had loved writing from a young age, taking on the challenge wasn’t difficult. Even if I failed, I could still
earn some income from it, so I was satisfied.
“Did I push myself too hard.....?”
Ever since I started making money from web novels, my family’s living situation had gradually improved.
There were times when I made money from writing and times when I didn’t, but as the eldest son, I felt a certain sense
of pride in being able to support my family.
I had used that sense of pride as my driving force, but even that could no longer give me energy.
“I’m in a slump, aren’t I......”
Nothing came to mind, and I didn’t want to do anything.
I wrote and scrapped things over and over again.
At last, I managed to produce a work that was getting good views, but as the serialization continued, it ultimately
failed to achieve the results I had hoped for.
“Whew......”
A sigh escaped me without hesitation.
I never used to sigh, but now I found myself doing it far too often.
“Even if I take a break, what am I supposed to do......?”
I didn’t even know how many times I had said that.
I didn’t know how to rest.
Maybe because I had spent so much of my life doing nothing but working, I was even trying to apply conditions and rules
to resting.
“......Should I at least start planning my next work?”
The frustration of seeing myself trying to work yet again rose all the way to the top of my head.
What was work? What was rest?
My brain felt like it had turned to stone, and I couldn’t think of anything.
“Ugh......”
In the end, another sigh escaped me.
Putting aside my frustration, I lay down on the bed and picked up my phone just to kill some time.
‘I’m already twenty-seven, but I don’t have any hobbies, no will to live, nothing I particularly like, and no
girlfriend..... Is my life really okay?’
Even while watching MuseTube videos, pathetic thoughts continued to come to mind.
I didn’t have a favorite MuseTuber, nor was there any video I particularly liked. I simply kept watching random Shorts.
I was starting to worry whether a life in which I had no interest in anything at all was really okay.
—Trillllllllll~♪
As I sat there doing nothing but watching Shorts, someone suddenly called me.
“.....Jeongmin?”
He was an old friend, and he was a better friend to me than anyone else.
Ever since my father collapsed, our bond had been strong enough that he even gave me part of his part-time wages to ease
my burden, even if only a little.
We had remained close until he went into the military and came back, but three years ago, he left for Canada, where his
paternal grandfather lived, and we gradually lost touch.
“Hello? Is that you, Jeongmin?”
“Yeah, you bastard! Long time no see!”
“What are you talking about, you crazy bastard? Are you still ugly?”
“You still don’t have a girlfriend?”
“.....You’re dead when I see you.”
Maybe because we had known each other for so long, insults now came freely between us.
“Anyway, what are you doing?”
“Me? Just..... resting.”
“.....You? You’re resting?”
“My new work got rejected. The publisher told me to stop writing.”
“Well, I guess it’s weird that there are readers who even read your work.”
“You wanna die?”
“Can you come all the way to Canada to kill me?”
“No.”
Since it had been such a long time since we had last talked, we spent quite a while bickering back and forth.
“Anyway, you’re not working right now..... That’s great.”
“What is?”
“I called because I wanted to suggest that, since you’re taking a break anyway, why don’t you come stay at my place and
rest?”
“Your place? In Canada?”
“Yeah!”
“You want me to come to Canada?”
“You said you don’t have anything to do anyway, right? You’ve got some savings, and your family’s situation has improved
a lot too, didn’t you? Just come!”
“No, but still......”
Without even thinking about it, my mouth instinctively began to form an excuse for why I didn’t want to go.
“No, I’m telling you to come! You need to rest!”
“......”
Before I could even say the excuse, Jeongmin shut me up.
“When you finished your fifth work, what did you say? You said that once you finished it, you’d go to Yeosu, eat
marinated crab, and go fishing, didn’t you? But what did you actually do after finishing it?”
“.....I worked.”
“It’s not just about working! You could have worked from Yeosu in the first place, but you didn’t even go!”
As long as a web novel writer had a laptop, they could easily work at a nearby café or park.
But Kwon Shinyong didn’t go to Yeosu. He worked from home instead.
“You remember what you said was the reason you didn’t go to Yeosu, right?”
“I said I’d rather use the money it would cost to go there to buy marinated crab near my house.”
“And why didn’t you go fishing?”
“I said indoor fishing was cheaper.....”
“Ugh......”
A sigh came through the phone, carrying what seemed like the feeling of wondering what to do with this hopeless guy.
“Hey. If I’m telling you to come, then come.”
“......I don’t have money.”
“You don’t even have enough money to come to Canada? I’ll pay for your trip from Korea. Just come!”
“I’ll..... I’ll think about it a little.”
I hurried to end the call as if I were trying to run away.
“Hey..... You’re burned out.”
“......”
But at Jeongmin’s words, my body stiffened while I held the phone.
“Ultimately, if you want to solve this, you have to find the courage yourself. Whether you regain your passion or do
something because someone else forces you to..... In the end, you can’t escape it if you yourself do nothing.”
“.....I’m hanging up.”
In the end, I hung up first.
---
I didn’t live alone. I lived with my family.
We had moved out of the house we used to live in and were now living in a two-room officetel that we had barely managed
to get through a jeonse loan.
We had all struggled so much together that we could only be grateful that we had managed to secure even a place like
this.
“Jeongmin called me today.”
“What did he say?”
“He told me to come visit him in Canada. I don’t know why he’s asking me to come when the plane ticket costs so much.”
While eating dinner, I brought up what had happened earlier that afternoon.
Carefully, I expressed a negative opinion, almost as if I wanted my mother to oppose Jeongmin’s suggestion.
I already knew the truth.
The truth was that I didn’t want to go on this trip.
But my mother’s reaction was the opposite.
“Go.”
“What?”
“I said go.”
My mother spoke as though it didn’t matter at all.
“Ah, no, but if I don’t work.....”
“Do you think our situation is so bad that the whole family would collapse if you didn’t work for even one day? Hyerin
is working part-time too, and I’m working as well. It’s not that serious.”
We had already paid off all our debts, and although the house was under a jeonse arrangement, we had a home.
Since the entire family was working, we weren’t exactly well-off, but we didn’t need money urgently at the moment.
“......”
In the end, I couldn’t say anything and simply picked up my spoon.
‘Is it really okay for me to rest?’
That thought had always occupied a place in my mind.
While eating, while washing my body, and even while writing.
I didn’t understand why human beings needed rest.
‘People who play around without working are trash.’
It was a foolish thought, but at some point, it had become deeply engraved in my mind.
Watching people who didn’t work and only liked to have fun, I had unconsciously begun to feel disgust toward them.
‘No..... Maybe I was actually jealous of them.’
There was a reason the term “young old-timer” existed.
Especially for freelancers, unlike office workers, they were paid according to the results of their work.
They had more freedom than office workers, but the burden that came with that freedom was entirely their own.
‘Travel.....’
Burnout is also described as passion in front of a candle.
Even if passion arises, it quickly dies out in front of the slightest condition.
Even if you try to do something, even if you try to go somewhere.
Even if you try to find something you like or create a hobby.
It simply dies out in an instant, as if you forget that you had ever had such a thought in the first place.
“If you want to rest, then rest. If there’s something you want to do, then do it. Don’t ruin your life because of
pointless thoughts.”
In the end, this was the life I was living, and this was the life I had to experience.
If I wanted to keep moving forward on this path, it would be better for me to escape from burnout.
“.....I’ll go.”
“When are you going?”
“I’ll go once my passport comes out.”
Until then, I had never once wanted to travel abroad.
I had never thought about getting a passport because I didn’t know the joy that traveling could bring.
‘It’ll probably take about a month for the passport to come out, right?’
At this point, I was still thinking of all sorts of excuses I could make.
---
“......”
I was holding a plane ticket and a passport in my hands.
And the place where I was standing right now was none other than Incheon Airport.
‘Why am I here?’
Time had passed so quickly that I couldn’t understand what had happened or how things had progressed.
I had simply spent each day without even wanting to go, and before I knew it, the time had come for me to leave for
Canada.
‘Am I really..... going?’
After the first phone call, I had eventually booked a flight because I couldn’t withstand Jeongmin’s constant urging.
I had simply forgotten about it, but now that the time to leave had arrived, my body was trembling.
‘My body feels so heavy.....’
Since this was my first trip, I hadn’t even thought about when I would return.
I was simply focused on Jeongmin, who would be waiting to pick me up when I arrived at the airport.
‘Did I bring too little luggage?’
I didn’t know how many days I would be staying, but I thought I would return soon anyway.
I took the biggest bag in the house and packed only a few clothes, underwear, and some cream.
“Whew.....”
It was also my first time coming to an airport, so it felt like my heart was about to burst.
Honestly, I was scared.
‘The plane isn’t going to crash, is it?’
Pointless thoughts were running wild through my head, but there was nothing I could do except keep walking.
‘It would be a waste of the plane ticket to turn back now.....’
In the end, as the time for my flight approached, I began walking forward.