A Heart Unknown Even to Myself
The night before, she couldn't even remember how she'd slept. Chirp-chirp—chirp—By the time Vita woke, faint birdsong was already filtering in. It was still early dawn. Her body felt heavy, her mind a whirlwind of confusion. But the arms of Carlyle enveloping her—they were strangely warm. Vita held her breath.
Thump-thump—Her heart raced. Was it because women had smaller hearts than men? It beat so fast, problematically so.
Bianca, you're such a scaredy-cat. Your body and heart are both so fragile. Carlyle's words floated into her mind, not without reason. Maybe he was right. If not, her heart wouldn't be pounding like a broken clock right now. Tick-tock. Vita's face flushed, her eyes widening as she briefly wondered if she might be the broken one. Part of her wanted to melt into this embrace. Yet another part insisted this was weird.
An ambiguous relationship. Not bad, but not something she could call good either—just a strange emotion. It's because my body turned female for a bit. She'd thought it was just a delusion. But yesterday, Vita realized there was a flaw in that thinking. Maybe she wasn't broken; maybe she'd just fixed a broken perception.
And it happened unintentionally, through his confession.
As long as you're by my side, it's okay. The truest words Carlyle had ever said. It started from there. Vita felt the same—when Carlyle Schultz was by her side, things were okay. He was reliable. Reassuring, even.
...Like last night. She'd been childish, immature like a kid. Upset at her pathetic state, unable to understand herself. Her body ached, the weather felt unreasonably cold, everything seemed unfairly sad. In that moment, she'd collapsed. Tears welled up. But when Carlyle appeared, everything was fine.
It's okay now. When he said that, Vita relaxed. She went limp in his broad embrace, dazed. And at the cabin, she thought how lucky she was to have him there.
As long as you're by my side... Vita felt the same. An honest feeling she'd unwittingly held onto. That's what she'd realized.
So, I don't get it. Carlyle's words pierced her too. He didn't know why he liked her—that clear admission. But it rang truer for it.
Vita didn't understand her own heart either. She'd dismissed her fluttering feelings as a mistake, meaningless. But if Carlyle was right, maybe not.
Being with you is always fun. My heart feels at ease. It's stabilizing, you know? She felt that way too. Hearing it, Vita finally understood.
Maybe I... So the recent confusion, the persistently odd feelings. His near-confessional honesty overlapped with it all.
I'll take Carlyle? When Emily said that to her. The thud in her chest then, the mess afterward.
It's okay now. The moment Carlyle held her in the dark, cold forest. The instant surprise and fluster. She didn't want to define what color those emotions turned. She already knew.
Maybe she really— That's what she'd realized.
No way... It was absurd. Her face burned. Her breath was hot. She wanted to ruffle her innocent hair, baffled by this madness.
Me, with this guy...? In short, big trouble. No, impossible.
There's no way I'd... But now, that lacked conviction. Once self-aware, denial fell flat.
Her heart was a mess. She didn't know why, but it felt stuffy.
"Haa..." Vita sighed deeply.
Swoosh—She felt her hair being stroked.
"Wh-what..."
"Why the sigh?"
Carlyle, now awake, kissed her forehead. His low, deep voice carried that familiar husky chuckle right by her ear as he pulled her closer. Vita's face turned beet red, flustered.
"N-no reason..." It felt like lightning zipping through her body. Carlyle glanced out the window.
"Time to go soon."
Vita nodded. The rain had stopped, her clothes dry.
"...Y-yeah. We should hurry." Everyone would be worried.
Gurgle—Her hungry stomach let out a cute rumble.
"Your stomach..."
"Don't say a word?!" Covering her face, Vita forced the words out. Of course... It felt way more embarrassing than before. Her face tomato-red.
After resting more, they left the cabin. Dressed in dry clothes, mats tidied.
"Kinda sad to leave."
"Huh, why...?"
Vita blinked at Carlyle's words.
"'Cause it was just us two."
His nonsense started again, but she couldn't snap back like before.
"Th-that's bullshit..." Even as she said it, she turned away, face flushing—Carlyle saw.
The competition was days away. ...About ten days left? That's why he'd bared his heart, and it seemed effective. She was pure as fresh snow, sky-clear—everything showed.
Carlyle was convinced his honest confession last night worked.
Just a bit more... She might fall soon, but patience now.
First priority is getting back. He offered his back.
"Hop on, Bianca."
Vita hesitated, then agreed.
"O-okay..." No choice, with her ankle.
She rationalized as she climbed on, but even this felt different. Realizing she might like him—or not knowing if she did—made her hyper-aware.
"Hold on tighter."
"Ah, yeah."
Vita shifted closer from her distant perch. Back to full contact, like yesterday. But now...
She shrank a bit, unnecessarily.
What's this... Actions once natural now made her pause. She'd denied it, but now she got it.
Before, no real aversion to touching him... Different flavor, but similar to how she'd been swept up by him. If she'd always felt fondness unconsciously, now it was conscious?
That thought hit—I've finally lost it...!
Vita thought inwardly. She'd gone mad.
As she spiraled, the post-rain mountain was refreshingly clear. Hard to believe the downpour yesterday. Lush sky, moist earth path. Forest scent stronger, autumnal. Nearby stream gurgled, watercolor scenery.
Thud-thud—Piggybacked in her yukata, Vita blushed, breath held. Awkward, hyper-aware, she spoke.
"You know the way... right?"
"Of course. Map in the cabin."
"Really?"
"You're scatterbrained; missed it."
"I'm not...?!"
Irked by "scatterbrained"—she heard it often. Her nature, unavoidable.
"For real?" His teasing chuckles.
"Look at you, Mr. Perfect..." Vita pouted, but relieved. Carlyle was trustworthy.
If he knew the path, fine. She sighed inwardly that her flushed face stayed hidden. Troubling. She bit her lip. Honestly, her heart felt stuffy, indescribably odd. Yet precious. Good, but anxious. She didn't know why yet.
Back at the inn.
"Y-you two...!"
Chaos erupted. Academy student missing, search halted by rain—tense vibes. They returned just as dawn search resumed.
"Yes! F-found them. Safe."
A frantic teacher called someone.
"Any injuries?!"
"Where were you?"
Others swarmed with questions. No major hurts, found shelter cabin—they sighed.
"Where?"
"No way..."
"Emergency shelter. Here."
"Lucky. Really."
Nurses, even police checked them. Must've been pandemonium overnight.
"Bianca, you okay-?!"
Friends rushed, blocked by adults. Bigger issues first.
"Take this, Bianca."
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU-?!"
Ah, close call! Vita nearly dropped the phone, ears ringing.
"D-Dad..."
Cold sweat. But explaining calmed him—relief.
"Anyway, no real injuries."
Probably key. Good thing...Haa...]
"Your father and I barely slept!"
"We're halfway there now. This girl, really...!"
Voices told the worry.
"Sorry..." Vita could only apologize. She'd troubled everyone.
Thus, "Bianca Shama's" disappearance ended positively—safe return.
"Ow, ouch..."
Morning treatment for scrapes. Minor, but there.
"Hold still, dear."
"Pretty face scarred would be a shame."
"Y-yes..."
Nurse sisters applied ointment, massaged. Stings, tickles—Vita squirmed.
"Hey."
Gentle voice.
"Sisters are curious."
"That boy your boyfriend...?"
"N-no?!" Vita denied, flustered.
"No?"
"Really...?"
Skeptical.
"Heard he rushed off alone to save you?"
"Romantic. So youthful-!"
Well, true, but... Vita blushed.
"At least you like each other?"
"C'mon, spill."
"N-not..."
But now, denial felt off. Not full yes—Emily exists. Original crush. Vita didn't know who she truly liked romantically, deeply. But zero feelings for Carlyle Schultz? Couldn't say. Couldn't lie to self. Face ripe, head down.
"Ugh... well..."
Nurses whispered.
I can hear you... Vita pretended not to.
Day 4 of 3-night-4-day trip—not short. But morning treatments, afternoon rest in room. Sensible—injured, near-disaster.
Still, Vita felt regret. Everyone at the beach now... having fun? Others were.
Emily too... Her swimsuit. Thought she'd miss it, but now other worries.
I'll take Carlyle? Recalling Emily, her reaction. Then Carlyle's arrival. No dummy, Vita sensed the delicate vibe.
...What face to make? Ugh, seriously. No answers despite pondering. Dozed off, woke to—
"Bianca, you..."
Emily, wide-eyed, right there.