Impossible Feelings and the Hospital Sit-In

There's no way, right? After Carlyle had come to nurse her and then abruptly left. Thump-thump—her heart pounded rapidly. Realizing something, Vita was utterly flustered. It was absurd. 'Really, me...?' No, I mean. That Carlyle guy? No way. The emotions she'd just felt were on that level.

Had she fully become a woman by now? Vita was at a loss for words. Her face paled, her body frozen stiff. A hollow laugh formed faintly on her lips before vanishing. Am I crazy? Without losing my mind...

[I like you, Bianca.] It must have been after hearing those words. Vita felt like her brain had short-circuited. Rational thought was impossible. Yeah, maybe. Ever since her body turned female, hormones must have been at work. If those hormones gradually shifted something inside her, leading to this, it made a bit of sense. But still, this was. This couldn't be right. She didn't know exactly what "this" was, but it absolutely wasn't.

Vita ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠lay blankly on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Carlyle Schultz, of all people—a guy. "There's no way I'd feel attracted to him rationally...?" Saying it out loud made it hit harder, so Vita let out a hollow laugh. After all, Vita Shama's true self was solidly male.

"Yeah, a guy...!" As she muttered that, Vita glanced downward. Toward her chin. Two soft mounds entered her view, feeling utterly alien. Wanting to deny reality, she took a deep breath and touched her chest directly. Squish—

"Eek...!" Not just soft. Springy, too. Blushing, Vita sat up and checked elsewhere. The smooth curve from her waist to her flexible hips. She had even less to say now. Drained, she stood in front of the mirror. Flowing auburn hair, amethyst eyes. A slender jawline, pale translucent skin. Delicate features, slim arms and calves. At this point, denial was impossible.

"I've become a girl..." In a dazed expression, she finally accepted it. That she was a woman now, truly a woman. She'd realized she was no longer Vita Shama, but Bianca Shama.

"How did this happen?" It was inexplicable. Vita clutched her head. Come to think of it, lately she'd been adapting to a woman's lifestyle. At first, the foreign feeling in her upper body was uncomfortable, but eventually it became familiar.

Suddenly, she felt a chill of fear. "What if I really become a woman like this...?" She gasped. Lately, her state had been off. Maybe influenced by female hormones. Of course, turning female was unavoidable, and living as one wasn't so bad...

"No, no—!" Vita shouted loudly, then clamped her mouth shut. Was she putting on a solo show? She'd return soon; this was just temporary. Unconsciously, that's how she'd been thinking. Her personality wasn't pessimistic anyway. She hadn't despaired at the change. She'd tried to adapt. But now it felt different.

'What have I been doing all this time?' Vita suddenly grasped the severity. Tension gripped her. No more. Her mental state lately was abnormal. She resolved herself.

'Baumkuchen Hospital, right?' Time to use the info from Lou. A doctor there researched gender transformation cases. And recently, significant results.

Ring-ring—the signal tone rang briefly before the call connected.

Vita unilaterally said her piece and hung up. She followed with a quick text for time and place.

"Haa... seriously..." She ruffled her messy hair. Her face still burned, her heart racing from the heat. Vita Shama was in deep trouble. Very deep.

The next day after school. Vita arrived at a building with Lou. A sleek hospital. Impressively large.

"This is definitely the place, right?"

"Probably."

Hiding in the flower bed across from the hospital building. Like secret agents on a mission, the two whispered.

Today's plan was this.

-We're going to the hospital directly. You and me.

-Oh... really? But what's that got to do with me?

-Where you going, Lou?

No relation, but Vita had dragged Lou along.

"Help me out a bit."

"Why me?"

"You're the only one I have!"

Lou's face reddened. "Senior, don't say things that'll cause misunderstandings..."

Lou was exasperated but agreed in the end. He was the only one who knew his senior's truth. And pitiful, too.

Vita had looked up the hospital info last night. Luckily, it was closer than expected. Gotta try somehow.

'Why, of all times...!' The clinical trial deadline had passed. Her last hope.

"But Senior, why the outfit?"

Unlike recent times, she wore male clothes. To Lou's suspicious question, Vita replied solemnly.

"What do you mean? Just staying true to my original identity."

"Did something happen?"

"Nope, nothing."

Though she said that. Slightly flushed face, flustered expression. Lou thought something was up. Lately, she'd been so girly.

"Coming on strong now? I thought you were basically a heavenly woman..."

Thwack—Lou got a knuckle rap.

"I'm serious."

And she was, truly. "Today we go all in. I'm going back to being a guy."

Her amethyst eyes gleamed with resolve. From experience, that look from his senior was a bad omen. Excessive competitiveness meant no holds barred.

'That's why she took the drug.' Sigh. What could Lou do? Had to follow his sky-like senior.

"So, how're we doing this?"

"You just watch."

That determined face made Lou uneasy. Showing up out of nowhere, when the trial was closed. And his unease was spot on.

"Hey, students—! What's this about?"

Soon, unbelievably, the two lay in the hospital lobby. Under the grand chandelier, on the white marble floor, surrounded by murmuring onlookers. A flustered security guard.

"What's going on over there?"

"Dunno...?"

Lou wanted to die of embarrassment, to hide.

'I don't wanna be doing this. This crazy senior...'

Murmurs everywhere. But glancing aside, his steadfast senior, Vita Shama, endured.

Recalling the situation, Vita lay first. Lou realized then. 'A no-holds-barred plan!' He'd been brought along so she wouldn't be embarrassed alone. Sometimes shy, but once decided, utterly shameless—that was Vita Shama!

"Could we possibly meet the senior researcher? Dr. Rosa, maybe?"

Asked at the info desk, cleanly refused. So the thick-skinned duo staged a sit-in in the lobby.

"Hah."

Already thirty minutes in. The guard, rubbing his forehead, got a call.

"Yes, yes... But they're young students... Dragging them out forcibly..."

They looked underage. Vita and Lou didn't know the exchange, but orders came.

"Got it!"

More people arrived.

"Sorry, kids, could you just leave nicely?"

"Like candy? Want something tastier?"

Treated like children. No way—they'd hold out! They were about to be dragged. Vita curled up tight!

"Senior, that'll make you easier to carry!"

"Oh, right."

Vita flipped prone like Lou. The guards were baffled. 'What're these kids doing?' But orders were orders.

"Kyaa—!" Vita screamed girlishly on purpose. "Don't touch me—!"

Lou ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠and the guards stared blankly. Using woman's weapons so slyly? Vita felt a pang of conscience. But no choice? She'd emailed repeatedly, inquired. No luck.

'Please, I beg you. This is my only way.' Might change nothing. But had to try. Amid the commotion, a voice.

"What's going on over there...?"

Vita's face lit up. A white-coated beauty from the photo stood there. Heaven-sent.

"Have a seat."

Smooth, refined skin. Fragrant steam rose from the teacup on the desk. Vita hesitated, then spoke cautiously.

"You're really Dr. Rosa?"

"How do you know my name?"

Flowing silver hair, feminine features. Red eyes, yet warm. The doctor smiled gently.

"You came looking for me, right?"

"Uh, well..."

From Vita's research, she was the hospital director's daughter. Famous for her research. Pretty and talented.

Vita glanced at the name tag. Really her?

"Ah."

The doctor suddenly asked Vita. "I'm Rosa Baumkuchen. What's your name, miss?"

Curious about the cute protest from this ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠small girl, who seemed harmless. At her kind demeanor, Vita gave her name.

"I'm Vita Shama. Well, and... until a few weeks ago, definitely..."

Confessing she was originally male was awkward. 'Gotta be brave.' Her specialty was gender transformation. She'd understand. Lou was outside. Just them.

"Don't freak out, hear me out."

Vita mustered courage, confessing everything. Recent changes, turning female. Her increasingly weird mental state. All from that mystery drug.

'Please, give me ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠answers...' If even this doctor didn't know, her future was bleak.

But no worry—the doctor looked shocked. "Wait a sec..." She urgently called someone.

"Found it, Karon—!"

Karon—a guy's name. Boyfriend? "No, the new drug! The one missing from phase 1 trials."

Kept searching, seems like a test subject. Vita grew excited. Hope dawned.

"Yeah, really! Unbelievably lucky."

Her face beamed. Forgetting Vita momentarily, the call dragged. "Yeah, me too. Love you, Karon."

After hanging up. Vita asked carefully. "Boyfriend?"

"Yeah. Getting married soon."

"Ah... I see."

Shy smile. Vita envied the guy a bit. Proved her true self was male, not female.

"Let me explain first." She sipped tea.

"The drug you took—we made it."

Suddenly, Dr. Rosa bowed deeply. "So sorry. First things first."

"No, it's fine!" Vita stood flustered. But really, it wasn't.

Explanation followed. Baumkuchen Hospital researched gender dysphoria for years, developing the so-called Red Pill.

"Good intentions."

Escape false reality, face truth. "People can't choose gender at birth. Aim: find fitting gender."

"Wait—!" Vita sensed wrongness. "So I'm more suited to female...?" No way.

"No way, right?" She'd strived to be manly. Absurd.

"Listen first." Soft urging, Vita quieted.

"Men can be feminine, women masculine. Rarely. Give them choice—that's the goal."

With advancing magic studies, modern society. Impossible before became possible.

"Anyway, good intent, but..."

Pre-commercialization, trial phase issue. One drug leaked. Investigating route, unknown.

Knowing all, Vita speechless. Why that one? Terrible luck.

"Can I go back...?"

Dazed question. Mercifully, doctor nodded slightly. "Takes time, but yes. We take full responsibility and compensate."

Irresponsible. But for volunteers only, no real blame.

"Confusing, right... a lot?"

Suddenly, soft hand grasped Vita's. "Y-Yes?!"

Too gentle, Vita flustered. Pretty doctor said, "I know well."

Why she knew, Vita unsure. No comfort.

She knew everything. Even better, reversible. Best outcome for Vita.

But back home, panic hit.

'No, impossible.'

The Red Pill effects match user's tendencies. If male-leaning, nothing happens.

Worse:

Vita's question was about physical arousal. No drug effect. After deep thought, doctor's conclusion: Vita realized.

In other words. Purely her own will, no influence. Absurd.

That act. The embarrassing, lewd intimacy between man and woman—by her own volition.

"I'm crazy..." Vita despaired. Truly.

-Your body's super lewd. And sensitive.

He was right. This body irredeemably lewd and sensitive. Hard to accept that truth.

"Urgh... ugh."

Groaning, she peeked at her phone.

Panicking, Lou's worried text unsurprising.

And Carlyle Schultz too. Several messages.

Don't contact me, please. Blushing, Vita stared at the screen, slammed it shut. Tore at her hair.

"No, no way."

Couldn't accept. Mind chaos, repeating that till sleep took her. Mental exhaustion, body too. Deep sleep, though Carlyle haunted her dreams, flailing. And simultaneously.

"Not sleeping, miss?"

"Yeah, gotta. Kinda tense for some reason."

Health reasons. First day back tomorrow this semester. Vita Shama's crush, the girl who likes Carlyle—Emily Swan lay texting.