Viking Missile
It had been a week since I started instilling Marine spirit into the tribesmen of the Bearclaw Tribe. We'd only done really boring drill training so far, but everyone was bitching about how brutally tough it was. And they seemed to grasp right away why we were doing it.
"Hey, you worthless piece of shit!!"
"Get your head in the game?!"
"Whoa… if we'd gone raiding with that guy…."
Imagine deadbeats like these who couldn't even focus on basic drills in the heat of a real battlefield. Ugh… it was the epitome of kiyol-worthy bullshit. Everyone was speechless at their incomprehensible screw-ups.
In a world where violence solves everything, whenever these deadbeats messed up, we'd all beat the crap out of them together. And little by little, the bastards evolved into actual humans. Thanks to that, their parents sent me heartfelt thanks.
"Sniff… Ulfrik, our boy has finally turned sharp and proper…."
"Truth be told, I was always worried about his future."
"Tch, now he's finally someone we can entrust the family to."
The old saying that men need the army to get their shit together was undefeated once again.
Now that they'd adapted somewhat to drill training, it was time for the hardest part.
"Form groups of nine and line up in three ranks!"
""""Argh!""""
ooo ooo ooo
Now each group was lined up like this. This training was super simple: advance forward in step with my cadence calls. Naturally, everyone laughed at the stupid drill. But would that laughter last?
The first cocky group stepped up, so I put them to it right away.
"On my cadence—step!! Right foot!! Right foot!! Right foot!!!"
The first group started marching in time. But after about twenty steps…
Thud!
"Huh?"
"You little shit… kiyol!!"
"W-Wait—arghhh!!"
Some idiot who was supposed to step with his right foot slipped up. It was such a dumb mistake that the training ground erupted in laughter. But when the second group messed up, then the third, and more screw-ups piled up from other groups, the mood turned serious.
In the chilled atmosphere, I bellowed,
"What the hell, grown-ass men who can't even walk straight?!"
""""N-No, sir!!!""""
"No my ass!! All of you, kiyol!!"
Everyone's stride is subtly different. Syncing up with others leads to these mistakes. But that's that, and this is this! With the constant drop-outs, I swung my bat like mad.
How much time had passed with the marching drills? Finally, every group passed. Ahh… was this the emotion parents feel when their baby takes its first steps?
"This instructor is truly moved…."
"Sniff…."
"W-We were idiots who couldn't even walk…."
"…No wonder our ancestors wouldn't lend us their power."
In this profoundly touching moment, tears welled up in all our eyes. Just as we shared that hot camaraderie…
Father came out for a quick patrol.
"Son, how's the training going?"
"Perfectly, Father. The warriors can finally walk."
"Wh-What do you mean… ahem! Still, don't neglect tactical training for these basics."
Father was spot on. Conventional wisdom said drill training like this was useless on the battlefield. But I saw it differently.
"Shields up!!"
"""Argh!"""
"Th-This?!"
Thanks to the drill training, the deadbeats' unity had skyrocketed. They'd gotten sharp enough to position themselves instinctively. And if some slacker was off, they'd beat him straight—helping out their fellow deadbeats.
"So that's what 'taking first steps' meant?"
"Next up: running."
"Hahaha! That's my boy!"
After that, we ran the shield wall formation I already knew, and even the circular shield formation deployed way cleaner than before. Father and the deadbeats were thrilled.
"By the way, Father, any word on what I asked for?"
"Oh, that? It's ready."
"Perfect timing."
Everyone had worked hard, so we let them rest. Father and I headed to the massive clearing we'd made near the tribe. There were dumbbells and barbells, plus all sorts of modern gym equipment.
"I recreated everything from your room. This good?"
"Heh heh heh… perfect."
"But son, what did you call training with these tools again?"
It's called gym, Father.
Two months had passed since Ulfrik revamped the warriors' training in the Bearclaw Tribe. No one knew where these methods came from, but the results were overwhelming. Drill training made their tactical moves and conduct crisp as hell.
"One more time!!!!"
"N-No moreee!!"
"What?! You can do dozens more?! Yeah!! I believed in you!!"
The god of aesthetics, the bodybuilder, had revealed the gym. The warriors' muscles pumped up fast. Seeing themselves change daily, they dove into Ulfrik's training. Then, an unexpected bonus hit.
Whoooosh!!
"Our mana?!"
"The ancestors are watching over us!!"
"Th-This is the world Ulfrik sees…."
Had it been so long since they'd seen descendants this pumped? The ancestors blessed the Bearclaw Tribe warriors. Ulfrik hadn't expected this much, but grinning at their itchy, eager looks, he made a big announcement.
"The time has come! Who'll follow me to geunbbae the entire Empire?!"
""""Aaaargh!!!""""
"You bastards… get hyped!"
Three months later, the transformed Vikings set off for Empire territory again.
The cold sea wind tickled Ulfrik's skin, but he felt no chill. Around him, six longships cleaved through the rough waves. In this romance-drenched scene, everyone's hot fervor warded off the cold.
It'd take time to reach Empire soil, but the sea had plenty to plunder.
"Merchant ship sighted!!"
"Full speed ahead!!!"
""""Argh!!""""
Under the great Drengr Ulfrik's command, the longships moved in perfect sync. The merchant ship spotted the Vikings and fled, but they picked the wrong foes.
"Wh-Why are they so fast!!!"
"We'll get caught!!"
With stronger bodies and mana, the Vikings' oars rivaled machines. Soon, longships encircled the merchant.
But then, the unimaginable happened.
"Ship-killing ram!!"
""""Argh!!""""
One longship spun fast and rammed the merchant's side. Longships were small; ramming big with tiny was suicide. But Ulfrik was at this one's prow. He punched with the ram.
BOOM!!
The merchant jolted massively. Its captain realized Ulfrik's intent.
"N-No way, sinking us?!"
"In this cold sea, that's game over!"
"Grab bows, quick!!"
They loosed arrows madly to fend off ramming longships. But Vikings raised shields—easy block. Ulfrik's second ram bent the keel; the merchant lost mobility. Waiting Vikings stripped it bare.
Yes!! This is it!! This is the Viking life I dreamed of! As ecstasy hit, it was time for POW disposal.
"Ulfrik, sir! What about the prisoners?!"
"No nobles, right?"
"All confirmed freemen!"
"Then… they were dying to go to heaven. Send 'em off easy."
"Hear your Drengr!!"
"Move!"
This mana-filled world had real gods. Afterlife awaits anyway—just no pain. Dying to us pagans? Their sins forgiven, straight to heaven like that pig priest last time. They'd thank us later.
Proudly looting the merchant yielded fat profits. But we ain't stopping!
"Everyone ready?!"
""""Argh!!""""
"Full throttle!!"
Morale sky-high from loot fueled the oars. Empire coast appeared ahead of schedule.
Ding ding ding!!!
"Bells audible already."
"Ulfrik, sir! Orders?!"
"Frontal assault, obviously!!"
On my command, longships rowed straight for the port. Too obvious? Frail Empire troops already mustered.
Bad landing meant arrow storm casualties. But I chose frontal for a reason!
"Launch!!"
"""Ha!!""""
The breakthrough tactic prepped for now—Viking Missile!!
Vikings hurled me and others skyward.
"Hahaha! First Flying Viking for them!!"
"Feels good!!"
"Whoa!!!"
Who stops Vikings owning the air? Arrows flew, but shields covered us. No fall damage worry.
Crunch!! Boom!!
"Arghhh!"
"Gahhhh!!"
"Y-You savages…!!"
Perfect Empire cushions below—shields down, done. Troops took hits, morale tanked visibly. Most Vikings unscathed. Some crashed roofs or ground, but hype endured them!
Empire lines shattered by Viking Missiles. Our Bearclaw raiders all landed, forming shield wall? All set.
Shield on back, dual axes out, I roared,
"Everyone!!! Geunbbae time!!!"
""""Argh!!""""
That day, the Empire got three skulls.