[The Human Village (1)]
A few days passed.
Adam and the mercenary corps were finishing their preparations to return to Stakpin.
There was nothing to be gained by staying here any longer, so in a way, they were rushing to get ready.
There were no festivals or feasts to celebrate our victory. The Wolf-kin had suffered for so long that they simply didn't have the luxury for such things.
The cheers and applause we had received a few days ago were celebration enough.
So, it was right for us to find our own way back.
Besides, once we returned to Stakpin, we would be able to rest and enjoy ourselves in our own way.
Having run the mercenary corps for a long time, we had accumulated quite a bit of food and wealth in our warehouse.
In this war, the mercenary corps would likely be the ones living the most comfortably.
Therefore, it was the right thing to do, both for us and for the Wolf-kin.
I watched as the members hammered the final nails into the coffins of the fallen.
A total of seven had died in this expedition.
Considering the strength of the Red Flame Mercenary Corps and the nature of the clashes, it was a very small number, but... even so, the weight on my heart could not be lifted.
"..."
As I stared at the coffins with a heavy expression, Adam handed me a bottle of cheap liquor and spoke.
"...Think of it as buying our future, Berg."
"..."
I took a swig of the liquor he offered.
He continued.
"If that's not enough, think of it as having saved countless Wolf-kin of Blackwood through this sacrifice."
"..."
"And if even that isn't enough, then just live happily."
I watched as the coffins were loaded onto the cart.
I nodded and let out a long sigh.
I had said goodbye hundreds of times, but controlling my emotions was always difficult.
With death so close, useless thoughts kept blooming.
The fact that anyone could die so helplessly always drained my energy.
I was afraid that perhaps Baran, Shaun, or Jackson might end up like that one day.
"..."
...Especially Adam. The longer I spent with him, the more my concern for his safety grew.
But I couldn't show it.
He probably felt the same way about me.
If I expressed that sentiment for no reason, it might just give him a pretext to make me step down from being the leader of the squad.
In truth, all of this was the price for living a full and warm life.
It was something I had to endure and bear.
After taking another drink, I handed the bottle back to Adam.
Moreover, Adam was likely the one suffering the most from the deaths of our members.
As the captain, he surely felt responsible for every single death.
He must have felt guilty toward the members who had followed his lead and fallen.
So, I hid my emotions and changed the subject.
"So. When are we leaving?"
"The preparations will be finished by this evening... so let's depart at dawn tomorrow."
I immediately thought of Neir.
With our quick departure, she would also have to say her goodbyes to her family sooner than expected.
She might be surprised.
"...I'll go get ready."
I said.
He nodded.
There was still a wall between Neir and me.
Although we had burst into laughter together during the march a few days ago, once our emotions settled, things returned to how they were before.
Even when going to sleep, Neir still placed a pillow between us, she still used formal language with me, and she still showed faint signs of rejection when we were left alone.
Perhaps I should consider it fortunate.
At the very least, she stayed quietly by my side whenever we were in the eyes of others.
It didn't matter if she acted that way when we were alone.
I had decided to give her time.
I didn't want to force her to match my standards.
They said it took time for the Wolf-kin to grow fond of someone. And love that fell into place that way lasted a long time.
It was like a love that burned like charcoal.
If I thought of this as the preparation phase, I had no complaints.
I had to understand her.
...And honestly, I wasn't deeply in love with her yet, either.
I certainly had the thought that she was 'my person' to look after, but this was different from love.
I knew the difference clearly.
That was why I wouldn't be deeply hurt even if she didn't reciprocate my efforts.
For now, my priority was figuring out how to live with her without fighting.
If it was going to take time, it might be better to start as friends rather than trying to act like a married couple.
"...Neir."
I found Neir in the forest within the Blackwood territory.
It was quite a distance from where we had held our wedding.
They said this was the forest where the ancestors of Blackwood slept.
It was a place where the sunlight was blocked by leaves, allowing a cool breeze to blow through.
Yet, it wasn't too dark.
In a place where birds chirped and butterflies fluttered, Neir turned only her head to look at me.
She was sitting gracefully on her knees in front of a grave.
Her long, white tail was touching the grave affectionately.
I had felt it over the past few days, but it seemed that the Wolf-kin's tail touching something implied that it was precious to them.
They had to weave their tails when forming a Soul Binding, and they touched the grave with their tails when mourning like this.
"...How did you find me?"
"I asked one of the maids."
"..."
Neir nodded.
Looking in front of her, our rings were taken off and placed on the ground.
It seemed that the fact she hadn't liked this marriage in the first place, combined with the unfamiliar feeling of the ring, had made it something uncomfortable for her.
It didn't matter since we were alone.
Setting aside such trivial things, I spoke to Neir.
"We're leaving tomorrow."
"...Pardon?"
"There's nothing good for us if we stay here too long."
Neir shifted her gaze to the grave. Her tail swayed softly again.
"...Isn't it... too sudden?"
"We have to go back, too."
"..."
I had never seen her cherish something so much.
Even though she had been distant from her family her whole life, the person buried there must have been someone precious to her.
"...Who is it?"
I asked.
Neir paused for a long time, as if missing the person, and then whispered quietly.
"...My grandmother."
"...You must have been close."
"Yes. She was the person... I loved the most."
Neir's voice still held a faint pain.
Just from that voice, I felt I could vaguely understand how much she had loved her grandmother.
She continued to speak, as if wanting to boast about the one she loved.
"...Grandmother was like a mother to me. She was also a friend to the lonely me. Whenever I cried, she would pat my back and comfort me... even when everyone else pushed me away, she was always on my side."
"..."
"If it weren't for Grandmother, I wouldn't have been able to hold on this long. Especially since Grandmother told me... ah."
"...?"
Neir was silent for a moment before speaking again.
"...Anyway."
"..."
"We're leaving at dawn tomorrow?"
"Yes."
"...It's my first time leaving Grandmother's side... so honestly, I'm afraid. Going to the human village, too."
I listened to her words quietly.
I could understand. It would certainly be frightening.
For me, I could only offer a formal consolation.
"...I'll help you adjust."
Neir looked back at me.
We had certainly grown much closer over the past few days.
She didn't seem to fear me anymore.
In the first place, it made no sense for a married couple to fear each other.
But Neir looked at me for a long time, then sighed with a guilty expression.
"...Berg?"
"Yes."
"Can I speak honestly?"
I felt a heavy topic approaching. Perhaps this was the truth she had been hiding while she was afraid of me.
I nodded. I tried not to forget that even this was possible because she had opened her heart to me.
"...I want to stay by Grandmother's side... I don't want to leave my home."
She said slowly.
"The marriage with you... still gives me a heavy sense of pressure in my chest. I don't dislike the time I spend with you as much as before... but the thought of living like this for the rest of my life is daunting."
I nodded once. Everything was understandable.
Blackwood had handed Neir over, but Neir hadn't wanted it. It was no different from taking her away by force.
"I know you're a good person. Enough to make me feel like a fool for having been afraid of you all this time. I'm also very grateful... for how you acted for our sake. But..."
"..."
"...But I'm really sorry... and I apologize... but my heart is still the same. This feeling I have for you... it seems far from love. No, it's far away."
I wasn't surprised by her words.
"...I know."
It was a conversation we had already shared. I hadn't expected a change in her so soon.
Neir pressed her lips together and spoke.
"...So, Berg. Perhaps... it might be better for both of us if you didn't try too hard. You don't want to put effort into a heart that won't be reciprocated, right? We weren't even tied together because we wanted to be. In the end, we're just sacrificing ourselves for our own people."
I looked around and asked lightly. Her statements weren't causing me any major problems.
"So, let's not even start...? Since we were forced together?"
"..."
The silence was like an affirmation.
I sighed for a moment and walked toward a pretty flower I saw in the distance.
I pushed through the tall grass and headed toward the flower.
"No one knows what the future holds. It would be meaningless to say things like this right now."
"But... ugh..."
But Neir couldn't relax her expression. She couldn't erase her apologetic look.
As if she had decided that she could never accept me.
I watched her in silence, picked the flower I had found, and held it in my hand.
Then, I approached the grave where Neir was sitting.
I placed the flower in front of the grave.
Neir looked at me with a puzzled expression.
Seeing that look, I asked.
"Do the Wolf-kin not offer flowers?"
"If we are honoring the deceased, we do it like this with our tails..."
Neir's tail brushed the grave again.
I nodded and returned to the previous topic.
"Right. There will surely be many difficult things ahead. Especially... if we have to adjust to each other's cultures. We even have different ways of honoring the dead..."
I pointed to the ring she had taken off and said.
"And things like that. You might have taken it off because it was uncomfortable, but in front of people, I have no choice but to force you to wear the ring. That's what human marriage is like."
Neir looked down at the removed ring and said.
"...Isn't this... just a culture that binds each other? Is human marriage about locking each other up and marking each other...? Berg, from this point on, the Wolf-kin and humans already don't match. Wolf-kin couples value each other's freedom the most..."
"That's why I'm saying it'll be hard."
"Then we don't have to start-"
"-Even so, I don't want to live while giving up."
I cut off Neir's words and raised my voice. Neir closed her mouth and listened to me.
"...We can adjust. We're a married couple. We have to spend the rest of our lives together. I don't want to live without even a shred of affection between us."
I sat down next to Neir.
Her eyes didn't leave me.
"...Neir. You said earlier that I seem like a good person, right?"
Neir parted her lips and said.
"...Yes. But that's not love-"
"Then we can start as friends."
"...Pardon?"
I looked at her, too.
"Even if we don't love each other, we can be friends."
"......."
Neir blinked three or four times, as if chewing on those words.
Then, she bowed her head and whispered quietly.
"...Friends..."
She seemed to be repeating the word in her head.
"As I said before, you said with your own mouth that it takes a long time for Wolf-kin to fall in love. So I have no intention of forcing you."
"..."
"Of course, we'll have to look like a married couple in front of others. For your sake, too. You know that, right?"
In truth, to solidify the alliance with Blackwood, nothing would be more certain than sexual relations.
To have relations and make her conceive my child. If I did that, Neir would have to be considered completely subordinate to me.
She would have to be considered tied to our Red Flame Mercenary Corps.
If she had my child, whether our relationship was good or bad... the members of the Red Flame would not doubt the alliance with Blackwood.
However, if I did it that way, she might come to loathe me. I didn't know what kind of results it would bring later on.
Above all, I didn't want to rape her.
So instead, I would act like we had a good relationship.
Through our actions, I would announce that the alliance was solid.
I believed that if we each showed a little consideration for the other, we could choose a much better option.
In the first place, Adam had told me to be happy. I intended to do just that.
Neir said.
"In front of others... I will continue to act."
"That's a relief. Then, what about starting as friends?"
"..."
Neir was silent again.
She was looking at the ground with a guilty expression, as if this were such a difficult thing.
Or perhaps she just didn't like me that much?
Even though she had been a loner, ostracized by her family, enough to reject me?
-Thump... thump...
But at that moment, I saw her tail moving behind her.
Neir must have felt that momentary movement, as she immediately grabbed her own tail.
I recalled the story I had heard a few days ago.
That if the tail swayed from side to side, it meant 'good'.
I smiled and said to her.
"I'll take that as a 'yes'."
Neir blushed with a frustrated expression, as if ashamed that her true feelings had been caught.
But in the end, she, too, nodded.