The Lone Wolf (3)
The deep night was filled only with the chirping of insects. Neir sat by the window, gazing quietly up at the moon. It was a means of communicating with the man from her grandmother’s prophecy, but it was also her only way to find stability. It was a natural habit; she always sorted through the day’s emotions by watching the moon.
Even without words, watching the moon shine proudly in the silent peace allowed her to be captivated by its beauty and cast aside all her trivial thoughts. It was the same tonight. She could briefly forget about the marriage that would tear her away from her fated partner and find a moment of tranquility. Perhaps it was because she had spent the last few days crying, but she had no more tears left to shed. With a vacant mind, she blinked slowly, staring only at the moon.
—Knock, knock, knock.
At that moment, a quiet knock pulled her from her thoughts. Unlike the way her brother Gidin had barged in earlier that day, this door did not swing open immediately. There were few who approached her with such caution. That alone was enough for her to know exactly who was on the other side.
“...Please, come in.”
Neir said, not taking her eyes off the moon. Soon, the door opened. Calm, heavy footsteps entered the room.
“...What is it?”
Neir asked without turning around.
“...Have you calmed down a bit?”
Her father, Gibson, asked.
“...”
Neir did not answer. A brief silence hung in the air. Gibson walked over slowly and sat down beside Neir on the bed. For Neir, her father’s action was quite unfamiliar. The distance between them had never felt like this.
“...”
Neir couldn't bring herself to say she was calm, not even as a polite lie. If she took her eyes off the moon, she feared she might start crying again. She had spent her whole life waiting to find her own side, and now even that dream had crumbled.
“Neir. Look at me.”
Neir blinked, took a deep breath, and turned her head. She saw her father’s hardened expression, which could only be described as cold. He had always looked at her with that face. He didn't show it openly, but it was a different gaze than the one he used when looking at her sisters or brothers. It was always filled with the resentment he held toward Neir, the one who had taken the life of his beloved partner, Silin Blackwood. Neir could read that subtle difference. It had become all too familiar.
Yet, whenever she saw those eyes, she sometimes felt envious. Neir, too, wanted to love someone like that someday. If he could resent the child born of his own blood this much, how deeply must he have loved his partner? For Neir, who had never tasted that emotion even once, it was always a mystery. Though she had spent a long time gazing at the moon and longing for her fated partner, she had never felt love for someone she had never met.
“The wedding ceremony will be held in two days,” Gibson said slowly.
“...”
“...You must prepare from now on. A meal with your partner is arranged for tomorrow. You cannot just keep crying like this.”
As the reality that she could not escape drew closer, Neir’s heart fluttered once more. And with that, words she thought she could never say flowed out naturally.
“...Why me?”
“...”
“Father, why me?”
There were older sisters who hadn't married yet; why did it have to be her? In truth, it wasn't that Neir didn't know the reason. But she wanted to hear the words from his mouth. She hoped he would offer at least a minimal excuse.
“...It is a sacrifice for the territory, Neir.”
Gibson Blackwood dodged the question. Neir wasn't surprised by that fact. Yet, it still hurt. Her strength and energy drained away in an instant. She wanted to give up on everything.
Suddenly, Neir wondered why she had to be so miserable. It felt as if she had been born carrying countless curses on her back. She had received no love from her mother, her father, or her siblings. The only kindness she had ever been treated with was the love of her late grandmother, the politeness of the servants, and the etiquette of other nobles she met at tea parties. She, who wanted to belong to a pack, had always been forced to feel lonely. She even wondered if her grandmother had lied to her. Perhaps her fated partner didn't exist at all. Maybe it was just a mercy her grandmother gave to someone who had nothing but misfortune ahead—because if you hold onto a dream, you can look toward the future. Of course, even that had disappeared recently.
Neir cautiously grabbed Gibson’s arm. It felt like it had been a very long time since she had been this close to her father. Tears she thought had dried up flowed from her eyes once again.
“...Father...”
“...”
“I... I really don't want to do this... *sob*... please...”
“...”
“I’ve never begged you like this before... please...”
Gibson’s expression gradually darkened. He didn't dodge the issue this time. “...I am sorry.” He simply offered an apology. Neir finally killed her emotions. Her tears slowly stopped. With a vacant face, she let go of her father’s arm. Then, she turned her head back to the window and looked at the moon.
“Please leave.”
Neir declared. But Gibson did not move for a long time. Neir found a small comfort in the fact that her father felt a faint sense of guilt toward her. She decided to change her mindset. Someone had to sacrifice. Since she had nothing to be happy about, she would just take on all the bad luck.
“....Neir.”
Suddenly, Gibson grabbed Neir’s arm. Neir was slightly startled by the unfamiliar touch. A long sigh escaped Gibson’s lips. He hesitated for a long time before whispering in a low, quiet voice.
“...If you have felt that this father does not love you... that is a misunderstanding.”
“...”
“It is just... because it hurt more than that, I could not show it all this time.”
“...”
“How could I ever hate the seed I created with Silin...”
Neir felt a complex mix of emotions as she heard those words. If it had been a few days ago, this confession from her father would have sounded moving. But now, it just seemed like an excuse.
“...So, what I am about to say is a secret.”
However, the atmosphere changed drastically at Gibson’s following words. A change was transmitted from the hand her father had on her arm.
“It is an act that abandons honor... but for the sake of my child...”
“...Father?”
Neir, who had been looking at the moon, turned her head toward Gibson. He whispered:
“...Can you endure... a betrayal?”
“...............W...hat?”
Neir doubted her ears for a moment.
“...Find information that can bring down the Red Flame Mercenary Corps. As the wife of the vice-captain, you will eventually be able to reach such information.”
Even at a glance, she knew what Gibson was thinking.
“...We are in a situation where we just need to put out the immediate fire. The war with the Demon King will end soon. If we can just get past this final hurdle, we can gradually regain our past strength. Not just us, but many other noble families will be the same.”
“...F...Father...”
“Naturally, the standing of mercenary corps will diminish accordingly. The Red Flame Mercenary Corps knows this fact, which is why they are taking you. They are also looking for a way to survive. By piggybacking on us.”
“...”
“Just endure quietly until the war ends. Wait until the Blackwood family regains its strength. Afterward, if you find the weakness of the Red Flame Mercenary Corps and send me the information... I will do something about it. Whether I bring down the Red Flame Mercenary Corps with another mercenary group, or join forces with other families to dismantle and destroy them... I will break them somehow and come to save you.”
It was a serious proposal from her father. For the first time, Neir felt as though her voice had reached him. The emotions she had tried to suppress ran wild again. Even if it made her look pathetic, she begged him one more time.
“...Is there really... no way to avoid the marriage...?”
“...”
Gibson showed no reaction. The marriage was now unavoidable. Neir wept and asked about a secondary plan.
“...*sob*... really... will you save me later...?”
Neir had no choice but to cling to that lifeline with a choked voice. There was no other way. Gibson slowly pulled Neir’s head into an embrace. It was the warmth of a father that Neir was feeling for the first time.
“...The words that I am sorry for making you go through this are sincere. I, too... did not want to sell you.”
Neir felt a lump in her throat, but she still pointed out the problem that wouldn't change. An escape route had appeared and hope had been born, but there were things that remained the same.
“.......In the meantime, what about my purity?”
“........”
“*sob*... Father... what about my dignity...?”
Even if things worked out well and she managed to escape the Red Flame Mercenary Corps, her purity would not return. She couldn't expect such things from a barbaric, lust-filled human. It was clear that while the war was ending and the Blackwood family was regaining its strength, she would be ravished to her heart's content. Would her fated partner, whom she would meet someday, be able to accept her if she wasn't pure? Neir wasn't confident.
“...Deceive them somehow. They cannot treat you recklessly either. The moment something goes wrong for you there, all of Blackwood’s allies become enemies—in other words, you would be making enemies of the nobles—so they will respect your opinion.”
“How do you know that? The other side is... human...”
Gibson did not answer. For Neir, that was enough of an answer. It was time to prepare her heart. Neir pushed through her tears and asked for concrete information.
“...*sob*... when... how long do I have to wait?”
“One year... or two years...”
“When the time comes... will you let me know that you are ready?”
Even in the midst of this, Neir doubted Gibson’s words. Perhaps it was a lie to make her obedient before discarding her.
“Of course. I promise on your mother’s honor.”
However, there was no lie in Gibson’s promise.
“....*sob*... *sob*...”
Neir wept beside her father, who had promised her a definitive end.
Gibson continued to pat Neir as he explained, “But above all else... I hope you can find happiness there. If that happens, no one will get hurt...”
Neir shook her head. “My partner... my partner is... not a mercenary like that...”
Even looking at it from just one perspective, the vice-captain of the Red Flame Mercenary Corps was not her fated partner. He wasn't even a noble. At Neir’s answer, Gibson seemed to harden his resolve as well.
“...Then find the information.”
Neir felt the strength leave her entire body. It was the moment she finally accepted the marriage. If it was a hell that had an end someday, she intended to endure it this time as well. Her grandmother had said that her fated partner would cherish her. Even if she met him without her purity, she would... believe that he would surely treat her with care. She had no choice but to believe in her grandmother’s prophecy and find strength again. She had no choice but to believe in the prophecy and endure once more. After all, she was used to waiting.
****
“Berg. Do you think we could become nobles, too?”
Deep in the night. I was looking at the moon from the room I had been guided to. As I swallowed the light alcohol the squad members had brought, I played along with Adam’s sudden remarks, as I always did.
“Why all of a sudden?”
He spread his arms and gestured around the room. “This kind of life, it’s nice, isn't it?”
A massive mansion that was several times larger than our living quarters. Adam kept looking around the room, which was overflowing with sophistication. I shook my head and asked again, “...So, why?”
The question about being nobles couldn't have been because of the nice house. Having known Adam for a long time, I was certain of that. Struck at the heart, Adam sighed, clicked his tongue, and whispered, “...No. Looking around the Blackwood territory... everyone looks happy.”
“Happy? They called us because they were on the verge of death.”
“The soldiers died, but their families didn't.”
“....So what does that have to do with us becoming nobles?”
“I’m just wondering if we could live stably if we had our own independent power.”
“...”
“The Red Flame Mercenary Corps is all good, but... we’re mercenaries, so too many people die.”
“...”
Compared to other mercenary groups, our casualty rate was incredibly low, but... because we were so close-knit, the death of each and every person was a massive shock. I was in complete agreement with his words. I continued to listen intently to Adam.
“It would be nice if we had land we could govern.”
I snorted. Within my mockery was also respect for him. He always seemed to be thinking only of the squad members. “Since we aren't nobles, we have no land. We can't farm, either. So we just keep doing mercenary work like this.”
“You make it sound like you want to live farming someday?”
“If we could do that, it would be the best, Berg. Like I said, when the war ends, we need to find a new path.”
I sensed the sincerity in his words. I didn't spit out any jokes or half-hearted answers I had been planning to throw his way. Instead, I gave the best answer I could squeeze out of my stubborn head.
“...You should marry a noble, too, if you want to have any hope.”
“Not that, kid. Even if you luckily become a noble that way, you can't get land.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
Adam shrugged his shoulders. “I don't know, either. I just wish I were born again.”
I had been seriously worrying along with him, but seeing him spout nonsense the moment he got the chance, I burst into laughter.