The Lone Wolf (1)
The love of the Wolf-kin is deeper and heavier than that of any other race. They are a people who do not easily forget the love between lovers, the affection within a family, or the bonds of friendship. Conversely, this also meant that those who betrayed that love would never be forgiven for as long as they lived. Because of this instinct, Neir had lived her entire life in suffering.
As a late-born child, a curse that could never be shaken off was placed upon her from the moment of her birth: she had taken the life of her mother, Silin Blackwood, the moment she entered the world. It was said that on the day Neir was born, there was no celebration or laughter in the Blackwood household—only tears and mourning.
Neir did not realize she was hated until she was eight years old. She had simply assumed that the prickly reactions and dry responses from her five older siblings were just the natural order of things. Sometimes, she wondered if it was because the color of her tail fur was a bit different. Her siblings all possessed lustrous, gray tails, while Neir’s tail was a washed-out, stark white.
But as she grew, Neir began to feel that her siblings treated her differently than they treated each other. Her siblings would bloom with laughter when they were together, but the moment she appeared, the atmosphere would turn icy. "Disgrace," "Family-shamer." For a time, Neir thought "Disgrace" was actually her name, as that was what her much older siblings called her.
It was only through the tireless efforts of her grandmother, the only one who treated her with warmth, that Neir belatedly realized that was not her name. Yet, the confusion remained. Why couldn't she blend in with the others like her siblings did? Why did the laughter die and everyone scatter whenever she showed up?
One day, the confusion grew too great to bear, and she asked her grandmother, "Grandmother, it feels like my sisters and brothers are avoiding me."
"..."
"...Is it because of my tail? If I cover myself in dirt and approach them, will they like me? I’m so sad that my tail color is different..."
Neir’s grandmother stroked her hair with a gentle smile. "Your tail is beautiful, Neir."
"Then why does everyone avoid me...?"
"They just don't know our cute Neir yet."
"...Why don't they know? Why can't I be with them?"
After a long moment of hesitation, her grandmother answered with difficulty. "...I told you about your mother, didn't I?"
"Yes."
"It is because your siblings loved your mother so very much. As time passes, they will realize how cute you are, so please, just wait a little longer."
"How much longer?"
"...Just a little. Just a little more."
As time flowed on, Neir’s desire to melt into the lives of her siblings grew stronger. Perhaps it was an instinct etched into her race. Though she had never been taught warmth, she craved it. The Wolf-kin, who lived in packs, could not help but be this way. She wanted to join in the laughter that everyone else shared. So, Neir trusted her grandmother’s words and tried her best. She tried acting cute, running errands, and giving gifts. She even leaned on the weak mediation of her father. But her siblings always found her bothersome and uncomfortable. Her eldest sister even told her to get lost.
Even so, Neir did not give up. She believed that one day, just as her grandmother said, she would be able to fit in among her siblings. But sometimes, while trying so hard, tears would spill out.
"...?"
She was bewildered by these tears that had no reason. They flowed often whenever she saw her siblings getting along, and it became even worse when she saw them laughing brightly when she wasn't around. Every time that happened, Neir would bravely wipe away her tears and think of ways to approach her sisters and brothers.
However, it didn't take long for her efforts to be shattered. One day, she thought that if she made her siblings her favorite thing, they might like her. So, she went into the kitchen and worked all day with the maids to bake a honey pie. Thinking that this time, her sisters and brothers would surely be happy, she approached them as they gathered, basking in the sunlight, holding the pie.
"Th-this... I made this. Let's eat it together..."
It was a heart offered with all the courage she could muster. But the reaction that returned was, once again, cold as ice.
"I told you to get lost!"
With a shout, her pie was swatted from her hands and flew high into the sky. As the pie she had worked so hard to make fell to the ground and was crushed without ever touching anyone’s lips, Neir finally burst into the tears she had held back her entire life. It was filled with the sorrow of being unable to be with anyone.
"Waaaaah...! Waaaaah...!"
Even then, not one person comforted her. Everyone left the spot, leaving only the crying Neir behind. Neir stood there blankly for hours, sobbing sorrowfully. It was the day she gave up on her siblings' love.
Only when night fell did her grandmother, having heard the news, come to find her. She wrapped her arms warmly around Neir, who had become one with her bed, bundled tightly in her blankets.
"Grandmother... *sob*... *hic*..."
"...I’m on my way back from giving those children a stern scolding, Neir."
"*Hic*... Sisters, brothers... *sob*... they’re too mean..."
"...."
"Neir won't try anymore... *sob*..."
"..."
Neir scrambled out of the blankets and threw herself into her grandmother’s arms. Her grandmother held her tightly and patted her back. While feeling the warmth of her grandmother, Neir poured out the stifling frustration in her chest. "Grandmother, why did you lie to me? *Sob*..."
She even hit her grandmother weakly with her small fists. —Thwack... thwack...—
"Everyone... everyone hates Neir... even if I try, it doesn't work..."
"..."
"I hate it... *sob*... If you hadn't said those things... Neir wouldn't have made a stupid pie..."
Neir felt her grandmother let out a long sigh. "...Poor thing... I am sorry..."
With the strength of her grandmother’s embrace, she received a small comfort. Neir hadn't wanted much. Just being held like this was enough for her to feel consoled. And that day, after holding Neir for a long time, her grandmother asked quietly, as if she had made a decision.
"...Neir. You know that this old woman is a famous fortune teller, don't you?"
"...Yes."
"Shall we have a look at our granddaughter's fortune?"
"...What's the point of looking."
To Neir’s blunt reply, her grandmother returned an answer that she knew would make her happy. "I can find out who will be on our Neir’s side in the future."
"Huh?"
Neir’s ears perked up immediately, and she looked up at her grandmother. Before she knew it, the tip of her tail began to wag on its own. Seeing that, her grandmother smiled kindly and wiped the corners of Neir’s eyes.
"Now... let's see..."
Neir’s grandmother squeezed her eyes shut, and soon, orange, firefly-like lights began to flicker around her.
"Waaaah..."
Neir was momentarily distracted by the beautiful sight. And during that time, light shone from her grandmother’s slowly opening eyes.
"...Heh heh." Her grandmother laughed lightly.
"...Grandmother, why?"
"Our Neir is going to grow up to be truly beautiful."
"...Don't say things like that. Neir's... Neir's side?"
"Of course there is one. Naturally, there is. There’s no way men would leave our cute Neir alone."
Neir focused deeply on the words of hope flowing from her grandmother’s lips.
"There is one boy who is truly a perfect match for you. He is brave, warm, and kind. He is a man who will be loved by many women. Yet, this man will fall deeply for you. And you, too, will naturally fall for this boy."
"R-really?"
"Indeed. No matter who comes, he will be on your side. He will protect you more reliably than anyone else."
"Even from my sisters... and brothers?"
"He will protect you even from people far more terrifying than them. Even if the whole world turns against you, he will be on your side. You’ll be happy enough to live with just the two of you left in the whole world! Even I am surprised by this."
"...Wow..."
Neir thought that was a truly wonderful story.
"Hmm... I wonder if he’s a man who saves many people...? Heh heh... Such a wonderful man is rare, you know?"
"Saves many people...? Like a hero?"
"...That could be, or it might not be..."
"What is it, Grandmother..."
"There are ambiguous things, Neir. And a noble... yes, he is a noble. Regardless, there will be no problem for our family."
"...A noble..."
Neir accepted every word about the person who would finally be on her side. The wounds she had received from her siblings were already being forgotten and fading away.
"When... when can I meet him?"
"That, I cannot know. And... ah." Her grandmother’s expression darkened slightly.
"...?"
The lights surrounding her grandmother vanished. In the darkened room once more, her grandmother looked straight at Neir. After a moment of hesitation, she asked, "...When this boy appears, you can treat him well, right?"
"O-of course. I'll make him pies every day, too."
"You can really treat him well, right? He seems like a boy who has some wounds, just like you."
"Yes...! I'll make all of Neir's pain go away! I'll lick all his wounds, too...! I'll treat him so preciously!"
"Yes. Then I have no worries. Neir, it’s a word I’d rather not say, but..."
"Yes?"
"You must not let that boy slip away."
Neir’s grandmother’s warning was etched into her mind more strongly than any other memory. Perhaps it was because she had swallowed a bit of fear.
"If you let this man go... you will be too sad. There may be no existence you will love more than this boy. You know that the Wolf-kin love only one partner, don't you?"
"Yes. I love that story so much."
"Yes..."
"...Grandmother?"
Her grandmother, who had worn a subtle expression for a moment, soon smiled. She comforted Neir again and patted her back. "Now, the fortune-telling is over. Neir. Even if your father is cold to you, it will be difficult, but you must understand him. He loved your mother very, very much."
"...Yes. But Dad doesn't bully me."
"The day will come when he treats you warmly, so let’s endure just a little longer."
"...Yes."
From then on, Neir was able to steel her heart. Thinking of her partner who would appear someday made it possible. Her siblings' neglect no longer hurt as much as it used to. If her partner appeared, it was clear that her siblings' love would become unnecessary. Enduring the loneliness became easier. Her grandmother’s prophecy gave her a great deal of strength. He existed somewhere. They would meet someday. Like a princess trapped in a spire waiting for her prince, Neir was able to hold on, picturing that day of hope.
From that day on, whenever Neir had a hard time, she spoke to the man through the moon. Her partner was surely looking at that same moon somewhere. It was the only common ground she could have with a partner who hadn't come to find her yet.
"...Neir is having a hard time today. I wish you would appear quickly." She said, sniffing and clutching her tail tightly. "If you appear, Neir will treat you really well. So please, come quickly and be on Neir’s side."
Even as she grew older, that remained the same. Even after several years passed, she waited for that fated partner. The days she spent looking at the moon increased. As if offering a prayer to a god, she finished her daily emotions by looking at the unresponsive moon.
"...Today was even harder." She confessed her worries and revealed her pain. "How much longer until you appear? A month? A year?"
She missed a man she had never even met. It felt like she had made a friend. His existence became her armor. Knowing that a happy future awaited her, she was gradually able to remain unshaken. Even when her sisters' and brothers' bullying turned blatant. Even when her tail color was pointed at with fingers. Even when rumors spread throughout the territory that she was cursed because of her other external features. Even when she sensed the bitterness in her father’s eyes as he looked at her. ...Even when her grandmother passed away. Even when the territory was trampled by monsters.
Neir endured it all, biting her lip. Waiting for the happiness that would come someday. Waiting for her partner who would appear someday.
.
.
.
"....What?"
But all of that returned to nothing due to an order her father gave one day.
"P-please, just one more time..."
It was the year Neir turned twenty-one.
"You must marry, Neir. It is for the sake of the territory."
Neir opened her mouth, but no words came out. It felt as if her foundation was shaking from a massive shock.
"The other party is a human, a mercenary."
Her grandmother had said she would naturally fall in love with him. She had said the partner would be a noble. But the sudden marriage her father proposed did not satisfy any of those things. It was a marriage that shattered all the dreams and hopes she had harbored for so long.