Chapter 291
Chapter 291
Grand Princess Yingjue explained to Yingyan just how incredible Big Dummy was. The Tigress Princess said.
“I’m still incredible, it’s just that he’s abnormally so, right?”
That was more or less the gist of it. The Tigress Princess then asked.
“But if there are freaks like him, then what’s the point of anyone else learning martial arts?”
Grand Princess Yingjue replied.
“You’re right. There is no point.”
“No, there must be. Freaks like him must be rare, so I just have to avoid them, right? Big Dummy, you… you stay away from me. Don’t let me see you.”
“Okay.”
Big Dummy hid behind a pillar. Shen Lang was speechless. Seeing him act so timidly, it seemed like becoming the strongest under the heavens would be of little use.
“Don’t bully Big Dummy. Come here.”
Grand Princess Yingjue said this and then beckoned to Big Dummy. He came out from behind the pillar, and Yingjue removed a pendant from her neck. It was a piece of jade carved into the shape of an auspicious cloud, flawlessly translucent and exceedingly rare. She fastened the pendant to Big Dummy’s wrist. The accessory was quite famous. It had been a gift from the late king to Grand Princess Yingjue, and all the influential figures in the State of Yue knew of it. For Yingjue to give it to Big Dummy now was to announce to everyone that this person was under her protection and that no one should dare touch him.
Princess Yingyan was incredibly jealous. She, too, was very fond of that auspicious cloud jade pendant and had pestered her aunt for it many times, but she had never been given it. And now, she had given it away so easily to a stranger. But in Yingjue’s eyes, Big Dummy was no stranger. He was the hope that the martial arts of the State of Yue could overwhelm those of all other nations.
“Alright, you may all go now.”
The unarousing Grand Princess gestured for them to leave. Shen Lang let out a long sigh and was the first to hurry out. Leaving the old residence and putting distance between himself and Grand Princess Yingjue, he felt much more at ease. Shen Lang glanced at the curve of Princess Yingyan’s backside, paid his respects to its magnificence, and confirmed that all his functions were normal.
In truth, he didn’t like Grand Princess Yingjue, but she didn’t like him either, not exchanging a single word with him from beginning to end. If Yingjue possessed a potent saintly aura that left men unstimulated, Shen Lang possessed a potent scumbag aura that made people feel displeased.
* * *
That evening, they were invited to a banquet by Yun Mengze, the envoy of the Great Yan Dynasty and heir to the Marquis of Qingyao. He had arranged to have a horse race with Yingyan today and had been waiting for her at the riding grounds since early morning, but even as evening approached, Yingyan never showed up.
‘If you’re not coming, you could at least say so. This is truly infuriating.’
Frustrated by the broken appointment and thoroughly bored, Yun Mengze had picked up two young noble ladies at the racecourse. What was supposed to be a dinner where Yingyan treated him as an apology had inexplicably turned into one where Yun Mengze was treating. The Tigress Princess admitted her fault, yet had someone else foot the bill. Her meaning was clear: I was wrong, so I’ll give you the opportunity to treat me. Yun Mengze didn’t particularly mind either way, but he was a bit distracted. He had a personal rule of never dallying with women during the day, but today, out of sheer boredom, he had broken it.
“Let me introduce you. This is my brother, Shen Lang. This is Yun Mengze, the scumbag of the empire! And this is Big Dummy!”
Princess Yingyan made the perfunctory introductions before sitting down and starting to eat. Shen Lang said.
“I’ve long heard of your esteemed name.”
Yun Mengze said.
“Don’t mock me. I’ve heard about you as well.”
“Please, don’t mock me.”
The two had nothing more to say. The moment they saw each other, they both had the same thought.
‘Damn, he’s too handsome. This won’t do. I have to kill this man.’
Exceptionally handsome men were natural enemies. But that hostility dissipated in an instant. Both sides had sensed the aura of their own kind.
‘Why should one scumbag make things difficult for another?’
For some reason, Shen Lang began to understand a little of what the King must have felt when he met him. The King had repeatedly said, ‘Shen Lang, you are a meticulous person, but not an easy one to handle.’ King Ning Yuanxian considered himself the most meticulous of men—meticulous and refined in every aspect.
An awkward silence fell, during which Big Dummy suddenly asked.
“Little Dummy, should I also say that I’ve heard about him for a long time?”
Yun Mengze glanced at Big Dummy, a look of surprise in his eyes, followed by a slightly strange expression. He then looked at Big Dummy, clasped his hands, and said.
“Please, don’t mock me.”
Another awkward silence. Big Dummy asked Shen Lang again.
“Little Dummy, can I eat now?”
“Eat, eat.”
Big Dummy buried his head in his food and began to eat voraciously, as did the Tigress. Shen Lang and Yun Mengze once again fell into an awkward silence. After a long while, Shen Lang finally thought of a topic.
“Young Master Yun, how many women have you slept with?”
Yun Mengze thought for a moment before answering.
“I don’t remember clearly. A few hundred, I suppose.”
The moment he heard that, Shen Lang wanted to kill him again.
‘Look at this man, a true winner in life. A real casanova. And he only sleeps with beautiful women.’
Princess Yingyan shouted at him with contempt.
“Scumbag! Stud!”
Yun Mengze ignored the big-bottomed Tigress Princess and asked Shen Lang.
“Brother Shen, and you?”
Shen Lang, so ashamed he couldn’t lift his head, said.
“Three.”
This time, Princess Yingyan looked at Shen Lang and shouted.
“Scumbag!”
‘Are you kidding me? The guy who slept with hundreds is a scumbag, and I, who’s only slept with three, am also a scumbag? If I wasn’t afraid your father would have me castrated, I would have slept with you a hundred times by now.’
Hearing Shen Lang’s words, Yun Mengze sighed.
“What a pity.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Brother Shen, do you know the secret for men like us to sleep with many women?”
“Not dedicating yourself to one person. Otherwise, you’d feel a sense of guilt in your heart.”
“Exactly! It’s normal for any man to want to sleep with a beautiful woman upon seeing one. But if you like a woman too much and hold her in your heart, a sense of responsibility develops. Then you restrain your desires and don’t let them run free. The pleasure of sleeping with a strange woman once cannot overcome the guilt, so you end up not sleeping with them.”
“Brother Yun, by the time I realized that truth, it was already too late.”
Yun Mengze raised his cup and said.
“I regret not having met you sooner!”
“I regret it as well!”
Then, Shen Lang asked something.
“Brother Yun, when you see a big bottom, does it still turn to stone?”
Princess Yingyan finally looked up.
“Who’s Big Bottom? Why don’t I know her?”
Yun Mengze replied.
“When I’m with her, it can be divided into several stages. At first, I was utterly solid, then a little less so, then just hard. Later, I’d droop, and now, I’m just withered. Shen Lang, you must be in the first stage now, aren’t you?”
Shen Lang nodded.
“That’s right! If I wasn’t afraid of being castrated, it would be difficult to restrain myself.”
“I understand. You’ll soon enter the second stage.”
“Brother Yun, have you ever met one of those who leaves you completely limp?”
“I couldn’t avoid it. A truly unpleasant person. Brother Shen, if you can avoid her, don’t meet with her.”
“Brother, you truly understand my heart!”
“I truly regret that we met so late. Let us meet often in the future.”
“Let’s meet often!”
Shen Lang felt he had finally met a kindred spirit. After crossing thousands of miles and meeting countless people, he had finally found a scumbag of his own caliber.
* * *
On the way back, Princess Yingyan suddenly flew into a rage.
“Shen Lang, don’t tell me that ‘big bottom’ you two were talking about just now was me?”
It had been over an hour, and she was only just now reacting. Before Shen Lang could answer, Yingyan drew her greatsword and moved to strike him. To be precise, she meant to hit him, not cut him. She had to teach this scumbag a lesson. How dare he speak ill of this princess.
‘I’m going to hit you, hit you!’
A minute later, Princess Yingyan was panting for breath, enduring the pain in her arm that felt like it was about to break. She had frantically struck a hundred times with her sword, and eventually tried to cut him. But every attack aimed at Shen Lang was blocked by Big Dummy, and she failed to even touch the hem of his clothes. Big Dummy said timidly.
“Don’t hit Little Dummy. Fighting is bad.”
Princess Yingyan’s hands hurt so much she was on the verge of tears.
“Shen Lang, just you wait. I will never let you off. Once Big Dummy is gone, I will definitely beat you to death. I’ll beat you until you wet yourself.”
After saying her piece, Princess Yingyan stormed off towards her home, fuming. Hearing the Tigress go on about wetting pants, Shen Lang entered the second stage. He had gone from utterly solid to a little less so.
‘My brother Yun Mengze is truly enlightened, so perceptive!’
The next day.
The King issued a royal decree, ordering the dozen or so members of the State of Jiang’s delegation who had burned down the Ancestral Temple to be beheaded and their heads put on display.
*Swish, swish, swish, swish.*
A dozen executioners brought their blades down, and a dozen heads from the State of Jiang fell to the ground, spouting crimson blood. The watching crowd and court officials roared with approval.
“Long live His Majesty the King! Long live the State of Yue!”
The King issued a decree to sternly condemn the State of Jiang, stating that this matter would not be concluded so easily.
[Regarding the burning of the Ancestral Temple, the State of Jiang must give the State of Yue an explanation. Otherwise, the State of Jiang will face comprehensive sanctions from the State of Yue and will face the thunderous wrath of the people of Yue. You have been warned.]
Upon seeing the King’s decree, the people of Yue’s morale soared even higher, believing, ‘As expected, His Majesty is wise and resolute.’ King Ning Yuanxian issued successive decrees, ordering the Ministry of Rites to form a delegation to be sent to the State of Jiang to condemn their king. The officials shrank back at the decree.
‘Isn’t… isn’t that a suicide mission?’
Instantly, eighty percent of the officials at the Court of State Ceremonial called in sick and confined themselves to their homes. Going to the State of Jiang as an envoy was the same as going to one’s death.
‘Your Majesty, you can fool the common people, but we all know the situation. Isn’t the State of Jiang full of lunatics and warmongers? When they go mad, don’t they even attack their own people? It’s fortunate that news travels slowly and they don’t yet know that Yue has beheaded their delegation. If the King of Jiang knew, he would have already sent a great army to invade. And now you want to send a delegation to condemn him, bringing along the dozen heads of his envoys, and demand that he admit his guilt?
My heavens! Even if a prince of Yue personally led the delegation, the King of Jiang wouldn’t hesitate to kill him. This isn’t a mission with a slim chance of survival; it’s a mission where one would die ten times over. And it wouldn’t be a simple death, but a gruesome one where not even a complete corpse would be found, with no place for burial. The envoy who goes will surely be flayed, his tendons pulled out, then boiled and eaten. Therefore, I must absolutely not be on that delegation list. I would rather resign than go.’