Farewell, My Pains
Farewell, my pains.
46. Farewell, my pains.
Thus I made my way toward the upper levels of the Demon King’s Castle, toward the surface. Throughout the journey I exchanged no words with any of the attendants or subordinates I passed. Not even with the children who had once followed me so faithfully. I could not meet the eyes of Cartoria, Kibotos, or Chrisliss. I simply stared straight ahead, wearing the cold, imperious mask of a monarch. Jemma walked silently at my side as we traversed those frigid corridors.
“…Open it.”
I halted before the firmly shut main gates and gave the order to the guards stationed there. They, of course, hesitated. They knew nothing of my reasons for leaving. Yet before they could refuse—
“This is a direct command from the Demon King herself.”
“…”
The voice that spoke belonged to Cartoria.
“Assist Lady Karia so she may depart without hindrance.”
At some point she had begun following me. She issued the order to the guards, forcing the gates open. When had she started trailing after me? When had Kibotos appeared at her side? When had Chrisliss taken her place behind them? They had followed in silence, and now—
“…Let us see you off, my lord.”
Cartoria looked at me with a faint smile.
“Though we have but one true master, you… you have earned a place in our hearts equal to hers. You were worthy of both our respect and our affection—”
Speaking for the entire cadre, she continued in a quiet voice.
“For you were the king of a radiant ideal.”
I stared at them for a moment, then quickly averted my gaze to hide the trembling in my eyes. My shoulders shook like aspen leaves; I could not stop the tears that traced cold paths down my cheeks and onto the floor. Yet strangely, the stone no longer felt cold beneath my feet.
“However, the only farewell we can offer is this escort…”
They had followed me this far because Kibotos, whose expression was the saddest of the three, had witnessed everything that passed between Tia and me. Because of that, the ground beneath me felt neither warm nor cold—only pleasantly tepid. It seemed permissible to weep, to laugh, even to rage.
“Yet you remain the new king of ideals upon this land.”
So I took another step forward, letting Cartoria’s voice become the marching rhythm at my back.
“Please… return to us someday.”
I crossed the ramparts and walked once more across the barren wasteland I had traversed so many times. The three officers and dozens of attendants followed, cutting through the sand-laden wind. The monsters of this desolate realm bowed their heads and parted to let us pass.
“Return safely, and tell us of the greater journey that awaits.”
We reached the shore where the Returnless Gulf met the land—the very coast where I had first set foot with malice in my heart, the same shore that the one who wished to save me had touched twice. Our footsteps slowed.
“Our story with you ends here, yet our hearts will always follow you—”
Before the Bridge of Return, built from corpses, we exchanged our final farewells.
“Please come back and recount to us the epic of that radiant ideal.”
Cartoria, who already knew why I was leaving, spoke last.
“Lady Karia… even if this world should split in two, I will wait for you.”
Kibotos, who had been watching me with those mysterious eyes since earlier, was already half in tears.
“…Don’t die like an idiot and come back.”
Chrisliss, though we had not shared much time together, bowed her head with the dignity of a comrade.
“Return in glory.”
And finally, the silent bow of every attendant.
All of them lowered their heads to see me off. I watched the wind sweeping across the shore tangle my hair against their figures.
“……”
I had never imagined they would bid me farewell like this. I had never thought they would hold me in such regard. I was no great benefactor to the demon race, nor had I treated them especially well—yet here they were, respecting my choice, honoring my decision. The sight made something inside me ache.
“……”
I wanted to embrace each of them, to let the dam of tears burst. But I pressed my lips together and turned away without a word. I could not afford to waver. I could not allow myself to regret this resolve. I had already realized there was nothing left for me to do here. So I turned my back on them and faced the fathomless gulf that seemed to swallow everything, the place from which there could be no return.
The officers raised their heads.
“The princess is departing—”
“Clear her path.”
“…And I shall become your eyes.”
They poured their mana into a blessing that would let me cross the perpetual storm of the Returnless Gulf unscathed. Faced with their devotion and their willingness to follow me to the very end despite receiving nothing in return, I felt the urge to abandon everything and stay with them rise up my spine. Yet I already knew I had to leave precisely because of that feeling. I had to go so they would not wait, so they would not hope, so my failure would not become their burden.
Slowly, I accepted their blessing into my chest and took one final step toward tomorrow.
Tap—
Thus their figures began to recede from view. With every step I took, the distance between us grew, yet the future before me drew closer. Even as I walked the corpse-bridge, I stole glances back at them. They remained on the shore, heads bowed, until I vanished completely from sight. Kibotos eventually collapsed in tears, overwhelmed by painful memories, but Cartoria, Chrisliss, and the other attendants stood firm, waiting for the day I would return.
I turned my gaze forward once more—toward the future that waited beyond the storm, the bright future I had to seize. So I pressed onward. Yes. I could not bring back a failure as crude and wretched as a gift to those who had loved me so deeply. Therefore I hardened my heart, gripped my conviction, and forged an even stronger will. I advanced, accompanied only by my sole loyal retainer, Jemma.
Tap—
Yet as I swallowed the pain of parting and moved farther away, I suddenly found myself halting the valiant steps I had been taking toward tomorrow.
“……”
No matter how many times I thought it through, dawn had not yet broken. The morning of tomorrow had not yet arrived. There was still one burden left that my current, fragile self—who wavered even at a single farewell—could not possibly bear. That burden was her. Jemma, who had remained at my side.
“……”
So, just before stepping into the storm, I turned toward her without a word, my face twisted in sorrow and pain, moving hesitantly, inch by inch.
“…Master.”
She met my eyes with an innocent expression. The moment I heard her voice, I squeezed my eyes shut and lowered my head—then forced myself to look up again and meet her gaze.
“Your loyal servant Jemma will follow you to the very end…”
I spoke slowly.
“I’m sorry, Jemma.”
“……”
Regrettably, this was inevitable. I knew I could not take her with me. I knew she must not follow. Everyone who had come this far understood where I was headed. From here on, I would be returning to the human world—and Jemma was a demon. Even if I could have forced her to accompany me, I did not want to witness another Heize.
“The path I must walk from now on is one you cannot follow.”
Yet even so, I wanted to stay with the one who had always stood by my side, the one who had wanted to remain with me until the end. It was too difficult to cast her aside, and I still lacked the confidence to stand alone. That was why I had been unable to speak until this very moment, standing before the storm. But after receiving their farewells, after hearing their final words of trust, I realized with my entire being that I had reached a point of no return. So I made my decision.
“Jemma… I’m sorry.”
Perhaps Jemma had been wrestling with the same thoughts. The moment my apology echoed across the desolate bridge, the tension in her face gave way to a faint relief—only for her eyes to fill with hot tears the instant she heard my next words.
“It seems I won’t be able to keep my promise to stay with you until the end…”
“……It’s all right.”
Her voice trembled more than I had ever heard it.
“Truly, truly… it’s all r-right… it’s fine, Master.”
She lowered her head, unable to finish, clutching her own hands tightly so she would not have to meet my eyes. Her expression was every bit as tormented as mine.
“Master…”
She understood better than anyone why I was trying to let her go. She lifted her head again.
“Just… please don’t forget…”
And then—
Swish—
In an instant she closed the distance between us. One hand seized the collar at my neck while the other cradled the back of my head. Her lips pressed against mine—deep, heavy, and soaked with tears. She kissed me so thoroughly that I would never forget the sensation, imprinting it upon my mouth, my heart, every cell of my being.
“……”
When the kiss ended, a glistening thread of saliva stretched and broke. Jemma closed her mouth, released me, and turned away without hesitation.
“……”
She began walking quietly, as though nothing had happened, heading back to where she belonged. Her retreating figure looked as though she wanted nothing more than to stay with me, as though she hated this parting more than anyone—yet she pushed her regrets aside and walked in the opposite direction for my sake. Even in her pain, she left without clinging to me. She had wanted to remain at my side until the very end, yet in the end she fulfilled her duty as my loyal retainer and stepped away.
So I called out to her.
“Jemma.”
She did not stop.
“……I love you.”
It was the single phrase she had always craved, the words she had begged for, the words she had once threatened me with a cute ultimatum to hear. I gave them to her now. But I would never know how she reacted, what expression she wore, or what sound she made—because the moment the words left my lips, I turned and hurled myself into the raging storm without hesitation. Just as she had resolved to let me go, I resolved to leave without looking back. There was nothing left for me here. I could not afford to turn around. To keep the promises I had made to the Transcendent and to the other world’s her, I could not stop. I knew that now.
Yet even so, the last sound I heard was one that echoed across the gulf.
“No matter what happens, come baaack!! Come baaack——!”
It sounded like a scream, like rage, like hatred at being left behind—yet above all else, it was love. That was Jemma’s final outcry, her true, unadorned self. Because of it, I was able to keep moving forward without stopping. I stepped deeper into the storm with even greater resolve.
Though the moment I entered, razor-sharp winds tore at my skin and torrential rain blinded me, refusing to let me stand still for even a second, I pressed on with renewed strength. Jemma’s feelings, and the feelings of everyone who had believed in me, demanded it. Yuda had crossed this gulf alone, without any blessing. During our hero days, we had charged into battle armed only with our comrades’ cheers and our rain cloaks. So I, too, could break through this storm once more. Moreover, I carried everyone’s sorrow and farewell in this small body; therefore I had to cross without faltering. It was only natural. The storm that held all their pain and grief was something the current me should be able to pierce through. It was only natural. I could no longer waver, and I knew I must not.
Therefore—
Thud—
“Kgh……!”
Even as the ferocious gale tried to hurl me off the wailing bridge, I planted my hands on the ground, rose again, and stepped forward. When sea monsters dwelling in the depths of the Returnless Gulf leapt to devour me, I did not falter or even glance their way—I simply kept walking. Even when the rain grew so fierce and sharp that it began to tear my skin, Cartoria’s flawless blessing healed the wounds and shielded me from most of the downpour. So I was able to advance with unyielding resolve.
Yes. I was the sort of person who could not move forward unless I did things this way. Yet because of that, I could move forward. Because there were people supporting me like this, I could keep going. So I hardened my heart even further, strengthened my will, and tightened my conviction—for those who had planted this radiant ideal within me, for those who had helped me until the very end, for those who had accepted my humble, insignificant self and embraced my ideal despite everything, for those in whom all my pain was buried, for those who had shaped the person I am now. I had to go. I had to leave. To protect the future.
Thud—
So even though the bridge was slick and soaked, I stamped my feet down with force.
“Uwaaaah——!”
I no longer had a rain cloak or robe to ward off the downpour. I had no comrades or subordinates to fight the storm and monsters alongside me. Yet what I held in my two hands shone brighter, more radiantly, more powerfully than any of those things—their hearts.
Thud——!
I advance.
* * * * *
Thus I pressed forward. Endlessly. I pushed through the endless black storm, through the ceaseless rain, until at last the tempest released me and a clear blue sky and blazing sun filled my vision.
Splash, splash—
Thud—
For a moment my knees gave out and I sank onto the Bridge of Return. I remained there, just for a little while.
“……”
The sunlight poured down so intensely, as though welcoming my return, that I could not look up without shielding my eyes with my hand.
“……Haa……”
After letting out a single, overwhelmed sigh, I rose again.
Splash—
I lifted my drenched body and stepped once more onto the soaked bridge. Even so, I forced my heavy frame forward. Even if this body felt ready to collapse from exhaustion at any moment. Even if every blessing had shattered and vanished into the air, leaving me empty. There were still so many things I had to see, so many things I had to convey. And though it was only a small hope of mine—my truly modest wish—I still had to find my old comrades who might yet be alive. I could hardly imagine it was possible, yet half my heart had already begun moving for that purpose. Therefore—
Splash——!
I forced my seemingly collapsing body upright and staggered onward. Jemma. Cartoria, Kibotos, Chrisliss. All of their precious feelings, their farewells—I felt as though I had already placed them alongside the memories I shared with my beloved former comrades. Because I was now Karia, I cherished those feelings while still unable to forget the heroes who had once shared my happiness. Still unable to abandon my attachment to them, I—the Belberman who had become Karia—stumbled once more through the absurdity of this world, yet raised my voice again, loud and clear, and began my new gamble.
So, my friends—my beloved companions who shared the truly happy times of my life. If what Tia told me that day was true, if it really is true, if you are still alive somewhere, if you are living out the rest of your days in the human world while longing for the past, then please find me when I cry out alone on the return journey of this quest. If you come to see my face even once more, I will greet you with joy every time. And I will apologize endlessly for the happiness I once possessed. Now, at last, I can do that. So…… if we meet again someday, will you be able to forgive this foolish, stubborn me? No—don’t. Never do that. Forgiveness belongs to your hearts, and I am nothing more than a worthless sinner. So please. Just… tell me you’re alive. Tell me you made it back here alive. If you do, then I…… once more……