What It Means to Be Perfect
I lifted the cold metal spoon and slowly pushed it into the dish, which still carried a gentle, comforting warmth. The elegant-looking utensil absorbed that heat, quickly taking on its own pleasant temperature, and the food it carried rose upward before beginning its careful journey into my mouth.
“Mm.”
It was fried rice. Back when I lived among people, I ate it at least four times a week. But ever since I’d taken up residence in this grand castle, it had become a rare treat. That was also why Jemma had come looking for me while I was in the bath with the Demon King earlier. The night before, I had whined that I wanted fried rice.
In truth, it wasn’t really about the fried rice. I simply wanted to return to that neighborhood where I used to eat it. That was all I had meant. Still, this wasn’t so bad. Jemma had prepared it with sincere care, and the taste wasn’t all that different from what I remembered. After all, fried rice is fried rice. Though I had to admit, the version before me now carried an unmistakable air of luxury.
“…”
While I moved my spoon with great enthusiasm, Tia, seated across from me, wore a slightly sour expression.
“So you really filled your stomach with nothing but this?”
Her voice carried a note of pity, or perhaps complaint. Even so—
“Mmph, mmph… mmph mmph…”
As a truly devoted fan of fried rice, I nodded vigorously with my mouth completely full. Tia paused, stirring her spoon for a moment.
“…It’s not that it tastes bad.”
She clarified that her dissatisfaction wasn’t with the flavor, then told me what actually bothered her.
“Is it really acceptable to eat only this?”
The reason was obvious. On the enormous dining table where we sat, only two plates of fried rice rested.
“It’s karma. Karma,” I reminded her. Someone had made us arrive so late that all the prepared side dishes had gone cold and been thrown out. Tia scratched her head, clearly mourning the lost menu items, yet still muttered:
“Even so… if we reheated them, I could have enjoyed them properly…”
The train had already left the station.
“You were the one who used to say that if food got cold, we should throw it away without mercy.”
“I couldn’t have been serious…”
Tia rummaged through her memories and tried to claim she hadn’t meant it, but I pressed on.
“Still, late is late. If you can’t even keep a single promise to your subordinates, how do you expect to be a proper Demon King~?”
I had been the one to set the time for breakfast, after all. When I told her to be grateful that Jemma had remade the fried rice despite our broken promise, Tia moved her spoon again and took another bite of the supreme dish.
“Grateful… of course I’m grateful.”
“…”
But in that moment, I found myself unable to stop staring at her. Even though I tried not to, those visions that had been appearing more and more often lately stole my attention completely.
“…Karia?”
“……”
Yustitia was calling my name. She smiled as she ate the fried rice I had made, saying it was the most delicious in the world and beaming brighter than on any other day. Then Karman, who had shown up completely drunk, took one bite and silently opened another bottle of beer. Cain and Evan tried to stop her, but in the end they surrendered to the strongest drinker among us and joined in, downing glass after glass with my fried rice as the perfect side dish.
“Karia.”
“……”
That was how Yustitia called to me. No—Tia Belberman was calling to me.
“What?”
“You’ve been spacing out a lot lately.”
Even though I sat there in a daze, Tia Belberman did not use her Clairvoyance to peer into me. Perhaps she only resorted to it when the situation became extreme. Instead, she simply asked in a normal tone, like any other person. Because of that, I saw no need to tell her I was seeing visions from that day, so I kept my mouth shut.
“I was remembering the day when fried rice tasted the best.”
I moved my spoon again and answered. Tia quietly emptied her bowl and waited until I finished eating.
“Was it better than this?”
Her voice was calm, gentle enough to put me at ease.
“……”
I chewed the rice in my mouth for a moment before answering.
“Of course. There’s no comparison.”
The fried rice from that day—though I had made it myself—had been a masterpiece, as if a god had possessed my body. It was an artistic creation that had even conquered Yustitia, who had never shown much interest in food. Now those people were no longer here. Just what was happening to me?
I had noticed that my heart had changed greatly during my stay here. Lately, people who should no longer appear kept showing themselves to me. Their illusions. Those moments from that day had begun to reach me through my eyes, my ears, my nose. Though they came only in fleeting instants, they appeared without warning.
“……”
That was why it hurt. Every time they appeared before my eyes, I would tell myself it was okay, that I had a plan, that I would make it work, that I would fulfill their wishes. But without fail, their figures would once again cover my vision. No matter how much they might not have trusted me, it had never been this bad. Why wouldn’t they believe in me? Why did they keep appearing in front of me? I only wanted everyone to escape the pain of this long war. Our happiness had already vanished long ago. The thought of returning felt impossible. So please, let me walk a new path. I’m begging you, everyone.
“Are you finished?”
“Ah.”
As I sat with my head lowered, staring at my empty plate, Tia carefully rose from her seat and called to me.
“You ate like you were possessed.”
“Yeah… it was delicious.”
When I answered while absently touching my still-dazed head, Tia moved behind me with impossibly light steps and gently placed her hand on top of my head.
Slide—
“Now that you’ve eaten, I should get to work.”
She was telling me that because of the late meal, we could no longer stay together.
“Don’t cry from loneliness just because I’m not here.”
I snorted at Tia’s ridiculous nonsense.
“Look who’s talking.”
I watched her back as she left the dining hall first.
Step, step—
Ah, really, why? Why did I keep seeing Yustitia in her? It felt unpleasant. Why did it have to be Tia of all people?
Yes, to be completely honest, I could admit that in the moment I gave her the name, I had seen Yustitia’s illusion for a split second. I could admit that I had taken part of Yustitia’s name to create “Tia.” But that didn’t mean the Demon King herself looked like Yustitia. So why? Why did Tia keep overlapping with her now?
“Haa…”
Because of that, I had grown so tired lately. I had resolved to endure all of this, to chase after that ideal. Yet I hadn’t even taken the first step, and already my ankles were being grabbed by those who no longer existed.
Together with the storm-like events of the morning and the visions that kept flickering before me, I left the dining hall to return to my room and clear my exhausted mind. I began walking slowly down the corridor.
“Why do I keep…”
I was someone who waited only for the chance to throw this body away in pursuit of my ideal. I didn’t know when that chance would come, how it would begin, or what form it would take. Because of Tia’s existence, I could no longer even be certain the opportunity would arrive. Still, I now knew which side I should stand on. But even so, I kept—
Step, step—
Could it be that I still hadn’t made my decision? Why was I still hesitating? Stop falling already, Belberman. Please stand up again, Karia. I—
Thud—
“Oof—”
Lost in worry, not even looking ahead, thinking too much and therefore seeing nothing in front of me, I collided head-on with someone standing there. Fortunately, the person had stopped just before impact, so it looked almost as if I were embracing them.
“A-are you okay…?”
I asked as I slowly pulled back from the embrace-like collision.
“Lady Karia…”
“Ah.”
Only then did I realize who I had run into.
“Uh, um, ah, Cartoria.”
I felt my mentality shatter into pieces and hurriedly separated from her, trying to explain in a fluster how this had happened.
“T-that is, the reason I was walking like that—”
“It’s fine.”
For some reason, Cartoria answered in a calm tone and patted my shoulder as if to say my excuses were unnecessary.
“Though I have many things I want to say to you, I’ve also been feeling something lately.”
“However…”
Cartoria stared at me for a moment before speaking.
“I would like to hear why you were walking in a daze, rather than the reason you collided with me.”
“Ah.”
Just what was Clairvoyance that anyone could use it? She spoke as if she had read my inner thoughts. Of course, it was also true that I had a personality that showed my feelings openly on my face. Even so, Cartoria… as sad as it was, you were the last person I wanted to meet right now…
Step, step—
Once again, without needing to say anything more, I was essentially kidnapped to Cartoria’s private quarters. “Escorted” might be more accurate, but since I felt like I was being kidnapped, it was a kidnapping. Yes, if it was non-consensual escorting, wasn’t that kidnapping? I had never answered that I wanted to go when she suggested it.
However, after being kidnapped—escorted—to Cartoria’s private room, slide— after walking inside for quite a while and entering what seemed like an incredibly cozy space, a rich, slightly bitter aroma filled the air.
“Please sit here.”
“Okay…”
I was guided to a chair that seemed prepared just for me, sat down carefully, and became extremely tense about what Cartoria might do to me next.
“…”
Somewhere in that space filled with the fragrant smell, Cartoria carefully ground something resembling roasted beans, placed it in a cloth, poured hot water over it, and let it drip into a glass bottle below to brew.
“The smell…”
The gentle, savory aroma that spread out at first felt like the scent of flowers, then like caramel, or perhaps something burnt. Then it returned to that savory richness, creating a mysterious sensation through my sense of smell.
When I closed my eyes and sniffed, wanting to focus more on the scent—
“Please try it.”
“Ah… thank you.”
Cartoria offered me the dark, warm liquid that resembled tea, inviting me to taste it. I didn’t refuse, took a sip, and began to savor it slowly. The complex aroma I had only smelled through my nose now spread throughout my mouth.
“…Mm.”
Not only the scent, but the texture of the liquid and the aftertaste as it went down my throat. To me, tasting it for the first time, it was an unprecedented and incredibly unique experience.
“The taste is really special.”
When I began to express my admiration, Cartoria chuckled.
“Hehe, that’s right. It’s a new beverage called coffee that I created through relentless research day and night.”
She introduced the drink as coffee and explained while we drank together.
“Actually, I learned about this beverage during a time when I briefly set foot in the human world. Not for travel… but for work.”
She revealed that her thirst for knowledge was quite strong and her desire to conquer new things was immense.
“I became completely captivated by the effects and charm this beverage offered… and eventually brought it back here to begin my research.”
She openly displayed her love for coffee.
“Specifically, how is it? The taste of my perfected coffee?”
When she asked me afterward, I panicked and avoided answering for a moment.
“Ah, um… I’m not sure how to describe it since I don’t really know.”
But seeing Cartoria looking so incredibly expectant, I felt I should say something after all.
“It’s bitter, but the complex flavor is substantial, so it’s good enough to drink on its own.”
Cartoria, who had been quietly listening, said:
“…I-is that so?”
For some reason her cheeks flushed. She held the cup with both hands, her fingers fidgeting, before she regained her composure.
“Hoo, hoo… anyway.”
Cartoria, who had been standing while brewing the coffee earlier, slowly sat down in the chair opposite me.
“What’s the matter?”
She asked me.
“To be so lost in thought that you don’t even notice a demon right in front of you, it doesn’t seem like a small issue.”
When I blinked and carefully took another sip of coffee, Cartoria also took a sip from her cup on the table, then rested one arm on the table, propped her chin on her hand, and stared at me intently.
“Well, it’s just… that kind of thing.”
When I tried to say something but ultimately avoided answering, Cartoria didn’t press further. She took another sip of coffee and turned her gaze elsewhere. But then she looked at me again.
“After I reconciled with Kibotos… I decided to redefine what perfection means to me.”
She suddenly began talking about herself.
“I started wondering whether the perfection I originally thought of would truly lead us beyond complete evolution…”
When I carefully looked into Cartoria’s eyes and began listening to her story, she paused for a moment before asking me.
“Lady Karia, what do you think about perfection?”
At that question, I thought about what perfection meant. For some reason, the moments from that day that had been so perfect for me came to mind.
“Something beautiful…”
Though the answer might seem a bit vague, I still gave it.
“Something that, once it passes, you unconsciously miss.”
I spoke while recalling those times that had passed and were now forever longed for. Cartoria listened, nodded, and said:
“That’s correct too. I have no objection to that.”
After agreeing with me, she slowly closed her eyes.
“However, I used to think differently before.”
She began telling me about her past self, different from who she was now.
“Mediocrity is a sin.”
Cartoria said. Mediocrity is a sin.
“To be ordinary on a battlefield where life and death are seized and granted by power is directly connected to death…”
In the path she had walked, being ordinary had meant being unable to survive on the battlefield.
“Perfection meant being able to survive on any battlefield.”
To her, perfection was—
“Survival, I see.”
“Yes.”
Along with survival—
“And evolution as well.”
It was the shortcut to evolution, the demonic instinct I had once heard from Tia.
“I remember my former self from the time in this Demon King’s castle when I lacked intelligence.”
Cartoria spoke of her past self and then began reciting those memories.
“Back then, I created only two choices for myself and survived on the boundary between predator and prey. Even after gaining intelligence and being chosen by His Majesty the Demon King, the influence remained. I clung to perfection to avoid becoming ordinary.”
The two choices she had selected to survive, the choices she had no option but to select in order to evolve. The choices she could only think of as the only ones available.
“However, after you appeared… something began to change little by little.”
Cartoria, who had undergone change over time, said.
“While watching you live with us, doubts began to arise in my beliefs.”
The things she had thought while watching me, and—
“And in the end, that even shook my faith in the ideal I pursued. On that day… the day you brought Kibotos back to our side. At the end of long agony, the conclusions I reached—”
“I realized.”
The ideal path toward evolution. Though she couldn’t claim with certainty that perfection was not the path to that ideal evolution.
“Perfection was merely a shortcut for evolution and survival, not the ideal path.”
Moreover, perfection alone could not lead to the one true ideal path.
“And Kibotos, who returned to my side thanks to you, gave strength to these thoughts of mine. I gradually let go of the perfection I had stubbornly clung to…”
Thus, Cartoria, who had gained the catalyst for change because of me, was no longer a being focused on only one thing.
“I decided to become the ideal Cartoria instead of the perfect Cartoria.”
Someone who could accept many things around her and incorporate them into her own opinions. She was telling me, the one who had been the greatest cause of her change, directly.
Upon hearing those words, I slowly looked at my face reflected on the surface of the dark liquid rippling inside my cup.
“Shortcut and stubbornness…”
Shortcut, and stubbornness. Just as Cartoria said, wasn’t the ideal I was trying to chase right now simply me stubbornly pursuing a shortcut? Was I truly believing in myself?
As soon as Cartoria’s story about her recent experiences ended, I suddenly felt a surge of doubt about myself. But rather than focusing on my own state, I found her remarkable growth more impressive.
“…You thought well.”
I smiled at Cartoria’s wonderful growth and told her so. However, even though I tried to focus on her, Cartoria’s words had a powerful effect on my mind. Once again, doubt about my ideal took deep root. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, indiscriminate negative thoughts poured out.
“Lady Karia.”
When I continued to wield the whip of self-doubt, Cartoria, who had begun to notice what I was thinking, gently pulled me out of that place. With a much warmer expression than before, she spoke.
“To reach that turning point in my thinking, I spent a great deal of time here… and received a lot of help from this beverage as well.”
Was this her way of repaying me, the one who had brought about the catalyst for her change? Just as I was about to be sucked into negative, self-defeating thoughts, Cartoria’s voice pulled me out of that place, drawing me to her call.
“So, Lady Karia, you may use this place freely until your thoughts are sufficiently organized.”
The whip of doubt I had been wielding against myself gradually stopped being a whip that tried to doubt my ideal.
“From the moment you realized that regardless of the other person’s race, dialogue is possible and hearts exist…”
It was no longer a whip that tried to doubt my weak will.
“You did your best to help so that person would not become unhappy—”
“You are the true hero for those who have lost their way.”
I realized it had been my final self-verification. Thanks to Cartoria, I was able to open my eyes again. I closed my eyes for a moment while looking at her, lowered my head, and said:
“…Yeah.”
I realized that the identity of all the visions that had appeared in my sight had come from my own weak will. With a heart that had become firm once more, I opened my eyes. Behind the reflection of my face on the surface of the dark beverage, beyond it, my old comrades—fourteen of them—stood tall and proud. I looked at their various appearances for a moment before closing my eyes again with a heart that had become certain once more.
“Thank you, Cartoria.”
When I opened my eyes, I saw them beginning to disappear with satisfied expressions. Though I felt a very slight emptiness at the now-vacant space they left behind, I no longer harbored the weak desire to return.
“Thanks to you, I feel quite refreshed.”
I looked into Cartoria’s eyes once more.
“Ah, is that so…?”
The eyes of Cartoria, who smiled shyly, were a sparkling light crimson. They were truly beautiful.
“Yeah. If I think of it again later, I’ll come find you.”
It was truly good. The atmosphere of this place, the aroma, the taste of the beverage. And the person I was with. Though calling her a “person” when she was a demon… but did I need to make such distinctions anymore? In the end, I liked this being and thought it would be good to continue being together. And that wasn’t limited to Cartoria alone. Jemma, Kibotos, Ti… Tia as well. Hmm. That one might require some consideration. She really has a way of irritating people without end or bottom.
But such thoughts lasted only a moment. My issues had become somewhat relieved, and since Cartoria had grown so wonderfully, a thought about the relationship between Cartoria and Kibotos suddenly occurred to me. I casually asked as if it had just come to mind.
“By the way, how did you and Kibotos end up like that?”
“Ah, that’s… actually…”
From the answer that followed, it seemed it wasn’t really that kind of relationship. At the time, she had simply hoped Kibotos would return to her former lively self, so she had spoken without thinking much. But Kibotos had taken it quite seriously. Now they had cleared up the misunderstanding and were simply the best of friends and comrades. Well, since the parties themselves said there was nothing between them, that was good. The person directly involved had denied it, after all.
So I felt I shouldn’t pry any further and stopped asking questions. I leisurely enjoyed the rest of my coffee until the cup was empty.
“Thank you, Cartoria.”
“Yes, see you again later.”
After fully enjoying the relaxed, modest conversation, I naturally exchanged farewells and prepared to leave.
Step, step—
But just as I, satisfied with the pleasant time, moved to leave Cartoria’s private room—
Slide—
“Eh, Cartoria?”
I thought I saw Cartoria reaching out toward my wrist as if to grab it. Wondering if she had more business, I carefully turned my head.
“Mmph—”
“———”
Cartoria grabbed my wrist and pressed her lips against mine.
“U-umph…!?”
The moment I began to panic greatly, she held my head with both hands and drew even closer, deeper, more intensely into me.
“Puha, haa…”
“Keheuu, kehek…”
Perhaps because she had rushed in with such passion, Cartoria wore an extremely satisfied expression while my face, completely unable to understand what the situation was, created a stark contrast.
“Actually, Lady Karia…”
After calming her rough, panting breath, Cartoria’s words that followed served as the finishing touch—
“I like you…”
“Yes…?”
For some reason, I felt like something was going very, very wrong.
“……”
And at that moment, only one thought rose in my mind.
Don’t tell me. Don’t tell me. With all five of them… really?